Monday, August 24, 2009

WWE Raw Report

Date: 08/24/09 from Las Vegas, NV.

The Big News: Vince McMahon celebrated his 64th birthday by pinning Randy Orton.

Show Analysis:

The show started with Legacy backstage. They acknowledged that Brett DiBiase was the one who interfered at SummerSlam. Randy Orton said Brett was there as a fan and they didn’t know he was going to do that. Orton said that was intolerable and wouldn’t be excused. He promised Brett wouldn’t interfere again. Brett apologized for getting caught up in the moment. Cody Rhodes said Orton would have won anyway. I enjoyed this segment. I like when villains are booked so you think they acted in bad faith but can’t be certain, since that’s how it usually is in real life when someone does something wrong.

Vince McMahon then came out in front of the crowd. He said that the referee’s decision at SummerSlam was final that there would be an Orton-Cena rematch in three weeks at Breaking Point. He said that the main events will be submission matches, so they evidently have decided not to do submissions only for all matches. That’s a smart move. Vince said Orton-Cena must end with someone saying “I quit” and if anyone interferes for Orton he will be stripped of the title. Wait, doesn’t that negate the I Quit stipulation?

DX joined Vince. HHH said he doesn’t like good guy Vince. They said it was Vince’s birthday and that he turned 84. They then said 74, and finally Vince screamed that he’s 64. DX made fun of him for that. They then aired a tribute video, which started serious and turned into a comedy. They then brought out a big fake cake. Can you guess who ended up being in it?

The birthday celebrations continued with DX bringing out showgirls, Cirque du Soleil and a fake Elvis. They all sang “Happy Birthday.” Big Dick Johnson then came out of the cake and danced for Vince. Vince threw him out of the ring. DX was setting up to drop something from the ceiling on Vince when Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase attacked DX. DX fought them off. HHH said that Floyd Mayweather wasn’t there yet so he made Legacy vs. DX and Vince McMahon. Vince then said it would be no-DQ. Wait, so if the guest host isn’t there the wrestlers have free reign over their matches?

This opening segment went 23 minutes or so. It had its good moments and bad moments. I thought overall it was fine but it did drag at times. The one huge negative on this was the announcers’ incessant, really irritating fake laughter. The fake laughter is always annoying but it reached a level of grating here that I don’t think it ever has before. It’s hard to even explain how obnoxious it was if you weren’t watching, since I can’t think of an apt comparison point in any form of entertainment I’ve ever watched.

Miz beat Santino in a quick match. Santino did a bunch of wacky stuff. He did the splits, hit a zany chop and then missed a flying head butt. Miz gave him the skull crushing finale for the pin.

Rosa Mendes, Alicia Fox and Beth Phoenix beat Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly and Mickie James. This was advertised as a “Mayweather Melee” which meant the women had boxing themed outfits. The heels worked over Kelly for a few seconds. She tagged Mickie. Mickie came in with punches, a neck breaker and a Charlie Thesz press on Alicia. Alicia, however, sent her into the post and hit a sloppy scissors kick for the pin. They like to rotate the women regardless of talent, but I really hope this isn’t the beginning of a push for Alicia.

In a bizarre segment, DX was backstage and did a promo with loud inexplicable noise in the background. All it needed was flickering lights and it would have been Thunder. DX shouted over the background noise. Jillian Hall then did Marilyn Monroe for Vince. He ordered her out.

Big Show and Chris Jericho came out. Show said he wouldn’t leave until Floyd Mayweather came out. Yes, they booked him as a face again, completely having forgotten what happened the last time. Mayweather came out with his entourage to boos. Mayweather said he would beat up Show again but he has a pay-per-view bout that’s more important.

Jericho said Mayweather is a great self-promoter but not that good of a boxer. He said he thinks Juan Manuel Marquez will knock him out. MVP came out and put over Mayweather as his friend. He made fun of Show and Jericho and asked Mayweather to make MVP and a partner vs. Show and Jericho with MVP and partner getting a title shot at Breaking Point if they won. Why wouldn’t you just ask for the title shot straight up? What, is Mayweather going to say no to that? Mayweather agreed.

MVP and Mark Henry beat Big Show and Chris Jericho. Floyd Mayweather watched from ringside. The heels worked over MVP forever. Henry came in with clotheslines on Jericho. Jericho went for the code breaker which was reversed into a world’s strongest slam attempt which was reversed into a DDT. MVP tagged back in and hit balling, but Jericho gave him an enzuigiri. Henry knocked Show off the apron, Mayweather gave MVP the brass knuckles, and MVP nailed Jericho with them for the pin.

Hornswoggle beat Chavo Guerrero via DQ in a boxing match. Would anyone mind if I just stopped recapping these segments? I’m sure the commercials are significantly more entertaining. Chavo had to wear oversized gloves. “Entertainment at its greatest,” proclaimed Michael Cole. “Fuck off, Michael Cole,” proclaimed me. Chavo eventually took off his gloves and body slammed Hornswoggle for the DQ. Evan Bourne made the save and gave Chavo the shooting star press.

Vince warmed up backstage with Floyd Mayweather. Carlito came in and told Mayweather he wanted a rematch with Kofi Kingston. HHH alluded getting busy with Vince’s daughter so Vince knocked out Carlito for comedy.

DX and Vince McMahon beat Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase. Legacy worked over HHH, who eventually tagged Michaels. Michaels came in with punches, an inverted atomic drop, a body slam and a top rope elbow on DiBiase. Rhodes then cut off Michaels and they worked over Michaels for a while. Michaels eventually tagged HHH, who came in with a high knee, face buster, spine buster and pedigree on Rhodes. HHH tagged Vince who covered, but Orton broke up the pin.

Orton went for the punt on Vince, but Michaels cut him off. Rhodes and DiBiase then vanished and Orton started leaving. John Cena came out to attack Orton. They went back to the ring where Michaels gave Orton sweet chin music and Cena gave him the FU. Vince then pinned Orton, despite the fact Orton clearly wasn’t the legal man.

I was fine with Vince pinning Cody Rhodes after HHH did all the damage. But I don’t know about Vince pinning your top heel and champion Randy Orton. It’s not like it’s a huge deal given the circumstances, but it’s still not something I’d even consider doing. And if it’s no big deal for Orton to be pinned like this, why not have a young star team with DX and get the pin? You know, someone who can make you money?

Final Thoughts:

Raw was a bad show. Imagine!

17 Comments:

Blogger brian said...

“Entertainment at its greatest,” proclaimed Michael Cole. “Fuck off, Michael Cole,” proclaimed me.

I had to laugh at that line! Thanks for persevering with Raw, it saves me watching it, and the reports are always entertaining, more so than the show I imagine. Sounds like Chavo took a leaf out of Roddy Piper's book, circa Wrestlemania 2.

And isn't The Wire entertainment at its greatest?

1:58 AM  
Anonymous John said...

Beyond bad. I find nothing amusing about DX. Its truly embarrassing watching men their age act like fools and think that they're "cool". It's also sad to listen to 'fans' react to them. Did anyone - ANYONE - doubt for a moment that Legacy would be humiliated and made to look weak in the final segment? My only hope is Vince's and Trips' egos ruin their own company. This isn't pro-wrestling anymore. Its a cheesy variety show circa 1970. I keep expecting Tony Orlando and Dawn to host.

4:34 AM  
Anonymous The Masterbater said...

You know I only read your reports and if there is something interesting that happens in Raw I usually Youtube it, but I saw that Mayweather was going to be the guest host in Raw so I was somewhat interested in watching for the first time in like years. So I watched Raw, anticipating that Mayweather will come out but no… I get a lame DX trying to be funny with Vince. So I am waiting and waiting hearing Cole and King laugh like this is Def Comedy Jam and mind you I have never really watched Raw since J.R. left. I know why you hate their fake laughter now Todd, I wanted to freaking press the mute button. I think Cole and King are the worst commentators ever, I think I rather hear Tony Schavoni do commentating than hear these guys. They are god awful bad! But anyways, my point being is that I didn’t get to see Mayweather till the next hour, that is an hour I will never get back in my life. It was a total waste of my time to even watch Mayweather, he didn’t do anything really, just did his promo and that was it!!! What was the point of him being there??? He was only there for like 20 minutes, the rest of the show was a total joke! I come to find out that I really hate Raw, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Vince, HHH, and definitely Hornswogle. How does Hornswogle have a job still? He is not cute and not funny. God I wish I recorded the day when JBL pummeled and destroyed him. Why can’t that happen again? Anyways, after that I just stopped watching it not even caring how they will humiliate Legacy, and of course reading your report, they did. I guess that was Vince’s gift to himself, was to pin the World Champion. Hmm.. when I think about it I would never think of HHH getting pin like that in the middle of the ring when he was champion to guys like Vince or anyone that is “not in his league”.

6:20 AM  
Anonymous SteRDLK said...

I hardly even paid attention to Raw this week, and it was great! Better than watching it the whole way through, like you have to do Todd, sadly!

They need to sort this guest host gimmick out right away.

Mayweather is clearly a "heel" character, yet they push him as a face? He is a "heel" in boxing, and people pay to see him get his face destroyed, so why don't they do this on Raw? Maybe if they ha booked him this way, they could have got Mayweather a few extra buys for his PPV.

3 most annoying things on Raw - DX, Hornswoggle and the commentary team.

After seeing Summerslam, I thought DX would have treated Legacy with some respect, but no they treat it as though they fluked staying in the match for so long.

Vince McMahon is such an egotistical prick. I really hope they do this Orton / Vince feud just to see Orton do the punt for real. THAT would be "entertainment at its greatest".

So Chavo is paying the price for his aunt wanting to spend more time with her kids. Now I know he has to pay the bills, but does he have no dignity? I would have loved him to pick Hornswoggle back up after slamming him, and just smack him in the face, or destroy him like JBL did.

This vid is for The Masterbater, and any other Hornswoggle-hater

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdxQOrSMLe0

And the commentary... what else is there to say apart from a quote by Todd.

"Fuck off, Michael Cole". Some inspirational words there!!! The same applies to Lawler, who actually didn't annoy me on Summerslam, but this Raw just made me hate him all the more.

And heres another quote, this time from Comic Book Guy.

"Worst. Episode. Ever"

8:12 AM  
Blogger Bobcat said...

Why won't this damn show's ratings go down?? Aside from Todd, who is, I presume, paid to watch Raw, why else would anyone do so?

8:23 AM  
Blogger hobbyfan said...

Chavo did borrow a page from Roddy Piper.

Cole promised Kofi Kingston would be "in action", but all we get is a pre-recorded sound byte from Axxess. Match was bumped due to the length of the opening segment, which dragged to the point where you wished Michael Myers (Halloween) would come along and kill the whole scene.

But what would've happened if Floyd Mayweather were to have been forced out of the show at the last minute due to his issues at home? Would Godfather have been brought in on short notice? I admit I kept waiting for him and/or Mae Young to show up, but neither did.

11:06 AM  
Blogger SHK said...

At the end of Raw, Cole thanked everyone for watching a "historic" Raw. Not sure what the hell was so historic about it. Maybe watching the four company men raise their hands at the end of the main event after successfully burying another show.

They should rename DX to The Corporation.

--Steve K

6:11 PM  
Anonymous DW said...

The show's ratings won't go down for two reasons.

1) The system is outdated and flawed - but as long as industry people pay attention to them, they will affect things.
2) More importantly - the average wrestling fan is, yes I'm going to say it - a moron. Why else would anyone watch the same old crap week after week? Why else would anyone cheer the antics of two middle aged men acting like juvenile delinquents - and not even doing it well? Why else do fans cheer the same old bullshit that the WWE serves up to them, locked in the stranglehold of the WWE's silly face vs heel philosophy. Morons.

Until the WWE realizes there are fans on another level of intelligence out there - nothing will change. That, or when Trips is forced out of the family. Whichever comes first.

6:37 PM  
Anonymous Bob said...

Todd, maybe you were being facetious, but Show was booked as a heel. Mayweather (who had zero charisma here, unlike his past appearances), was supposed to be the face. Of course Mayweather was turned heel by the crowd, which made MVP look terrible when he came out to back up Mayweather as a face.

Vince hitting Carlito was, at least for me, classic misdirection. It was unexpected so I wasn't focused on that part of the screen, so it looked and sounded to me like he absolutely blasted Carlito. Since I watch on DVR, I went back to watch it again, and I had to laugh at the difference knowing what I'm looking for made: Mayweather prepped for Vince's punch by casually moving the hand pad he had on to Carlito's face, then when Vince threw the punch, Mayweather quickly moved it off Carlito's face toward Vince, letting Vince hit the pad hard, then quickly pulled the pad down as Carlito sold the punch. Not only was Carlito not nailed, he didn't appear to even be touched.

Sadly, that was about the most entertaining portion of the show for me. Yeah, another bad Raw. Hopefully MyNetworkTV will fold soon so they can move SmackDown to a nice high-def channel that I actually get.

Seriously, what's up with Chavo and Hornswaggle fighting every week? Is this an inside joke? A rib on the fans? Some sort of challenge to see how many weeks they can have the same two guys fight without tanking the ratings? Seriously, does anybody know? Obviously they can't believe this is going to draw ratings or money or anything else. Or is this supposed to be a segment for the kids every week? I know kids like repetition, but this must be getting boring even for them.

6:45 PM  
Blogger Bobcat said...

@DW,

If the fans are morons, then improving the product might actually hurt the ratings. At least, that's what I'd tell myself if I were Vince, Stephanie, and HHH.

6:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was it just me or did MVP just seemed he was trying to be the Rock just a "little bit"?

5:54 AM  
Anonymous DW said...

It's somewhat short-sighted on the part of WWE management to play to only one group - the idiots.

Improving the show (which, by the way, I don't believe they are qualified to do) would certainly improve the ratings because the idiot faction will cheer for anything - so adding something in for another intellectual level would only gain fans.

Vince and company are, of course, far too into their own egos to see the light.

7:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Todd, just wanted to know if you seen the Rise and Fall of WCW? Is it worth the purchase?

5:59 AM  
Blogger Todd Martin said...

I have not seen the Rise and Fall of WCW yet. I definitely will soon.

10:56 AM  
Blogger AKFooFighter said...

A few days have passed and I'm still perplexed by the WWE's "family friendly" approach.

What kid under the age of 20 knows anything about Vince and "Stand Back" - or the context of why airing a 22-year-old clip is "amusing"? Only old dorks like me dig on 80s music - cue Dokken.

I did think the use of Kenny Rogers' "Through the Years" was slightly clever.

Man, Raw is a mess.

- Matt in Anchorage

12:54 PM  
Blogger hobbyfan said...

Well, here's to hoping it gets better next week----Dusty Rhodes will be the host.

8:00 PM  
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7:31 PM  

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