Monday, January 09, 2012

WWE Raw Report

Date: 01/09/11 from Corpus Christi, TX.

The Big News: Brodus Clay finally arrived.

Show Analysis:

Kane started out the show. He said that he notices people questioning why he embraces hate. Kane said people are in denial. They hate their families and their jobs but they don’t embrace that hate. John Cena is successful and represents the things people aspire to achieve but cannot. Thus, when the crowd says Cena sucks, they are saying that they suck. Kane said that cheering for an underdog like Zack Ryder doesn’t make you a good person and he was close to dragging Ryder to Hell. Cena stopped that but just delayed the inevitable. Cena ran out and fought with Kane. They fought outside until Kane randomly left.

Sheamus and Santino beat Jinder Mahal and Wade Barrett. The heels worked over Santino, who got the tag to Sheamus. Sheamus came in with clotheslines, a powerslam and a Brogue kick on Mahal. He then tagged Santino back in and Santino hit the cobra for the pin.

Backstage, Miz complained about R. Truth to John Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis said Miz brought the trouble upon himself. Laurinaitis added that he had a lot on his plate including the debut of Brodus Clay. He concluded that he’s not the problem. He’s not little Jimmy, but big Johnny. They then announced Edge for the Hall of Fame. Obviously he is deserving and the timing is right. Elsewhere backstage, Miz unsuccessfully tried to recruit Mason Ryan to help him.

Zack Ryder was talking with his dad on the phone. Ryder said he is scared of Kane. Then Eve Torres walked in and Ryder pretended to be tough and said he would take out Kane. Ryder suggested Eve go out with him. Eve hesitated forever and then said okay reluctantly, after her match with Beth Phoenix was over. After Ryder left, Kane appeared from behind a door.

Daniel Bryan beat Kofi Kingston. Unfortunately they didn’t give them any time and Bryan just won quickly with the LeBell lock. Bryan did another over-the-top celebration after the match. Big Show came out. Bryan told Show that he hated the way their match ended. Bryan labeled himself a fighting champion and offered Show a title shot any time. Show said Teddy Long already signed a no count out, no disqualification title match for Friday. Bryan acted nervous but shook hands with Show.

Brodus Clay beat Curt Hawkins. Clay was billed as the Funkosaurus from Planet Funk. He had two women with him and they were dressed like Flash Funk and the Funkettes. They came to the ring dancing. This was pretty much a recreation of the Flash Funk gimmick only with music singing “somebody call my Momma” like Ernest Miller. It was played for total comedy and Cole was going nuts with the fake laughter. Clay hit a head butt, over the head throw, corner avalanche and flying crossbody for the pin. The crowd didn’t know what to make of this. It seemed designed to be intentionally bad for comedy but Clay actually made the most of it.

Backstage, Zack Ryder was celebrating going out with Eve. He was brushing his teeth in the bathroom. Kane appeared in the mirror behind him but was no longer there when Ryder turned around. This was reminiscent of that ridiculous Hogan/Warrior angle in 1998 WCW. Elsewhere, Miz tried to get Epico and Primo to help him unsuccessfully.

CM Punk beat Jack Swagger. John Laurinaitis prior to the match said that if Punk won, Swagger and Vickie Guerrero would be banned from ringside at the Royal Rumble. He added that Dolph Ziggler would wrestle John Cena later on Raw. Swagger went after the leg. Punk avoided the ankle lock. Laurinaitis stopped Ziggler from interfering. Punk hit a tope, swinging neck breaker and knee, but had a bulldog attempt countered. Swagger hit a Vader bomb and countered a springboard clothesline into a powerslam. Swagger avoided the GTS and hit a belly to belly throw for two.

Punk then hit a top rope elbow. Swagger clearly kicked out but the referee counted three. Punk couldn’t hide his irritation at this despite winning. The match was really clicking and was shaping up to be a tremendous match before the referee completely blew the finish. Assuming this wasn’t some bizarre angle, this was as terrible a job I’ve ever seen a wrestling referee do on a national stage.

Zack Ryder thanked John Cena backstage. Elsewhere, the Bellas were bickering. Ricardo Rodriguez showed up and wanted to know why they had him fly all the way out to the show. They said they had a message for Del Rio. He asked why he needed to fly all the way out for that. Dude, you’re the one that hopped on a plane without figuring that out. Miz interrupted and told Rodriguez to go to the ring and call out Truth. Rodriguez didn’t want to but Miz threatened him with violence. They then announced additional inductees into the WWE Hall of Fame: the Horsemen (Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Tully Blanchard, Barry Windham and J.J. Dillon). It will be interesting to see whether TNA lets Flair go.

Ricardo Rodriguez came to the ring and lobbed half-hearted insults at Truth for comedy. Truth came out and said he didn’t know why Rodriguez was picking a fighting with him. He was going to let Rodriguez go but the crowd didn’t want him to. So Truth had Rodriguez sing la cucaracha. They already did that, but there’s apparently something timeless in the humor of Mexican-Americans singing la cucaracha.

Rodriguez really got into it and almost managed to save what had been a dreadful segment. The crowd even applauded Rodriguez. Truth was pleased and wanted him to do it again but Rodriguez knocked the microphone from his hand so Truth gave him the downward spiral. Miz attacked Truth from behind but Truth beat him up yet again and Miz ran away through the crowd.

Chris Jericho came out again. He got a big introduction with the old thing about beating Rock and Austin the same night. He basically did the same thing as last week. He had the jacket and pandered to the crowd forever. This time when he took the microphone, he teased that he was going to cry. Then he did actually break down into tears. He eventually put down the microphone without saying anything and instead left crying. This time, the crowd just kept cheering the entire time. Either at this point the WWE has cultivated an audience too stupid to grasp the simplest of psychology or these people really, really don’t want to boo Jericho. Either way, I really enjoyed Jericho again.

Eve Torres came out to wrestle but instead Kane’s music hit. Zack Ryder came out to grab Eve and they went to leave. However, in the parking lot their car had a flat tire. So Ryder went to work on changing the tire.

Dolph Ziggler and John Cena wrestled. Ziggler did a headstand while applying a chinlock, which was amusing. As the match was going on, they showed Kane attacking Ryder in the parking lot on the screen. Kane choke slammed Ryder down a couple feet. Cena, not caring about winning the match, simply left. They showed Vickie Guerrero encouraging Ziggler to get back into the ring so he would win by count out, but they never even bothered to show if he did get back in, because who could possibly care about something like match results? John Cena arrived in the parking lot and Kane suffocated him to end the show.

Final Thoughts:

This was another of those terrible WWE shows where they beat you over the head with the idea that absolutely everything is a joke that you can’t possibly take seriously or invest in on any level other than laughing at it. WWE is slowly but surely morphing into Hustle. Generalissimo Takada and Kane vs. Funkosaurus and Razor Ramon HG would fit in perfectly.


Anonymous Rhoda Morgenstern said...

Really, really bad. Like, BCS title game bad. I kept switching back and forth, practically screaming at the television 'You promised to entertain me tonight, dammit.' No dice.
It's become clear over the last few years, typified by the Edge feud/fiasco and now, amazingly, topped with this stuff that WWE's soap opera writers have nothing left for Kane to do, and he should really retire. This stuff with Ryder is really bad, and it's just exposing how lousy Ryder is, which may be the writers' actual intent.
Why does Cena wrestle? He never seems to care if he wins or loses, and tonight I saw him just kind of wander off to go protect his newest, bestest buddy. Sweet christ I loathe Cena. Everything about him. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but so is my dad, and I don't want to see him wrestle, either. Particularly not Kane.
I think if Flair wants to go to the HOF ceremony as a Horseman, he'll go whether TNA wants him to or not. I doubt they'd care one way or the other, to be honest. In fact, Dixie Carter would probably ask him to bring back some leftover cake from the ceremony, or at least a few 38-year old midcarders they can give a title belt to.
Wrestling really sucks.

9:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Todd Martin quote from 12-11-11

"But at this point, I honestly feel like it’s almost unfair to complain. They’re so diametrically opposed to what I like and what they used to be by now that maybe people like me would be better off just dumping them permanently rather than sticking around as they continue to massacre what remains of a once great form of entertainment."

I was hoping your New Years Resolution was to not write any more Raw Reports.

These arent unbiased Reports of Monday Night Raw, these are Reports written by a man who apparently hates the show and even though he has ZERO experience in wrestling booking or promoting, thinks he has all the answers to what makes a good show.

Seriously Martin come on already.

Its obvious you show favoritism to anything involving the Internet Darling, Mr Dancing with the Stars himself, Jericho. Even though a lot of people think his return segments flat out sucked.

Brodus Clay was tremendous. Watch how popular that gimmick gets in the coming weeks.

Pretty good Raw as well. Well at least for someone who still enjoys this show as a fan.

Its still a mystery to all why you continue to provide in depth weekly recaps of a show you dont enjoy anymore.

Its 2012 my friend. If you no longer enjoy WWE then move on already. Let someone who actually enjoys the show provide a detailed Raw Report.

10:16 PM  
Anonymous Steve Khan said...

Winning the US Title was the beginning of the end for Zack Ryder. Brodus Clay's debut was a let down and the R-Truth/Ricardo segment was painful to watch. Razor Ramon HG is too good for this show.

11:48 PM  
Anonymous Rodney said...

A lot can be said about anyone over the age of 13 who still enjoys the majority of the product. The only thing I really disagree with Martin on is the Jericho stuff. I don't know, it just doesn't work for me personally. It they are trying to get Jericho some heel heat then it's an utter failure because the crowd will eat up whatever this man does. He's just one of those heels people love to hate and will cheer for him until the cows come home. Brodus Clay's debut was different than I think anyone expected, but he managed to make an utterly silly gimmick work. Kudos to him for realizing that this gimmick is going to be what he makes of it. Really, the only positive things the show has going for it at this point are CM Punk and Dolph Ziggler. But even this storyline is on thin ice with all of the interference finishes and the inclusion of Lauranitis. It's just been handled in a very goofy way like most of the show. Kane and Cena have had some good moments, but with Ryder running around and all of the bad horror movie elements, it's completely lost what little edge it had to begin with. As of right now the product as a whole is growing increasinly stale and predictable.

1:55 AM  
Anonymous zillabeast said...

I thought Brodus Clay kicked ass. The crowd was really into it too. The women helped big time. I'm thinking 2012 version of The Godfather.

I also noticed Punk's outburst at the ref. I'm sure Vince also believes that fairs should not be rewarded, but it presents an unexpected opportunity. Tweak of the angle. Maybe even have them dog the referee a bit and paint him as WWE's equivalent of Jim Triplette.

The Kane/Cena/Ryder stuff sucks lol.

Not a fan of this Jericho thing so far either. It's really waste of time retarded. The payoff needs to be really good or he'll just waste away into mid card obscurity quicker than be normally does.

3:28 AM  
Anonymous Murray Slaughter said...

This 'Anonymous' guy is pretty funny. I'm assuming his gimmick is WWE Office Guy. 'How can you comment on something when you've never booked'. Fucking gold, man. Gold! To follow it up with 'biased', 'internet darling' and the like...magnifique! It's not at Cranky Vince levels of parody, but it's close.
That, or Dave and Bryan have a lot more 9 year-olds reading the Observer than they may have thought. Because I can't imagine anybody else finding this shit any good. Let Bryan know so he can clean up on the swearing.

4:59 AM  
Blogger hobbyfan said...

Ok, we've got 2 Mary Tyler Moore fans posting here, I see. Oh, brother. Next thing you'll know, someone will post as Fred Flintstone.....! I digress.

Like I said last week, Kane-Cena is playing out like a bad horror movie, the kind SyFy plays routinely. Now, you have Zack Ryder & Eve Torres, who deserve better, playing the generic slasher movie victims-in-waiting opposite Kane. I'm more convinced than before that Kane and Cena are both contributing ideas. In Kane's case, maybe it's to make up for the fact they can't find another movie project for him. Then again, the writers are morons........

As it is, the angle is the primary focus of the show, when it shouldn't. Again, the champion is put in the middle of the show, when the #1 contender-wannabe (in my eyes, Ziggler isn't ready) gets the main event spot, and that's tied up with the silliness Cena's stuck with.

The tag titles were buried again with Kofi getting squashed, but as Todd points out, he & Bryan weren't given much time. Gee, ya think maybe the stupid angle being given priority is a reason for that? It's not doing the US title any favors, either.

Jericho's antics are dying already. Just say something, jerky!

On another site, I gave R-Truth what I call the Daffy Duck schizophrenia award. In truth, Miz is playing 60's level Daffy here, but Truth is no Speedy Gonzales. Ricardo did get a face pop. Let's see what happens when Alberto Del Rio returns.......

We expected Brodus Clay to be a monster, and instead, he's been repackaged as the love child of Rikishi & Flash Funk. Who did Brodus piss off? Or did he?

Edge and the Horsemen in the Hall of Fame? The mind boggles. Edge, yeah, was expected, and the precedent for him was set already. He's in the HBK position, inducted 1 year after retiring. Flair is already in, so now AA, Tully, JJ, and Barry Windham join him. Barry and his health issues may have prompted this, IMPO. No Ole Anderson. Gee, what a surprise.

6:48 AM  
Blogger AKFooFighter said...

A person who judges the merits of literary, artistic, or musical works, esp. one who does so professionally.

Leave Todd alone!

7:52 AM  
Blogger Gilman Chatsworth said...

It seems that CM Punk is the only person since Flair who feels that it isn't career suicide to elevate his opponent. Swagger and Ziggler have both benefited from the matches. It is a shame that the ref blew the count but at least they didn't try to reverse it.

9:13 AM  
Blogger The Original Donald said...

Shouldn't anonymous be hacking George Soros' bank account, or is he PAID by Soros?

I've LONG stopped watching RAW, because it's no longer as entertaining as Mr. Martin's recaps.

6:36 AM  
Anonymous TLPG said...

My take on the ref botch as a zebra myself.

It looked like the finish was supposed to be the Anaconda Vice, as you can see he goes for it for a moment before he realises what the referee has done.

But if you look back to when Punk and Swagger were battling on the top rope, you'll see the referee looking around. I suspect that someone was supposed to be on the apron distracting him or something and he was thrown off when no one was moving. No excuse, but I suspect that's why he looked to finish it ASAP - and in the process botched it because Swagger knew the elbow wasn't the finish and the way he got his shoulder up was designed to give Punk the set for the Vice.

Bottom line - ref botched it up. But someone else stuffed up as well and my money is on Ace (I won't call him by his real name because I couldn't be bothered!)

3:32 PM  

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