Tuesday, September 05, 2006

"ECW" Report

Oh My God!: DX appeared in “ECW” and wrestled Big Show to a non-conclusion in the main event.

You Fucked Up: They took a shot at the Crocodile Hunter’s death for cheap midcard heat.

He’s Hardcore: Not Shannon Moore. Evidently, he’s a poser.

The Extreme Rundown:

1. Sabu and Rob Van Dam beat Test and Mike Knox in an “extreme rules” match. Joey Styles and Tazz said about 10 times during this match how you can “only get extreme rules” in ECW and on Sci-Fi. They need to kill that. It’s intended to differentiate, but it just associates ECW as another WWE “brand,” since Raw and Smackdown drop those lines all the time and it just accentuates how they are exactly the same. The shows all have the same cookie cutter image of “sports entertainment,” only Raw has a women’s title, Smackdown has cruiserweights, and ECW has “extreme rules.”

Sabu and Knox started, and Knox through punches prior to a Sabu clothesline off the second rope. RVD tagged in and Knox cut him off with punches, a body slam and elbow drop. Test followed with punches and clotheslines. Sabu and RVD did their old double team rolling thunder/leg drop combination. Test went for a press slam on Sabu, but RVD kicked him in the face. Sabu drove all three men off the ring apron through a table.

They did some spots with chairs. Test dropped Sabu on a chair, RVD drop kicked a chair into Test’s face, and Knox hit RVD with a chair. Sabu hit the Arabian face buster on Test for two. He hit a triple jump moonsault for another two. Sabu threw a chair into Knox’s face, and RVD hit Test with another chair. Sabu and RVD hit double team leg drops on Knox through a table for the finish, ala their match with Hayabusa and Jinsei Shinzaki at Heatwave 1998. Sabu and RVD worked hard, but this match was spotty and unfocused.

Matt Striker came out and made fun of the Little League World Series. He cited a book by Rush Limbaugh of all people as the sort of thing you would read to educate yourself. He took a completely unnecessary shot at Crocodile Hunter’s death for cheap heat. I didn’t even care about that story and it struck me as terribly insensitive. Sandman came out and Striker ran away. They are recreating Razor Ramon vs. Dean Douglas, and what a success that was the first time through.

2. Stevie Richards beat Balls Mahoney. Kevin Thorn came to ringside to watch the match. Ariel was grinding on Joey Styles’ lap before the match, and all Styles could think about was not getting bit. Ariel really exudes sexuality in this role. Balls hit some punches early but missed an avalanche into the corner. Richards stomped him, executed a neck breaker, and applied a chin lock. Balls came back with an elbow, clothesline and punches. Thorn got up on the apron, and Balls knocked him off. Ariel distracted the referee, Richards hit a low blow and Thorn bashed Balls with his staff for the finish.

Shannon Moore was doing another package backstage, when CM Punk came in. Punk confronted him, called him a poser, and slapped him in the face. Moore looked like he was going to cry. I guess this means Moore will actually be wrestling in ECW.

3. DX beat Big Show via disqualification in the main event. This made no sense. It was scheduled to be an “extreme rules” match, but Paul Heyman changed that before the match. Of course, that just meant his security team couldn’t interfere freely, and Show got disqualified when Hardcore Holly interfered. This also made the match into pretty much a straight handicap match with bizarre psychology, one heel taking on two faces rather than two faces taking on five heels.

HHH scored punches on Show early. Michaels hit a DDT with a HHH assist. Michaels and HHH went for a double suplex but Show got out and gave Michaels a suplex. Styles claimed Show has unlimited power. Maybe next week they can show him lifting a truck over his head. Show slapped HHH and gave Michaels a head butt. Show body slammed HHH, but missed a Vader style splash in the corner.

Michaels was bouncing off the ropes when Heyman’s security pulled them down. They attacked Michaels and HHH. Back in the ring, Show slapped Michaels and went for the choke slam. HHH ran in and stopped it. HHH hit a clothesline and spine buster. Michaels took out security with a pescado. HHH went for the pedigree, but Holly ran in and attacked HHH for a DQ. Michaels gave Holly a flying forearm and inverted atomic drop, but Show threw him down. Security, Holly and Show beat down Michaels until HHH made the save with the sledgehammer.

Please Don’t Go:

This show was uneventful, and the stuff it did have wasn’t particularly good.

4 Comments:

Blogger Swain said...

Alas, there go the dreams for a vignette-exclusive Shannon Moore. It was a nice dream while it lasted

7:07 AM  
Anonymous Steve Khan said...

I anticipate ECW less and less every week.

10:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I liked the part when Triple H and HBK walk in the door and Shawn asks if they were at the right place. Triple H notices the ECW Tshirt and says..."BINGO"...ha ha ha

12:25 PM  
Anonymous tyson said...

I guess if I was intimidated by the thoughts of others I too would adjust what I was previously enjoying per their request. ECW continues to grow, and RVD almost knocked himself out again last night when he hit those ropes awkward. This guy has been very unlucky lately. Anyone else like the sandman standing on a teachers desk guzzling brews with school begining. If this ECW is about exposing it to the youth wrestling fans, theyre doing a "tremendous" job.

8:40 AM  

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