WWE Raw Report
The Big News: If you can’t get enough of the anonymous GM and wanted that angle to get even goofier, this was the show for you. If you think Chris Jericho sucks and wanted him gone from Raw, this was also the show for you.
Miz and Alex Riley beat Daniel Bryan and John Morrison. Before the match Miz said that Bryan got lucky at the PPV and every Monday he gets beat up by the Miz. Miz and Riley worked over Morrison. Bryan tagged in and hit a German suplex and dropkick on Miz. He went for the LeBell lock but Miz threw Bryan into Morrison and hit the skull crushing finale for the pin.
After the match Miz attacked Bryan again until Morrison made the save. But Bryan then hit a tope on both Miz and Morrison. It broke into a three way brawl. Bryan looked kind of like a jerk here going after Morrison. The anonymous GM announced a triple threat submissions count anywhere match for Sunday’s PPV.
Natalya won a battle royal to earn a women’s title shot against Lay Cool. Lay Cool did commentary for the match. Melina was out first. Tamina took out Gail but Eve then took out Tamina. The Bellas eliminated themselves going for simultaneous baseball slides. They looked awfully dumb doing that spot. Eve dumped Maryse and Alicia got rid of Eve. That left Jillian and Alicia to double team Natalya. They threw Natalya over the top but Natalya didn’t go to the floor. The heels then turned on each other and Alicia threw out Jillian. Natalya then eliminated Alicia to win the match.
Backstage, Ted DiBiase and Maryse were arguing when a letter arrived at their door saying “next week you will be mine.”
Great Khali beat Sheamus via DQ. Sheamus told an Irish story and said he would cut off his hand to win the title. He then challenged anyone, which brought out Khali. Interestingly, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler plugged Mick Foley’s book during this. They even mentioned the Countdown to Lockdown title, despite it alluding to a TNA PPV. They didn’t make any backhanded remarks either. This was a class move by WWE. Sheamus attacked Khali with the announcers’ chairs early on for the DQ. He then hit two bicycle kicks.
Edge’s guest on the Cutting Edge was the anonymous GM. They had a computer in the ring with a microphone and the computer spoke ala Stephen Hawking. Edge asked why the GM is such a coward. The GM responded by asking why Edge is such a moron and said it is to protect his or her identity. Edge called the GM a liar. “Why do you have to hate, yo?” responded the GM, “Why do you despise me so?” Edge then pointed out how stupid it was for him to be arguing with a computer. The GM then announced Edge would be wrestling an opponent, John Cena.
This was one of those idiotic segments that has led to WWE being held in such incredibly low regard by the average fully functioning adult. It beat you over the head with the idea that this is just a ridiculous joke show you can’t take seriously. The anonymous GM sending in e-mails was stupid and irritating enough without a sarcastic, talking computer. It comes across like the writers are just making fun of their own show, and if you have no respect for your own product why should we? And why would we possibly shell out money for your PPV Sunday?
John Cena beat Edge. This wasn’t much of a match. It was more an angle. Edge dominated the whole thing. He hit a spear and the referee counted the pin but Cena’s foot was under the bottom rope. The GM of course restarted the match. Edge went for another spear but was caught with the STF for the tap. Edge then approached the computer. The computer made a series of stupid comedy warnings before Edge destroyed it.
Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel beat Mark Henry and Evan Bourne. Nexus took it to Bourne. Henry got the tag and hit clotheslines and a press slam on Gabriel. He tagged Bourne back in for the shooting star press but Gabriel crotched him. Gabriel went for the 450 but missed it. Bourne then hit the shooting star but Slater pushed Gabriel over on top of Bourne for the win. Nexus beat up Bourne after the match and hit the wasteland and 450. Wade Barrett said he will beat Cena and David Otunga said they will take over Smackdown on Friday. They announced Johnny Knoxville as the guest star for next week.
Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre beat Hart Dynasty. Michael Cole launched into another burial of the Hart Dynasty and called them boring. Cole tends to go hardest after people associated with Vince McMahon’s enemies (Hart Dynasty and Bret, Danielson and diehard wrestling fans, etc.). The champions worked over Tyson Kidd. David Hart Smith got the tag and came in with a high knee and clothesline on Rhodes. They went for the springboard Hart attack but McIntyre broke that up and Rhodes hit the crossroads for the win. Afterwards the Hart Dynasty argued and Smith walked off teasing a heel turn. I thought they were trying to create a better tag division.
R. Truth backstage said he has John Cena’s back. Cena said he will be fine on his own Sunday. Cena then teased showing up on Smackdown Friday to confront Nexus. Smackdown was a continual focus on this show.
Randy Orton beat Chris Jericho via DQ. Jericho said prior to the match that he would win and become the number one contender. He vowed to cut the head off the viper. He went through all the guys he has beaten in his career for comedy. It went through a commercial break and when they came back he was still going. He had little groups of wrestlers, sometimes with someone who didn’t fit, and he would mention the same people under different aliases. It was all quite amusing.
Jericho started with punches and kicks. Orton clotheslined Jericho to the outside but Jericho reversed Orton into the barricade. Sheamus came out to watch the match. Jericho hit an enzuigiri and choked Orton. Orton went for the RKO but Jericho countered with a backslide for two. Jericho hit a bulldog but missed the lionsault. Orton got the back breaker and went for the RKO again but Jericho escaped and hit the lionsault for two. Orton went for the draping DDT but it was countered into the Walls. Orton reversed and hit the draping DDT. Sheamus then ran in for the DQ.
After the match, Orton hit a draping DDT on Sheamus. He went to punt Sheamus but Jericho gave him the code breaker. Jericho brought in a chair to use on Orton but Orton hit the RKO and then punted Jericho. They were setting up a stretcher for Jericho as they went off the air. They did a final plug for Smackdown before ending. The match was good but it was telling that in a company out of control with garbage finishes they wouldn’t even do a clean finish when one guy is leaving.
The show was okay if you set aside the asinine foolishness with the talking computer. But they have done a terrible job of building up their PPV Sunday, which looks like it will bomb badly despite the Hell in a Cell gimmick. Clearly the priority was advertising Smackdown’s new network on Friday, but it felt like the PPV was basically ignored.