WWE Raw Report

Date: 06/25/12 from Ft. Wayne, IN.

The Big News: John Cena made a historic announcement on Raw.

Show Analysis:

Backstage, AJ told Daniel Bryan she knows he has feelings for her but they need to drift apart, told Kane she loses inhibitions around him but he’s a monster rather than a man and told Punk she thinks of him as her soul mate but doesn’t think he thinks what she thinks he’s thinking so it’s best they all go separate ways. The camera panned around to reveal she was talking into a mirror.

Vickie Guerrero came out and said she expects to be made the permanent GM on the 1000^th episode of Raw. She announced the opening match.

Daniel Bryan beat Kane and CM Punk in an elimination match. They wrestled for a while until of course A.J. had to come out to create a finish. She distracted Kane, Punk avoided a choke slam, and Punk gave Kane the GTS for a pin. Bryan then kicked Punk in the head for the pin. I hate this feud. The title is even more meaningless than it has been recently. None of the wrestlers have any agency and are just pawns for a completely unbelievable non-wrestling character out of Melrose Place once Melrose Place went to total shit. The result of their match is determined every week by whatever A.J. wants to do.

Backstage, Alberto Del Rio presented Vickie Guerrero with flowers. He wanted to be the number one contender for the world title. Dolph Ziggler came in and said he should be the number one contender. Exactly how many matches does Ziggler have to lose to fall out of contention for the world title? Guerrero announced Ziggler vs. Del Rio in a contract on a pole match for a title shot on Smackdown. Ziggler threw the vase that held Del Rio’s flowers against the wall.

Big Show beat Brodus Clay. Clay hit his head butt early and knocked down Show. But Show took over by attacking Clay’s leg. Clay avoided the KO punch but when he went for a body slam, Show fell on him to score the pin. As Show was being helped to the back during a commercial break, Show hit him with the KO punch. They announced that next week Brock Lesnar will answer HHH’s challenge for SummerSlam.

A.J. wanted to chat with Kane backstage. Kane basically said he’s crazy but even he finds A.J. mentally unstable and was breaking things off. This seemed like a write off of Kane from the angle don’t for comedy. A.J. acted upset but then broke into laughter, which came across as poorly executed soap.

Santino Marella beat Jack Swagger. Swagger worked over Santino briefly. Santino hit a hip toss and head butt but Swagger grabbed him when he went for the cobra. Santino reversed with a DDT and hit the cobra for the pin.

John Cena came out to a pretty strong negative reaction, although of course he had plenty of cheers too. He did this lame, irritating Star Wars comedy routine. He said he had a historic announcement but Chris Jericho interrupted. Jericho received loud Y2J chants despite having been a pretty unredeemable heel for months. A lot of people just don’t want him as a heel. Jericho told Cena to just make his announcement and go away.

Cena said his historic announcement is that he’s entering the Money in the Bank ladder match. Cena said he would win the whole fudging thing. Jericho asked if Cena is nine years old. Cena responded that most of their viewers are that age. It’s telling they’re going on that completely false premise. Jericho said he would enter too and win. Vickie said they couldn’t just enter themselves into the match, but then said they were in along with Kane and Big Show. Vickie also announced Jericho vs. Cena for later in the show.

Sid beat Heath Slater. Slater said he rules the world, which was the cue for Sid’s music to hit. Sid hit a spine buster. Slater briefly worked Sid over. Sid then hit the power bomb for the win. Sid wasn’t moving around very well but it was fun to see him. These segments are enjoyable. They announced Charlie Sheen will plug WWE and his new TV show on social media during Raw’s 1000^th episode.

Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio’s contract on a pole match didn’t have a finish. I know, right? They were fighting for the contract and Ziggler pulled it off. But they ruled that if you don’t have control of the contract after pulling it off, that doesn’t count as a win. So they fought over the contract on the floor. And then Sheamus just came out and said they shouldn’t bother to finish the match but instead they’d just have a triple threat title match on Smackdown. This was so dumb.

They announced Bryan vs. Punk for the title at MITB. A.J. apologized to Punk for what happened earlier on Raw. She said she would dedicate her match to him. Punk said after that they would have a serious discussion. A.J. didn’t take the hint and said she was open to taking things to the next level.

A.J. won a women’s battle royal. Vickie Guerrero came out and entered herself last. She stripped down to a bathing suit and looked good for a 44-year-old woman while the other women acted like they were disgusted and Jerry Lawler told jokes at her expense. All the women then basically dove out of the ring as quickly as humanly possible.

A.J., Layla and Vickie were left. A.J. threw Layla onto the apron. Layla didn’t go out but Beth tried to pull her off the apron and that allowed A.J. to knock Layla off. Vickie then threw A.J. through the ropes from behind but A.J. didn’t go out. Vickie celebrated but A.J. got back in and attacked her. Vickie fled out of the ring and A.J. won. A.J. did the yes chant as a tease she’ll make Bryan the winner at MITB rather than making Punk the winner.

John Cena beat Chris Jericho via DQ. There were dueling chants. Jericho worked over Cena. Cena hit a Cena slam but Jericho countered the five knuckle. Cena avoided the walls but Cena avoided the FU. Cena hit the Cena slam again and the five knuckle this time. Then Big Show came out for the finish. Jericho used the distraction to apply the walls. Despite Cena being caught in the hold, Show came into the ring and hit a leg drop on Cena for the DQ. It was a fittingly awful finish on a night of awful finishes. An angry Jericho left and Show choked Cena for a while to close the show.

Final Thoughts:

Thumbs down.