Monday, June 02, 2008

Raw Report

Date: 06/02/08 from Bakersfield, CA.

The Big News: WWE’s giving away money next week. And not Johnny B. Badd dollars, either.

Show Analysis:

HHH came out to start the show. He said the Age of Orton is dead, like it never happened. He pointed out Orton is watching the show from a hospital with a broken collarbone. HHH said he doesn’t know who is next and he doesn’t care. That brought out John Cena to deliver one of his annoying “cute” monologues. This was particularly obnoxious even by those standards. He said with Cena vs. HHH, the future is now. More like back to the future.

Cena said that HHH has beaten everyone but him, so he challenged HHH to a fight. Jeff Hardy came out to interject. He noted that three men from Raw won at One Night Stand, and he was the third. Jeff suggested that he wrestle Cena for a title shot against HHH. HHH was fine with this. Vince McMahon appeared on the screen and approved the match.

Mr. Kennedy beat Umaga via count out. Kennedy was supposed to wrestle Paul Burchill, but Burchill said he had to prepare Katie Lea for her match. Umaga was successful very early with a Samoan drop and nerve hold. But he dove off the apron and crashed into the announcers’ table by accident. Umaga couldn’t make it back to the ring and that was it. That drew significant boos from the crowd. Paul Burchill jumped Kennedy after the match.

Vince McMahon announced the money giveaway, and had a million dollars in a glass case. Vince said they will give away a million dollars next week. Fans can register on wwe.com but you have to be an American citizen. Vince talked about inviting new fans to watch the product and bringing back old fans. Vince then criticized elitists who look down on wrestling fans. Vince said wrestling fans represent Americana. He further added that no snobs are allowed.

I appreciate Vince’s point, but he’s done more to make people look down on wrestling fans than anyone. Wrestling fans aren’t intrinsically low brow. Look at Japan. But Vince has done so many tasteless angles over the years that it has really fostered and given life to that perception. In fairness, WWE hasn’t had a really tasteless angle in quite a while now, but it shouldn’t be a mystery why so many people think lowly of WWE pro wrestling.

Santino and Carlito beat Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes. Roddy Piper was the guest timekeeper, and he tripped Santino during the match. Holly went for the Alabama slam, but Carlito kicked him in the head and Santino pinned him. I’m not sure if somebody is turning here, but this certainly buried the faces. Backstage, Santino had insults directed towards Jimmy Kimmel based on Letterman, Leno and Conan shticks.

Elsewhere, Holly was annoyed with Rhodes for not telling him Piper would be there. Ted DiBiase then told Rhodes that he is three weeks away from choosing a partner and winning the tag team championship. Don’t you have to earn a title shot? Chris Jericho then said that he will defend the Intercontinental Title as much as he can. He dedicated his match with JBL to Shawn Michaels.

Chris Jericho beat JBL via DQ. JBL hit a neck breaker and elbow drops and applied the full nelson. Jericho came back with a tornado DDT, shoulder blocks and a Walls attempt. JBL escaped and hit a fall away slam. JBL went for the clothesline from hell but Jericho ducked that and hit a springboard dropkick. Jericho missed a baseball slide and got hit with a big boot. JBL grabbed a chair and was disqualified. Jericho then got the chair and went to hit JBL with it but again had second thoughts.

Katie Lea and Beth Phoenix beat Mickie James and Melina. Mickie and Katie were wrestling, but Melina just stared at Beth. When Beth tagged in, Melina screamed for the tag. She jumped Beth with punches, but Beth laid her out with a clothesline and threw her into the apron. Mickie got the tag, and hit a top rope Thesz press on Katie. Mickie went for the implant DDT (you know, because the head gets implanted), but Katie escaped. Beth nailed Mickie from behind and Katie scored the pin. Paul Burchill came out to celebrate, but got jumped by Kennedy.

Lance Cade beat Trevor Murdoch. Cade hit a back drop on the floor and kneed Murdoch’s head into the post. Murdoch hit a knee lift and yakuza kick. He went for a double ax handle off the top, but Cade caught him with a punch and hit a sit down power bomb for the pin. Backstage, Mickie and Cena talked about rumors of them being an item. Cena then gave her back her panties which she left behind last night. They’ve been fornicating, you see.

John Cena beat Jeff Hardy. A fan hit the ring at the beginning of the match and caused quite the distraction. Jeff hit a pescado but missed the swanton. Cena used the Cena slam and five knuckle shuffle, but Jeff escaped the FU. Jeff responded with a forearm, clothesline, mule kick, and whisper in the wind. Jeff hit a crossbody off the top, but Cena rolled through, lifted him up, and hit the FU. That was a cool finish.

Final Thoughts:

This was a decidedly average edition of Raw. They were mostly setting up future events. The wrestling was generally okay, but the finishes weren’t very good. It will be interesting to see if they get any ratings bump whatsoever from the million dollar giveaway gimmick.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The show where Regal got canned, Ted Sr. talked with Vince. Assumingly, he bought the title match for Ted Jr. So no, you don't need to earn title matches, you just need to show Vince the money.

11:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How could you forget the hilarious part where Lawler was trying to register and it said the server was down. High comedy.

7:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No offense, but your reports have been pretty weak/bland as of late.

3:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Harsh

3:11 PM  
Blogger Todd Martin said...

Some weeks I have more to write about than others. I think the program of late hasn't had anything wrong that I need to rant about, and hasn't had anything spectacular for me to rave about, so I think the reports probably have been more bland of late. My goal isn't to bring attention upon myself; it's to cover the show as I see it. So yeah, no offense taken.

7:18 PM  
Blogger DW said...

Todd,

You said a mouthful when you reported that Vince McMahon has "done more to make people look down on wrestling fans than anyone. Wrestling fans aren't intrinsically low brow. Look at Japan. But Vince has done so many tasteless angles over the years that it has really fostered and given life to that perception. In fairness, WWE hasn't had a really tasteless angle in quite a while now but it shouldn't be a mystery why so many people think lowly of WWE pro wrestling." Well said. But I have to that while they may not have had a tasteless "angle" in a while, One Night Stand was tasteless as a depiction of unnecessary non-stop violence. Horrible show and horrible example to offer their target audience of kids.

As far as the opening went, with the omnipresent and seemingly omnipotent (in his own mind) EgoTrips, I fail to understand the logic of his lines. He said the "Age of Orton is dead, like it never happened." Huh? I guess only the omnipotent can make such a decree and try to make the rest of us forget something that has happened. If you want to talk "obnoxious," then that sort of drivel out of the mouth of EgoTrips is the definition of obnoxious. But he's a selfish prick and can't help himself. He's such a lame character, with very little in terms of body or talent (bloated and over-promoted, respectively) to back it up, paling in comparison to so many personlities in the WWE, that he has to find subversive methods to promote himself. Pathetic. Not only that, but the "Age of Orton?" I love Orton, but 7 months title reign does not an "age" make. Again, this is just another lame element to promote Triple Hogwash, so he can make the claim that he ended that so-called "age." Pathetic, and laughable. The man has become a joke.

6:55 PM  
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6:41 AM  

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