Monday, September 05, 2011

WWE Raw Report

Date: 09/06/11 from Columbus, OH.

The Big News: HHH fired Kevin Nash.

Show Analysis:

CM Punk came out to a decidedly mixed reaction. He said he’s different in that he doesn’t have a filter and that makes him a target. Punk said he wants Nash, who is the status quo with the same music since 1996 and the same beard and hair dye since the first Gulf War. He added that HHH and Nash are trying to trick him into believing they are enemies when really they are still friends and Nash will have HHH’s back at Night of Champions. He told Nash to face him as a man. They delayed a bit before Nash came out, which I think it something they should always do to make it feel real rather than contrived when there is an impromptu challenge.

Kevin Nash came out and said he does what he wants and fights when he wants. Punk ran through Nash’s gimmicks. Nash told Punk to look at each man and noted every time he comes down he leaves Punk lying. He said that HHH pulling him from the match just protected Punk from getting killed. Punk responded by referencing the Longest Yard and saying that when Nash won the WWF title for the first time it was the year Justin Bieber was born, Arsenio Hall still had a show and Punk couldn’t legally drive. That seemed mean enough that people booed.

Nash was walking to the ring when HHH’s music hit. Nash told HHH that Punk is a cancer and HHH needs to get rid of him. HHH said normally he’d be inclined to do that but this week he discovered the truth. HHH said he got security footage from Staples Center and that it was Kevin Nash who went into HHH’s office and sent himself a text from HHH’s cell phone. So, apparently Nash snuck into HHH’s office hoping HHH wouldn’t be there but that HHH would leave his cell phone lying around rather than just keeping it in his pocket. And then he would send a text to himself from HHH rather than just claiming HHH sent it, when HHH would know he was lying either way. Okay.

Nash admitted to doing this and said that he made WWE cool again. Wait, what? He said WWE isn’t big enough for both him and Punk. HHH said that he doesn’t like Punk but Punk hasn’t lied to him and all Nash does is lie. Nash was incredulous HHH would pick Punk over him and started poking HHH and challenging him. HHH responded by punching Nash. He then said Nash is fired. Punk laughed at Nash and wished him best of luck in his future endeavors. So wait, why does Punk believe Nash and HHH aren’t still in cahoots? And why would Nash be upset when he made it clear last week he was happy to get fired and collect his guaranteed paycheck at home? They showed Kevin Nash and John Laurinaitis leaving together.

Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne beat Great Khali and Jinder Mahal. The heels worked over Bourne. Kingston tagged in and hit some clotheslines. He went for the boom drop on Mahal but Khali pulled down the top rope. Mahal held Kingston for a Khali chop but Khali accidentally hit Mahal. Kingston then tagged Bourne and Bourne hit the shooting star press for the win.

Beth Phoenix beat Eve Torres. Kelly and Natalya did commentary and I found them more irritating than Michael Cole at any point on this show. They were bickering back and forth in such an annoying manner and Natalya just kept saying WWE Universe over and over again. I swear she said it 12 times in 2 minutes. Beth won with the glam slam. After the match, Natalya jumped Kelly from behind. Natalya and Beth are no longer the Divas of Doom but rather the Divas of Salvation. Well, I guess it’s better than Diego going from Nightmare to Dream.

They aired three vignettes backstage throughout the show with Alberto Del Rio trying to convince people that they needed to take out John Cena. Drew McIntyre did a cameo in the first saying he sees Christian as a victim of injustice before Del Rio basically told McIntyre to beat it. Christian recognized Del Rio was trying to get him to do Del Rio’s dirty work. Later, Wade Barrett said he doesn’t need any convincing to go after Cena. And still later, Del Rio tried to convince Dolph Ziggler that Vickie Guerrero was going to dump him because of Cena. The Bellas made a brief cameo flirting with Del Rio, so they may be linked going forward.

CM Punk beat R. Truth. Before the match, Truth said he has been speaking his mind long before Punk. They did some comedy based on the idea that Truth is really, really stupid. I suppose it’s better than being portrayed as a criminal. Miz said that they will be wrestling Bourne and Kingston at Night of Champions. Miz made fun of the Air Boom name. Truth worked over Punk’s leg for a while. Punk came back with a superplex, high knee, bulldog and springboard clothesline. Miz tripped him as he was bouncing off the ropes so the referee ejected Miz from ringside. Punk then hit the GTS for the pin.

After the match, HHH came out. Punk told HHH he didn’t buy HHH punching Nash. So wait, why did you laugh at Nash and wave goodbye to him? HHH said he changed their match at Night of Champions to no DQ and said he might fire him afterwards. Punk liked this suggestion, despite it being such an obvious opening for interference from Nash or other HHH cronies. I guess that’s okay if Punk shows up with help of his own, but if he doesn’t he’s a complete moron. Punk suggested a stipulation that if HHH loses, he resigns as COO. HHH just accepted this no questions asked.

Jerry Lawler and Zack Ryder beat David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty. They showed footage of Ryder’s youtube stuff before the match, which was a nice way to make him feel more important. They got heat on Ryder very briefly. Lawler tagged in and hit punches and kicks. He hit the fist drop off the second rope on Otunga but Ryder begged to be tagged in. Lawler eventually relented and Ryder hit the Rough Rider for the win.

Randy Orton beat Heath Slater. Slater hit an enzuigiri and spine buster. Orton came back with a power slam, draping DDT and RKO for the win. I’m all for more matches like this one where you just put over one guy strong. But the two guys on the roster who need this the least are Orton and Cena. Backstage, Cena teased being annoyed at Ryder but instead congratulated Ryder and walked off.

John Cena came out and said that Alberto Del Rio keeps ducking him. He predicted Del Rio would come out and explain why he couldn’t fight Cena on Raw. Del Rio came out and said he’s trying to give Cena a fighting chance at Night of Champions by not injuring him prior to the match. Del Rio then said he couldn’t say the same for his buddies, los rudos of Raw. That was amusing. Christian, Wade Barrett, Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler attacked Cena. John Morrison, Sheamus and Alex Riley made the save. Teddy Long came out and said he has been given the authority to intervene on Raw when necessary and made an 8 man tag elimination match.

John Cena, John Morrison, Sheamus and Alex Riley beat Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, Christian and Wade Barrett. Morrison hit a one man Spanish fly and one man double dropkick, but was distracted by Christian and Ziggler applied the sleeper. Swagger tagged himself in and applied the ankle lock on Morrison. Ziggler left the ring and Morrison tapped. Swagger hit a Vader bomb on Riley and applied the ankle lock for another submission.

Sheamus hit punches, a knee lift, a shoulder block off the top rope and Brogue kick on Barrett for the pin. Christian slapped Sheamus so Sheamus chased Christian through the crowd and up the stage until both were counted out. Swagger hit a Vader bomb on Cena but Ziggler tagged himself in. Ziggler and Swagger argued until Ziggler walked into an FU for a pin. Swagger put the ankle lock on Cena but Cena reversed it into the STF for a tap. Del Rio ran in after the match but was caught with another FU.

Final Thoughts:

I didn’t care for this show. The Punk/HHH/Nash storyline in particular is a complete mess and building up Cena for another title match just isn’t something I’m excited to see in 2011.


Anonymous Bill McNeal said...

Why was the best part of Raw a woman sat in the front row?

Why would Sheamus team with Morrison and Cena?

Why would a tag team championship match at a PPV be between a team that has had 3 matches as a tag team versus a tag team who have yet to team together?

Why would Christian help Del Rio, when over the past year, Del Rio has continuously tried to end his career?

Why is the Raw GM there, yet Teddy Long makes the match?

Coincidentally, why is Teddy Long obsessed with tag team matches?

Why did Kevin Nash go through all that trouble sending a text to himself when he could have just beaten up the winner anyway?

Why is their a feud between HHH and CM Punk based on a text message Kevin Nash sent to Kevin Nash?

Why is Jim Ross back? I can never hear him through the pathetic whinings of Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole, neither of who are offering anything productive, and neither have for a long time.

Why did the following conversation ever take place?:

Kelly: "What are you saving us from"
Natalya: "The WWE Universe doesn't know any better, OK. The WWE Universe wants candy, and candy rots their teeth out. Beth Phoenix and I are here to educate the Universe what is best for them, and it may be vegetables".

Or how about this classic

Natalya "You're a sorry excuse for a Divas champion and you need to be educated as well as the WWE Universe"
Kelly: "You're a sorry excuse for... being here, I don't even know why you're here right now"

3:29 AM  
Anonymous Tony said...

So Nash is "fired" ? WWE has done a ridculous amount of firing angles since the beginning of the year (remember the Edge/Kelly/Dolph/Vickie saga and Cena who was supposed to be fired at MITB but never was), of course they were all rehired the next week and it was all forgotten and never mentioned again 5 minutes later. So now they do this yet again with Nash AND HHH who vows to fire himself if he loses. What is the fascination of this company with firing angles ?? It's not like they draw shit at this point. One of them once in a while when treated as a big deal is fine, but now this has turned into that Nash/Sid WCW title mess from early 2000.

And don't get me started on the whole text messaging explanation. Todd has summed it up nicely already.

And now Teddy Long has power to make matches on Raw too ? No explanation as to how and why of course, just treated as an afterthought because it suited them at that particular moment. Total booking on a napkin mess.

4:29 AM  
Anonymous J Fred Muggs said...

Dumb show. Whatever slight spark they might have had from Punk has been ruined by draggin him into this HHH angle, and now he just comes off as smarmy as Nash does. I did laugh when he mocked Nash for having the same music since 1996, when he's rocking an entrance tune from 1987. This whole angle just seems made up on the spot, with all the 'big' moments just randomly being brought up near the end of the show. Next week, I expect HHH to saunter down to the ring just as the show is going off the air to announce that their match is off and that Punk has been traded to the Kansas City Chiefs.
Why are Truth and Miz contending for the tag titles? They haven't had a match yet. I know, I know...but still, it seems faintly stupid. I liked Miz's suit. The way Truth is presented is like a Teabagger's idea of a black man. I await the day when he is lugging a watermelon on to the stage after they've changed his music to 'Zip a Dee Doo Dah'.
Watching Cena endlessly mug makes me want to break my vow never to shake a baby. He really is everything I hate. I'm sure in real life he's a delightful man with innumerable interests and a deft badmitton player, but as a recurring character on 'The Longest Running Television Show since Julius Caesar's Laff-In', he is dreadful. I fully expect that he douses himself in Axe bodyspray before he hits the ring.
Remind me again how TNA is 'so much worse' than this stuff.

5:37 AM  
Blogger hobbyfan said...

Let me reiterate again.

Punk & HHH are both being played for fools. If HHH loses at Night of Champions, and I doubt that very, very seriously, the WWE loses as a whole, because it opens the door for either Vince to return (too soon) or John Lauranitis to take over as COO and run rampant and unchecked. What would you rather have?

That having been said, I see Nash returning at the PPV, but not specifically to screw over Punk. If I'm HHH, I have HBK on speed dial to watch my back.

The commentary in the women's match was over the top annoying, and Cole didn't help at all. Instead, it seemed like he was encouraging the catty chatter.

Way I see it, with the PPV in Beth's hometown, she goes over, while loverboy Punk doesn't.

The 8-man tag was a rush job with little build, and one of those let's-throw-it-on-the-wall-and-see-if-it-sticks deals. I say, get rid of the Hollywood jabroni writers and let the boys improv their promos! Let's go old school!

4:57 PM  
Anonymous Bob said...

Horrible show. I hope they were phoning it in since it was Labor Day, because if that's actually the best they've got...

If things don't change, Punk jumped the shark right about when he did that fake vomiting routine that went on and on and on.

I've been a huge CM Punk fan, but he is really getting boring and stupid.

Tearing people up on the mic and occasionally mentioning that it's as effective as a pipe bomb in your hands is fine. Shooting out a few lame insults about a guy's wife and then saying "pipe bomb!" makes you look kind of like a dork.

Doing a bunch of wild things that the crowd gets into while the boss blows a gasket is entertaining. Prattling on and on about how you just want to bring the fun back without ever going into specifics or doing anything makes you kind of sound like a politician.

Ripping on Stephanie McMahon directly? Hard to go wrong there. Ripping on "your wife" to Triple H constantly? Kind of makes you look like a jackass.

As I said, I have been a huge Punk fan, and the build up and pay off to the Elimination Chamber was the most I've enjoyed wrestling in a long time. But now it's gotten to the point where I almost want to fast-forward through Punk's segments. Ugh.

I wouldn't be surprised if they pulled the plug on the Punk experiment at the PPV and moved in a different direction. I'm not sure I'd even blame them, unless Punk actually had great ideas that they refused to let him use.

But they'll probably instead have some wacky convoluted mess where Nash comes out and attacks Triple H to give Punk the win, and it turns out that Punk and Lauranitis were in league this whole time. Something stupid like that, probably.

5:51 PM  

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