Monday, April 12, 2010

WWE Raw Report

Date: 04/12/10 from London, England.

The Big News: Bret Hart has to say that Show Miz is the greatest tag team ever next week!

Show Analysis:

David Hasselhoff came out to start the show. They flashed “Hoff” repeatedly on the screen ala the Abraham Washington Show and piped in chants for him. They acted like he is this big star in 2010 without any seeming irony. At least Hasselhoff himself clearly gets it.

Hasselhoff announced Jack Swagger vs. Randy Orton at Extreme Rules for the world title. It sure undermines the idea of a draft when you’ve got guys supposedly from different shows wrestling each other literally the night before. Hasselhoff also announced three matches for Raw. He carried himself well and seemed amiable, but the glorification of self-parodying B-celebrities is not really what I’m looking for in a wrestling show.

Eve Torres beat Maryse to win the Raw women’s title. They pulled each other’s hair early on. Maryse slapped Eve and threw her into the apron. Eve came back with a neck breaker but missed a moonsault. Maryse laughed and slapped Eve around. She went for her DDT but Eve cradled her for the pin.

Big Show and Miz came out. Show said that at first he was skeptical of teaming with Miz but now he realizes they have the chance to be special together. Miz said that he is amazed such a large man can have such a small ego. He proclaimed Show Miz the greatest tag team in WWE history. That brought out Bret Hart, who said he could think of two teams off the top of his head that were better. Only two? Bret referenced the Hart Foundation and the British Bulldogs. Miz called Bret delusional.

Hart Dynasty came out. Again, if you’re doing a draft in a few weeks, couldn’t you just wait to do this angle on Smackdown? Miz pointed out they’re not supposed to be on Raw. Bret replied that he invited them. That’s total TNA: random people having random authority for no explained reason.

David Hart Smith challenged Miz to a match where if Smith won Hart Dynasty would get a tag title shot at Extreme Rules. Miz accepted, but said that if Miz won, Bret would have to declare Show Miz the greatest tag team of all time next week. The Harts huddled up and conferred as if this was a very difficult decision. They accepted.

Miz beat David Hart Smith. This match didn’t have the heat I would have expected but it was good. Smith used a delayed vertical suplex. Miz applied a camel clutch. Smith hit power slams and a belly to belly suplex. Miz dove off the ropes but was hit with a big boot and Smith applied the sharpshooter. Show got on the apron but Smith knocked him off. Tyson Kidd went after Show but was caught with a punch. Smith had Miz up for a power slam but Show used a kidney punch and Miz hit the skull crushing finale for the pin.

The announcers acted like it was this huge deal that Bret will have to say Show Miz is the greatest tag team of all team. Jerry Lawler suggested it would be one of the worst days of Bret’s life. This is such an idiotic, juvenile angle. Is there anyone above the age of 8 who views it as some sort of punishment to be forced to say something you don’t believe and everyone knows to be false? Why would Bret possibly care about this?

Batista and David Otunga were chatting backstage. They seemed to be friendly but then Batista told Otunga to get him a cup of coffee. Otunga went to do it but ran into Hasselhoff. Hasselhoff told Otunga he would have to wrestle John Cena.

Evan Bourne beat Carlito in a brief match that was good while it lasted. Carlito worked over Bourne. He went for a back stabber off the ropes but missed. Bourne then hit the shooting star press for the pin.

John Cena beat David Otunga. Batista came out with Otunga and watched the match from the stage. Cena hit punches and suplexes. He dared Batista to come down before finally finishing Otunga with the STF. Cena again challenged Batista after the match but Batista left.

Sheamus did a promo where he said that HHH only brings out the sledgehammer when he’s scared and he’s scared to death of Sheamus. Sheamus continued that things just got scarier because the match between himself and HHH will be a street fight. He said that wrestling with Sheamus will be a mistake HHH will regret for the rest of his life. That brought out Kofi Kingston, who vowed revenge for last week and said they were scheduled to wrestle.

Kofi Kingston beat Sheamus via DQ in a good match. Kingston used kicks and hit a dropkick off the top. Sheamus grounded him and took over with a power slam. Kingston hit more kicks, the boom drop and trouble in paradise but Sheamus grabbed the bottom rope. They continued fighting on the floor, at which point Sheamus hit Kingston with a TV monitor for the DQ. Sheamus threw Kingston into the post and hit a big boot.

Carlito and Vladimir Kozlov were backstage and frustrated. Carlito said the guest hosts just care about themselves. He said that if he doesn’t get traded to Smackdown he is going to quit. Kozlov then vowed next week to either get what he wants or destroy the cast of the movie “MacGruber.”

Randy Orton backstage said he is fine with extreme rules. He said that he has sent plenty of people to the hospital by breaking the rules. He noted that the match with Jack Swagger is about the title but that his match later on Raw with Batista was something he had been looking forward to for a long time.

The Bellas beat Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim and Jillian Hall & Rosa Mendes in a Baywatch themed triple threat match. Santino was guest referee. Jillian hit a Samoan drop on a Bella. Rosa followed with some awful kicks and a suplex. A brawl broke out and the Bellas switched. The wrong Bella then rolled up Rosa for the pin. After the match Santino choked on his whistle but Hornswoggle dislodged it with a frog splash in a stupid comedy bit.

Randy Orton beat Batista via DQ. This reminded me of those old Nitro matches between two stars that went a while and then abruptly ended with an utterly predictable and completely unsatisfying run-in. Orton hit a back breaker and used the Garvin stomp. Batista took over with a kick to the head. Batista went for a spear that Orton was supposed to counter with a kick but the kick missed badly. Orton was smart enough to quickly throw Batista into the post to compensate, but the announcers made fools of themselves selling this kick that missed by two feet.

Orton and Batista traded punches. Orton hit clotheslines and a power slam but Batista rolled out as Orton set up for the punt. Orton used his DDT off the ropes and went for the RKO but Batista countered with a spine buster. Batista went for the Batista bomb but Orton countered into the RKO. Jack Swagger then ran in with a gut wrench power bomb on Orton. Cena ran out and applied the STF to Batista. Batista tapped out and then passed out. Cena counted to ten to close the show.

Final Thoughts:

I didn’t care for this show. There wasn’t anything particularly problematic, but I found it all rather boring and the tone of the show was grating. I’m also completely sick of these annoying guest hosts.

4 Comments:

Blogger Phil said...

The Miz - DH Smith match was lousy booking for all the reasons you mentioned, but also was stupid in another way. They had DH Smith go out of his way to mention that his late father would be watching this match. So not only did they have Smith lose in his home town, he lost after invoking the spirit of his father. That has to be some kind of first

9:03 PM  
Blogger AKFooFighter said...

"Only two?"

Good night, everybody!

- Matt in Anchorage

9:36 PM  
Blogger hobbyfan said...

The "hometown" curse strikes again, even if David Hart Smith is actually from Calgary. Miz is starting to get go away heat from me. The writers are forgetting that he is also obligated to defend the US title, and they cannot stall and wait for NXT to end so Daniel Bryan can challenge him. NO! You need to have this smug little punk defend both of his championships on an alternating basis! Bad enough that two of Smackdown's heel champs have similarly been lax in title defenses of late (and you know who they are), but to have the disease of title delinquency spread to Raw? I don't think so.

This is where the creative culture needs to change. Miz is being presented as this smug, self-serving, ex-TV-star-turned-wrestler who can get away with being that way because he has the biggest cat in the alley as his partner. Miz needs to be knocked down a few pegs before NXT ends. He's jobbed there, so why not a few more jobs on Raw?

The easy solution to Smith-Miz is to do a rematch on Smackdown, and have Teddy Long say that he will not accept a Smackdown team having to be humbled like that, citing Smackdown's superior record in inter-brand matches. In the rematch, Smith goes over and saves face, and you do not have Bret having to risk embarassment at the Meadowlands next week.

I get the logic behind Orton vs. Swagger for the World title at the PPV, but where does that leave Edge & Chris Jericho? Roddy Piper was right. When you think you've got all the answers, creative changes the questions.

Eve Torres made history. She's the last Diva Search champion (2007), and the only Search winner to become a champion (Michelle McCool was a runner-up in '04). Funny how that was never brought up.

The nice part about same-day tape is that it allows the post-production team the luxury of using the slo-mo cameras for stuff like the Baywatch match. Thank God the women are easily identifiable, save for the Bellas, despite all 6 wearing identical outfits.

Negative points for a random audio clip of William Daniels as KITT from the original "Knight Rider". It was just thrown on when Hasselhoff acted drunk, flanked by the Bellas.

Hmmmm. No HHH this week. DW will love that.

5:30 AM  
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