Monday, April 30, 2012

WWE Raw Report

Date: 04/30/12 from Dayton, OH.

The Big News: John Cena will wrestle John Laurinaitis and CM Punk will wrestle Daniel Bryan in three weeks.

Show Analysis:

John Laurinaitis came out to start the show. He claimed to have revolutionized WWE and introduced Brock Lesnar as the man who beat up John Cena so badly that Cena will never be the same. Lesnar came out and said he brought the pain, before being interrupted by HHH.

HHH told Lesnar that the days of Lesnar holding up WWE are over. He announced that Lesnar won’t get his jet, limousine, raise, special treatment or renaming of Raw any more. He noted that Lesnar can stay under the original terms of his contract but not what happened last week.

Laurinaitis argued with HHH about this repeatedly until HHH told him to shut up. Laurinaitis kept arguing until Lesnar attacked HHH from behind.  A brawl broke out. Lesnar applied a kimura from bottom and cranked it a little and they acted like Lesnar broke HHH’s arm. A bunch of wrestlers ran out to break Lesnar and HHH up.

Eve Torres announced that the next WWE title contender would be determined by another beat the clock challenge.

Miz beat US champion Santino in the first beat the clock challenge match. Miz worked Santino over. Santino went for the cobra but Miz avoided it and hit the skull crushing finale in 4:18.

Layla won a triple threat match over Nikki Bella and Brie Bella in seconds. The Bellas argued at the start of the match, Layla rammed them into each other, and rolled up one for the pin.

Chris Jericho and Big Show went to a 4:18 no contest in the next beat the clock challenge. They went back and forth and the match ended when the 4:18 time limit elapsed. Big Show was on the outside and was almost counted out.

Brodus Clay beat JTG in a very short match with a body slam, elbow, head butt, avalanche, exploder and splash. Hornswoggle wasn’t out there. Clay danced with children after the match.

Eve Torres tried to calm Laurinaitis down backstage. She told Teddy Long to leave and then gave Laurinaitis a pep talk about being a leader. Laurinaitis said he knew John Cena’s next opponent and Cena wouldn’t like it.

Randy Orton beat Jack Swagger in 4:16 in the third beat the clock challenge. Swagger had Orton in the ankle lock but Orton got out and hit the RKO just in time to top Miz’s time.

Kofi Kingston and R. Truth beat Primo and Epico in a short match to win the tag titles. The heels worked over Truth. Kingston got the tag and hit dropkicks, clotheslines and the boom drop. He was diverted from trouble in paradise but hit it moments later for the win. Backstage, Primo and Epico spoke to Abraham Washington and seemed receptive to taking him on as their manager.

Kane and Great Khali went to a 4:16 no contest in the fourth beat the clock challenge. They were choking each other when the time limit expired. Kane hit a choke slam after.

Daniel Bryan beat Jerry Lawler in the final beat the clock challenge match. Lawler hit his second rope fist drop but Bryan kicked out. Bryan then hit a kick to the head and applied the yes lock for the submission with 2 minutes left on the clock. CM Punk came out after the match. Bryan vs. Punk should be fun.

John Cena came out with his arm in a sling for the final segment. He said it was strained by no breaks or tears. He noted there is a difference between being hurt and being injured, and thus he is on Raw. John Laurinaitis came out. He said that he brought in Lesnar to motivate Cena. Cena didn’t buy it. Laurinaitis started to announce Cena’s opponent for Over the Limit and Lord Tensai’s music played.

Tensai and his second circled Cena, at which point Laurinaitis hit Cena from behind with a microphone. All three beat up Cena and Laurinaitis stomped on Cena’s arm on the steps and hit it with a chair.

Final Thoughts:

It is what it is.


Anonymous Schooly D said...

What 'it' is, is dreadful.
While Bryan/Punk is a welcome program, the fact that Bryan got a title match by beating a 61-year old announcer doesn't exactly set the world on fire. Still, it's a good sign that they know Bryan is worthy of keeping at the top of the card.
Kane/Khali was a sad spectacle. I felt bad for both of them, having to go through the motions for what seemed to be 45 minutes. It's a real sign of where the talent in this company is when they have a title tourney which features Jerry Lawler, Khali, a guy in Miz who never wins, a comedy mid-carder, freakin' Kane, and fodder like Swagger. I'm surprised they didn't have Hornswoggle in there.
Layla reminds me a lot of Mickie James. Which is okay, I guess.
So is the big match for down the road going to be HHH/Lesnar? Why?
The Cena/Ace back-and-forth was the Worst of Cena; just stupid comedy, no-selling (okay, a 'sling') a beating, and, voila, a PPV match between the two. I'd guess that it'll do record low in buyrate.
McMahon really is a fuckin' idiot. Just a clueless has-been who has totally lost his touch.
What was Cena yammering about at the end of the PPV last night? He isn't going anywhere, apparently. What the fuck was he talking about?

8:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hear that.

*downs a shot of tequilla*

I think the party's over.

9:14 PM  
Blogger Money Man said...

I like that they are confident in a Bryan/Punk feud carrying the title picture. They won't be disappointed I promise them that. Everything else.....Not interested in the slightest. Really? HHH/Lesnar? Couldn't Hunter just stay out of this one?

Cena/Ace is ridiculous. Cena was atrocious in that last segment and he's facing the most overdone and outdated concept in all of wrestling: The Heel GM with bodyguards.

Everything else is just there.

10:08 PM  
Blogger hobbyfan said...

It's too early for Johnny Clownshoes to be facing ANY of the big guns, IMPO, but we've seen this garbage way too many times with Vince, and Johnny is a proxy for the senile chairman.

Punk vs. Bryan wasn't settled over the winter, so now they're going back to that while Alberto Del Rio chases Sheamus for the World title. Ok, I'm cool with that. It speaks to the lack of talent depth this week that they had to use Kane & Khali in qualifiers. Otunga's still in Chicago and unavailable (was he at the PPV?). Ziggler was MIA after getting killed by Brodus at the PPV, and they saved Tensai for the final segment. Kane against someone other than Khali would have made more sense, for example.

I'd change Layla's theme music and see about getting the rights to a certain song made famous by some guy named CLAPTON!

I'm penciling in Lesnar-HHH for Summerslam. They have never faced each other insofar as I know on PPV, so this is fresh. I'm also penciling in HHH-Ace for WM29 to end the Laurinaitis error.

5:59 AM  
Anonymous Bob said...

It's probably too good to be true, but I'd like to think the Anonymous above is the same one that used to get on here and berate Todd whenever he really didn't like the show. It would be satisfying if even the WWE's biggest defender had finally had enough.

No doubt Bryan vs. Punk will be blamed for the upcoming catastrophically low PPV buy rate.

9:38 AM  

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