WWE Raw Report
The Big News: The world is crumbling around us, but it was business as usual on Raw.
Batista beat Santino Marella. Santino brought back the Honk-a-Meter and then a graphic asserting he has more brain cells than Batista. He threatened to leave Batista in worse shape than the American economy. Batista just destroyed him with clotheslines, shoulder blocks, a spine buster and the Batista bomb. If Santino aspires to be Honky Tonk Man and Batista aspires to be the Ultimate Warrior, this was definitely SummerSlam 1988. JBL attacked Batista with a clothesline from hell after the match.
Shawn Michaels was interviewed backstage. He said that he knew Lance Cade would be good, but didn’t expect him to show it at Shawn’s expense. He said that won’t happen again, and added that Chris Jericho has six days left as champion. Shawn Michaels then teased that his mystery partner for the end of the show would be Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin or Bret Hart. It’s always nice to set people up for disappointment. Hogan shockingly got absolutely no reaction. Shawn said he wanted a partner who likes him.
The Miz beat JTG. JTG hit a leapfrog into a rocker dropper and a modified neck breaker on Miz. John Morrison got up on the apron, but Shad quickly knocked him off. Still, that distracted JTG and Miz hit the reality check (a knee lift into a neck breaker) for the pin. The finish made JTG look like an idiot.
Backstage, Jamie Noble asked Jillian Hall to be his partner but she said no. Dolph Ziggler came in to introduce himself so they could say his name three times in an effort to antagonize me.
Jamie Noble and Mickie James beat Paul and Katie Lea Burchill. Noble teased that he would have no partner, and was excited when Mickie joined him. William Regal and Layla watched from the stage. Paul tripped Mickie as she was coming off the ropes, and the heels worked over Mickie. Mickie tagged Noble, who came in with a belly to back suplex, missile drop kick, northern lights suplex and arm bar on Paul the Pirate for the tap. Noble is great when they give him the chance to shine.
Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase and Manu went to speak with Kane in his specially red and black lit corner. Cody suggested that since Kane’s father is Paul Bearer, that makes him a second generation superstar too. That was funny. They wanted unity, but Kane told them to stay out of the way.
Lance Cade came out to brag about beating Shawn Michaels. He said that in a few months he learned more from Jericho than he did in years from Michaels. He said Jericho is a better influence and a better wrestler and he’ll keep his title Sunday.
Kane, Manu, Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes beat Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, Evan Bourne and CM Punk. Rey back dropped Bourne into a somersault plancha onto Manu. Punk and Kofi hit stereo topes on DiBiase and Rhodes, and Rey hit a senton onto Kane on the floor. The heels worked over Bourne, who got the tag to Punk. Punk came in with a springboard clothesline and high knee, but was cut off with a chop block.
They worked over Punk’s leg, but he eventually got the tag to Kofi. Kofi hit a frog crossbody off the top, the side Ghanan leg sweep, and a high double leg drop on Cody. Kane got the tag and went for the choke slam, but Rey dropkicked him in the back. That was only a brief interruption, as Kane caught Kofi for the choke slam and pin moments later. This was a fun match.
Mike Adamle came to the ring, and said that because Kane won the previous match, Rey’s mask will be on the line Sunday. Okay, this is officially Rey vs. Kevin Nash all over again now. I wonder what classic feud they will recreate next. Randy Orton came out and mocked Adamle for being Shane McMahon’s lackey. He said that when he’s healthy he’ll own the show again and Adamle will need him more than he will need Shane.
JBL joined them and said he was in a bad mood because he’s lost tons of money. He said that he will be the number one contender after Sunday and Orton is living in the past. JBL said he won’t be giving Orton a title shot when Orton returns. Batista then appeared and speared JBL. He added that JBL’s week will get worse Sunday.
Santino was talking on the phone with a woman, but he saw Beth and then claimed he was talking to Frankie, a sick kid. Beth told Santino not to come out for her match, because she didn’t want him screwing things up for her. Santino retorted that thankfully they don’t have a Fabulous Moolah meter, because she’s down 22 years. That was cute.
Beth Phoenix and Jillian Hall beat Kelly Kelly and Candice Michelle. Jillian dropped Candice on her face, and they briefly worked over Candice. Candice tagged Kelly, who came in with a whirly bird on Beth. Beth caught her with the glam slam for the pin.
Great Charli beat Deuce. This was Charlie Haas doing Great Khali’s mannerisms and yelling out belligerently to comedic effect. Inexplicably, Ranjin Singh came out with Charli and laughed along as Charli mocked his wrestler. Charli hit a chop, but Deuce stopped the tree slam. Charli took off his wig and used punches, kicks and a clothesline off the top for the pin. After the match, Great Khali laid him out with a chop.
Shawn Michaels and HHH beat Chris Jericho and Lance Cade via DQ. Despite HHH being terribly predictable as the partner, Michael Cole was shocked by this development. He was in baffled amazement, like it was Bruno Sammartino who would be teaming with Michaels. Cole then labeled Michaels the inventor of the ladder match. Somewhere Bret Hart rolled over in his grave.
The heels worked over Shawn, who eventually tagged in Hunter. Hunter hit a face buster and spine buster on Cade, but Jericho gave HHH the code breaker. Cade and Jericho double teamed Michaels for a lame DQ. Cade brought in a ladder after the match but Hunter evened things up with the sledge hammer. Cade received sweet chin music and the pedigree at the end of the show.
This show didn’t do anything for me. It was okay and I usually like the go home shows, but I was mostly just bored by this edition of Raw. It felt like everyone was running in place and there wasn’t much in the way of progression towards the pay-per-view. Putting Michaels and Jericho together in a tag team main event like any other wrestlers to me diminished interest in their match Sunday.
I was on Alex Reimer’s podcast Thursday talking the current wrestling scene, and you can listen to that here:
I’ll also be on Fight Network Radio tomorrow (Tuesday) at 3PM Eastern/12PM Pacific, and you can listen to that here: