WWE Raw Report

Date: 07/09/12 from Denver, CO.

The Big News: The identity of the anonymous GM was finally revealed and A.J. seemingly broke up for good with CM Punk and Daniel Bryan.

Show Analysis:

A.J. came out to start the show. She said she knows she can affect Sunday’s match as the referee and brought out CM Punk. A.J. said Punk showed his true feelings when he said she’s mentally unstable and needs professional help. A.J. said she doesn’t and that no one has ever cared about her like Punk does. A.J. said when she kissed him Tuesday it turned her on and she knew what she had to do. She got on a knee and asked Punk to marry her.

Bryan came out yelling no. Bryan said Punk doesn’t love A.J. and is just playing her because she’s the ref. Bryan said he never stopped having feelings about her while Punk only cares about himself. Punk said Bryan doesn’t know how Punk feels about A.J. Bryan invited Punk to say “I do.” Punk didn’t. Bryan said Punk sees A.J. as special referee, but Bryan sees her as a special person. That was an amusing line. Bryan said he had been planning this since the morning and proposed to A.J. Punk pointed out that if this was planned, Bryan would have a ring. They argued.

The returning anonymous GM computer went off. The GM made Punk and A.J. vs. Bryan and Eve Torres for later in the show. Bryan began screaming that he wanted to team with A.J. A.J. said she was glad about the match because everything happens for a reason and she would walk out of the arena with her future husband. This was a weird segment. A.J. kept taking these long pauses to seemingly drag out the segment, but then they rushed the next few segments so clearly they went over time. Overall, this was goofy and dull.

Sheamus beat Jack Swagger very quickly with white noise and Brogue kick. After the match, Alberto Del Rio appeared on the screen and vowed to take Sheamus’ title. Sheamus responded by hitting another Brogue kick on poor Swagger. Santino and Zack Ryder were backstage. Santino said he would figure out the identity of the anonymous GM. They announced Rock and Mick Foley for the 1000^th Raw.

Tensai and Dolph Ziggler beat Christian and Tyson Kidd. This was one of the most rushed Raw matches you’ll ever see, and think of the ground that covers. Nobody in the match got an entrance. They did the quickest heat spot ever on Kidd. Then Christian tagged in. He went for the kill switch. Tensai escaped but missed a corner avalanche. Christian set up for the spear but was tripped by Ziggler and Tensai hit the senton for the pin. Tensai attacked Kidd after the match. They should have just cut this segment rather than running it in this form.

Out of the blue, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler got into an argument over basically nothing. Cole knocked water on Lawler. Amazingly, this very second a GM had an e-mail ready to comment on this and announced Cole vs. Lawler, provided people on their website voted yes. That’s about as shameless of a way to try to generate traffic as is imaginable. People of course voted yes.

Brodus Clay beat Drew McIntyre in no time at all with a head butt and splash. Backstage, Santino thought Chris Jericho was the anonymous GM. Jericho suggested maybe Santino was. Big Show came in and Jericho suggested they work together to weaken Cena. Show said he didn’t like teaming with Jericho and told Jericho to stay out of his way.

John Cena and Kane beat Big Show and Chris Jericho via DQ. Cena cut a good promo before the match. He said he will stop Show and win MITB Sunday. The heels worked over Cena for a little while and then worked over Kane for a little while. Cena got the tag and hit shoulder blocks, the Cena slam and the five knuckle on Jericho. He knocked Show off the apron but walked into a Walls attempt. Cena escaped and hit the FU. He covered but Show pulled Cena off. For some reason, the referee called for a DQ despite this spot taking place every other tag match the last 15 years and never resulting in a DQ. Show beat up the other three after the match until Cena fought him off with a ladder.

Backstage, Eve told Punk that it must be tough dealing with A.J. and if she doesn’t get a proposal at the end of the show she’ll probably cost him the title. Eve noted Punk’s title run has been overshadowed by Cena, Rock, HHH, Big Show, Brock Lesnar and now A.J. She suggested that must be emasculating. Eve was really good here. Elsewhere, Santino thought Great Khali was the GM but he wasn’t.

Sin Cara beat Heath Slater to earn a spot in MITB Sunday. Cara won with a springboard crossbody and La Mistica, or as it’s now known in honor of his WWE tenure, El Carajo. Slater challenged anyone after the match. Bob Backlund came out and was in really good shape for his age. He got you still got it chants as he pranced about. Slater offered a handshake but then kicked Backlund. Backlund caught him in the crossface chicken wing for the submission moments later.

Michael Cole beat Jerry Lawler via DQ. Cole went to leave but Booker T threw him back in the ring. Lawler used an airplane spin and covered Cole for the pin. The anonymous GM then reversed the decision because of Booker’s interference. Santino came out and said the anonymous GM was under the ring. The anonymous GM said he wasn’t.

Santino went to the outside but was dragged under the ring. Lawler pulled Santino out and it was Hornswoggle dragging Santino under. Hornswoggle admitted to being the GM. Lawler threatened to spank him so Hornswoggle kicked him in the shin, bit Santino in the butt, and kicked Cole in the shin. I didn’t mind that this was nonsensical but the fact it was a stupid, irritating waste of time was more problematic.

A.J. and CM Punk beat Daniel Bryan and Eve Torres. The match didn’t go long and the women were the focal point. A.J. was getting the best of Eve when Eve went to tag Bryan. Bryan refused and A.J. rolled up Eve for the win. Afterwards, Bryan suggested A.J. leave with him to get married. Punk said he wouldn’t lie to A.J. for the sake of the title. Punk said he doesn’t care if it costs him the title, but he’s not going to marry her. Punk added that at least he cares enough to tell her the truth. A.J. slapped Punk. Bryan opened his arms and told A.J. to come home. She slapped him too. Then she said yes repeatedly. This program can’t end soon enough.

Final Thoughts:

On the plus side, I made $30 on a bet with Bryan. On the minus side, most everything else.