Smashmouth Driving

WWE Raw Report

2012-01-23T21:11:00.001-08:00

Date: 01/23/12 from Phoenix, AZ.

The Big News: WWE is revolutionizing the concept of a go home show.

Show Analysis:

CM Punk came out to start the show. He said that Dolph Ziggler’s wins over him were giftwrapped by John Laurinaitis. He labeled Laurinaitis a failure and said that he was surprised Laurinaitis told the truth about planning to screw Punk Sunday. Punk told Laurinaitis to come out and say that to his face. Laurinaitis didn’t appear so Punk said he would go find Laurinaitis. John Cena came out instead. Punk said he wanted a different company man named John.

Cena said that he was tired of hearing Punk ramble. Cena added that Punk was out there to talk while Cena was out for business. Cena told Laurinaitis to give Zack Ryder a US title rematch, give Cena a match with Kane on Raw, and resign as interim GM. That finally brought out Laurinaitis, who said he stood by what he said last week and that he won’t be intimidated. Punk invited Laurinaitis to the ring. Laurinaitis declined and announced Kane vs. Ryder in a falls count anywhere match. He added that if Cena got involved, Ryder would never get a US title rematch. He then announced Cena and Punk would be teaming up next.

Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger beat John Cena and CM Punk. The heels worked over Cena. Punk tagged in and hit a springboard clothesline, swinging neck breaker, high knee, bulldog and high kick on Ziggler. Swagger broke up a pin attempt. Swagger went for an ankle lock on Cena on the floor, but Cena reversed into the STF. Punk was going to the top when Laurinaitis got up on the apron. Punk went after Laurinaitis, but Ziggler used the opportunity to roll up Punk with a handful of tights for the win.

There was a time when you could get heat and build matches with this sort of thing, but they have so destroyed the meaning of match results that it means absolutely nothing. They’d be much better off having Ziggler actually beat other people rather than giving him these fake wins over Punk.

After the match, Punk said that Laurinaitis may plan on screwing Punk but Punk plans to beat up Laurinaitis. Punk then challenged Laurinaitis to a match later on Raw. Laurinaitis smiled and accepted.

Chris Jericho came out for the Highlight Reel. They announced he is in the Royal Rumble. He smiled and played to the crowd again. He received some boos this time, but still mostly cheers and Y2J chants. He teased saying something into the microphone but instead went backstage and brought out a t-shirt gun. He had the crowd going crazy screaming for t-shirts. He didn’t shoot a t-shirt out and instead put down the gun. He grabbed the camera in the ring and panned around to the cheering audience. He showed a short video package. Then he finally spoke. He said that this Sunday at the Rumble it will be the end of the world as we know it. And that was it.

Backstage, Zack Ryder told Eve not to worry. Mick Foley asked Ryder if he would be okay. Ryder said yes. Foley reminded Ryder that Kane deep down is just a human being. Eve told Ryder not to do the match. Ryder said he had to. Cena came in and said he would be there if Ryder needed him. Ryder told Cena to stay out of it.

Kane and Zack Ryder’s match had no ending. Kane beat up Ryder forever. Ryder basically just sold. Finally, Kane choke slammed Ryder through a gimmicked section of the stage. They didn’t bother to do a pinfall. Kane went after Eve. Cena came out, so Kane just left. They acted all serious. Ryder was loaded onto a stretcher and then into an ambulance. As Ryder was being loaded into the ambulance, Cena told Ryder he would take care of this. Eve said this was Cena’s fault. Josh Mathews tried to ask a question but Cena knocked the microphone out of his hand and then looked at the camera with this unintentionally hilarious angry face.

If the Kane-Ryder match didn’t have me struggling to stay awake, the conclusion of this angle would have been really funny. The gimmicked stage looked so unbelievably fake, which completely killed any seriousness of the rest of the angle. Why they do these stunt bumps given they always look fake and don’t get over is beyond me. Eve’s terrible acting added to the comedy as did Cena’s absurd angry facials. They later announced Ryder had a broken back for good measure. I predict a miracle recovery.

Sheamus beat Jinder Mahal with the Brogue kick. Wade Barrett did commentary. After the match, Sheamus said he will win the Rumble and jawed with Barrett. Backstage, Miz tried to argue that all his former tag team partners have had their careers disintegrate while he has succeeded. Truth came in for some WWE style comedy and argued with Miz. John Laurinaitis broke them up. Laurinaitis was angry that they were arguing loudly while he was trying to prepare for Punk so he said that whoever lost their match would be the first entrant in the Rumble.

Brodus Clay beat Heath Slater with a head butt, corner avalanche and flying crossbody. William Regal did commentary and was very amusing.

R. Truth beat Miz. Miz did better for most of the match. He used his back breaker/neck breaker combination and a bunch of punches and kicks. Truth hit the leaping downward spiral out of nowhere for the pin. Backstage, David Otunga had a fax for John Laurinaitis that he said Laurinaitis wouldn’t like.

The match between John Laurinaitis and CM Punk didn’t take place. Laurinaitis had Otunga read the fax he received from the WWE board of directors. The board said they were concerned by his judgment and his declaration that he planned to screw Punk. Thus, his status as interim GM is under review and next week HHH will conduct a formal job evaluation. David Otunga was great reading this statement, selling that he was so sad and upset.

Punk was happy and said that if Laurinaitis screws him now, Laurinaitis will be out of a job. Laurinaitis apologized for any wrongdoing and said he was always going to call the match down the middle. He claimed that he just said otherwise because Punk made fun of him. Punk said he hopes HHH fires Laurinaitis next week. Laurinaitis said that won’t happen because he took over talent relations after the dark age under Jim Ross and made it a corporate entity. That was an amusing line.

Laurinaitis said his match with Punk wouldn’t happen but that he had an adequate substitute. Otunga jumped Punk but Punk quickly put him in the anaconda vise and he tapped. Punk went after Laurinaitis but Otunga came in from behind. Punk took him out again with a head kick. Laurinaitis offered a handshake to Punk. Punk shook hands but then gave Laurinaitis the GTS. Ziggler then came in and gave Punk a zig zag from behind to close the show.

Final Thoughts:

This show itself wasn’t that bad from an entertainment standpoint, but the booking was atrocious. I don’t exactly have tremendous confidence in the WWE creative team these days, but I was shocked by the conclusion to this show. The match they have built the most for this show is Punk vs. Ziggler for the title with Laurinaitis as referee. The Rumble is the usual draw, but they haven’t spent much time at all building that up or getting you interested in the various possible winner.

Punk vs. Ziggler has had an actual prolonged build. Granted, that build had little to do with Punk and Ziggler. Ziggler has won by nothing by fluke and they’ve done nothing to make anyone think Ziggler is a real threat to Punk or the title. The whole build was for Laurinaitis screwing Punk and Punk finally beating up Laurinaitis. Then, in the final segment of the go home show for the Rumble, Punk does just that and gives Laurinaitis the GTS. They literally gave away the biggest hook for the PPV in the final segment building the show.

Usually, when I’m critiquing booking this dumb, I’m kind of annoyed. This time, I’m just amused. That’s so stupid it’s hilarious. It’s like the show isn’t even being booked to sell PPVs but rather is some sort of meta parody of incompetent booking. So Bravo, WWE. In an era where your storytelling is so atrocious that we’ve all come to expect the worst, you managed to genuinely surprise. Lay out the heel fans have been waiting six months to get his as the last thing you do before the show fans are supposed to pay to see him laid out? Sure! Why not?

WWE Raw Report

2012-01-16T21:17:00.001-08:00

Date: 01/16/11 from Anaheim, CA.

The Big News: Mick Foley made his return to in ring competition and John Laurinaitis revealed his true intentions.

Show Analysis:

Mick Foley came out to start the show. He said he was happy to return to Raw in a nostalgic, non-wrestling role because he has already lived out his WWE dreams, including headlining WrestleMania in Anaheim. However, he now has one more dream. Foley noted two of his kids were too young to see him wrestle and he wants them to. Thus, he announced his intentions to enter the Royal Rumble this year. The second he mentioned that, Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero immediately walked out to react to this decision.

Ziggler criticized Foley for trying to take a spot in the Rumble from someone else. Ziggler did some WWE style comedy and said Foley would be eliminated pretty much immediately. Foley said that could happen, or he could draw a good number and win. Foley said he was in the Rumble not to be in it but to win it. Ziggler responded that he has beaten John Cena and CM Punk and after winning the title at the Rumble it would be a letdown to wrestle an out-of-shape walking punch line like Foley at Mania. Ziggler told Foley to go away.

CM Punk at that point joined the festivities. Punk said it was good to see Foley. He said that they are a lot alike. They’re unconventional, don’t fit into a mold, and don’t hide behind a woman. Punk said they have earned what they have achieved unlike Ziggler and John Laurinaitis. Punk vowed to be champion at the end of the Royal Rumble because he is the best wrestler in the world.

John Laurinaitis came out and said he would be a fair referee at the Rumble. He added that he would not put Foley in the Rumble. Vickie Guerrero then laughed at Foley. This was a strong opening segment, particularly the Foley/Ziggler interaction. I like this usage of Foley.

Epico and Primo beat Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston to retain the tag titles. They showed highlights from Epico and Primo’s house show title win in Oakland. The heels very briefly worked over Bourne. Bourne hit a huracanrana on Epico that sent Epico into Primo. Kingston got the tag and came in with a springboard clothesline, boom drop and trouble in paradise on Epico. Rather than covering, Kingston tagged Bourne. Bourne was set up for the shooting star press but decided to watch Kingston and Primo fight on the outside instead. Epico knocked Bourne off the top rope and hit the back stabber for the win.

Backstage, David Otunga gave John Laurinaitis an envelope. Laurinaitis then told Chris Jericho that he would be in the main event six man tag team match. Jericho turned off the lights in the office and showed off his sparkly jacket. Elsewhere, Zack Ryder said he hadn’t been cleared by a doctor. Eve said he was in no condition to perform and should be home recuperating. Ryder said he wouldn’t forfeit his title. Eve said she would go to the ring with him.

Jack Swagger beat Zack Ryder to win the US title. Swagger just squashed Ryder. He hit a side slam, back breaker, Vader bomb and three gut wrench power bombs for the pin. This is awfully dumb booking. Swagger has been treated like a total joke of late, so him winning the title just buries the title. And that’s precisely what they just did with Ryder, treating him as a total joke and then giving him the title. Plus, Ryder made it his big goal to win the US title and he didn’t even make it a full month. And the burial of these guys and the title wasn’t over yet.

Backstage, John Laurinaitis apologized for letting Ryder compete when he wasn’t cleared to wrestle. Laurinaitis said he had just seen the medical report. Eve reprimanded him for that. Laurinaitis told her to shut her mouth and left. That line got a nice reaction from the crowd.

Kelly Kelly and Alicia Fox beat the Bella Twins. They brought out Perez Hilton to be ring announcer and they put him over big in a positive manner. It was annoying given what a scumbag Hilton is, and the crowd loudly booed him. The Bellas tried their switch but Hilton stopped them. Kelly then rolled up a Bella for the win. The faces celebrated with Hilton afterwards. Then one of the Bellas shoved him and he took this terrible looking contrived bump.

R. Truth came out to a mixed reaction. He was interrupted by Wade Barrett. Barrett said both he and Truth are in the Rumble, but that Barrett is going to win. Truth did some dumb Photoshop WWE comedy, involving him with Disney characters. It built to Pinocchio’s nose expanding when Pinocchio said Barrett would win the Rumble. Good thing Barrett interrupted Truth to start the segment, then. Truth said Barrett won’t win the Rumble. Miz attacked Truth from behind and Sheamus made the save. Teddy Long then came out to make an over the top rope challenge.

R. Truth won an over the top challenge. Miz, Sheamus and Truth teamed up to dump out Wade Barrett first. Sheamus was trying to throw out Miz when Truth dumped both Miz and Sheamus for the win. Sheamus gave Miz the Brogue kick after the match.

John Cena was furious at John Laurinaitis backstage. Cena accused Laurinaitis of intentionally screwing Ryder out of the title. Laurinaitis said he made a mistake. Laurinaitis added that Cena would be wrestling Kane at the Royal Rumble and Swagger next. Good thing Cena went to his office at that moment, then.

John Cena and Jack Swagger didn’t have a match. Instead, Cena just beat the hell out of Swagger all around ringside. Swagger after squashing Ryder to win the US title literally got no offense in on Cena. Cena threw him into the post, the steps and was about to drop the steps on his head when Kane made the save. Kane appeared on the screen. Kane said Cena is getting it and by the Rumble Cena will have fully embraced hate. Isn’t there anyone else Cena could beat up other than the guy who just won the US title and needs all the help he can get?

Brodus Clay beat JTG. He hit a head butt, corner avalanche and flying crossbody for the pin. He mixed in a lot of comedy as well. The crowd isn’t reacting much to Clay yet, but I think he has an amusing act.

Prior to the main event, Daniel Bryan called Big Show a cruel freak who ran over his girlfriend. Bryan said A.J. will never be the same. He added that Show intentionally ran her over just to get to Bryan. He called Show pathetic. Bryan said that Show didn’t even apologize; he just cried fake tears. Bryan concluded that he appreciates A.J. saying she loves him and he will show her how much he appreciates that Friday. I love the dynamic of the heel saying that he appreciates his girlfriend saying she loves him.

Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler and David Otunga beat CM Punk, Daniel Bryan and Chris Jericho/Mick Foley via overturned decision. As that description indicates, a lot happened in this final match. Jericho did the same gimmick circling ringside and encouraging cheers. The crowd chanted Y2J loudly in response. Bryan and Punk both came into the match in the early stages, but Jericho did not. Finally, after Punk was worked over for a bit, he tagged Jericho. Jericho proceeded to lead the crowd in more cheers, then tagged Bryan back in and left celebrating.

The heels took over on Bryan and worked him over. Bryan got the tag to Punk and a brawl broke out. Henry fought with Bryan to the back. That left a two on one situation. Mick Foley came to the ring and said that Laurinaitis had put him in the match. Punk tagged Foley in. Foley hit punches, sweet shin music, a double armed DDT and applied Mr. Socko on Otunga for the win. Laurinaitis then came out and said that since Foley wasn’t a participant, he was reversing the decision.

This led to a show closing angle. Punk cut a promo on Laurinaitis. He said that Laurinaitis doesn’t like Punk because Laurinaitis had the look but not the talent. His brother was half the Road Warriors but he was boring and unsuccessful. Punk said it kills Laurinaitis that Laurinaitis never made it to WWE as a wrestler. So he traded in his tights for a suit and went from someone that sucked to someone that sucks up.

Punk said Laurinaitis is angry that Punk achieved more in the last year than Laurinaitis did in his entire life. Thus, Laurinaitis will try to screw Punk out of jealousy. Punk said it doesn’t matter, because he will still be better than Laurinaitis. Punk promised to kick Laurinaitis’ ass if he gets screwed. Punk pulled back like he was going to punch Laurinaitis and Laurinaitis flinched badly. Punk called Laurinaitis pathetic and left.

With Punk gone, Laurinaitis said he isn’t pathetic and won’t be intimidated by Punk. Foley told Laurinaitis to admit he is going to screw Punk. Foley further called Laurinaitis a kiss ass. Laurinaitis said he will screw Punk. He said he is sick of being disrespected and pushed around. He added that he isn’t appreciated and won’t take it anymore. He hit Foley with a microphone and left.

This was a strong close to the show, based mostly on the strength of Punk’s promo. Punk cut his best promo in a little while, albeit kind of a heelish one. He’s a more natural heel, anyway. Laurinaitis isn’t very good as a performer, but it kind of plays into the role he’s playing and that masks it to some degree for now.

Final Thoughts:

This show had a good beginning and a good end. Much of the middle wasn’t so hot. By recent Raw standards, that’s very good.

WWE Raw Report

2012-01-09T21:33:00.000-08:00

Date: 01/09/11 from Corpus Christi, TX.

The Big News: Brodus Clay finally arrived.

Show Analysis:

Kane started out the show. He said that he notices people questioning why he embraces hate. Kane said people are in denial. They hate their families and their jobs but they don’t embrace that hate. John Cena is successful and represents the things people aspire to achieve but cannot. Thus, when the crowd says Cena sucks, they are saying that they suck. Kane said that cheering for an underdog like Zack Ryder doesn’t make you a good person and he was close to dragging Ryder to Hell. Cena stopped that but just delayed the inevitable. Cena ran out and fought with Kane. They fought outside until Kane randomly left.

Sheamus and Santino beat Jinder Mahal and Wade Barrett. The heels worked over Santino, who got the tag to Sheamus. Sheamus came in with clotheslines, a powerslam and a Brogue kick on Mahal. He then tagged Santino back in and Santino hit the cobra for the pin.

Backstage, Miz complained about R. Truth to John Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis said Miz brought the trouble upon himself. Laurinaitis added that he had a lot on his plate including the debut of Brodus Clay. He concluded that he’s not the problem. He’s not little Jimmy, but big Johnny. They then announced Edge for the Hall of Fame. Obviously he is deserving and the timing is right. Elsewhere backstage, Miz unsuccessfully tried to recruit Mason Ryan to help him.

Zack Ryder was talking with his dad on the phone. Ryder said he is scared of Kane. Then Eve Torres walked in and Ryder pretended to be tough and said he would take out Kane. Ryder suggested Eve go out with him. Eve hesitated forever and then said okay reluctantly, after her match with Beth Phoenix was over. After Ryder left, Kane appeared from behind a door.

Daniel Bryan beat Kofi Kingston. Unfortunately they didn’t give them any time and Bryan just won quickly with the LeBell lock. Bryan did another over-the-top celebration after the match. Big Show came out. Bryan told Show that he hated the way their match ended. Bryan labeled himself a fighting champion and offered Show a title shot any time. Show said Teddy Long already signed a no count out, no disqualification title match for Friday. Bryan acted nervous but shook hands with Show.

Brodus Clay beat Curt Hawkins. Clay was billed as the Funkosaurus from Planet Funk. He had two women with him and they were dressed like Flash Funk and the Funkettes. They came to the ring dancing. This was pretty much a recreation of the Flash Funk gimmick only with music singing “somebody call my Momma” like Ernest Miller. It was played for total comedy and Cole was going nuts with the fake laughter. Clay hit a head butt, over the head throw, corner avalanche and flying crossbody for the pin. The crowd didn’t know what to make of this. It seemed designed to be intentionally bad for comedy but Clay actually made the most of it.

Backstage, Zack Ryder was celebrating going out with Eve. He was brushing his teeth in the bathroom. Kane appeared in the mirror behind him but was no longer there when Ryder turned around. This was reminiscent of that ridiculous Hogan/Warrior angle in 1998 WCW. Elsewhere, Miz tried to get Epico and Primo to help him unsuccessfully.

CM Punk beat Jack Swagger. John Laurinaitis prior to the match said that if Punk won, Swagger and Vickie Guerrero would be banned from ringside at the Royal Rumble. He added that Dolph Ziggler would wrestle John Cena later on Raw. Swagger went after the leg. Punk avoided the ankle lock. Laurinaitis stopped Ziggler from interfering. Punk hit a tope, swinging neck breaker and knee, but had a bulldog attempt countered. Swagger hit a Vader bomb and countered a springboard clothesline into a powerslam. Swagger avoided the GTS and hit a belly to belly throw for two.

Punk then hit a top rope elbow. Swagger clearly kicked out but the referee counted three. Punk couldn’t hide his irritation at this despite winning. The match was really clicking and was shaping up to be a tremendous match before the referee completely blew the finish. Assuming this wasn’t some bizarre angle, this was as terrible a job I’ve ever seen a wrestling referee do on a national stage.

Zack Ryder thanked John Cena backstage. Elsewhere, the Bellas were bickering. Ricardo Rodriguez showed up and wanted to know why they had him fly all the way out to the show. They said they had a message for Del Rio. He asked why he needed to fly all the way out for that. Dude, you’re the one that hopped on a plane without figuring that out. Miz interrupted and told Rodriguez to go to the ring and call out Truth. Rodriguez didn’t want to but Miz threatened him with violence. They then announced additional inductees into the WWE Hall of Fame: the Horsemen (Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Tully Blanchard, Barry Windham and J.J. Dillon). It will be interesting to see whether TNA lets Flair go.

Ricardo Rodriguez came to the ring and lobbed half-hearted insults at Truth for comedy. Truth came out and said he didn’t know why Rodriguez was picking a fighting with him. He was going to let Rodriguez go but the crowd didn’t want him to. So Truth had Rodriguez sing la cucaracha. They already did that, but there’s apparently something timeless in the humor of Mexican-Americans singing la cucaracha.

Rodriguez really got into it and almost managed to save what had been a dreadful segment. The crowd even applauded Rodriguez. Truth was pleased and wanted him to do it again but Rodriguez knocked the microphone from his hand so Truth gave him the downward spiral. Miz attacked Truth from behind but Truth beat him up yet again and Miz ran away through the crowd.

Chris Jericho came out again. He got a big introduction with the old thing about beating Rock and Austin the same night. He basically did the same thing as last week. He had the jacket and pandered to the crowd forever. This time when he took the microphone, he teased that he was going to cry. Then he did actually break down into tears. He eventually put down the microphone without saying anything and instead left crying. This time, the crowd just kept cheering the entire time. Either at this point the WWE has cultivated an audience too stupid to grasp the simplest of psychology or these people really, really don’t want to boo Jericho. Either way, I really enjoyed Jericho again.

Eve Torres came out to wrestle but instead Kane’s music hit. Zack Ryder came out to grab Eve and they went to leave. However, in the parking lot their car had a flat tire. So Ryder went to work on changing the tire.

Dolph Ziggler and John Cena wrestled. Ziggler did a headstand while applying a chinlock, which was amusing. As the match was going on, they showed Kane attacking Ryder in the parking lot on the screen. Kane choke slammed Ryder down a couple feet. Cena, not caring about winning the match, simply left. They showed Vickie Guerrero encouraging Ziggler to get back into the ring so he would win by count out, but they never even bothered to show if he did get back in, because who could possibly care about something like match results? John Cena arrived in the parking lot and Kane suffocated him to end the show.

Final Thoughts:

This was another of those terrible WWE shows where they beat you over the head with the idea that absolutely everything is a joke that you can’t possibly take seriously or invest in on any level other than laughing at it. WWE is slowly but surely morphing into Hustle. Generalissimo Takada and Kane vs. Funkosaurus and Razor Ramon HG would fit in perfectly.

ESPN's Fighting Next

2012-01-04T14:33:00.000-08:00

New ESPN the Magazine is their "Next" issue where they pick the "Next" stars of each sport. They profile Phil Davis as "Next" in MMA. They also had fans vote (merging MMA and boxing to create confusion and hostility), with Junior Dos Santos winning with 41 percent to 18 percent for Amir Khan, 17 percent for Phil Davis, 15 percent for Canelo Alvarez and 9 percent for Gary Russell Jr.

What I found most amusing out of the whole thing, though, was that they profiled fans' opinions and selected three opinions from boxing fans (none from MMA fans). The highlight:

"These MMA guys are 5-0, but that's not even out of the starting gate in boxing. Let's see if they can prove themselves and get to 15-0."

Yes, seriously, they selected THAT out of hundreds if not thousands of comments to put into ink and paper form.

Next year's version will mix college football and pro football and have a fan write in that if the pro teams really want to prove themselves they'll win more games 66-0.

WWE Raw Report

2012-01-02T21:21:00.001-08:00

Date: 01/02/11 from Memphis, TN.

The Big News: Chris Jericho is back and he is in a jovial mood.

Show Analysis:

The show started with John Cena. He wished the fans a happy new year. They chanted “you suck” back. He smiled. Cena said he’s going to make some changes in 2012, but it was just stupid comedy. He did say he would slap the Rock’s face and show he has lost his lady parts. Cena said he will remain who he is and keep his convictions true. He added that people pay their money and earn the right to say what they want.

Cena said that Kane wants him to turn his back on the people but he won’t. He said that there is no better feeling than being in the ring in front of all the fans. The fans booed. Cena said he will continue to enjoy any emotional response he gets, so feel free to scream in his face and give him the finger if you see him in the airport. Kane’s voice then appeared, saying that Cena can try to hold off the inevitable but he will come to embrace hate. This was among Cena’s all-time most annoying promos. It mixed in all the worst elements of Cena’s character: dumb comedy, disingenuous pandering and clichéd sentimentality.

Daniel Bryan beat Cody Rhodes. Bryan hit a knee off the apron onto the floor. Rhodes came back with a springboard kick. Bryan then used a small package out of nowhere for the pin. This was good while it lasted. Bryan then did a weird over-the-top celebration after the match. I’m not sure where they are going with Bryan and Big Show but it is intriguing,

John Laurinaitis told Miz that what R. Truth did to Miz was unprofessional. Miz was outraged Laurinaitis wasn’t taking action against Truth. Laurinaitis pointed out Miz attacked Truth first and told Miz he would be wrestling Sheamus on Raw. Miz stormed off muttering that he would be a sitting duck. Truth walked into the frame and quacked.

Wade Barrett came to the ring. Barrett said he doesn’t care about people having a good new year but it has been a fantastic 2012 for him, devoid of Randy Orton. Barrett said he didn’t plan to throw Orton down the stairs but it was either Orton or him. Barrett said he is looking forward to winning the Royal Rumble and main eventing WrestleMania.

Wade Barrett beat Santino Marella. Santino interrupted Barrett’s promo and said he would run over Barrett. Barrett hit him with a kick to the head, punches, superkick and Bossman slam for the pin.

The Bellas were bickering backstage. Miz asked if they had seen Truth. They said no but that they had seen little Jimmy. They were really pushing the Little Jimmy thing throughout the show. Miz then stalked around paranoid about Truth. Truth walked out when Miz left.

A match between Sheamus and Miz didn’t really take place. Sheamus repeatedly hit Miz until Miz ran away through the crowd. Truth appeared right where Miz happened to walk. Truth did some comedy. Miz went back inside the barricade and was hit with a Brogue kick on the floor. Truth then hit Miz with a water bottle again and did some more comedy with a kid. They’re booking Miz as if he is leaving the company and they need to bury him on the way out.

Dolph Ziggler said that we are a debt society and he has a surplus of everything except the WWE title. Elsewhere, Zack Ryder was coming onto Eve Torres. She basically blew him off. Jack Swagger came in and said an impostor is wearing the US title. Ryder was oblivious as to what he meant. Ryder said that even though they both have names that end with “er”, he’ll still send Swagger to the ER. That was written to be a lame joke and Torres sold it as such. They argued and Laurinaitis announced they would participate in a six man elimination match.

Dolph Ziggler beat CM Punk via count out. Punk did well at first but then Ziggler took over. Punk hit a powerslam for two. Ziggler hit a famouser for two. Punk pulled the turnbuckle off the top rope (it was supposed to look accidental but didn’t in the slightest). Punk hit a high knee and bulldog. Laurinaitis came out to make sure the referee put the turnbuckle back on. Punk went for the GTS but Ziggler escaped. Punk then applied the anaconda vise and Ziggler tapped. The referee wasn’t paying attention but Punk released the hold anyway. I’m not sure why they did that given it undermined Ziggler as a challenger and made Punk look like an idiot with no positive consequences.

Ziggler charged Punk but ran into Laurinaitis. Punk went for the GTS but Ziggler got out and pushed Punk towards Laurinaitis. Punk tumbled over the top rope and they told the story that Laurinaitis pulled down the top rope. For some reason this killed Punk and he was counted out. This whole scenario was completely overbooked. Ziggler celebrated with the title after the match.

The Bellas beat Kelly and Eve Torres. Kelly used a stinkface and a jaw breaker. Torres hit a clothesline, dropkick and moonsault. The other Bella broke up the pin attempt. Kelly distracted the referee so they could do the twin switch and the other Bella used one of the worst cradles ever for the pin.

Punk confronted Laurinaitis backstage for almost costing him the title. Laurinaitis said that Punk’s problem is with Ziggler, who has defeated Punk twice. He announced Ziggler will receive a title shot at the Royal Rumble with Laurinaitis as special guest referee. Punk vowed to beat up Laurinaitis if Laurinaitis screws him.

They played one last vignette with the boy and the girl. The camera shook. The lights went out. The crowd chanted Y2J. Chris Jericho then appeared in an intentionally preposterous sparkly vest. He was smiling broadly and happy. He teased he was going to say something but instead just milked the crowd reaction forever to comedic effect. He literally just kept encouraging people to cheer for around 10 minutes. He kept teasing he would speak but then went back to encouraging cheers again. He ran around the ring slapping hands and played with the camera. Finally, as he started to leave, some people started booing. The crowd took longer to turn on him than expected, probably because they were so happy to see him.

This was a great segment. It was entertaining and funny, while setting the stage well for him to play a full of himself heel again. It looks like he’ll be more like his 1998 heel character than his 2008 heel character but there is still plenty of time for the character to be laid out. It also seems like Jericho has taken some inspiration from what’s so unbearable about Cena’s character.

John Cena, Zack Ryder and Big Show beat Mark Henry and Jack Swagger. Kane was supposed to be on the heel team but in a weird deal they announced he wasn’t participating and just did a handicap match with the faces having an advantage. Henry tried to hit Show with a chair. Show knocked the chair out of his hand and hit him with the chair. It was announced both Henry and Show were eliminated.

Ryder hit the kick to the face and went for the Rough Ryder on Swagger but Swagger countered into the ankle lock. Ryder struggled and got the tag to Cena. Cena came in with shoulder blocks, the Cena slam, five knuckle and FU for the win. After the match, Kane came out from under the ring. He suffocated Cena and went to drag Ryder under the ring to do something terrible. Cena pulled Ryder out and fire came out of the hole. That was a goofy conclusion to the show.

Final Thoughts:

This show was largely not very good. There are way too many goofy, annoying comedic faces and way too little seriousness. The overall atmosphere is just not conducive to getting people invested in the product. On the plus side, I did like Chris Jericho’s return.

WWE Raw Report

2011-12-26T22:10:00.001-08:00

Date: 12/26/11 from Chicago, IL.

The Big News: The shroud of the WWE Universe’s dark side has fallen. Begun, the merchandise slogan war has.

Show Analysis:

Cult of Personality hit to start the show and John Laurinaitis came out in a CM Punk t-shirt. Laurinaitis said his entrance was exciting and unpredictable. Laurinaitis claimed to be a believer in Punk. Punk then came out and suggested Laurinaitis was trying to antagonize him. Laurinaitis said he has been taking management classes and wants to empower the talent. He said he had a holiday gift for Punk and that Punk would be off Raw. Punk didn’t like this and so Laurinaitis just said he would listen to the fans and let Punk wrestle.

Laurinaitis announced Punk in a gauntlet match against three opponents of Laurinaitis’ choosing. If one of the opponents won, they would receive a title shot against Punk next week. Punk asked what would happen if he won all three matches. Laurinaitis wasn’t sure so Punk suggested a fourth match: Punk v. Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis said this would be unfair to Punk and it wouldn’t be good if he beat Punk. Punk antagonized Laurinaitis until Laurinaitis agreed.

They aired a final mysterious Raw vignette. This one said that a force will arrive to reclaim what is his. It added that the powers that be will shaken. It concluded that “the end begins” next Monday. I’ve liked these vignettes. They’re ambiguous and allow the audience to speculate and think for itself.

Booker T beat Cody Rhodes. Booker had the advantage for a little while. Then Rhodes took over for a bit. They exchanged rollups. Booker hit some knees but missed an ax kick and Rhodes rolled him up with the tights for two. Rhodes hit a springboard kick for two but Booker then nailed the ax kick for the pin. This program should be about getting over Rhodes, but it is fine if Booker has his successes before the end. The match itself was given time but was rather dull.

Zack Ryder thanked John Cena backstage. Cena said that Ryder doesn’t owe him anything. Cena said Ryder wasn’t given anything but instead earned the US title. Ryder said he had a chance to make another Christmas dream happen on Raw. Apparently that’s a reference to some internet angle. Ryder then asked what the deal is with Kane. Cena said that if he ran into Kane, the last Raw of the year would go out with a bang. I find Cena much more likeable when he’s interacting with Ryder. They announced Punk’s gauntlet opponents would be Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler and Mark Henry.

Big Show was hanging out with Kelly Kelly backstage when he was told to see John Laurinaitis. Before he arrived, Laurinaitis told Brodus Clay that he will debut on the first live Raw of 2012. I’ve got the odds on that happening at 7.5:1. Show came in. Laurinaitis and David Otunga were angry that he attacked Otunga. Otunga claimed it was a sneak attack and Otunga would have got the best of it otherwise. Show responded he could beat Otunga with one arm tied behind his back. So, Laurinaitis made that match with Show’s hand tied behind his back.

Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger bickered backstage. Ziggler mocked Swagger’s title reign while Swagger made fun of Ziggler’s weight and his loss to Zack Ryder. Vickie Guerrero tried to play peacemaker, saying it doesn’t matter who wins because she’ll end up with the champion either way. Mark Henry popped in to say “excuse me” and left.

Zack Ryder and Eve Torres beat Tyson Kidd and Natalya. It was interesting to see Kidd and Natalya paired up together for the first time in a while. Ryder and Torres hit dueling kicks to the head and Ryder followed with the Rough Ryder on Kidd for the pin. After the match, Ryder acted awkward and geeky around Torres.

John Cena came out and noted that he isn’t Chicago’s favorite son. He said that there is magic in Chicago, which has hosted three WrestleManias and inducted Eddie Guerrero into the Hall of Fame. He added that he likes the people saying how they feel. This was a really annoying, pandering promo. Cena called out Kane but Miz came out instead.

Miz said that 2011 was his year as he beat John Cena at WrestleMania. Miz noted Rock was involved and said he wanted to prove he can beat Cena on his own. Cena told him to shut up and agreed. As the match was about to start, Miz left the ring and got counted out. Miz changed his tune and said he already beat Cena at Mania.

Miz was doing his catchphrase when Truth came out, attacked him, and laid him out. Truth said he could finish it right then but that wouldn’t be fun. Truth said the problem with Christmas is you open your presents and then it is over. He wants every Monday to be Christmas so he will take his time with Miz. Truth hit Miz with a bottle of water and left. This is like a redo of that highly effective Survivor Series build. The heel has absolutely no heat but you have to tune in next week to see him get beat up again.

Big Show beat David Otunga via DQ with one hand tied behind his back. Show beat up Otunga with one hand and Otunga basically just ran away. Show threw Otunga out of the ring, at which point Mark Henry came out for the DQ. Henry is still noticeably having trouble getting around. Henry attacked Show but Daniel Bryan came out for the save. He didn’t actually try to fight Henry but instead just distracted him until Show could get up. That made Bryan look so bad as a babyface champion. Show grabbed Henry by the neck, at which point Otunga attacked Show. Henry escaped and Show choke slammed Otunga instead.

Ricardo Rodriguez in a neck brace wheeled out Alberto Del Rio in a wheelchair. Del Rio said he tore his groin at TLC but that he will be back. The Bellas came out to tell the people to treat Del Rio with more respect but got into an argument about who would throw a party for Del Rio when he is healthy. Del Rio told them to shut up and leave. Del Rio then said he will be more aggressive than ever before when he returns and will be champion again. This segment did Del Rio no favors.

CM Punk beat Jack Swagger. Swagger was in control for most of the match. Punk went for GTS but Swagger escaped. Punk then hit a kick to the head for the win. Swagger attacked Punk’s knee from behind after the match.

Dolph Ziggler beat CM Punk. Ziggler worked over the knee. Punk came back with a body slam and kicks with his good leg. He hit a high knee and set up for GTS but Swagger distracted the referee and Vickie grabbed Punk’s leg. Ziggler hit a famouser for two.

At that point, Laurinaitis came out and ejected Swagger and Vickie from ringside. Punk had Ziggler pinned while Laurinaitis was doing this. Laurinaitis got on the apron and continued talking to distract Punk. That allowed Ziggler to hit the zig zag from behind for the pin. Ziggler paraded around with the title after the match. Ziggler winning here was the right finish but the way it was done won’t do a heck of a lot for the guy.

Kane came out for the final segment of the show. Kane said what you see now is his true self and essence. Kane accused the people of living a lie, at which point Cena came out. He was cut off by fire going off on the stage. Kane told Cena he wasn’t there to pick a fight. Kane said he doesn’t want people to rise above hate. He said that the world is a dark place and it is okay to hate. Humans are hateful by nature. Kane said that you shouldn’t rise above it but instead let it consume you.

Kane said that until Cena embraces hate, he can never be free. Kane said that people chanting Cena sucks tears Cena’s heart apart. He encouraged people to chant Cena sucks. It didn’t really take as the crowd seemed confused. Eventually dueling chants popped up and the show closed.

Final Thoughts:

This was a mediocre show. There wasn’t a lot wrong with it but there wasn’t much of interest either. Turning the rejection of an insufferable character that has been shoved down our throats year after year into a melodramatic referendum on human nature is really goofy.

With the big Alistair Overeem/Brock Lesnar fight Friday night as well as the Dream New Year’s Eve show, I wanted to make mention of a few things coming up this week. Wednesday I’ll be on Press Row with Jordan Breen at Sherdog.com discussing everything going on. Thursday I’ll be on Bloody Elbow Radio with Matt Bishop, Forrest Lynn, Brian Hemminger and Bellator bantamweight champion Zach Makovsky at Bloodyelbow.com previewing all the weekend’s action. And Friday I’ll be live blogging UFC 141 at LATimes.com. It should be a fun week so check it out!

Hope everyone is having a great holiday season.

WWE Raw Report

2011-12-19T20:42:00.001-08:00

Date: 12/19/11 from Philadelphia, PA.

The Big News: CM Punk, Zack Ryder and Daniel Bryan celebrated their title victories on a fun edition of Raw.

Show Analysis:

CM Punk came out to start the show. He said a lot of people thought he wouldn’t win the title but he did and he’s still champ. He brought out Zack Ryder and Daniel Bryan along similar lines. Punk said if any city would appreciate these three, it’s Philadelphia. Hopefully that isn’t entirely true, because the crowd didn’t seem that into Bryan or Ryder. Punk brought up meeting Bryan at the Murphy Rec Center and now they are WWE champion and world champion. That really is something. Cream has a way of rising to the top.

Zack Ryder said that he still can’t believe he won the US title. Daniel Bryan said that people didn’t expect him to even get to the WWE but he did and now he is the world champion. Miz, Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio appeared on the ramp and attacked. The champions fought them off with Ryder hitting a somersault plancha on Ziggler that appeared to kill them both. John Laurinaitis made a six man tag match.

I wish that when they did these opening segments, they would just announce the main event at the onset of the show rather than “making it” at the close of the first segment. It always feels so contrived that, for instance, there were three heels (two of whom didn’t get along last night and said specifically they didn’t want to team together) just waiting backstage to fight with these three faces, conveniently setting up the main event. But if you just said the match had been signed by Laurinaitis when the show started, it makes perfect sense that they would want to team up and get the jump on their main event opponents.

Randy Orton beat Wade Barrett via DQ. Barrett worked Orton over. Orton came back with clotheslines and a powerslam. He went for the draping DDT, which was reversed into a wasteland attempt. That was countered into an Orton back breaker. Orton then hit the draping DDT and set up for the RKO but Barrett thumbed him in the eye for the DQ. That was a terrible finish. After the match, Barrett attacked Orton and put him through a table with wasteland.

Alicia Fox beat Beth Phoenix. Beth hit a side slam. They botched a spot where Alicia was supposed to counter a slingshot suplex into an inverted DDT. Alicia then hit a somersault leg drop for the pin. Alicia got a negative reaction from some of the crowd. They’re now blatantly lying about what trending means, by the way.

Sheamus beat Jinder Mahal in a brief match. Mahal used a running knee to the head but Sheamus quickly took over. Sheamus used a back breaker and razor’s edge for the pin.

John Cena came out and did some annoying comedy. He then pointed out some people hate him. Cena said he understands why Rock doesn’t like him but doesn’t understand why Kane doesn’t like him. “Why don’t you like me?!?” Cena said that if last week was an accident they can be friends but if it wasn’t an accident there would be trouble. That Cena really gives people the benefit of the doubt. I understand once on the recommendation of his friend Andre he forgave his girlfriend when she tripped, fell and landed on another guy’s dick.

Mark Henry came out and immediately received “Sexual Chocolate” chants. Henry said he wasn’t in the mood for jokes and was out there to address his injuries. He told Cena to leave. Cena didn’t budge. Kane then came out. Kane went around to Mark Henry but then turned and went after Cena. Kane and Cena fought. Kane suffocated Cena, tore off Cena’s shirt and left. Next week, Cena’s sneakers better watch out.

Primo and Epico beat the Usos. The Colons worked over one of the Usos. Uso got the tag and Uso came in with a Bubba slam and running butt to the face. Epico then caught Uso with a zig zag type move for the pin.

Cody Rhodes beat Santino Marella. Prior to the match, Rhodes ridiculed the notion that Booker T could have beaten him. Rhodes was about to predict a Royal Rumble win when Santino came in and threatened him with a cobra (his hand) in a basket. This was pretty damn funny. In the match, Marella went for the cobra but Rhodes caught him with the Alabama slam for the pin.

The Bellas were bickering backstage and complaining about Teddy Long. John Laurinaitis said the board is watching Long and wished them a merry Christmas. The Bellas each gave him a kiss. Vickie Guerrero then came in to complain about Dolph Ziggler’s loss. Hornswoggle came in with mistletoe and kissed Guerrero. Guerrero freaked out. They cut to Michael Cole having a fit of laughter in front of a bunch of fans with blank expressions.

They had a video on Zack Ryder winning the US title and showed his dad after the show talking about how happy he is that Ryder did it. They have the same smile and this was a great little spot. It felt genuine and you really felt good for Ryder.

Backstage, Big Show said he waited nine years to get the title and then in seconds it went away. Show said it is kind of his own fault for encouraging Daniel Bryan not to wait until WrestleMania. He was asked about having the shortest title reign in history. He flashed anger and then left. Show was just tremendous here, showing anger and sadness but trying to cover it up with a smile.

Daniel Bryan, CM Punk and Zack Ryder beat Dolph Ziggler, Alberto Del Rio and Miz. They cut away from Del Rio’s entrance for a vignette for a “prophetless” early 2012. The faces came out through the crowd, which was a cool touch. The faces ran wild early and did a series of dives to the outside. The heels took over on Bryan and worked him over. Ryder tagged in but they proceeded to work over Ryder for a while too. Finally, Punk got the tag.

Punk hit a slingshot clothesline, swinging neck breaker, high knee, bulldog, body slam and elbow off the top on Miz. This was one of the best looking elbows since he started doing them. Punk applied the anaconda vise but Ziggler made the save. Punk tagged Bryan and then gave Miz the GTS. Del Rio posted Bryan and set up for the armbar but Bryan countered into the LeBell lock for the submission. This was a fun match and conclusion to the show.

Final Thoughts:

This was a much better edition of Raw than most recent weeks. In particular, the second hour was very entertaining with good wrestling, promos and comedy.

WWE Raw Report

2011-12-12T21:21:00.001-08:00

Date: 12/12/11 from Norfolk, VA.

The Big News: Kane returned in a mask.

Show Analysis:

The show started with Hornswoggle and Booker T presenting the “Tell me I did not just see that” award. Booker T said a leprechaun winning a battle royal and being granted the ability to speak by Sana Claus says a lot about WWE in 2011. Yes, it does. As did this show. Jim Ross dancing won the award over Santino finishing second in the Royal Rumble, a plant throwing a drink at R. Truth and Miz dressing up as Rock.

When Ross won, Michael Cole went into the ring to complain. Booker T called Cole a loser and said Ross would win a rap off against Cole. Cole did an obnoxious rap. Ross didn’t really rap at all, hesitating and insulting Cole. The fans said Ross won. Booker then encouraged Ross to do a spin-a-roonie. It was about what you’d expect. This segment was death. And unfortunately there were still 2 hours and 40 minutes to desecrate the corpse.

Ted DiBiase and Mick Foley presented the holy shit move of the year. Foley speculated they were together because DiBiase spends extravagantly and Foley is cheap. DiBiase responded basically that it’s because as a minister he’s holy and Foley is shit. That got a good chuckle out of me. Big Show and Mark Henry breaking the ring with a superplex won over Sheamus putting Sin Cara through a ladder, Orton giving Christian an RKO on steps and Evan Bourne hitting a shooting star press off a ladder. Big Show came out to accept the award. He intimated Mark Henry wasn’t there because Henry is scared. Show said the Slammy would go well with the title.

Big Show beat Wade Barrett via DQ. Prior to the match, Barrett said that Big Show’s award was premature given what Barrett will do to Orton at TLC. However, he noted that won’t be unexpected like the award. Finally, Barrett warned Show that if Show leaves TLC with the title, Barrett will be coming for Show next. The match didn’t go long. Barrett set up a table to put Show through but Show woke up and broke the table with his fists. Barrett then just attacked him with a chair for the DQ. Show punched it away and Barrett left.

This was a terrible finish. Why not book one of these guys against someone you don’t have plans for and let him win? It’s more satisfying for the fans, it actually gets someone over, and it helps build the pay-per-view.

Road Dogg came out to present the next award. It was nice to see him back but I was surprised just how little reaction he receives. It speaks to how much of their last boom period is left. CM Punk won the pipe bomb of the year award over a bunch of lame comedy like Truth acting like a goof, Booker T babbling and Santino being tackled by “secret security.” They cut back to the arena with nobody in the crowd reacting as the announcers were practically convulsing with fake laughter.

CM Punk came out with a mannequin in a Dynamic Dudes t-shirt. He had a video tribute for John Laurinaitis with old footage of the Dynamic Dudes, Johnny Ace working out and sporting a mullet and even serving as a flag bearer. Punk laughed at Laurinaitis and left.

The awards continued with Lita returning to present the Divalicious award. Kelly Kelly won over Natalya, Kharma and Beth Phoenix. Beth and Natalya came out to try to take the award but Kelly was able to recover it.

Santino and the Bellas presented the OMG award. HHH won for giving Undertaker a tombstone over Rock giving Cena the Rock Bottom, the Raw walkout and CM Punk taking the WWE title. HHH came out and said the OMG moment was Undertaker being carried from the ring. HHH said nine months later Undertaker is no more. HHH said the streak came to an end at WrestleMania. Surprisingly, that didn’t get any boos. The crowd didn’t really know how to react. HHH said Kevin Nash should have finished the job and Sunday might will make right. HHH vowed to end Nash.

David Otunga and Tony Atlas came out for the “trending star of the year.” Basically, they begged people to mention these people on Twitter and said the first to trend would be the winner. Atlas kept laughing as Otunga spoke.

Dolph Ziggler beat Cody Rhodes, Daniel Bryan and Zack Ryder. The match was chaotic early but developed into an exciting, fast paced bout. The announcers, unfortunately, spent the whole match talking about trending. They did back to back superplex spots. Ryder hit the Rough Ryder on Ziggler. Rhodes gave Ryder the roll of the dice. Bryan put Rhodes in the LeBell lock but Ziggler looked to put Bryan in the sleeper. Bryan escaped but Ziggler then gave him the zig zag for the win. They then announced that Ryder won the trending star award. Ziggler gave him the zig zag and took the Slammy. They treated trending on Twitter as much more important than matches.

Christian showed up on crutches and in a neck brace to present the game changer of the year award. Christian said he should win a courageous moment award for showing up and should also be wrestler of the year. He blamed the fans. Rock feuding with Cena won over Vince being relieved of his duties, Edge retiring and Punk taking the title.

Cena came out to accept. He teased Rock was going to come out or show up on the screen but of course Rock didn’t. Cena said he hoped this jab would fuel Rock’s commitment. He said the real game changing moment will come at WrestleMania. He said WWE Universe repeatedly. Cena said they will change the game forever at Mania.

Miz and Alberto Del Rio beat CM Punk and Randy Orton. During this match, Michael Cole talked about how Jim Ross tweeted the rap he was supposed to deliver earlier in the show and ridiculed Ross for failing to deliver it. Given that segment was presented like it was an impromptu challenge, it was beating your audience over the head with the fact that you’re a scripted show. Again, the announcers spent basically the whole match talking about Twitter and burying Ross rather than selling their title program. The crowd was dead.

The heels worked over Punk. As Punk was going for the tag, Wade Barrett pulled Orton off the apron. Miz gave Punk the skull crushing finale for the win. Orton went after Barrett through the crowd, allowing Miz and Del Rio to double team Punk with a ladder. Miz said a pipe bomb would explode in Punk’s face at the PPV.

Goldust and Vickie Guerrero came out to present the A-lister of the year award. Snooki won over Muppets, Cee-Lo Green and Hugh Jackman. They showed Snooki on the screen accepting the award. Backstage, Mark Henry said he will retain the title against Big Show. He added that John Cena embarrassed him and Cena should be more concerned about Henry than Mania.

Sheamus and Jinder Mahal didn’t have a match. They acted like there would be a match but Sheamus just gave him a Brogue kick and left. Why not just pin the guy? Is having a wrestling match with a clean finish so objectionable?

Rey Mysterio came back to present the Wrestler of the Year award. They said WWE Universe over and over and over again. CM Punk won over Randy Orton, Alberto Del Rio, Mark Henry and John Cena. For some reason, they filmed behind the podium so you could clearly see CM Punk in the award before they played the drumroll and Mysterio paused to build drama. John Laurinaitis accepted the award, saying Punk wasn’t in condition to do so.

John Cena and Mark Henry battled to a no contest. Henry worked over Cena for a while with a bear hug. He hit the world’s strongest slam. Then pyro went off, Kane’s music hit and he came to the ring. Henry bailed and Kane gave Cena the choke slam. Kane was wearing a mask and he took off that mask to reveal another mask like his old one. This was yet another bad finish.

It doesn’t make much sense that Kane would return from Mark Henry injuring him to attack John Cena. But okay, let’s accept Cena’s the guy he wants to hurt. Why wait until Cena’s about to lose a match to do that?

Final Thoughts:

I never like the Slammies because they emphasize the things I don’t like about WWE and de-emphasize the things I do like about wrestling. There was award after award, focusing mostly on goofy comedy, with little wrestling and awful finishes that made matches seem completely insignificant. Add in obnoxious Michael Cole, incessant references to Twitter and WWE beating you over the head with their alternate vocabulary and the whole thing was just insufferable.

But at this point, I honestly feel like it’s almost unfair to complain. They’re so diametrically opposed to what I like and what they used to be by now that maybe people like me would be better off just dumping them permanently rather than sticking around as they continue to massacre what remains of a once great form of entertainment.

And on that dire note, want to make mention that I’m now on Twitter! You can follow me at @toddmartinmma. I will talk about wrestling plenty as well so I’d love to hear from people on there. Hope everyone has a good week.

WWE Raw Report

2011-12-05T22:22:00.000-08:00

Date: 12/05/11 from Tampa, FL.

The Big News: A bunch of random guys received title shots against other random guys through happenstance and whatnot, with random stipulations thrown in for good measure.

Show Analysis:

John Cena came out to start the show. Cena said he was happy Roddy Piper told him how Piper felt. Cena noted the fans have the right to say what they want about him and he respects that. He basically sucked up to the audience. Cena argued he has always dealt with negative reactions but now people are making a big of it. He said it isn’t a big deal but CM Punk beating Alberto Del Rio was a big deal. Cena said Punk needs a number one contender and lobbied for the match. This set up the segment where everybody comes out to say they want a title shot and then the GM makes an impromptu decision to build the entire show around that.

Alberto Del Rio was first out to complain about Punk dropping him on an exposed turnbuckle when an intentional DQ was supposed to cost Punk the title. Dolph Ziggler was next. He pointed out that he beat Randy Orton and is the longest reigning champion in WWE. Cena called Ziggler a jerkoff and said he should give Zack Ryder a title shot. Miz was then out to say that he beat Cena, had the title longer than Del Rio, and doesn’t need Vickie Guerrero.

Miraculously, John Laurinaitis had a solution devised for just this scenario of four guys coming out to demand title shots at the start of the show and he announced each heel would face a Smackdown wrestler. Each man who won would be entered into a title shot at TLC, with a contract signing coming later in the show. He then told John Cena that Cena would be in a social experiment match.

Miz beat Randy Orton via count out in a short match. Orton hit a powerslam in the ring and a powerslam on the floor. Wade Barrett appeared on the stage. Orton proceeded to throw Miz back into the ring and then at the count of eight, chase after Barrett. He was of course counted out.

This was like a parody of WWE’s asinine distraction finishes. The challenger for the title looked like an undeserving joke. And that was done for the sake of “protecting” the face by making him look like the biggest idiot walking the face of the planet. You see, last week, he lost his match because rather than concentrating on his opponent, he decided to go after Wade Barrett.

This week, Wade Barrett comes out during his match again. Did he learn his lesson and decide to focus on wrestling the match at hand? Why of course not. He went after the guy not in the match and lost for the second straight week. But it wasn’t enough that he chased after someone not in his match and got counted out. No, he elected first to roll his opponent into the ring. Then, with his opponent safely lying in the ring at the count of eight, he elected to give chase after the guy not in the match. This is the scenario WWE writers devised to protect one of the company’s top babyfaces. Bravo, WWE. Bravo.

And then, for the coup de grace, Orton gave up chase of Barrett. Because Barrett ducked behind the curtain. Match lost, nemesis gone forever, Orton turned around to go back to the ring. Only, you see, Barrett hadn’t in fact disappeared forever! When Orton turned his back, Barrett attacked Orton from behind, left Orton lying, and departed chuckling to himself. And I’d be chuckling too if I picked a fight with a mentally handicapped ogre.

WWE aired a commercial for WWE Network in 2012. They plugged live wrestling, old wrestling and reality TV shows. They specifically mentioned legends in a house. This was all announced with one of the tackiest video packages you’re ever going to see.

Backstage, Zack Ryder wanted a title shot. John Laurinaitis said a petition isn’t enough. John Cena came in and told jokes. Laurinaitis made Cena vs. Ryder. Cena didn’t want this. Laurinaitis acted like Cena was saying Ryder was no competition for him. Ryder instantaneously was fooled by the heel’s manipulation and got angry at Cena. Laurinaitis announced that if Ryder won he would get a US title shot and if Cena won he would get into the WWE title match at TLC.

Backstage, David Otunga told Kevin Nash that Nash would be wrestling HHH in a ladder match at TLC. Nash said he doesn’t do ladder matches. Otunga said that a sledgehammer would be hanging above the ring and Nash was fine with this. Nash really should have trusted his first instinct on this one. Otunga said that Nash would be wrestling on Raw. Nash didn’t care about his opponent beyond it not being HHH.

Alberto Del Rio beat Daniel Bryan very quickly and clean with an armbar. This is how you build up a title challenger. They then announced Tribute to the Troops next Tuesday.

Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres beat Beth Phoenix and Natalya. They worked over Kelly a few seconds and then Kelly just rolled up Beth for the pin without even getting the tag. This was one of those women’s matches that accomplishes nothing other than making matches feel fake and insignificant. In other words, every WWE women’s match.

John Cena beat Zack Ryder. Ryder worked over Cena with a long headlock, a dropkick off the second rope, and a tornado DDT. Cena came back with the Cena slam and five knuckle. Ryder countered the FU and hit a running kick to the head. He went for the Rough Ryder but Cena countered into the FU for the pin. Ryder was annoyed after and Cena left.

Backstage, John Cena confronted John Laurinaitis. He wanted Ryder to get his title shot. Laurinaitis offered Ryder another opportunity, but only if Ryder won a match and only if Cena gave up his WWE title match at TLC. Cena agreed.

Zack Ryder beat Mark Henry. Henry dominated the match. Then John Cena ran in, gave Henry an FU, and put Ryder on top for the win. Ryder was perfectly happy with this and celebrated. This was more stupid booking. Ryder keeps losing and backs into a title match he is presumably going to win only through blatant interference. Meanwhile, the world champion gets pinned and it’s not even setting up a match. Henry himself isn’t hurt but wins and losses just feel like the random stuff that happens depending on who interferes or distracts this week.

We went backstage again. This time, Vickie Guerrero told Dolph Ziggler that Sheamus would be his opponent. Jack Swagger said he’d be there to help. Ziggler told Swagger that Ziggler didn’t need that. They teased tension but then laughed it off. Swagger said he’d be there but Ziggler again said no and left.

Kevin Nash beat Santino with a power bomb. After the match, he teased hitting Santino with the sledgehammer but didn’t do it. They showed CM Punk chatting backstage with Evan Bourne, who is obviously back now.

Sheamus beat Dolph Ziggler. Sheamus beat up Ziggler with punches and clotheslines. He set up for the razor’s edge but Ziggler escaped. Sheamus accidentally ran into the post but Zack Ryder then came out. Ziggler was of course distracted and Sheamus hit the Brogue kick for the pin. After the match, Ryder gave Ziggler the Rough Ryder.

I loved the booking of this match. Just kidding! It was shit. Again. So, not only is the challenger backing into the US title match but the champion is too. And through what means? The ever popular distraction finish, which would never happen in any legitimate athletic competition but manages to occur approximately 150 times a year in WWE, helping the winners not one iota, making the losers look like nimrods and imbeciles, and making matches themselves feel like utterly phony contrivances. And shockingly, WWE seems to be struggling getting people to pay $55 to see matches on pay-per-view. Go figure.

The show ended with a contract signing for the TLC title match. John Laurinaitis said exciting things are coming like the introduction of Brodus Clay and a Mark Henry vs. John Cena match next week. The Clay thing is just a joke at this point for WWE. The crowd just went “what” to the Henry-Cena match announcement and didn’t show any interest whatsoever. And why would they care, given the way matches are treated?

CM Punk said contract signings are clichéd and plugged twitter. Laurinaitis said he is about excitement and that Punk vs. Del Rio vs. Miz wouldn’t be a traditional match but a triple threat TLC match. Why? Why not? Punk said he’s okay facing a guy who lost at Survivor Series and a guy who lost on Raw. He told jokes about Miz. Miz said he took out Truth and Morrison. Laurinaitis wished Morrison the best in his future endeavors. Miz said those were his friends so imagine what he will do to Punk. He said he will take back the title.

Del Rio said he is the best and will take back the title. Punk made fun of him for always talking about destiny. Miz and Del Rio agreed that Cena won’t leave TLC with the title. Laurinaitis called for a goofy photo op and they all lined up except Punk. Punk said these things are supposed to end in violence so he started a fight for the hell of it. He ended up giving Del Rio a bulldog through the table and giving Miz the GTS. This segment had more comedy than anything and made little attempt to create any tension for the TLC match. Punk played the role of Cena, telling jokes and acting like he doesn’t give a shit about the matches.

Final Thoughts:

WWE’s streak of two better shows ended abruptly with just an incompetently booked show. The people putting together the show seemed to have no concept of the idea that in order to sell pay-per-views, you have to get fans invested in match results and make the matches feel important.

WWE Raw Report

2011-11-28T20:16:00.001-08:00

Date: 11/28/11 from Columbia, SC.

The Big News: CM Punk retained the WWE title by defeating Alberto Del Rio.

Show Analysis:

The show started with Piper’s Pit. Roddy Piper said his career was driven by crowd energy and introduced John Cena. They both kept saying WWE Universe for no apparent reason. Piper brought up the names of Steve Austin, Bret Hart and the Rock and everybody cheered. Then he brought up John Cena’s name. Cena got a mixed reaction with a few more cheers than boos and then chants for Cena. The scripted idea was clearly that they would boo, which completely stalled the promo with Piper losing track of what to say next.

Piper ended up bringing up people cheering when Rock attacked Cena at Survivor Series. Cena admitted some people don’t like him and tried to frame this as a good thing. Piper said the boos are getting louder and if Cena doesn’t tell the crowd how he actually feels, he will lose at WrestleMania. I’m not sure how exactly those two things relate, but that’s okay.

Cena brought up people hating him in the past, such as WrestleMania against HHH, MITB against Punk, against Edge in Toronto, and at Hammerstein Ballroom. Cena said MSG wasn’t a big deal compared to those and it was just people having fun. He further brought up Make-a-Wish, children and the armed forces to babyface himself. He said the boos will never get to him. He added that in Miami, regardless of what people say, he will be fine with himself and he knows he can beat the Rock.

Piper said that from Hall of Famer to future Hall of Famer, if Cena doesn’t get his feelings off his chest and get rid of the denial, he won’t win. Piper handed Cena his Hall of Fame ring. Cena said that he is in a good place. Piper said he would help Cena win and slapped Cena. Cena acted like he was going to respond but then just handed back the ring and left.

There were some good ideas mixed in here, but the overall segment was rambling and confusing. They clearly had a script and when crowd reactions didn’t go as the script planned, it made it harder for Piper and Cena to adjust.

The big positive is I very much like the introduction of the idea that Cena isn’t being authentic when he acts like he is cool with being booed. I actually think that’s one of the least appealing features of Cena’s character and bringing it up has two positive purposes. It lays the groundwork for a Cena turn down the line, with Cena eventually snapping and explaining that the resentment has been festering for year. Plus, it makes him more likeable until then, as he is actually addressing and trying to explain why he doesn’t react negatively to fans trashing him when it’s only human to feel differently.

Miz beat John Morrison in a falls count anywhere match. Before the match, Miz attacked Morrison’s leg with a pipe from behind. He worked over Morrison’s leg. Finally, he hit a skull crushing finale on the stage. Rather than Miz covering, the referee stopped the match and they carted Morrison off. Miz took the microphone. He said last week was Truth, this week was Morrison and next week, we’ll see. Miz said he is the only one who can make this kind of impact. The clear goal of this segment was to get over Miz as a threat.

Kelly Kelly and Alicia Fox beat the Bellas. In a cool little touch, they had a quick flash in the corner of the screen directing people to a youtube clip following up the little hidden video from last week. The video said that on the second day of 2012, it will be the end of the world as you know it. Eh, I feel fine. Natalya and Beth Phoenix jogged around the ring during this match and left. Alicia pinned one of the Bellas with a somersault leg drop. The match was short and sloppy like a…never mind.

Backstage, John Laurinaitis on the phone said he would see Brodus Clay next week. David Otunga wanted to know why Laurinaitis was jerking Clay around. Laurinaitis said he is getting Clay angrier and angrier so he will be really dangerous when he finally does compete. Laurinaitis added that he is doing Clay a favor. Alberto Del Rio came in and Laurinaitis wanted to make Del Rio was ready for his title shot. Del Rio said yes and Survivor Series was a temporary setback.

CM Punk came in and did some lame comedy making fun of Laurinaitis and Del Rio. He did get in a clever line about googling David Otunga and just getting back a bunch of results for Jennifer Hudson. Punk said the WWE title wasn’t going anywhere. When Punk left, Otunga suggested that Punk might get himself disqualified on purpose. Laurinaitis said that if Punk did that, he would lose the title.

Dolph Ziggler beat Randy Orton. This was pretty good and they gave them some time, but it didn’t come close to last week’s Ziggler/Punk match. Orton was in control for a little while at the beginning. Ziggler took control. Orton came back with a draping DDT but Ziggler rolled out of the ring when he went for the RKO. Wade Barrett, who had been doing commentary, got on the apron. Orton knocked Barrett off, but Ziggler rolled back in and hit the zig zag for the pin. Ziggler did a headstand on the floor in celebration. They treated this like a big win on commentary but the distraction finish has been used to death and means next to nothing getting over the winner at this point.

Daniel Bryan came to the ring for a segment with Michael Cole. Cole said that Bryan was given a steel cage match for the title against Mark Henry Tuesday on Smackdown. Bryan replied that he earned that by winning a fatal four way. He labeled Cole the worst announcer in the history of WWE and told Cole to show him a little respect. Cole said he couldn’t respect a man who tried to cash in Money in the Bank against a defenseless champion. He called Bryan a liar who said he would cash in at Mania but then didn’t. He added that it was hilarious Bryan thought he won the title on Smackdown but didn’t get it. He went even further, saying Bryan is a disgusting hypocrite and he hopes Henry tears him apart.

Bryan admitted to being a hypocrite. He said he had plans to cash in at Mania but those plans changed when Henry tried to end his career. Bryan said he realized MITB didn’t guarantee him anything and he saw the opportunity and took it. He added that tomorrow he would have an opportunity and he will follow his dream to become WWE champion.

Mark Henry came out limping. Henry said Bryan should be ashamed of himself trying to take advantage of an injured man and Teddy Long should be ashamed booking Henry in a match when he is injured. Henry said that’s okay, because he is the world’s strongest champion and he will successfully defend his title. Henry told Bryan that Bryan can’t beat him, injured or not. Bryan stomped Henry’s leg and said that we will see tomorrow night. The Bryan character is interesting right now, although unfortunately it’s hard to see where he would fit in as a heel given WWE’s continued fixation with size.

Zack Ryder beat Jack Swagger. Swagger hit a belly to belly throw and a back breaker. He went for the Vader bomb but Ryder countered with his feet to Swagger’s face and hit the Rough Ryder for the win. Mick Foley came out in a Santa outfit to plug Smackdown. Elsewhere, Punk told Laurinaitis to kiss his ass.

CM Punk beat Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio worked over Punk’s shoulder for a while. Punk came back with a leg lariat, neck breaker, knees from the clinch and a high knee. Del Rio countered a bulldog attempt into an arm breaker. Del Rio then hit a bridging German suplex for two. Punk went for GTS but that was countered into a DDT for two.

Del Rio removed the turnbuckle pad and as the referee went to replace it, Ricardo Rodriguez threw a chair into the ring. Del Rio threw it to Punk, trying to get Punk disqualified, but Punk threw it back and went down. The referee turned around to see Punk down and Del Rio standing with the chair, but Del Rio was able to talk the referee out of disqualifying him.

Punk used a rollup for two. Rodriguez got on the apron and Del Rio tried to throw Punk into the exposed turnbuckle. Punk countered that and hit the GTS on the exposed turnbuckle for the pin. Rodriguez complained afterwards and Punk gave him the GTS too. This was a good match.

Final Thoughts:

This was the second straight improved edition of Raw, so hopefully that trend will continue. Last week’s show was carried by good wrestling, while I thought this show’s strength was more improved booking.

WWE Raw Report

2011-11-21T21:21:00.001-08:00

Date: 11/21/11 from Hershey, PA.

The Big News: Miz and R. Truth’s partnership appears to be over.

Show Analysis:

CM Punk came out to start the show. He reminisced about sitting in class as a child and saying he wanted to be a pro wrestler. He specifically noted that he said pro wrestler and not sports entertainer. Punk said it was a really big deal for him to win the WWE title at MSG and do it on his own terms. Punk said the game of WWE title hot potato is over. Good luck with that. Punk said the title is where it belongs and will stay there. Punk asserted that he will bring back an air of danger to Raw and be an agent of change. He specifically said he wanted to make John Laurinaitis a former Raw GM.

Laurinaitis conveniently walked out at precisely that second. Laurinaitis claimed they both want to make the WWE Universe happy. Laurinaitis said he would take the high road and doesn’t know what Punk’s problem with him is. Punk responded that Vince McMahon is a soulless bastard but at least he admits it while Laurinaitis is a middle manager who smiles in your face but undermines you behind your back. That’s a very familiar archetype that people can relate to. Punk said Laurinaitis references the WWE Universe but they’re not a universe, they’re fans, and that’s just a buzzword Laurinaitis uses to keep his bosses happy. That’s a very encouraging sign that they’d acknowledge that on camera.

Laurinaitis said he is upper management and Punk has him wrong. Laurinaitis said he can be just as creative and dynamic as Punk and announced the Punk vs. Del Rio title rematch for next week on Raw. Punk mocked this as not exactly being radical and suggested they have the match immediately. Laurinaitis retorted that Punk would be wrestling Dolph Ziggler instead. Punk said the people didn’t want to see that. “We want Ryder” chants started and Punk said they wanted to see Ziggler vs. Ryder. Laurinaitis said Ryder would be wrestling Del Rio. Punk concluded by saying he would beat Ziggler and then Del Rio and someday someone would beat some sense into Laurinaitis. Punk did an excellent job on the microphone here.

Alberto Del Rio beat Zack Ryder. Before the match, they showed video of Rock putting over Ryder after the Survivor Series. Then, Del Rio basically squashed him. Del Rio immediately attacked the arm. Ryder briefly made a comeback but missed the rough rider and Del Rio used an enzuigiri and armbar for the submission.

I disagree with this booking. Just stick someone else in Ryder’s spot. Even if you don’t think Ryder has that much potential, this constant burying of midcard guys at the precise point fans are starting to show a little interest in them completely undermines the ability of WWE to get over anyone except the top guys. That’s a large part of why depth is so weak right now and it’s so hard to make new stars.

Sheamus beat Jack Swagger. Swagger hit a clothesline and Vader bomb but Sheamus kicked out. Sheamus hit punches and a powerslam but Swagger kicked out. Sheamus missed the Brogue kick and Swagger applied the ankle lock. Swagger escaped and hit the Brogue kick for the win. This was fun while it lasted.

Kevin Nash came out and said he was sitting in MSG at Survivor Series and thinking about things. He noted that MSG has been good to him and referenced winning the title from Bob Backlund and the Clique curtain call. He said it should have been HHH and Nash headlining at Survivor Series but that didn’t happen because HHH was taken out by his own sledgehammer. Nash claimed he is the real survivor.

Cody Rhodes beat Santino. Rhodes before the match said the restraints have been removed on a rabid dog. He said he is unmasked, uninhibited and unbeatable. He was interrupted by Santino and they had a very brief match with Rhodes using the roll of the dice for the win. Afterwards, Rhodes badmouthed Booker T and threw water on him. Booker did commentary with Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole, with Lawler not saying much because apparently he lost his voice.

CM Punk beat Dolph Ziggler. Prior to the match, Ziggler claimed to have won twice at the Survivor Series (since his team did win even though he was eliminated immediately). Ziggler said he is the new face of the WWE. They started with some chain wrestling and then Ziggler took over. Punk tried to come back with a high knee but Ziggler sent him over the top rope to the floor and celebrated by doing a handstand and gloating. That was a great spot, just for the sheer obnoxiousness of the gesture.

Ziggler caught Punk in a sleeper. Punk tried to counter into the GTS but Ziggler escaped and tried to pin Punk with his feet on the ropes. The referee caught Ziggler. Punk then tried the same trick but the referee caught him too. Punk missed a high kick but then landed the high knee and bulldog for a two count. Punk set up for the top rope elbow but Ziggler rolled out of the way and hit one of the best dropkicks you’re ever going to see for two.

Moments later, Punk nailed the top rope elbow for two. He went for GTS, but Ziggler countered again. Ziggler hit a bunch of punches and kicks and they teased a DQ spot but it didn’t happen. Punk then avoided the famouser and hit the GTS for the pin. This was a really good match. It’s no secret, but Ziggler is really clicking right now. I’ve been slower to warm up to him than many, but it’s unmistakable at this point.

They aired a brief video in the horror mold featuring Kane’s mask dropping at the end. It would appear Kane is coming back as a heel. Big Show then came out and said he proved he is stronger, tougher and better than Henry. He said Henry took the easy way out and left as champion but was carted out. Show said he heard Henry’s leg may not be broken and when Henry gets back, Show will be waiting for him. They then showed Natalya and Beth Phoenix bullying Kelly and Alicia Fox backstage.

Wade Barrett beat Kofi Kingston. Barrett went for wasteland early but Randy Orton came out to distract him. Orton took a seat at ringside and Kingston escaped wasteland. Barrett went back to work. Kingston came back with a tope, frog crossbody and boom drop. Kingston missed trouble in paradise and Barrett hit the wasteland for the pin. Barrett starred at Orton with great intensity at the close and it was nice to see the clean finish rather than the distraction finish. After the match, Orton teased attacking Barrett and Barrett quickly jumped back in concern.

The show concluded with John Cena. He was in a jolly mood. He put over CM Punk and Zack Ryder and said he coexisted with Rock in the tag team and they won. He noted Rock attacking him after the match but said that this established WrestleMania will be what it needs to be. This was a weird tact. Miz and Truth came out. Miz said Cena’s ego wouldn’t let him acknowledge that the people hated him and loved Rock. Miz brought up the “don’t tag Cena” chant and the crowd chanted that again. Miz said nobody wanted to see Cena and the crowd mostly cheered that. Truth taunted Cena some more.

Cena responded by saying nobody cares about either Truth or Miz. He said that Miz thinks Truth is a wacked out nut job with no talent riding his coattails and Truth thinks Miz is a pompous, arrogant, attention-stealing D-lister whose biggest accomplishment was being on a crappy reality show. Nice to know being on the Real World is a bigger accomplishment than headlining WrestleMania and holding the WWE title.

Cena left, at which point Miz and Truth began bickering over what Cena said. They shoved each other and Miz backed off. Miz said that Cena was turning them against each other. They acted like they were going to make up and left the ring, but Miz attacked Truth from behind on the stage and gave him the skull crushing finale. This was not a good finish to the show, with everybody burying each other in the wrong way.

Final Thoughts:

I liked this show a lot better than most recent editions of Raw. The wrestling was good, the angles straightforward and logical, and they didn’t do a bunch of counterproductive stuff. In particular, it was very nice to see a WWE TV show where literally every match ended cleanly with one man proving to be better. Clean finishes help to get over match results and getting over match results has all sorts of positive dividends.

WWE Raw Report

2011-11-14T20:15:00.001-08:00

Date: 11/14/11 from Boston, MA.

The Big News: Rock appeared on Raw to build Sunday’s PPV.

Show Analysis:

The show started with Michael Cole’s challenge to Jim Ross. Ross had to win three events. First, Ross beat Cole in arm wrestling immediately. Second, they had a dance contest. Ross did a goofy dance, shook his ass, and won. The final contest was who weighs less. They stepped on a scale and Cole won. So Cole started to celebrate.

CM Punk came out. He said Ross didn’t have a real shot so this was a waste of time. No kidding. Punk said Ross is a better announcer than Cole. No kidding. Punk said it’s time Cole left and the show is becoming unbearable. No kidding. He said that people want to fast forward Cole segments and it felt like Cole had been out there for six hours. Punk said as champion he will try to make the show the best it can be and he would start by getting rid of Cole.

John Laurinaitis came out and said his twitter page didn’t want to see the Cole-Ross competition broken up. Laurinaitis said he cares about his twitter followers like he cares about the WWE Universe. I projectile vomited across the living room. Laurinaitis made Big Show and CM Punk vs. Mark Henry and Alberto Del Rio. Cole wanted an apology from Punk, but Punk instead put Cole in the anaconda vise. So Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler did commentary for a few minutes. This segment seemed designed simply to weigh Jim Ross and make him dance on national TV.

A limousine pulled up and they teased the Rock had arrived. Instead, Mick Foley got out. Foley said he wouldn’t miss the Rock’s return for anything.

Cody Rhodes and Hunico beat Sin Cara and Kofi Kingston. The removal of Rhodes’ face mask is a positive. The heels worked over Cara, who made the tag to Kingston. Kingston hit a springboard crossbody on Rhodes. Kingston avoided a roll of the dice attempt but Rhodes hit it a moment later for the win. This was a good short match and I’m in favor of a Rhodes push.

Zack Ryder wanted Santino to sign his petition for a US title match. Santino signed despite being more of a Rock fan and Ryder being a Cena fan. Vickie Guerrero then announced Christian is off Team Barrett and Dolph Ziggler said he is the replacement. Michael Cole came back out with John Laurinaitis and replaced Jim Ross at the announce table.

Mason Ryan beat Dolph Ziggler via DQ. Ryan was greeted with overwhelming crowd apathy. Ryan hit a big boot and press slam. Vickie Guerrero slapped him and they called a DQ for that. That was an off the charts terrible finish. After the match, John Morrison threw Ziggler back into the ring and Ryan gave Ziggler a full nelson slam. Backstage, Mick Foley signed Zack Ryder’s petition.

Next up was a John Cena, This is Your Life segment with Mick Foley. This was playing off the famous Rock, This is Your Life segment that Vince Russo likes to claim was the highest rated segment in Raw history. Mick Foley said it’s good to be home. He tried to put over the Cena/Rock team and was booed. He called Cena a great performer and was booed. He introduced Cena as his friend and they were both booed.

Cena said he didn’t pick Rock as his partner because they are friends. Foley responded he isn’t really friends with Cena either, but they have mutual respect. They put over each other. Foley said he wanted to bring Rock and Cena together so he had a music video on Cena’s life. He brought out Cena’s little league coach, who talked about Cena’s striking out and crying.

Next out was B Squared, Bull Buchanan. Buchanan said he got fired, divorced, lost all his money, and his dog gave him rabies. That was meant as comedy. He said Cena ruined his life and stormed off. Finally, John Cena’s dad came out and insulted the fans for booing his son. Cena cut his dad off and told him to leave. Cena said this segment was a catastrophe and started to leave. But Foley wanted to continue on with five more people so a jacked up Rock came out, gave Foley the rock bottom, and left. This was supposed to be car crash comedy but it was mostly just boring and awkward.

Sheamus beat Jack Swagger. Swagger had the advantage early. Sheamus made his comeback with ax handles but Swagger escaped the razor’s edge. Swagger hit a Vader bomb and applied the ankle lock. Sheamus escaped and hit a back breaker and the Brogue kick for the win.

The Bellas were going to sign Ryder’s petition for a US title shot but Alberto Del Rio showed up and they ditched Ryder for Del Rio. Del Rio invited the Bellas to party with him in New York after he beats Punk but Ryder suggested the Bellas go with him to Long Island instead. They were annoyed and left.

Kelly Kelly beat Natalya. Kelly gave Natalya the stinkface. Natalya went for the sharpshooter but was reversed into an inside cradle for the pin. This was another of those 30 second waste of time women’s matches.

John Laurinaitis was on the phone with Brodus Clay. He said they’d delay his return to Raw until next week. I wonder if Clay will ever show up. Alberto Del Rio came in. Laurinaitis said Punk has been showing Del Rio up and Punk can cause more trouble if he is champion. Del Rio said Punk might not make it to Survivor Series. He said he will be champion a long time, longer than Laurinaitis is GM. R. Truth and Miz refused to speak backstage.

Alberto Del Rio and Mark Henry beat CM Punk and Big Show. Del Rio attacked Punk from behind as he was coming to the ring, but Punk still wrestled the match. They went after Punk for a while. Punk made a comeback with a swinging neck breaker on Del Rio and high kick on Henry. He went for a springboard on Del Rio but Henry caught him with the world’s strongest slam. Show went after henry but collided with the post outside the ring. Del Rio covered Punk for the win. He then put Punk in the armbar after the match. Man, they have done a great job booking Punk for a title shot.

Santino came out and brought up finishing second in the Royal Rumble in Boston. He vowed to be champion next time WWE comes to Boston. Good luck with that. Kevin Nash came out. Santino was concerned and didn’t want to fight. Nash said he is a fan of Santino and wanted Santino to do the trombone. Santino did but then was greeted with a big boot. Nash brought up his Rumble pop yet again. He said HHH didn’t have the sense to bring him back and now Nash is on Raw and HHH isn’t. He gave Santino the power bomb.

Randy Orton beat Wade Barrett via DQ. Barrett and Orton had their Survivor Series teams with them. Barrett before the match said he has conquered Sheamus and Orton and would beat Orton again. They wrestled for a little while and then Cody Rhodes just ran in for the DQ. This was another terrible finish. The two sides brawled and the faces cleared the ring.

Rock came out for the final segment. He said that he loves Mick Foley but couldn’t stand any more of that garbage. He spent five minutes trying to get a term to trend on twitter. Is there any positive that comes from this stuff? It seems so masturbatory. Rock said he would deliver an ass whooping to Truth and Miz on Raw rather than waiting for Sunday.

Truth and Miz came out. Truth said they’re not getting an ass whooping. Miz said Rock will get beat Sunday. Cena told jokes about Rock never showing up. Rock told jokes about Cena having no fans who have gone through puberty. They again brought up twitter trending. Cena threatened Rock if Rock isn’t in it for the team. Miz said Cena and Rock were making Miz and Truth an afterthought, but the last time that happened Miz won the main event at WrestleMania. Rock and Cena ended up quickly beating up Miz and Truth. Rock gave Truth the rock bottom. Cena went for the FU on Miz but Rock pulled Miz off and gave Miz the rock bottom.

Final Thoughts:

I’m sleepy and going to bed.

WWE Raw Report

2011-10-31T21:07:00.001-07:00

Date: 10/24/11 from Atlanta, GA.

The Big News: Pay-per-view is dead. For WWE, anyway.

Show Analysis:

Rock was on the screen to start the show. He had a graying beard. He said that he and John Cena represent different eras. He acknowledged Cena’s offer to team up but then rejected it with a hell no. He said that he doesn’t want to slap hands with Cena and would rather slap Cena’s face. Rock then said he thought about it more and that the world hates R. Truth and Miz and wants to see them get their asses kicked. So Rock agreed to take the match and said he would show Cena what Cena will be receiving at WrestleMania.

This segment didn’t work very well. The gray hair is a negative for a kick ass figure. The constant cuts to the audience watching Rock on the screen again accentuated the fact he wasn’t there and the crowd didn’t react that well. It’s a well-established angle that usually works where two faces who don’t like each other put aside their differences to team up against menacing heels, but the problem is they haven’t done enough to put real heat on Miz and Truth. The crowd would much rather see Rock kick Cena’s ass than those of Miz and Truth, which makes Rock less likeable to those who support him for agreeing to the match.

Mark Henry beat CM Punk via DQ. The stipulation was that if Punk won he would get a title match, so Alberto Del Rio ordered Ricardo Rodriguez to attack Henry for the DQ. He hit Henry with his shoe until the ref called for the DQ. Punk went after Del Rio and Rodriguez. Del Rio ran away so Punk grabbed Rodriguez and threw him to Henry for the world’s strongest slam.

Kermit and Miss Piggy appeared on the stage for the first of a great many Muppets segments. They were interrupted by Vickie Guerrero and Jack Swagger. Swagger threatened to make frog legs and a ham sandwich out of them. Kermit said he didn’t want trouble with Swagger or his mother. Vickie got mad and this led to an argument with Miss Piggy. Santino came out and said they couldn’t be picking on the Muppets because Swagger would be wrestling Santino and Dolph Ziggler would be wrestling Zack Ryder. Kermit and Piggy said “Woo Woo Woo, You Know It.” Kelly Kelly then kissed Kermit on her way to the ring and Miss Piggy freaked out.

Eve Torres won a costume battle royal. Costumes used to be an excuse to get the women in risqué costumes but now they wear more clothes than usual. Rosa Mendes, Aksana, AJ, Tamina and Kaitlyn went out quickly. Kelly Kelly and Eve eliminated the Bella twins.

That left the heel Natalya against the three faces Alicia Fox, Kelly and Eve. The faces of course triple teamed Natalya. Natalya fought them off one on three and eliminated Kelly and then Alicia on her own. That gave Eve the opportunity to throw Natalya out from behind to win. Hey, I’m just relaying what they did. Afterwards, Beth and Natalya were going to attack Eve but Kelly and Alicia made the save.

Backstage, Bunsen prepared a potion for Beaker to give to Santino. Beaker ran off with the potion but ran into Christian. Christian poured the potion onto the ground. Sheamus stuck up for Beaker and they acted like they were family members because they have similar hair.

Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett beat Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston. The heels worked over Kingston, who tagged Bourne. Barrett went for wasteland but Bourne countered with a DDT. Bourne went to the top but Rhodes distracted him and Barrett gave him wasteland for the pin. After the match, Christian came out to help the heels attack the tag champs but Sheamus made the save. They showed Statler and Waldorf watching and bantering in a luxury box.

John Laurinaitis was texting backstage when CM Punk came in. Punk complained about Ricardo Rodriguez. Punk wanted to know what he had to do to get a title match. How about you win a match, buddy? Punk went on and on like he has to jump through hoops to get a title shot. Laurinaitis said Punk could get a title match if Del Rio agreed. They announced Brodus Clay for next week.

Big Show beat Alberto Del Rio in a slow and boring match. Del Rio beat on Show forever. Finally Del Rio went for an enzuigiri and Show just caught him with a punch for the clean win. After the match, CM Punk came out and put Alberto Del Rio in the anaconda vise until Del Rio agreed to the title match. Somebody introduce these guys to the concept of duress.

This was a novel build for a pay-per-view title match. I’m used to the antiquated, tired formula where a challenger wins a bunch of matches to earn a title match. But WWE is true avant-garde sports entertainment, where the challenger loses a bunch of matches and then gets a title shot because he attacks the champion after the champion loses cleanly to someone else.

Gonzo and Fozzie were chatting backstage. Gonzo said it would be easy to become WWE champion. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger showed up, with Swagger pulling out Gonzo’s arms and wrapping them around while wacky music played in the background.

Santino beat Jack Swagger. Animal (non-Road Warrior version) rang the bell. Swagger worked over Santino and did pushups on him. Santino made his comeback with a head butt but was caught in the ankle lock. Santino escaped. Beaker gave Santino the potion from earlier. Santino spit it in Swagger’s face and rolled Swagger up for the win.

Zack Ryder beat Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler worked over Ryder. Ryder hit his running kick but Ziggler kicked out. Ziggler used a jaw breaker but was caught with a knee charging Ryder. The referee seemed to count three but then realized Ziggler’s foot was on the bottom rope and called for the match to continue. Vickie tripped Ryder and Ziggler went for the zig zag but Ryder shrugged him off and hit the rough rider for the win. This was a nice finishing sequence.

They announced HHH would be out due to injury for at least five weeks. They also announced Kevin Nash re-signed and will be on Raw next week. Why he needed to be re-signed when he had a no-cut contract to begin with remains a mystery to me. Michael Cole then announced Jim Ross wouldn’t be there. Good thing they advertised that and Cole spent much of this show running down Ross. Cole made fun of Ross and just generally acted like a complete jackass. He teased Ross might show up next week.

Statler and Waldorf were turned off by this nonsense. Elsewhere, Miss Piggy came on to John Morrison. He tried to set up Piggy with Hornswoggle. He kissed her so she hit him. He was excited. Kermit came in and got bagged by Cody Rhodes.

John Cena beat Miz. Miz beat up Cena a bit. Cena hit a big clothesline and top rope rocker dropper for near falls. Miz and Cena were brawling on the outside when R. Truth attacked Cena in a Scream mask. The announcers acted like it was a fan, as if anyone on Earth watching thought it was anybody but Truth. They went back in the ring and Cena just immediately put Miz in the STF anyway for the submission. Truth attacked in the mask afterwards but Cena laid him out too. Good thing Cena has Rock coming back to help him against these treacherous heels.

Final Thoughts:

What do you even say at this point?

WWE Raw Report

2011-10-24T20:49:00.000-07:00

Date: 10/24/11 from Austin, TX.

The Big News: John Cena wanted to wrestle Miz and Truth. John Laurinaitis made Cena and Zack Ryder versus Miz and Truth. But Miz and Truth beat up Ryder and then beat up Cena two on one. So Laurinaitis announced that because of that, Cena would get to choose his partner against Miz and Truth for Survivor Series. And you’ll never guess who Cena chose after all those developments.

Show Analysis:

HHH came out to start the show. He said he was always taught that in the wrestling business you can either make friends or make money, but he has been lucky to make money and still have his share of friends. He cited Shawn Michaels, Sean Waltman and Kevin Nash. However, when HHH reached a position of power he realized some people were just there because of that power. HHH said he thought Nash would be there for life but Nash changed. Nash tried to break his neck, but instead he broke his heart. Some of the crowd mocked the cheesiness of that line.

HHH called Nash out to the ring for an ass whipping. John Laurinaitis showed up instead and said that to his knowledge, Nash wasn’t there. HHH told Laurinaitis to shut up and not enter the ring. HHH said Laurinaitis reports to him and told Laurinaitis to go find Nash. So what exactly does Laurinaitis have power over? HHH said that if Laurinaitis couldn’t find Nash, HHH would embarrass the company by finding Nash on his own and ending up in jail. He told Laurinaitis to sign Nash to a big contract to come back. Wasn’t the story that Nash had a no cut contract so that he would be paid and under contract whether he worked or not?

As HHH was leaving, Kevin Nash attacked him from behind with a sledgehammer. HHH sold it huge and collapsed backstage. He was being carried into an ambulance on a stretcher when Nash pulled him off the stretcher and hit him with the sledgehammer again in the head.

Randy Orton and Sheamus beat Cody Rhodes and Christian. He heels worked over Sheamus, who got the tag to Orton. Orton hit a powerslam, neck breaker and draping DDT on Christian. Orton went for the RKO on Christian but Rhodes attacked him from behind. Orton went for the RKO on Rhodes but Rhodes escaped. Christian hit an elbow off the second rope and the heels took back over for a brief period.

Orton got the tag back to Sheamus, who hit a knee lift and back breaker on Rhodes. Christian hit a spear behind the referee’s back on Sheamus and Rhodes covered, but Orton broke up the pin. Orton gave Christian the RKO. Rhodes went for a springboard kick and Sheamus attempted to counter with a botched Brogue kick. Sheamus then hit the razor’s edge for the win. This was a fun match.

John Laurinaitis was on the phone backstage with Stephanie McMahon. He said that HHH was fine and that he wasn’t responsible for what happened. He spoke with David Otunga briefly about how he didn’t want there to be a perception of unsafe working conditions. John Cena then came in and told some jokes after losing the title match last night via interference. But he told them with an angry tone, and that’s the important thing. Cena wanted R. Truth and Miz. Laurinaitis offered Miz and Truth vs. Cena and a partner of Laurinaitis’ choice. Cena responded with a Dynamic Dudes joke.

Dolph Ziggler beat Santino Marella. Jack Swagger distracted Santino and Ziggler hit the zig zag for the win. Swagger put Santino in the ankle lock after the match but Mason Ryan ran in for the save. That’s easiest spot to get a big reaction but the crowd didn’t care at all. Backstage, Zack Ryder celebrated upon learning he would be Cena’s partner in the main event.

Alberto Del Rio came out and said that he proved once and for all that he is better than John Cena. Del Rio said he would be moving on to new challengers but that nobody is better than him so he will be champion for a long time. CM Punk came out and said he has beaten Del Rio multiple times and didn’t get a one-on-one rematch with Del Rio after losing the title.

Del Rio responded by correctly pointing out Punk didn’t even win the night before, when he was pinned at Vengeance. Del Rio said losers don’t deserve title shots and Punk should go win a match. Punk responded by threatening to put Del Rio to sleep. John Laurinaitis came out and said he was in charge this segment. Punk suggested Punk vs. Del Rio for the title at Survivor Series. See, I would have thought the whole “pinned in your last match” would be a pretty good counterpoint.

Punk wanted to know the catch. Laurinaitis bumbled over his words and wanted Punk to tell him that he respects Laurinaitis. Punk said things aren’t better with Laurinaitis in charge and told another Dynamic Dudes joke. Punk said “I respect you funk man” as a combination Brian Pillman/Curb Your Enthusiasm reference. Laurinaitis gave Punk another chance.

Punk said he respects Laurinaitis’ deer in headlights look, how he doesn’t know how to hold a microphone, how he used to wrestle with a mullet, how he got to the top of the WWE structure with brownnosing and not talent, and now no one in the business has done so much with so little. Laurinaitis responded that Punk isn’t suitable for a title shot and that he would take another week to think it over. Punk then attacked Del Rio. He went for the GTS but Ricardo Rodriguez made the save and got the GTS himself. Laurinaitis was just terrible in this segment.

Alicia Fox beat Natalya. They did some mat wrestling early, which was actually pretty good. Alicia then used a kind of sloppy rollup for the win, which still looked much better than most of the finishes on this show. Beth and Natalya jumped Alicia after the match but Alicia escaped.

Wade Barrett beat John Morrison. Barrett worked over Morrison. He went for wasteland but Morrison escaped. Morrison went for starship pain but Barrett rolled out and Morrison landed on his feet. Morrison went for a springboard kick that was supposed to be caught into wasteland but that was botched so Barrett picked him up and gave him another wasteland for the win.

Michael Cole stood on the announce table to complain about what Jim Ross had supposedly been saying on Twitter. It’s worth pointing out at this point that the entire theme of this show was Twitter. They talked about it over and over again during every match like some sort of bizarre obsession. It was so irritating.

Anyway, Cole had some photoshopped pictures supposedly sent out by Ross on Twitter. It was basically just a chance to make fun of Ross’ weight. Cole challenged Ross to a Michael Cole Challenge next week. Cole said that if Ross wins, Cole will quit and Ross can have his seat back. The Michael Cole victory celebration is going to be unbearable.

John Cena beat Miz and R. Truth via disqualification. Miz and Truth attacked Zack Ryder backstage before the match and took him out. They worked over Cena for a while. Cena made his own comeback but when he went for the FU on Miz, Truth almost hit him with a water bottle for a DQ. That was a great finish. They beat up Cena some more after the match and brought chairs into the ring.

Laurinaitis interrupted, telling Miz and Truth to stop. He told them to leave and announced Miz and Truth vs. Cena and a partner of Cena’s choice at Survivor Series. Cena thought it over and then decided on the Rock. You know, this entire show wouldn’t have felt quite so completely fake if they hadn’t publicly announced that themselves over a month ago.

Final Thoughts:

#Rawstillsucks

WWE Raw Report

2011-10-17T20:27:00.001-07:00

Date: 10/17/11 from Mexico City, Mexico.

The Big News: Jim Ross returned to Raw, albeit in a non-commentating capacity.

Show Analysis:

The show started with John Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis is a bad speaker and many in the audience not understanding what he said didn’t help matters. He said that the show would mark the return of Rey Mysterio, and then paused and said he meant to San Diego to see his doctor. That didn’t get much heat because of the language issue and the crowd just started loudly chanting rather than listening to Laurinaitis.

Laurinaitis said it was a mistake to let go of Jim Ross and brought Ross out. Ross returned to the announce table but Laurinaitis instead directed him into the ring. Laurinaitis hugged Ross and said he owed Ross an apology. He then said Ross wasn’t back to commentate but rather to team with John Cena in a tag team match against Alberto Del Rio and Michael Cole. Cole returned to super obnoxious mode frequently throughout the show. I just don’t get how anyone couldn’t have figured out how counterproductive that is by now.

Mark Henry, Christian and Cody Rhodes defeated Randy Orton, Sheamus and John Morrison. Orton went after Rhodes a lot early and ended up chasing him to the back. That left just a tag match. The two remaining heels worked over Morrison. Morrison finally was about to get the tag when Christian pulled Sheamus off the apron. Sheamus and Christian brawled into the crowd, leaving only Henry and Morrison. Of course, Henry gave Morrison the world’s strongest slam moments later for the pin. Hopefully they keep pushing Henry strong. It helps make the title feel more important.

John Laurinaitis was on the phone backstage when the Bellas came in to remind Laurinaitis that they exist. They kissed him and left. Then Alberto Del Rio came in and was annoyed with the main event tag match. Laurinaitis said the winner of the match would get to pick the stipulation for the Del Rio-Cena match Sunday. I totally didn’t realize Vengeance was Sunday. I don’t foresee monster business.

Eve Torres beat Natalya with a moonsault. Kelly Kelly and Beth Phoenix were in the corners.

CM Punk beat Miz. Miz before the match said he and Truth did what Punk couldn’t, removing HHH from Raw. Truth and HHH were in the corners initially. Miz worked over Punk. Jerry Lawler quoted a Taylor Swift song and Michael Cole responded that she is in Lawler’s age bracket. Well, her fans, anyway. Truth hit Punk with a bottle of water on the outside and HHH went after Truth. At that point Laurinaitis came out and said there was an immigration problem with HHH. HHH was escorted from ringside.

Punk made his comeback with a neck breaker, high knee and top rope elbow. Punk went for the GTS but Miz got out. Truth was up on the apron so Punk threw Miz into Truth and rolled up Miz for the pin. Miz and Truth jumped Punk after the match. They teased leaving but then came back and beat him up some more.

Zack Ryder beat Jack Swagger. Swagger, Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler all cut promos in the ring prior to the match. They basically just ran down Mexico. Ziggler told a joke about how Affliction shirts will never go back in style and Titus O’Neill will never get over. Swagger started to sing the Star Spangled Banner when Ryder interrupted. Ryder was not over at all, unfortunately. He won quickly with double knees and the Rough Rider. Afterwards, Swagger and Ziggler looked for the double team but Mason Ryan made the save.

Dolph Ziggler beat Mason Ryan via DQ. Vickie slapped Ryan and Ryan proceeded to go crazy on Ziggler. He was disqualified for beating up Ziggler too much in the corner.

Backstage, Jim Ross told John Cena he doesn’t need to be wrestling and didn’t want to screw things up for Cena. Cena said Ross is a Hall of Famer and the greatest voice WWE ever had, and that he has the right partner. Cena told Ross to stand in the corner and let Cena do his thing. Ross said he would like to get his hands on Cole and Cena said he’d do him that favor. Cena felt much more genuine and likeable in this segment without a bunch of added showmanship.

John Cena and Jim Ross beat Alberto Del Rio and Michael Cole. John Cena interestingly got what seemed to be a really positive reaction coming out, much more so than in the US of late. However, the crowd over time turned on him, chanted Mexico and by the end he was heavily booed. I almost wonder if this whole scenario was booked to try to get Jim Ross booed.

Cole wanted Ross at the start. Ross slapped hard so Cole tagged Del Rio. Ross tagged in Cena. Del Rio worked over Cena for a while and then missed a senton off the ropes. Cena made his comebacks with shoulderblocks, the Cena slam and the five knuckle. Del Rio in desperation tagged Cole. Cena gave him the FU and was thinking STF but instead he tagged Ross back in. Ross applied the ankle lock and Cole tapped. Cena gave Del Rio the FU on the floor. He counted Del Rio out for a count of 10 and announced they would have a last man standing match.

Final Thoughts:

This Raw was much better than last week’s show. I know, some standard. It’s hard to even judge if this was good or bad in general terms because last week lowered the bar so low. I will say it was weird to build a show in Mexico so heavily around promos in English and the English broadcast team.

WWE Raw Report

2011-10-10T21:01:00.000-07:00

Date: 10/10/11 from Oklahoma City, OK.

The Big News: The John Laurinaitis Era has begun.

Show Analysis:

They cut backstage to start the show and nobody was around. HHH walked out of his office and came to the ring. He said he was bewildered to see everyone walk out. He added that the people who walked out walked out not only on HHH but on the people. HHH made fun of the boycotters who wouldn’t perform unless HHH stepped down. HHH asked the fans whether he should give in, and everyone said no. HHH said he won’t be blackmailed or coerced to quit. He said that he would wrestle a broomstick for the next two hours and it would probably give him a better match than most of the guys in the parking lot. Ha! Get it? Because everybody on the roster sucks!

John Cena showed up and said that everyone wanted to know where he stood. Cena noted that the people in the parking lot were all lobbying him while HHH hadn’t been in touch. Cena said HHH is his boss and that he would stay. Cena said his loyalty lies with the people and shook hands with HHH.

Sheamus was next out. He said that he once tried to take out HHH to make a name for himself. HHH could have filed a lawsuit but instead he came back and gave Sheamus the biggest ass whipping of his life. I like how everyone is scripted to put over how badly HHH kicks their asses. Sheamus said he wouldn’t join those losers sitting out there in the parking lot.

CM Punk then came out. He said that he started the whole thing, but that he never broke his word because his contract was expiring. Punk added that he was making a point to the whole company and not one man. He said that WWE is about settling conflict in the ring, and that he dealt with HHH and Cena personally. Punk concluded that he was the last guy they would expect to have in the foxhole with them, but there he was. He asked what they would do now.

HHH made Sheamus vs. Cena with HHH as referee and Punk doing commentary and ringing the bell. HHH and Punk bantered comically and HHH gave him his jacket to wear. Cena, Sheamus and Punk came off as such pandering, corporate suck-ups here. Not that I’m saying that’s a bad thing. I’ve always had affection for pandering, corporate babyfaces.

Sheamus and John Cena fought to a no contest. CM Punk did drop in an amusing Rob Naylor reference before Vince McMahon came out to interrupt the match with a video labeling him WWE chairman. Vince said he wanted to have a word with HHH, and so Sheamus and Cena just walked off and left. Vince said he likes what HHH is doing but the board of directors is concerned things will get out of control and shows will have to be cancelled. Thus, the board of directors told HHH that his services are no longer needed. They are looking for a new full time GM but for now John Laurinaitis is interim GM.

After the break, the roster was shown coming back into the building, shaking hands with Laurinaitis. So, all the faces walked out on the show and the fans in order to install John Laurinaitis as general manager. Good for them. They probably got a better deal than what the NBPA will end up with, and are only slightly less sympathetic than Latrell Sprewell in his final negotiations with the Wolves back in ‘04. John Morrison told Laurinaitis he sucks so Laurinaitis ordered him to the ring for a match. Christian suggested Laurinaitis should be permanent GM and Laurinaitis told him he would be wrestling Morrison. Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole returned.

Christian beat John Morrison. Both wrestled in their street clothes. Morrison was quickly distracted by Swagger and Ziggler and Christian hit a spear for the win. After the match, those three and Cody Rhodes attacked and beat up Morrison some more.

Backstage, John Laurinaitis told HHH that he didn’t want the job, but that he was appointed. Laurinaitis said he is willing to make sacrifices for the company because he loves WWE. HHH asked him if he ever tried to pick up his teeth with a bunch of broken fingers.

Randy Orton beat Mark Henry via DQ. Henry before the match said it took him 15 years to win the title and he’s the most dominant champion of all time. Henry said he will take on anybody provided they are the number one contender and Big Show wasn’t. Henry said that at Vengeance, vengeance will be his. Orton then interrupted and said that vengeance would be Orton’s.

Henry was in control early. Orton came back with a draping DDT and was setting up for the RKO when Rhodes came out. Orton knocked him out of the ring. Henry tried to use the distraction to hit the world’s strongest slam but Orton escaped and hit the RKO. Orton had Henry pinned but Rhodes then interfered for the DQ. This was a great way of setting up Henry vs. Orton for the title at Vengeance. Wait, what? Henry’s wrestling Big Show for the title at Vengeance? Oh.

After the match, Henry gave Orton two world’s strongest slams. Rhodes then gave Orton a roll of the dice and put a bag over Orton’s head. You know, I wasn’t sold on the idea of putting a bag over someone’s head as a main event angle, but after seeing it in practice, I think it’s got real money drawing potential. Rhodes then asked Orton if he would like a receipt with his paper bag and laughed maniacally. Money.

Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres beat Rosa Mendes and Tamina. Kelly did some spots with Rosa and Tamina. Then Eve came in and pinned Tamina with a kick to the face and a moonsault. This would have been a great match if only every spot didn’t look terrible.

John Laurinaitis came to the ring and announced John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio for the title at Vengeance. I think the crowd microphones weren’t working, because the crowd didn’t seem to react at all for that one. They probably broke down some time around halfway through the show, because it was almost like they were dead for absolutely everything in the second hour.

Laurinaitis then brought Jim Ross into the ring. He pointed out that Ross walked out on HHH after HHH gave him his job, not to mention walked out on the fans and walked out on his hometown crowd in Oklahoma. Geez, Ross really is a jerk and a fool. Laurinaitis concluded that makes Ross an ingrate and fired Ross. Serves him right. Ross just no sold this completely and walked to the back as if the show were over and nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Michael Cole celebrated by going crazy. The good times are back again on commentary.

Mason Ryan, Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne beat Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger and David Otunga. The heels worked over Kingston. Ryan tagged in and hit clotheslines and a big boot on Ziggler. Otunga broke up the pin. A brawl broke out and Ryan hit the twisting uranage for the pin. So Ryan is apparently the new contender for Ziggler’s title. That sounds like a good idea.

Alberto Del Rio and CM Punk fought to a no contest. In the middle of their match, Laurinaitis came out and announced Punk and Del Rio would be wrestling in a tag match against the reinstated Miz and R. Truth.

CM Punk and Alberto Del Rio beat Miz and R. Truth via DQ. Punk and Del Rio worked as a team for a bit until Del Rio sold his leg and walked off. The heels double teamed Punk. Punk hit a high knee, bulldog and top rope elbow on Miz. He went for the GTS but Truth broke it up and then Truth and Miz just attacked Punk for a big until they were disqualified. They sure fooled me. I figured after all that they’d just have someone win. It was a fitting end to a night of great finishes.

HHH hit the ring after the match and beat up Truth and Miz. HHH and Punk cleared the ring together. Backstage, Laurinaitis told David Otunga that he would have the board make Miz and Truth vs. HHH and Punk at Vengeance. About time HHH and Punk became buddies. It was such a natural partnership.

Final Thoughts:

What a great show. I may have more faith in Vince Russo right now than the WWE writing team, but it’s close, so good for them.

WWE Raw Report

2011-10-03T21:48:00.001-07:00

Date: 10/03/11 from Lafayette, LA.

The Big News: Nobody has any confidence in HHH.

Show Analysis:

Randy Orton beat Drew McIntyre. McIntyre hit a kick to the face, snap suplex, choke and neck breaker. Orton then made a quick comeback with the draping DDT and RKO for the pin. Orton gave McIntyre an additional RKO after the match. Mark Henry then came out and held up his title. Orton attacked Henry and they had a pull apart brawl. Orton threw Henry over the barricade. That feud apparently will continue.

Mark Henry beat John Morrison. Henry hit a clothesline and went for the world’s strongest slam but Morrison escaped and hit a series of kicks. Morrison successfully landed starship pain but Henry kicked out. Henry caught Morrison with a kick to the head and the world’s strongest slam for the pin. Henry then gave Morrison an additional world’s strongest slam after the match.

Henry took the microphone after the match and said that he heard Big Show is looking for him but he isn’t hard to find. Henry vowed that Show’s return to WWE will be the shortest in WWE history. Henry was just great screaming with fury. Unfortunately, the crowd was chanting “what” at him, not a good sign for a serious heel booked like such a monster.

Backstage, John Laurinaitis met with David Otunga and some other heels. Laurinaitis wanted to know if Otunga had anything to do with Miz and R. Truth filing a lawsuit. Otunga was evasive.

Christian, Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler, Cody Rhodes, David Otunga, Vickie Guerrero and Alberto Del Rio came to the ring. Del Rio said he got rid of John Cena and CM Punk but couldn’t celebrate because two guys who were supposed to be fired attacked him. He blamed HHH and said only HHH had the power to raise and lower the cell. Christian said that since HHH took over, Raw has been an unsafe place to work. Rhodes said they are all victims of HHH’s ego. Ziggler said HHH needs to be supervised. Swagger said his friends and family are concerned for him whenever he wrestles.

Vickie Guerrero took the microphone and got nuclear heat. It really was striking given she hasn’t been involved in a big heat angle in quite a while. She said as a woman she feels especially vulnerable. Otunga then said they can keep working and risk their livelihood or band together to take legal action. That brought out HHH, who said men used to fight, not whine and cry and file lawsuits. HHH told them to shut up and fight later in the show.

Beth Phoenix and Natalya beat Eve Torres and Kelly Kelly. Kelly just freaked out from the beginning, screeching and attacking Beth. She rammed Beth repeatedly into the announce table until she was disqualified and then just kept attacking Beth. Kelly was annoying and unlikeable acting like this, but it’s not like she brings anything to the table other than looks no matter what role she’s playing.

John Laurinaitis backstage told HHH that Laurinaitis is not responsible for what happened at Hell in a Cell. He wanted an apology from HHH for knocking him down accidentally last night. He then said that HHH should ask talent for a vote of confidence later in the show. HHH told everyone to come to the ring for that, including Laurinaitis.

The returning Santino Marella beat Jinder Mahal. Santino spoke gibberish in response to Mahal’s Indian prior to the match for comedy. Mahal missed a knee and Santino hit the cobra for the win in a matter of seconds.

They aired the angle with Miz and Truth from Hell in a Cell pretty much in its entirety. They then had a youtube video with Miz and Truth apologizing for the incident while complaining about HHH and explaining their wrongful termination and assault lawsuit.

John Cena, CM Punk, Sheamus, Mason Ryan, Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne beat Alberto Del Rio, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, Cody Rhodes, Christian and David Otunga. They gave them over 25 minutes and this was a good match. The heels worked over Kingston for a while and then worked over Bourne for a while. Cena got the tag and hit shoulder blocks and the Cena slam on Del Rio. Cena went for the FU but Del Rio countered and the heels took over on Cena.

Cena eventually got the tag to Sheamus. Sheamus hit a powerslam and knee lift on Ziggler. Sheamus went to the top but Christian grabbed him and Del Rio pushed him off the top. Ziggler gave Sheamus the famouser but Sheamus kicked out. Christian hit a spear on Sheamus, which set up the spot where everyone takes turns hitting moves on other guys. Bourne hit a double knee off the top on Christian. Rhodes hit the roll of the dice on Christian. Punk hit the GTS on Del Rio. Cena gave Otunga the FU. Ziggler hit the zig zag on Cena, but Sheamus then gave Ziggler the Brogue kick for the win.

The Raw wrestlers, Smackdown wrestlers, referees and Jerry Lawler circled the ring for the final segment. Lawler being there was a cruel development after having to endure Booker T the previous two hours. A few of the top faces weren’t out there, including John Cena, CM Punk and Randy Orton.

HHH said the COO role was a job he was given, not something he sought. He said that he’s not upset at Miz and Truth for what they did but rather for being unable to deal with their punishment. HHH said he likes watching wrestlers fight and the people like watching wrestlers fight. He concluded that he works for the fans and asked the wrestlers what they thought.

Wade Barrett said that it is an unsafe working environment and that HHH is incapable of controlling talent. Barrett said HHH likes chaos and is out of control. HHH responded by mocking Barrett for failing in his attempts to create chaos. Referee Mike Chioda said he has never seen so much referee abuse and for the first time in over a decade he is afraid to come to work.

Beth Phoenix said that on behalf of the women, they are afraid something might happen. HHH basically pointed out nothing has and Beth said that it could. Jerry Lawler then came in the ring. He said he agreed with some things said and disagreed with others. Lawler said he thinks the show is spiraling out of control. Lawler said someone behind the scenes is trying to sabotage HHH’s job and won’t stop until HHH is gone. Thus, Lawler concluded it is ultimately HHH’s fault that things are so dangerous for the performers.

Christian called for a vote. He voted no confidence with some other heels. Chioda and the referees said no confidence. Beth and the women said no confidence. Lawler said no confidence and walked out. The wrestlers then started walking about. Michael Cole walked out. The final faces walked out. Booker T and the ring announcer walked out. The cameramen put down their cameras and walked out. Finally, Jim Ross got up and walked out. Laurinaitis walked out onto the stage shaking his head with just HHH standing at ringside.

Final Thoughts:

On the positive side, I like the renewed focus on providing mostly clean finishes. I think that will be a very helpful development if it continues over time. This show also had good wrestling content.

On the downside, this HHH angle is just terrible. Who cares if HHH retains his COO job or not? It’s not like things are any different with him in charge. It’s not like he’s had the role for any real period of time. It’s not like he seems to care much about having the job. It’s not like he’s going to leave the show if they remove him from the job. And yet we have to listen to the announcers go on and on and on about it all two hours.

What’s even more annoying is it all feels so fake and contrived. HHH has only been in his role a few months and things are the same as they always are. They were doing tons of angles at a breakneck pace before HHH was in charge. A few angles with Miz and Truth don’t feel like anything out of the ordinary. Yet now the story is things are out of control and so everyone talks about that even though it doesn’t remotely feel that way. It’s just the directive, like everyone must say “WWE Universe” over and over again even though nobody in the real world would be caught dead using that asinine expression.

It’s fine if the heels say that things are out of control. They are after all heels, out to get rid of HHH the babyface. But when all the face wrestlers, announcers and cameramen seem to agree, it just feels ridiculous. It’s not that it inspires anger at the faces for doing that, although they certainly don’t come off well. It’s simply unbelievable that those characters are acting that way.

We’ve seen cars blowing up, vehicular attacks, gang beatdowns, big injury angles to top stars and a cavalcade of hotshot angles and now the cameramen are walking off the job because they’re terrified of a Miz run-in? The wrestlers are unanimous in turning on HHH as an authority figure because of a Miz run-in? It’s just bad storytelling. They haven’t made the stakes feel important or the actions feel believable, and by acting like it’s this huge deal it will be even harder next month when they try to hotshot another big angle.

WWE Raw Report

2011-09-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

Date: 09/26/11 from Kansas City, MO.

The Big News: Hell in a Cell is so dead as a pay-per-view attraction.

Show Analysis:

Booker T replaced Jerry Lawler on commentary for this show alongside Michael Cole and Jim Ross, due to Lawler’s injury suffered last week.

HHH came out to the ring and said that he fired Miz and R. Truth for attacking WWE officials and an insincere apology. He said that he knew he was going to fire them but used them for one last match before firing them. He then announced Mark Henry was fined $250,000 for attacking Jerry Lawler. HHH said he will always do what’s right for WWE, even if it means firing a friend like Kevin Nash.

Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler interrupted, with Ziggler complaining about being punched by Hugh Jackman. He claimed to have a hairline fracture of the jaw but he can still compete. HHH mockingly offered Ziggler security when the Muppets are on Raw next week. That brought out Cody Rhodes, who complained about being hit with the ring bell by Randy Orton. HHH told Rhodes to suck it up and get his revenge like he did when he feuded with Orton. Christian was the next to come out and he complained about Sheamus involving himself in Christian’s match Friday. “It was a lumberjack match, idiot,” HHH replied. That was funny.

Christian threatened to file a lawsuit unless HHH gave him one more match. So HHH announced Christian vs. Sheamus at Hell in a Cell, Christian vs. Orton on Smackdown and Christian vs. John Cena on Raw in a non-title match. HHH further announced Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder for the US title on Raw. He then gave Rhodes the night off, but Rhodes kept talking back until HHH ultimately made him defend his IC title in a 10 man battle royal.

Cody Rhodes won a battle royal to retain the Intercontinental title. Drew McIntyre was the first wrestler eliminated. Sin Cara 2 pulled out Sin Cara 1 and went into the match himself, but he was then quickly eliminated so both Sin Caras were out. Sheamus dumped Alex Riley and Justin Gabriel. Ezekiel Jackson took out Daniel Bryan and John Morrison. Sheamus and Jackson then squared off with Sheamus getting the best of it. Rhodes eliminated Ted DiBiase. Jackson threw Rhodes over the top but Rhodes’ feet didn’t hit the floor and he pulled down the top rope to eliminate Jackson when Jackson charged at him.

Sheamus went for the razor’s edge on Rhodes but Rhodes got out. Christian came out to distract Sheamus. Sheamus missed a Brogue kick and then basically climbed over the top rope on his own. Rhodes went to knock Sheamus from the ring apron with his face mask but Sheamus avoided it. Christian then went after Sheamus. Sheamus kicked Christian off but it gave Rhodes the chance to hit Sheamus with the mask for the elimination. Christian posted Sheamus after the match. I’m not a fan of the idea of putting a title on the line in a battle royal but at least there wasn’t a switch under that scenario.

Backstage, David Otunga (without Michael McGillicutty but with a big bowtie) complained to John Laurinaitis about HHH’s decisions. Laurinaitis suggested Otunga take advantage of his Harvard Law degree. Otunga said wrestlers do come to him for his legal advice. Laurinaitis said that maybe he will assert his influence a little bit more and took out his cell phone for some texting.

Natalya and Beth Phoenix beat Eve Torres and Kelly Kelly. Natalya and Beth worked over Eve. Kelly tagged in and hit a top rope Thesz press, whirlybird, handspring elbow and bulldog on Beth. Kelly then sent Natalya out of the ring, but Beth took advantage of the opportunity to hit a double sledge to the face and glam slam for the win.

Mark Henry was supposed to wrestle Great Khali but the match never started. Henry hit Khali with the title belt and gave him the world’s strongest slam.

John Cena cut a relatively brief promo in the ring. He said that a triple threat Hell in a Cell match is necessary to resolve the controversy between himself, Punk and Del Rio. He put over the Cell as a problem solver. He then cut a cheesy, melodramatic promo about the Hell in a Cell concept. Cena said there is no way in hell he is losing the title.

John Cena beat Christian via DQ. CM Punk and Alberto Del Rio came out for commentary, with Punk burying Booker T’s commentary. Christian hit a dropkick off the ropes but missed a top rope splash. Cena hit his shoulder blocks but Christian got out of the Cena slam attempt. Cena then caught him with the Cena slam and five knuckle. Christian bailed to the outside as Cena went for the FU.

Cena knocked Christian into the announce table by Punk and Del Rio. Del Rio attacked Punk. Christian attacked Cena. Christian went for the spear back in the ring but Cena lifted him up for the FU. Del Rio then gave Cena an enzuigiri for the DQ. Punk went after Del Rio but Del Rio bailed. Del Rio said his destiny is to become WWE champion again. This was woefully short for a Christian match with a terrible finish.

Dolph Ziggler beat Zack Ryder to retain the US title. Ziggler had the advantage early. Ryder hit a kick to the face but Ziggler escaped the Rough Rider. Swagger then snapped Ryder’s neck on the top rope and Ziggler hit the zig zag for the win. After the match, Ziggler and Swagger shook hands and started to beat up Ryder some more when Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston made the save. Teddy Long then told Ziggler and Swagger to find a partner because a six man tag was coming immediately.

Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne and Zack Ryder beat Mason Ryan, Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger. This started as a handicap match as Vickie Guerrero searched for a partner. The heels worked over Bourne until Kingston got the tag. At that point, Mason Ryan came out. The faces worked over Swagger a bit but Swagger hit a head over heels clothesline on Ryder and tagged Ryan. However, Ryan came in and attacked Swagger. He tagged Ziggler and then gave Ziggler a press slam into a uranage. Ryder then hit the Rough Rider on Ziggler for the win. So they set up a face title challenger by having him lose a one-on-one match and then get the pin in a four-on-two. And just what we need is another green musclehead face.

Backstage, David Otunga met with Vickie Guerrero, Dolph Ziggler, Christian and Cody Rhodes. Otunga said they had an unsafe working conditions claim against WWE. He said he wasn’t sure if a lawsuit was the way to go, but that if it is, they need to be together. They all agreed to this. I like this usage of Otunga.

CM Punk beat Alberto Del Rio. John Cena did commentary and Punk threw Del Rio into him as a receipt for earlier. Del Rio worked over Punk’s arm and then Punk just hit a high kick for an abrupt pin. The cell then lowered. Ricardo Rodriguez attacked Punk and went to run away but Cena stopped him. Punk gave Rodriguez the GTS and Cena gave Rodriguez the FU. Punk went to give the GTS to Cena but Cena escaped. Cena went for the FU on Punk, but Del Rio came back in to attack both guys repeatedly with a chair.

Final Thoughts:

This was a pretty standard 2011 WWE television show. It wasn’t bad when you compare it on a week by week basis to what they have been doing, but there are just so many big picture problems with what they are trying to do.

WWE Raw Report

2011-09-19T20:50:00.001-07:00

Date: 09/19/11 from Cleveland, OH.

The Big News: Miz and R. Truth were “fired.”

Show Analysis:

CM Punk came out to start the show limping badly. He noted that Cleveland has never been kind to him, as he once had to forfeit his title and once Hardcore Holly hit him so hard he still has a dead spot in his eye. He said that he’s beaten up, at which point Jerry Lawler started mocking him. Punk started to say that he might have been wrong about conspiracy when HHH came out to interrupt. Jim Ross had said that HHH was limping backstage but of course he walked out just fine. At least HHH said he was beat up.

HHH opened by announcing John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. Punk in a Hell in a Cell triple threat title match for the next PPV in two weeks. He reiterated that he has nothing to do with any conspiracy and offered to fight Punk right there. Punk responded by saying that someone is playing both of them. He said the conspiracy doesn’t involve HHH but someone higher on the ladder. John Laurinaitis came out and told HHH not to believe anything Punk says.

Punk asserted that Laurinaitis wants to be COO and if HHH lost, Laurinaitis would have swooped in. Punk accused Laurinaitis of being behind the Miz, R. Truth and Kevin Nash run-ins. Laurinaitis said that HHH has lost control of the show but he wasn’t involved in any of that. Laurinaitis said Punk works for him. HHH said Laurinaitis works for him. HHH said he’d get to the bottom of this. Laurinaitis fired Punk. HHH said Punk wasn’t fired, but by the end of the night someone would be fired.

Justin Gabriel, Sheamus, Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne beat David Otunga, Christian, Wade Barrett and Michael McGillicutty. Nobody in the match got an entrance. Jim Ross at one point said WWF accidentally and it was censored. The heels worked over Bourne. Sheamus got the tag and hit a back breaker on Otunga. Kingston used a frog crossbody to take out Barrett. Christian set up for the spear but was caught with a boot to the head by Sheamus. Sheamus then gave Otunga a Brogue kick and razor’s edge for the win.

Backstage, HHH told a referee that he wanted to see Miz and R. Truth. Alberto Del Rio came in and criticized HHH for his title rematch coming in a cell and with Punk also in the match. HHH offered to give Del Rio his rematch on Raw but Del Rio said he needed the rest. Del Rio said he prays Vince McMahon comes back to run things, so they’re already teasing that.

Alberto Del Rio beat John Morrison with an armbar submission in a minute or so. Del Rio just worked over the arm quickly and applied the armbar for the tap. It seemed like this was partially intended as a burial of Morrison, but it’s also possible they just really wanted to put Del Rio over strong following his title loss.

Hugh Jackman came out. He ran the ropes, and yes, he was better than Kelly Kelly. He seemed in a great mood and was enthusiastic. He plugged his new movie. Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler interrupted. Vickie came on to Jackman. Jackman offered to shake hands with Ziggler but Ziggler refused and instead ran down Jackman and put himself over. They told the story that Jackman would find an underdog to beat Ziggler, with the underdog theme tying into his movie. There were “we want Ryder” chants. Jackman immediately recognized that and brought a Ryder sign into the ring. Jackman was great here.

Sin Cara was supposed to wrestle Cody Rhodes, but that never happened. The original Sin Cara came out first, but then Sin Cara Dos came out. They fought and blew a couple spots. The original Sin Cara cleared the ring of the second Sin Cara. They need to go ahead and clearly differentiate these two soon, because with them looking the same the crowd just isn’t reacting to Cara like they were before they started this angle.

Backstage, Miz and Truth apologized to John Laurinaitis. Then they apologized to HHH and were acting all humble and basically groveling. This was so stupid as they came across as enhancement talent cowering before the boss rather than heel main eventers. HHH accepted their apologies but said they would each be fined $250,000. I get that you want the idea they are making a lot of money, but they went overboard with that figure.

Jim Ross announced Randy Orton would wrestle Mark Henry in a title Hell in a Cell match at the next pay-per-view. He then brought Mark Henry down for an interview. Henry said he has never been in a Hell in a Cell match but he gave Orton hell the night before and he will do it again. He read his title belt, saying, “This says ‘World Heavyweight Champion Mark Henry.’” In fact, it read “World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion Mark Henry.” Evidently we’re supposed to pretend not to see that word. Henry said he will never forgive the people for not supporting him and wanted Jim Ross to apologize.

Henry said that Jim Ross wanted Vince McMahon to fire Mark Henry at one point because he thought Henry was injury prone and an underachiever. Henry demanded an apology and Ross apology. Henry then said he hates ass kissers. He grabbed Ross by the tie and choked him. Jerry Lawler went into the ring and asked Henry to stop. Henry let Ross go but then said Lawler would take his place. Lawler punched Henry in self-defense but Henry gave him a head butt and world’s strongest slam. He then gave Lawler another world’s strongest slam through the announce table. Josh Mathews and Michael Cole commentated the rest of the show. Henry was again really good here.

Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres beat Beth Phoenix and Natalya. The heels worked over Eve a bit and then she just rolled up Natalya for the win. This was a waste of time.

Zack Ryder beat Dolph Ziggler. Jackman recruited Ryder backstage before the match despite openly recognizing Ryder’s kind of a goof. There were let’s go Ryder chants. Ziggler hit a superkick and dropkick. They knocked each other down with a double clothesline. Vickie slapped Ryder so the referee ejected Vickie. Jackman then snuck up and punched Ziggler (which looked quite good) and Ryder hit the rough rider for the win. Jackman was again really good here and this was a fun segment.

They aired a Jack Swagger video package. Then, Swagger and Vickie Guerrero agreed that he would officially join her stable. Punk and Cena spoke backstage. Cena said that they are a lot alike. They each speculated the other might be fired by HHH.

John Cena and CM Punk beat Miz and R. Truth. The heels worked over Cena. Cena tagged Punk. Punk hit the high knee, bulldog and GTS on Miz for the win. After the match, HHH fired Miz and Truth. Truth and Miz attacked HHH backstage but most of the roster was sitting together watching a monitor and they grabbed Miz and Truth and threw them out of the building.

Final Thoughts:

For entertainment value, this was one of the better recent Raws even if the big picture problems with creative remain glaring. In particular, Hugh Jackman was tremendous. He looked like he was having a great time, he was on point with everything he did, and he’s legitimately a big star for them to get on. Mark Henry was another highlight.

WWE Raw Report

2011-09-12T21:38:00.001-07:00

Date: 09/12/11 from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada.

The Big News: CM Punk and HHH “shot” on each other.

Show Analysis:

Alberto Del Rio was in the ring to start the show. He said that he can take boos but he can’t take disrespect. Ricardo Rodriguez started to interject that nobody disrespects Del Rio but Del Rio yanked the microphone away from him. Del Rio said he’s the champion and nobody makes fun of him. He claimed to have taken Rey Mysterio out and forced Edge to retire.

Bret Hart came out to interrupt. Hart was tripping over his lines and words and seemed to get lost. He was really bad here. He basically said Del Rio is a bad champion and should face all challenges and be a true champion like he was. Del Rio responded that Hart looks like a homeless bum with a 1994 jacket and greasy hair, like one of those illegal Canadians he hires to clean his house. That was a funny line. Del Rio said he would make an example of Hart.

John Cena came out to defend Hart. He said Hart is a Hall of Famer and now Del Rio is showing courage with Hart when he is always cowering from Cena. Cena told Del Rio to party it up because he will only be WWE champion another six days. Del Rio suggested Cena vs. Rodriguez for Raw. Cena responded by suggesting Del Rio vs. Hart. Some face, throwing a 54-year-old stroke victim under the bus. John Laurinaitis came out and made Del Rio and Rodriguez vs. Cena and Hart.

John Morrison and Alex Riley beat Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger. The heels worked over Morrison. Riley tagged in with a spine buster and STO. He went for an implant DDT which Swagger reversed into an ankle lock. Riley then sent Swagger into Ziggler and gave Swagger a neck breaker for the pin. Ziggler had the chance to make the save but chose not to. Ziggler and Swagger argued after. The crowd was dead for this.

Miz beat Kofi Kingston. Before the match, Miz and R. Truth ran down the HHH/CM Punk feud. At the end they made brief mention of their tag title match Sunday. They also did some terrible comedy. Truth said ninja please. Oh, the humor. Kingston hit dropkicks and a springboard crossbody. Miz hit a back breaker but Kingston countered the neck breaker into a backslide for two. Kingston went to the top but was crotched and Miz gave him a neck breaker off the top. Miz hit the skull crushing finale for the win. This was a good short match.

Backstage, Teddy Long announced Ziggler vs. Swagger vs. Riley vs. Morrison for the US title at Night of Champions. Vickie Guerrero was angry. Kelly Kelly was nearby and suggested Vickie be nicer in her lobbying. Vickie called Kelly a ditzy Barbie doll and said even she could beat Kelly. Teddy Long said they’d have the chance to find out.

Jerry Lawler and Sheamus beat David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty. Lawler argued with the heels before the match. They worked over Lawler briefly. Sheamus came in with clotheslines, a top rope shoulder block, and a Brogue kick on each man. He then gave McGillicutty the razor’s edge for the win. Apparently the angle is Lawler picks a different partner each week to beat Otunga and McGillicutty. This is one of those WWE programs where it’s more focused on how the people losing suck than how the people winning are good. Obviously, the opposite is much more productive.

Backstage, Ricardo Rodriguez was warming up and drinking something. He told Del Rio it was an aphrodisiac. I think this was intended as comedy. I don’t know.

John Cena and Bret Hart beat Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez. Del Rio ordered Rodriguez to start. Cena beat up Rodriguez a little and Rodriguez tagged Del Rio back in. Del Rio ran from Cena but then took over. Cena gained control and went for the FU but Rodriguez tried to stop Cena and tagged himself in. Cena hit shoulder blocks, the Cena slam, the five knuckle and the FU on Rodriguez. Del Rio left. Cena tagged in Hart, who applied the sharpshooter for the win.

Kelly Kelly beat Vickie Guerrero. Kelly spanked Vickie and gave her the stinkface. Ziggler and Swagger then got into an argument on the outside. Vickie was distracted and Kelly rolled her up for the win. So Vickie Guerrero can’t just lose without distraction? Beth Phoenix ran out but Kelly kicked her and left.

Mark Henry did a 30 second promo backstage that may have been the highlight of the show. He said that for 15 years he has been overlooked and given no respect. Henry said that has gotten him to this point where he can be world champion. He promised Orton will enter the hall of pain Sunday.

Cody Rhodes beat Randy Orton. Orton was working over Rhodes when Mark Henry came out on the ramp. That fool Orton just turned his back on Rhodes and left the ring. Rhodes of course gave him a high knee when he turned around. Rhodes took over for a bit. Orton made his comeback with the draping DDT but Henry walked up the steps. The moron Orton decided not to hit the RKO on Rhodes and instead turned his back to look at Henry on the steps. So Rhodes hit that idiot Orton with his face mask and gave him the roll of the dice for the win. After the match, Henry hit Orton with a chair.

It’s a shame this match was booked so terribly, because they’ve done a great job building up Henry. But it’s hard to get behind a brain damaged babyface who can’t concentrate on a match. It’s hard to take matches seriously when you’ve got two of those asinine distraction finishes in a row. And the title means jack shit when the champion gets pinned by a midcard guy the week of the pay-per-view. What makes it all the more infuriating is this is standard WWE PPV “build.” Hey, who am I to argue with success?

The final segment was a long insider argument between CM Punk and HHH. Punk opened by saying he respects HHH, particularly his firing of Kevin Nash. Didn’t you say last week you didn’t believe Nash was fired? Wasn’t the whole thing that you’re not stupid enough to fall for that? Punk said he knows HHH doesn’t like him and says things behind his back. Punk said that when he debuted in WWE HHH called him a pompous, undersized internet darling who couldn’t hang with HHH.

HHH responded that’s changed a little. Punk said that isn’t good enough. Punk said HHH and Vince McMahon share the same opinions and have let the business pass them by with the bodybuilder fetish for main eventers. HHH brought up Shawn Michaels, Mick Foley, Bret Hart and Rey Mysterio. HHH asked if Punk was using the size thing as an excuse for his own failures. He added that his opinion doesn’t matter, just the opinion of the fans. HHH said you just have to get the fans on your side. Punk retorted that if HHH is listening, where are Punk’s ice cream bars?

Punk said he has heard the brass ring speech plenty of times and heard it before his first WWE PPV in 2006. He said he was on DX’s team but the people in Philadelphia were chanting CM Punk. HHH looked down at his watch. HHH said he has been on pay-per-view, been in main events, held titles, and received lots of opportunities. He said maybe Punk should look in the mirror and recognize he might not be the best in the world.

HHH trumpeted Cena as a guy who came from nothing and built himself into the biggest star in the industry. HHH said sometimes he’s right and sometimes he’s wrong evaluating talent and basically said he didn’t see anything in Cena when he started. Punk implored HHH to listen to the people chanting his name. HHH said now they are chanting his name but last year they weren’t so much. Punk said he has earned everything by busting his ass. HHH said that was good and you don’t get handed anything in the wrestling business. He added that HHH has a warped internet philosophy.

HHH said their issue isn’t business but personal. HHH tried to keep it business but Punk made it personal. HHH said Sunday as a man, he is going to kick Punk’s ass. Punk responded that’s one more thing HHH is wrong about because Punk is the best in the world and will pin HHH. Punk said his quest for change won’t stop until HHH is no longer COO.

Punk said he had one more thing to say, and not as CM Punk to HHH but as Phil Brooks to Paul Levesque. At that point, Punk’s microphone went out. HHH’s microphone worked and he gave it to Punk, but that microphone went out as well when Punk started to speak. HHH then asked for a third microphone. He checked that it worked and gave it to Punk. Punk took the microphone but just hit HHH with it and did a crotch chop to close the show.

I didn’t care for this segment. It was way too inside, and brought up a bunch of things that are better left not said in front of the camera. Punk was framed as a whiner and a failure rather than a star, and his words ring hollow when things aren’t changing at all in spite of his words. Most of all, the segment just seemed aimed at a really narrow audience. When they started this Punk angle, I liked it because there were a lot broad stroke issues that people could relate to and understand. But as it has gone on, they’ve become narrower rather than becoming broader.

Final Thoughts:

This was one of the worst Raws of the past few months. The writing of the show was just terrible. Up and down the show, the banter and comedy was god awful. The booking of the matches was bad. The pay-per-view build was counterproductive. And few of the performers were able to transcend the limitations of the material.

WWE Raw Report

2011-09-05T22:22:00.001-07:00

Date: 09/06/11 from Columbus, OH.

The Big News: HHH fired Kevin Nash.

Show Analysis:

CM Punk came out to a decidedly mixed reaction. He said he’s different in that he doesn’t have a filter and that makes him a target. Punk said he wants Nash, who is the status quo with the same music since 1996 and the same beard and hair dye since the first Gulf War. He added that HHH and Nash are trying to trick him into believing they are enemies when really they are still friends and Nash will have HHH’s back at Night of Champions. He told Nash to face him as a man. They delayed a bit before Nash came out, which I think it something they should always do to make it feel real rather than contrived when there is an impromptu challenge.

Kevin Nash came out and said he does what he wants and fights when he wants. Punk ran through Nash’s gimmicks. Nash told Punk to look at each man and noted every time he comes down he leaves Punk lying. He said that HHH pulling him from the match just protected Punk from getting killed. Punk responded by referencing the Longest Yard and saying that when Nash won the WWF title for the first time it was the year Justin Bieber was born, Arsenio Hall still had a show and Punk couldn’t legally drive. That seemed mean enough that people booed.

Nash was walking to the ring when HHH’s music hit. Nash told HHH that Punk is a cancer and HHH needs to get rid of him. HHH said normally he’d be inclined to do that but this week he discovered the truth. HHH said he got security footage from Staples Center and that it was Kevin Nash who went into HHH’s office and sent himself a text from HHH’s cell phone. So, apparently Nash snuck into HHH’s office hoping HHH wouldn’t be there but that HHH would leave his cell phone lying around rather than just keeping it in his pocket. And then he would send a text to himself from HHH rather than just claiming HHH sent it, when HHH would know he was lying either way. Okay.

Nash admitted to doing this and said that he made WWE cool again. Wait, what? He said WWE isn’t big enough for both him and Punk. HHH said that he doesn’t like Punk but Punk hasn’t lied to him and all Nash does is lie. Nash was incredulous HHH would pick Punk over him and started poking HHH and challenging him. HHH responded by punching Nash. He then said Nash is fired. Punk laughed at Nash and wished him best of luck in his future endeavors. So wait, why does Punk believe Nash and HHH aren’t still in cahoots? And why would Nash be upset when he made it clear last week he was happy to get fired and collect his guaranteed paycheck at home? They showed Kevin Nash and John Laurinaitis leaving together.

Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne beat Great Khali and Jinder Mahal. The heels worked over Bourne. Kingston tagged in and hit some clotheslines. He went for the boom drop on Mahal but Khali pulled down the top rope. Mahal held Kingston for a Khali chop but Khali accidentally hit Mahal. Kingston then tagged Bourne and Bourne hit the shooting star press for the win.

Beth Phoenix beat Eve Torres. Kelly and Natalya did commentary and I found them more irritating than Michael Cole at any point on this show. They were bickering back and forth in such an annoying manner and Natalya just kept saying WWE Universe over and over again. I swear she said it 12 times in 2 minutes. Beth won with the glam slam. After the match, Natalya jumped Kelly from behind. Natalya and Beth are no longer the Divas of Doom but rather the Divas of Salvation. Well, I guess it’s better than Diego going from Nightmare to Dream.

They aired three vignettes backstage throughout the show with Alberto Del Rio trying to convince people that they needed to take out John Cena. Drew McIntyre did a cameo in the first saying he sees Christian as a victim of injustice before Del Rio basically told McIntyre to beat it. Christian recognized Del Rio was trying to get him to do Del Rio’s dirty work. Later, Wade Barrett said he doesn’t need any convincing to go after Cena. And still later, Del Rio tried to convince Dolph Ziggler that Vickie Guerrero was going to dump him because of Cena. The Bellas made a brief cameo flirting with Del Rio, so they may be linked going forward.

CM Punk beat R. Truth. Before the match, Truth said he has been speaking his mind long before Punk. They did some comedy based on the idea that Truth is really, really stupid. I suppose it’s better than being portrayed as a criminal. Miz said that they will be wrestling Bourne and Kingston at Night of Champions. Miz made fun of the Air Boom name. Truth worked over Punk’s leg for a while. Punk came back with a superplex, high knee, bulldog and springboard clothesline. Miz tripped him as he was bouncing off the ropes so the referee ejected Miz from ringside. Punk then hit the GTS for the pin.

After the match, HHH came out. Punk told HHH he didn’t buy HHH punching Nash. So wait, why did you laugh at Nash and wave goodbye to him? HHH said he changed their match at Night of Champions to no DQ and said he might fire him afterwards. Punk liked this suggestion, despite it being such an obvious opening for interference from Nash or other HHH cronies. I guess that’s okay if Punk shows up with help of his own, but if he doesn’t he’s a complete moron. Punk suggested a stipulation that if HHH loses, he resigns as COO. HHH just accepted this no questions asked.

Jerry Lawler and Zack Ryder beat David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty. They showed footage of Ryder’s youtube stuff before the match, which was a nice way to make him feel more important. They got heat on Ryder very briefly. Lawler tagged in and hit punches and kicks. He hit the fist drop off the second rope on Otunga but Ryder begged to be tagged in. Lawler eventually relented and Ryder hit the Rough Rider for the win.

Randy Orton beat Heath Slater. Slater hit an enzuigiri and spine buster. Orton came back with a power slam, draping DDT and RKO for the win. I’m all for more matches like this one where you just put over one guy strong. But the two guys on the roster who need this the least are Orton and Cena. Backstage, Cena teased being annoyed at Ryder but instead congratulated Ryder and walked off.

John Cena came out and said that Alberto Del Rio keeps ducking him. He predicted Del Rio would come out and explain why he couldn’t fight Cena on Raw. Del Rio came out and said he’s trying to give Cena a fighting chance at Night of Champions by not injuring him prior to the match. Del Rio then said he couldn’t say the same for his buddies, los rudos of Raw. That was amusing. Christian, Wade Barrett, Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler attacked Cena. John Morrison, Sheamus and Alex Riley made the save. Teddy Long came out and said he has been given the authority to intervene on Raw when necessary and made an 8 man tag elimination match.

John Cena, John Morrison, Sheamus and Alex Riley beat Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, Christian and Wade Barrett. Morrison hit a one man Spanish fly and one man double dropkick, but was distracted by Christian and Ziggler applied the sleeper. Swagger tagged himself in and applied the ankle lock on Morrison. Ziggler left the ring and Morrison tapped. Swagger hit a Vader bomb on Riley and applied the ankle lock for another submission.

Sheamus hit punches, a knee lift, a shoulder block off the top rope and Brogue kick on Barrett for the pin. Christian slapped Sheamus so Sheamus chased Christian through the crowd and up the stage until both were counted out. Swagger hit a Vader bomb on Cena but Ziggler tagged himself in. Ziggler and Swagger argued until Ziggler walked into an FU for a pin. Swagger put the ankle lock on Cena but Cena reversed it into the STF for a tap. Del Rio ran in after the match but was caught with another FU.

Final Thoughts:

I didn’t care for this show. The Punk/HHH/Nash storyline in particular is a complete mess and building up Cena for another title match just isn’t something I’m excited to see in 2011.

WWE Raw Report

2011-08-29T22:35:00.000-07:00

Date: 08/29/11 from Tulsa, OK.

The Big News: CM Punk will wrestle Triple H at Night of Champions.

Show Analysis:

HHH came out to start the show. He said that he’s there to make WWE the best it can be so for the foreseeable future Raw and Smackdown wrestlers will all be on Raw. They’re billing these as Raw supershows. That got a mild cheer from the crowd. HHH said Kevin Nash has been lying and told Nash to come out and tell him why he has been lying.

CM Punk came out instead. He wanted HHH to admit that HHH and Nash were in it together from the beginning. Kevin Nash then came out to the old NWO music. Nash admitted he lied, but only in that he had his driver call John Laurinaitis and tell him he was in a wreck. Nash explained he did it because HHH wouldn’t let him take care of things with Punk. Nash said Punk has been trying to make a fool out of Nash, HHH and Stephanie. Nash asked HHH what kind of man HHH is.

HHH responded that he is the kind of man who doesn’t expect to be lied to by his best friend. He added that he can’t trust Nash any more. He told Nash to leave and not come back. Nash said he lied about the accident but not about the text. He then said that while HHH was out last week, Laurinaitis signed Nash to a lucrative contract. Nash said that if HHH fires him he will sit at home and get paid. HHH said he wouldn’t fire Nash but that the lying would stop immediately.

Punk interrupted by pretending to throw up. He said he was acting just like they are and nobody believes what they are saying. Punk accused Nash of doing HHH’s dirty work. He said the clique is back, just like the click of remote controls changing the channel when Nash is on TV and the click of Nash’s knees when he walks. Nash suggested Nash vs. Punk. Punk was fine with this but said HHH would have to ask Stephanie first. He added that HHH doesn’t wear the pants in the family but does wear Stephanie’s panties. Punk was quite heelish and annoying in this segment. I’m not sure if that was intentional. HHH made Nash vs. Punk for Night of Champions.

Randy Orton beat Dolph Ziggler. Orton went for the draping DDT but Vickie Guerrero distracted Orton and Ziggler back dropped Orton to the floor. Ziggler then hit the zig zag on the floor and worked Orton over. Orton came back with a superplex. Ziggler took back over with a famouser. Orton responded with a slingshot and neck breaker. Orton went for the punt but was caught with a superkick for two. Orton hit the draping DDT but Ziggler countered an RKO attempt into a sleeper. Orton spun out, pressed Ziggler up and down to the canvas then hit the RKO for the win. This was a very good match.

John Cena came out and said that Alberto Del Rio’s actions speak louder than his words. Cena said Del Rio claimed he would be a champion with honor and dignity but instead has acted like a coward and douchebag. Cena threatened to kick Del Rio’s teeth so far down his throat that Del Rio’s mouth will become his anus. I’m not sure that’s physically possible.

Cena called Del Rio out but Mark Henry came out instead. Henry said he has destroyed a bunch of people, will destroy Cena too, and will take the title at Night of Champions. Christian then came out and said Cena makes him sick because he can’t stand someone whining and complaining until they get what they want. The idea, obviously, is Christian is projecting on Cena.

Cena responded with his annoying, obnoxious humor and then said Christian and Henry could come get some. Christian tried to set up a two on one but then Sheamus ran out to even the odds. I don’t know about this “Great White” moniker they are starting to use for Sheamus. Christian left with the odds even. Henry then thought things over and left as well. Backstage, Laurinaitis was going to make Cena and Sheamus vs. Henry and Christian but HHH said he already made that match and reminded Laurinaitis that HHH is the boss.

CM Punk beat Miz via DQ. Prior to the match, Miz said he has been fearlessly speaking his mind long before Punk and vowed to make an example of Punk. Miz worked over Punk with a knee lift, neck breaker/back breaker combination and threw Punk into the post. Lawler is really degenerating as an announcer. He was terrible on this show, earlier running down Punk again and talking about how Lou Albano wouldn’t get involved in matches when Vickie Guerrero did. And here, after Miz beat down Punk an unusually long time for a Raw midcard match, Lawler became incredulous when Michael Cole pointed out Miz was dominating. It was like Lawler wasn’t even watching the match.

Punk came back with the Savage elbow and set up for go 2 sleep when R. Truth ran in for the DQ. Punk fought them off and gave Truth the go 2 sleep. Kevin Nash then came out lumbering to the ring (Cole actually used that term, too, right as I was typing it). Punk was ready for him but Miz jumped Punk from behind. Nash then gave Punk the jackknife.

Sin Cara (Jorge Arias) beat Jack Swagger. Cara hit an Asai moonsault early. Vickie Guerrero came to ringside as Swagger took over, but Ziggler then came out to argue with Guerrero. Ziggler distracted Swagger and Cara hit a springboard DDT, springboard somersault senton and springboard moonsault for the win. Cara kind of botched a few moves early but the finish looked great.

Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston beat David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty. They are now billing Bourne and Kingston Air Boom. Lawler went back to burying Otunga and McGillicutty during this match, calling them boring. This was close to a squash. Kingston hit a springboard crossbody, Bourne hit a springboard crossbody to the outside and Kingston used trouble in paradise on McGillicutty for the pin. After the match, McGillicutty and Otunga confronted Lawler. Otunga took off Lawler’s headset and threw in at Lawler. It’s hard to take Lawler’s side in this given how disrespectful he is towards them.

Brie Bella beat Kelly Kelly. Backstage, Natalya and Beth Phoenix were shown running down both women. Kelly hit a whirlybird. Brie went for a baseball slide but caught Eve Torres. As Kelly checked on Eve, the Bellas did the switch and Nikki got the pin on Kelly. They then aired a video package on Alex Riley.

Sheamus and John Cena beat Mark Henry and Christian. The heels worked over Sheamus. Cena got the tag and came in with shoulder blocks, the Cena slam and the five knuckle on Christian. He went for the FU but Christian escaped. Christian went for a tornado DDT but Cena got out. Cena hit a powerslam and knocked Henry off the apron. Christian went for a springboard crossbody but was caught and Cena went for the FU again. Christian grabbed the ropes so Cena countered into the STF. Henry broke that up.

Henry clotheslined Sheamus and went for the old Big Bossman move jumping on Sheamus hanging on the ropes. Sheamus moved out of the way and Henry flew through the ropes to the outside, which looked crazy. Sheamus hit a shoulder block off the apron onto Henry. Christian hit a spear on Cena in the ring for two. Christian went for the kill switch but Sheamus gave him the Brogue kick and Cena hit the FU for the win. It doesn’t matter since it’s just a TV match, but it was weird to see a title challenger get pinned the night before a title cage match blowoff.

Speaking of weird, they cut backstage. HHH proceeded to inform CM Punk that his match with Kevin Nash had been cancelled by the board of directors and that instead Punk would be wrestling one-on-one with HHH. Huh? Did they change their minds in the middle of the show?

Final Thoughts:

This was a solid, entertaining show. With twice the wrestlers available, there is a temptation to cram too much stuff in, but they wisely elected to give matches and promos time to breathe and it paid off. The Punk/Nash/HHH thing is weird but I guess we’ll see what they have planned. I tend to think they did it for some specific reason but it’s certainly not something you see very often.

The biggest news item was the decision to make Raw shows (and maybe Smackdown shows) dual brand. I think it’s a bad, shortsighted decision. One of their biggest problems is lack of depth and this is going to lead to more focus on the same guys and less depth. Plus, the show already feels too much like the same guys and this is likely to give more TV time to the Cenas and Ortons of the world.

With that said, they’ve done dual brand Raws more often than not the past few years, so it’s not like it’s a big change. They’re more just codifying the status quo, although they had kept the brands pretty separate the past few months. A potential big positive that could come out of this is that they have too many titles and hopefully this will encourage them to reduce the number of them. I think merging the WWE and world titles in particular could be a huge positive. If all the guys are on each show, there’s really no reason left for two main titles except for house shows and I don’t think that makes a difference at all on house shows anyway.

WWE Raw Report

2011-08-22T20:56:00.001-07:00

Date: 08/15/11 from Edmonton….Alberta, Canada.

The Big News: John Cena beat CM Punk with help from Kevin Nash to earn a title shot at Alberto Del Rio for Night of Champions.

Show Analysis:

Alberto Del Rio came out to start the show and they said that Rey Mysterio will be out of action for months because of Del Rio. Before Del Rio could even introduce himself, John Cena interrupted. Cena said he will take the title from Del Rio and hurt Del Rio. Cena made fun of the idea that Del Rio owns all these cars. He added that there’s only one guy who can go toe to toe with him and Del Rio isn’t Punk. At least Cena’s goofy joking is mostly gone at this point.

CM Punk came out and said this was a rerun with Cena wanting another title match. Punk said he beat Cena twice so he should get the title shot. He dropped a Jack Tunney reference. Punk noted that both he and Cena have had trouble with HHH in the past. He said that if Cena won, Nash would have gone after Cena. Both Punk and Cena wanted to cash in their title rematch clause. Del Rio said he wouldn’t defend against either because he defended last week. He told Punk to stop crying.

That brought out HHH. HHH said Del Rio would be wrestling next and that Cena and Punk can’t just use their rematch clauses whenever they want. HHH said that Punk and Cena would get to decide who gets their shot first. He announced Del Rio will defend at Night of Champions against the winner of a Punk vs. Cena match in the main event of Raw.

Alberto Del Rio beat John Morrison. Del Rio worked Morrison over. Morrison missed an Asai moonsault and Del Rio threw Morrison into the barricade. Morrison back dropped Del Rio to the floor and Del Rio took a scary bump on the back of his head. Del Rio hit a bridging German suplex for two. Morrison hit a twisting DDT for two. Morrison used a huracanrana for two. Morrison hit a springboard kick but Del Rio rolled out of the way of starship pain and threw Morrison into the post. Del Rio applied the armbar and they did the dumb spot where Morrison just sits in the fully extended armbar for a long while before finally tapping. This was a good match.

Eve Torres beat Nikki Bella. Kelly Kelly and Brie Bella were in the corners. They did a pre-match inset interview where Beth Phoenix and Natalya said they wouldn’t reveal their true motives. They had an ungodly amount of makeup on, particularly Natalya. That’s not a knock, as they are heels, but I wonder if it’s something intentional or just a one week oddity. Eve won a sloppy match with a standing moonsault and swinging neck breaker.

Alex Riley beat Jack Swagger. Swagger had Vickie Guerrero in his corner, so Dolph Ziggler came out and told Vickie to leave. In the midst of that, Vickie fell and hurt her ankle. Swagger went out, shoved Ziggler, and told him to leave. Swagger went back into the ring and was rolled up by Riley for the win.

HHH came to the ring and called Kevin Nash to come out. There were some Diesel chants. Nash said he got a text from HHH and thought he was doing HHH a favor. HHH was unhappy and wanted Nash to say he didn’t get a text from HHH. HHH said that Nash doesn’t work in WWE. Nash said yes, so he doesn’t have to get CM Punk over. Nash said HHH knows he would have killed Punk. HHH told Nash that Nash can call out Punk, just not in WWE. He then asked Nash to leave.

CM Punk came out and said he wanted to get to the bottom of this. He referred to Nash as Big Lazy and referenced Nash’s dyed hair. Punk suggested Nash, HHH or Stephanie McMahon might have been behind the hit, and he doesn’t believe either HHH or Nash. The way WWE usually handles these things, the clear presentation of three suspects would seem to suggest it’s not any of the three. Punk said Nash got off easy last week and this week he would be kicking Nash’s ass.

Punk went after Nash when HHH tried to stop him. Punk told HHH to get his hands off Punk and said HHH has never liked him. HHH told Punk not to make the mistake of thinking HHH isn’t the same guy he has always been. HHH threatened to leave Punk unconscious. Punk responded by saying HHH’s balls are in his wife’s purse. Nash then punched Punk. Nash and HHH left arguing. Backstage, HHH told Nash to leave and Nash said HHH has changed.

Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston beat David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty to win the tag titles. The challengers got the best of McGillicutty early before the champions took over on Kingston. Bourne got the tag and went to town. Kingston hit trouble in paradise and Bourne hit the shooting star on Otunga for the win. Backstage, they had a little celebration which is always a nice touch. Elsewhere backstage, John Laurinaitis told HHH that Nash had been in a car accident. HHH left for the hospital and Laurinaitis said he would take care of things on Raw.

Santino was coming out when he was jumped from behind by R. Truth and Miz. They destroyed him and took the microphone. Truth said Punk and Cena are in on the conspiracy. He said they sit around the conspiracy table and conspire. For some reason, that line really cracked me up. Miz agreed there is a conspiracy. He noted he was champion and beat Cena at Mania and now he’s arguing with fast food pitchmen. Miz said he’s sick of seeing Santino on Raw when Santino hasn’t won a match in five years. Miz said they are sick of being underutilized and now they will take opportunities. Truth then did a new rap over the same song. He had new lyrics and the hook is now “you suck.” This was a very entertaining segment even though it did kind of brand these two as midcard guys.

John Cena beat CM Punk. The crowd was pro-Punk and when Cena threw his shirt into the crowd it was thrown back. With the crowd behind Cena, Lawler dropped in a bizarre-o-land reference. Bizarre-o-land has conquered a lot of territory. Punk hit a springboard clothesline and went for GTS but Cena countered into an STF attempt. Punk avoided it initially but Cena tried again and applied it. Punk got to the ropes. Punk hit GTS but Cena kicked out.

Punk went for the Macho Man top rope elbow but missed. Cena hit a top rope rocker dropper but Punk kicked out. Cena went for the FU but Punk escaped and hit a running knee for two. Cena hit the FU but Punk kicked out. Punk hit a crossbody off the top but Cena rolled through and went for the FU. Punk escaped and rolled up Cena for two.

Punk hit a high knee and was going for the GTS when Nash showed up on the stage yelling that this wasn’t over. Punk did the “stop trying to win, turn your back on your opponent, and stare at the guy on the stage” move and of course when he turned around Cena of course hit the FU for the win. Punk should be making fun of that shit like Scream making fun of the dumb blondes running up the stairs, not falling for it. With that said, this was an excellent match. Alberto Del Rio attacked Cena after the match. John Laurinaitis tried to pull Del Rio off but Del Rio kept attacking.

Final Thoughts:

This was an entertaining show with good matches and good promos. Cena vs. Del Rio and Punk vs. Nash still has the limitations mentioned last week, but that’s nothing new. Perhaps the most promising sign on this show was the commentary. After the commentary was completely out of control last week on Raw and Smackdown, it felt like there was a conscientious effort to improve things this week. They let Jim Ross do a lot more in calling the action and Michael Cole was toned down so many notches as to be almost unrecognizable from what he has been recently. As a result, the commentary was much, much better. It was both significantly more listenable and effective in getting over the angles.

WWE Raw Report

2011-08-15T21:34:00.001-07:00

Date: 08/15/11 from San Diego, CA.

The Big News: John Cena is after Alberto Del Rio’s title.

Show Analysis:

HHH came out to start the show. He said people are upset about what happened at SummerSlam. He apologized to John Cena for the mistake. He acknowledged that Cena’s foot was on the rope when the pinfall was counted. HHH said he had no problem raising Punk’s hand and that he had nothing to do with what happened afterwards despite being friends with Kevin Nash. HHH said he left tickets for Nash but had no knowledge that he’d attack Punk. He said he invited Nash to Raw and Nash would be there to explain what he did.

HHH introduced Alberto Del Rio as the undisputed champion. Del Rio said it was his destiny to be champion. He vowed to represent the people with honesty, respect and passion. He said he would in the lobby signing autographs and taking pictures, which was an amusing line. For his first title defense, he announced he would be wrestling Rey Mysterio. Del Rio said he started his WWE career beating Mysterio and when he wakes up in the morning he always feels like beating Mysterio.

John Morrison beat R. Truth in a falls count anywhere match. Truth now comes out to the instrumentals from his What’s Up song. Michael Cole said Morrison had been waiting months for this match and Morrison in an inset interview said he hadn’t gotten to Truth yet, so apparently they are just pretending these two didn’t wrestle in a singles match last week. Morrison hit a twisting plancha to the floor and then a springboard kick off the barricade on the floor. Truth took control brawling into the crowd. Morrison suplexed Truth onto an office chair and then hit a running knee for the pin. This was a good match.

They did an “angle” with Miz that was just a superficial excuse to spend a segment plugging a corporate sponsor. Miz said he’d be a better spokesman for the sponsor while fans booed the current spokesman.

Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres beat Brie and Nikki Bella. Kelly used the stinkface on a Bella. The Bellas worked over Kelly’s leg briefly. Kelly got the tag to Eve. Eve hit some kicks but was tripped by the other Bella. Eve then countered a suplex into a neck breaker and hit a moonsault for the win. After the match, Beth Phoenix and Natalya came out on the ramp. They reiterated their group name of the Divas of Doom. They need to raise Curtis Iaukea from the dead so he can explain that Beth has drank from the goblet of darkness and Natalya has crossed the burning sands of the Sahara desert and slayed the beast on the slopes of Mount Kilimanjaro.

Kevin Nash came to the ring and thanked HHH for the time. He noted HHH as a longtime friend and godfather of his son. Nash said he got a text from a friend at SummerSlam saying, “Hey big man, no matter what happens in the main event, stick the winner after the match.” Nash said that came from a friend and told Punk it’s just business. Nash said HHH is claiming to not know anything about it, and Nash told HHH they need to get on the same page. Nash didn’t seem to explicitly say HHH told him to do it, but it was certainly strongly implied.

Punk came out and said he didn’t believe that Nash and HHH aren’t on the same page. He asked Nash whether he would jump off a bridge if HHH told him to and added he thought that would be good for business. Punk said what Nash did proof Nash has no idea what’s good for business. Nash told Punk to watch his mouth. Punk told Nash to watch the show because Punk says whatever he wants to whoever he pleases. Nah responded that Punk’s world has just changed.

Punk said that the story Nash is telling paints HHH as a liar, but maybe Nash is the liar. Nash asked if Punk wanted to see the text. Punk read what he said was a text from his niece where she thought Nash was dead. Punk said Nash isn’t dead, just his career. Punk added that he is pissed at a lot of people. He said Del Rio isn’t one of them because Del Rio picked the right spot but that HHH is running amok and bringing his cronies back.

Nash responded by saying HHH shook things up. Punk said he’s the guy who shook things up. Nash called Punk an indy-riffic wannabe who has been in WWE five years with only two main events. Punk said that Nash called Eddie Guerrero a vanilla midget and asked what Nash knows about main event talent. Punk noted it is not 1994 but 2011.

Nash said that in 1996 with Scott Hall he changed the business and got everyone including Punk guaranteed money. Nash said Punk should be thanking him. He called Punk a guy who looks like a short order cook from a Pikeville waffle house. Nash told Punk to take a shower, hit the weights, and get a clue.

Punk responded that he would rather walk into a company as CM Punk and leave as CM Punk than show up as Oz, Vinnie Vegas or Big Daddy Cool Diesel. Punk was ready to fight when a ton of security came out to block him. Punk said that with all the security out here maybe HHH would be free and that he would go try to find out what’s going on from HHH.

This segment was entertaining, but too inside with tons of burials going both ways. The previous Punk promos have dealt with very understandable big picture themes about WWE. This, by contrast, was about a bunch of subjects that I don’t think a lot of audience knows about or understands.

John Laurinaitis met with Kevin Nash backstage. Laurinaitis said the way Punk spoke about him and Nash was uncalled for. He said he wanted to speak with Nash about something and they walked off. Later, the announcers also read a tweet from Shawn Michaels and speculated he might be involved in all this.

Jack Swagger beat Alex Riley. Dolph Ziggler did commentary with Vickie Guerrero and the focus of the match was mostly on the commentary. Everyone was burying everyone else back and forth. When Lawler was ragging on Vickie, Ziggler retorted that she’s in better shape than Lawler. As Riley was making his comeback on Swagger, Vickie took Jim Ross’ hat and got on the apron. Riley had the cover but the referee was distracted. Swagger took advantage of that to try to hit the gut wrench power bomb. They badly blew the spot twice before Riley finally got up for it and Swagger covered for the pin. Ziggler then stomped on Ross’ hat after the match.

This segment was a disaster on every level. It was so mean spirited in a bunch of different directions and a number of the participants seemed uncomfortable about that. The commentary is just out of control these days and seems much more about Vince McMahon burying and bullying than getting the product over. And then there’s the subject of the finish of the match, which may have been the worst looking non-female Raw finish in years.

Backstage, Jack Swagger thanked Vickie Guerrero for her help. He said that Vickie doesn’t need to prove anything to Ziggler after what she has done as a manager. He said Vickie looks great and is a great manager. He noted that great managers in the past have had multiple clients and suggested Vickie expand her roster. Elsewhere, Punk ran into Stephanie McMahon. She said she was sorry Punk lost the title but that in the end people always get what they deserve.

Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston beat David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty. The commentary was again the story in this match. Michael Cole buried Swagger for the previous finish. Lawler buried McGillicutty and Otunga and called them the bland leading the bland. Cole then went back to burying Jim Ross. WWE’s commentary tells you such a story about the company. Anyway, the heels worked over Bourne. The faces made their comeback with Kingston hitting trouble in paradise and Bourne hitting the shooting star for the win.

Alberto Del Rio beat Rey Mysterio. Del Rio worked over Mysterio. Mysterio hit a senton off the top and went for 619 but was caught with a clothesline for two. Del Rio hit an enzuigiri for another two. Mysterio countered an armbar attempt into a rollup for a very close two. Mysterio hit the 619 but Del Rio got up his knees on the top rope splash and covered for the pin. This was a very good match.

Del Rio attacked Mysterio after the match until John Cena made the save. Cena was heavily booed despite saving the hometown hero from the now top heel. Cena said he is angry, particularly at Del Rio for capitalizing after Cena and Punk left everything in the ring. He said Del Rio is a target who got lucky cashing in the briefcase. Cena said that if Del Rio defends against him, Del Rio won’t be so lucky. Cena concluded that Del Rio’s destiny is Cena whipping his ass.

Final Thoughts:

For quite a while now, I’ve been giving WWE the benefit of the doubt on booking direction, because I liked the potential of the story they were telling so much. I should have known better. All signs point to the WWE booking team being as inept as ever, with no clue on how to capitalize on a great story that’s easy to tell.

The CM Punk storyline was really smart for a number of big reasons. For one, it felt real. The story of wrestlers who don’t like today’s corporate WWE against the forces who like that WWE just fine had the potential to involve disillusioned fans and infuse real stakes into the product. For two, it was fresh. Rather than the same guys feuding in the same way, it offered something that felt genuinely different. Yet here we are just two months later, and where are we?

Well, the title’s now on Alberto Del Rio, an 80s style cartoon character without any semblance of reality and who doesn’t fit into the story of fresh, rebellious newcomers into the established status quo at all. He’s fresh but his whole character is that he has been gifted all the advantages in the world. He’s clearly what WWE looks for, but isn’t associated as one of their most favored acts. The story they are teasing is he’s the chosen corporate champ feuding with the upstarts Cena and Punk, and that dynamic is all wrong. It’s the same idea, but the wrestlers are miscast in roles that don’t have the reality that made the angle interesting. And Del Rio’s immediate adversary? Why, John Cena of course. It’s Cena vs. Generic Heel for the title part 82,347.

Then there’s the matter of CM Punk. They’re kind of playing with the idea that Punk was screwed by the establishment at SummerSlam, but really it’s not much of a claim given that he only beat Cena because of HHH. Cena, who doesn’t fit as an anti-authority figure in the slightest, has the strongest claim to being screwed by the authority. Punk, meanwhile, is trading insider jabs with a 52-year-old man with a broken down body and a long established history of burying the guys he’s supposed to be getting over. Punk’s back in the middle while they try to transfer what he has to Cena, which isn’t going to work.

With the battle for the future direction of the WWE pretty much settled (status quo wins), we’re left with titles as the main hook for the top programs. That’s a shame, because after a period of hotshotting on top of hotshotting, they’ve changed their two top titles seven times in the past month. Week-to-week booking and individual “surprises” trump a focused, long term direction.

So, we’re back pretty much where we started. This show wasn’t bad from an entertainment standpoint. It had a couple good matches and the Punk/Nash segment was interesting if nothing else. WWE has enough talent that they aren’t going to produce terrible shows week in and week out. But my hope that WWE could get people genuinely invested in the product again and turn around the steady long term declines in their key business indicators is pretty much gone. It’s the same old shit and I was a fool to have expected any different.

WWE Raw Report

2011-08-08T21:42:00.000-07:00

Date: 08/08/11 from San Jose, CA.

The Big News: HHH announced he will be the special guest referee for the CM Punk vs. John Cena title match at SummerSlam.

Show Analysis:

HHH came out to start the show. He suggested that Sunday night the WWE will change forever. He noted there has been a lot of change lately. He then announced that he would be the special referee for the John Cena vs. CM Punk match. HHH said he’s the only guy he can trust. That announcement got a negative reaction from some of the crowd. HHH announced a contract signing for later in the evening. When John Cena came out for his match, he had brief words in the ring with HHH about the special referee announcement.

John Cena beat Jack Swagger. Cena hit a snap suplex and applied a headlock and armbar. Swagger took over with punches, a Vader bomb and Irish whip. Swagger went after Cena’s leg and went for the ankle lock, but Cena countered out. Cena then hit the shoulder blocks, Cena slam, five knuckle and FU for the win.

Alberto Del Rio backstage said CM Punk isn’t the voice of the voiceless but the voice of the gutless (I think anyway, it sounded more like voice of the godless). Del Rio said Punk ran like a coward at Money in the Bank and vowed to show later on Raw what would have happened in Chicago. Elsewhere, R. Truth did a lame “comedy” promo about spiders. On the plus side, it’s better they waste this garbage on Truth than Cena.

Rey Mysterio was supposed to wrestle Miz, but Miz attacked Mysterio from behind as Mysterio was coming out. Miz threw Mysterio into the metal WWE logo repeatedly and went to the ring. Miz said he doesn’t know who he is facing at SummerSlam and there has been too much emphasis on the title match rather than him. Miz wanted to be declared the winner of the match by forfeit but HHH instead ordered a new bout.

Miz beat Kofi Kingston. Kingston was in control early but missed a pescado and was given a clothesline on the floor. Miz worked over Kingston. Miz went for his neck breaker/back breaker combination but Kingston avoided it and hit a springboard frog crossbody. Miz hit a DDT. Kingston missed trouble in paradise but then avoided the skull crushing finale. However, Miz then dropped Kingston on the top rope and hit the skull crushing finale for the win.

Backstage, Punk criticized HHH for being egotistical and said HHH should have stayed out of the Punk-Cena match. Punk said HHH needs the spotlight but the best thing for business would be to stay out. He added that his beating Cena would be good for business. That got some boos.

CM Punk beat Alberto Del Rio. This result wasn’t surprising but it was surprising to see Del Rio treated like not much of a threat. They went back and forth. Punk went for the GTS but Del Rio escaped and threw Punk into the post. Del Rio went for the armbar but Punk kicked him in the head and hit the GTS for the win.

Beth Phoenix beat Eve Torres. They botched some spots horribly and the crowd turned on the match. Like usual, it was death for Eve Torres’ ambition. Beth won with the glam slam. Beth after the match said she’s sick of women like Eve and Kelly making a mockery of the women’s division. That actually got some cheers after the way the match went. Beth said there would be no more booty popping, splits or stinkfaces. Beth said she had a question for Eve but then Kelly attacked Beth from behind. Kelly actually got some negative reaction too.

Alex Riley beat Dolph Ziggler via DQ. Riley got into it with Vickie Guerrero before the match. Ziggler applied a sleeper but Riley escaped. Riley hit the spine buster at which point Vickie came in the ring and slapped Riley for the DQ. Ziggler got angry at Vickie. There was supposed to be a spot where Riley punched Ziggler into Vickie but Vickie and Ziggler barely touched. Vickie left yelling and they teased a breakup with her and Ziggler.

R. Truth beat John Morrison. They brawled early. Morrison hit a standing one man Spanish fly and twisting plancha. On the outside, Truth dropped Morrison’s neck on the barricade. Truth went for the leaping downward spiral in the ring but Morrison held onto the ropes. Moments later Truth tried it again and hit it for the clean pin. This was an interesting finish given Morrison is just returning but Truth is the one of the two with more potential for sure.

Christian did a brief video promo. He basically plugged Smackdown and said he will make a big announcement Friday. I like the idea of doing this sort of thing regularly to try to encourage more Raw viewers to watch Smackdown.

The show concluded with the contract signing. Punk noted how contract signings are just for show and always end in physical calamity. He briefly had words with HHH, making fun of Chaperone going straight to DVD. Punk then showed a portion of Rock’s Facebook promo on Cena from the other week. Punk agreed with Rock that Cena is a phony but added Rock is just as big of a phony. That got some boos.

Cena said that with all of the success Rock has had, there is no reason for Rock to be so mad. Cena said he will never win over Rock’s fans or the hardcore fans. “I could increase my workrate, add to the five moves of doom or maybe let my heel persona shine through,” Cena said. He said that Punk was right comparing him to the Yankees, because they are both loved and hated.

Cena said that he only cares about his fans and won’t give up on them and there’s nothing phony about that. Cena added that Punk is the phony coming back as the “voice of the voiceless” after asking for a private jet. HHH noted that at the end of the day Punk was just a guy who held out for more money and a couple perks. He also said Punk didn’t have the guts to negotiate face-to-face.

Punk responded that if you want to talk about gutless, it’s John Laurinaitis who does the firing for WWE. He asked if Laurinaitis fired Vladimir Kozlov, Chris Masters and Harry Smith face-to-face on Friday. He said Masters worked his ass off to get better in the last year. He said Laurinaitis does the dirty work for the front office. The crowd chanted for Punk.

Punk then turned his attention to Cena. Punk said it is easy for Cena to act noble when he has been given so many opportunities. He said Cena looks down on people. He said that when he won the ECW title, Cena congratulated him and said “I almost gave up on you.” Punk asked Cena who the hell he thinks he is. Punk claimed Cena moved to California to become a bodybuilder and then became a wrestler because he couldn’t hack it. Punk said he did hold out for perks and wanted the ice cream bar because he’s a hyena and Cena’s a lion. Punk has to fight for the things Cena is handed. Punk said Sunday he will walk out with the title.

Cena retorted that there is tons of pressure on Punk Sunday. Cena said Punk won one match in Chicago and that if Punk loses at SummerSlam, Cena will still be wrestling Rock at WrestleMania. Punk needs the match. If Punk loses, he’s a loudmouth one hit wonder like Buster Douglas or Milli Vanilli. Punk said he’d rather be a one hit wonder than a phony.

Punk and Cena exchanged threats and started to square off. John Laurinaitis got between them. Punk kicked him in the head. HHH then got between Cena and Punk. Cena went for a punch and caught HHH. HHH and Cena had words. Punk on the ramp asked if the fix was in.

Final Thoughts:

This was another good show. The highlight was again CM Punk’s promo. I also appreciated the preponderance of clean finishes, something I’ve long felt WWE would benefit from more of.

One negative is that it is apparent a few days from SummerSlam that the title vs. title stipulation means absolutely nothing. There wasn’t enough time to get over the issue and the title has bounced around too much. I think the product would really benefit from unifying the Raw and Smackdown titles and making title changes more infrequent. Punk is really hot, but it’s harder to get over a new top program when titles are viewed as trinkets. WWE seems more open to rethinking big picture issues these days, and that’s something they really ought to consider.

WWE Raw Report

2011-08-01T21:17:00.001-07:00

Date: 08/01/11 from Indianapolis, IN.

The Big News: John Cena and CM Punk will meet at SummerSlam to determine the true WWE champion.

Show Analysis:

CM Punk came out to start the show. He was announced as WWE champion. To me, they should have billed Cena as the official champion to fit into the story of Punk as the anti-company guy claiming to be the real champion, but it’s not a big deal. Punk said “the champ is here.” He proceeded to explain why he came back. He said he had known for a long time that his contract would expire in July and he struggled to decide whether to stay. Punk said he loves the place he works but hates the people in charge.

Punk said he had a choice to give in to the skull crushing status quo or speak his mind and cause change. Punk noted he did the latter and now Vince McMahon is out. He gave credit to the audience. He said for too long the audience has been fed scraps and he is here to make it fun again. Punk observed that he can’t make the business better sitting on his couch in Chicago so he made the call to come back. Punk said it was none too soon because the skull crushing status quo is back with Cena as champ. The crowd booed. Punk said Cena is the real champ a much as a kid in the audience with a replica belt. The crowd chanted for Punk.

HHH came out. He said that Punk coming back was good for business. So HHH put aside personal feelings and brought him back. Punk was struck by that and wanted to know HHH’s true feelings. HHH called Punk a smug, overrated, attention seeking guy who puts too much stock in his own hype. Punk replied that’s like looking in the mirror for HHH. Punk asserted that Vince McMahon screwed up the talent roster by letting guys like Batista, Mick Foley, Chris Jericho and Brock Lesnar go. Punk said HHH couldn’t afford to let Punk go elsewhere.

HHH told Punk to tell the truth on why he re-signed. Punk said he wants to facilitate change. HHH said it’s that Punk loves the sound of his own voice and needed the platform. Punk said that he is the WWE champion. HHH said he is the champion but Cena is also the champion and HHH would fix that later in the night. Punk said he won’t shut up and toe the company PG line. Punk said he won’t go to promo class or media training and will do things his way.

Punk said that if HHH wanted to talk about ego, they could talk about ego. He did the old Hunter Hearst Helmsley bow from 1995 and 1996. Punk said HHH has been hogging the spotlight for so long over others who deserved it. Punk accused HHH of telling people what to do and pushing them around even when he was carrying Shawn Michaels’ bags. He asked how many times HHH said, “Well, you know he just doesn’t have what it takes” while lying in bed with his wife. Punk said whether HHH is in a suit or a poor man’s Conan attire he is still a bully who likes to throw his weight around. Punk told HHH to be careful who he pushes because Punk likes to push back.

HHH responded that he does have a massive ego and that ego was telling him to slap the tattoos off Punk. However, HHH said he wouldn’t do that because he took the job for the people and it comes with rules. HHH said he will respect the rules and suggested Punk not break them either. Punk asked what HHH would do, fight Punk or ask his wife for permission. He then left. This was a tremendous opening segment outlining the natural conflict between Punk’s character and HHH’s character.

Beth Phoenix won a battle royal over Tamina, the Bellas, Kaitlyn, A.J., Alicia Fox, Melina, Gail Kim, Natalya, Eve Torres and Rosa Mendes to become number one contender to the women’s title. Kelly Kelly did commentary for the match but the focus was mostly on Michael Cole going crazy. Cole was particularly grating on this show in all the wrong ways. He kept picking these ridiculous fights with Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross over absolutely nothing. At one point, he went on a rant about how people apparently don’t own Persian rugs. He is completely out-of-control and totally counterproductive on commentary.

Eve, Beth and the Bellas were the final four. Eve was eliminated by a Bella. Beth then threw out the Bellas together, which looked impressive. Kelly came in and hugged Beth after the match, but Beth grabbed Kelly by the hair and threw her out of the ring. Beth threw Kelly into the barricade and said Kelly’s days as a perky, cute, little blonde bimbo are over.

Miz and R. Truth spoke backstage. Truth said they are the same. Miz disagreed so Truth tried to convince him. Truth basically pointed out they both have been treated badly and are unhappy with the direction of things.

They did short backstage interviews with HHH, John Cena and CM Punk at different points in the show. Cena said there’s something admirable about someone speaking their mind but if you live by the sword you die by the sword. He said he would be out there for HHH’s decision on the WWE title at the end of the show. HHH said it would be fine if Cena and Punk came out for the decision but that Cena should keep things strictly business. Punk said he hoped HHH would do the right thing given he wrestled Cena at Money in the Bank and won.

R. Truth and Miz beat Rey Mysterio and John Morrison. The heels worked over Mysterio. Morrison got the tag and came in with kicks. He went for starship pain on Truth but Miz pulled Truth out of the way. Mysterio then hit Miz with a pescado. Morrison set up Truth for a 619 with a kick but Miz stopped Mysterio and threw him over the barricade. In the ring, Morrison hit a springboard kick on Miz but Truth then gave Morrison the leaping downward spiral for the win. After the match, Miz hit the skull crushing finale on Morrison and Truth hit Morrison with a water bottle.

Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero came out. Ziggler said nobody in the locker room has his skills or his charisma. That reads like a comedy line but I don’t think it was intended as one. Alex Riley interrupted and basically told Ziggler to stop hiding behind Vickie. Vickie said Ziggler is US champ thanks to her. Riley wanted to know the last time Ziggler accomplished something without her and said Ziggler reminds him of Miz, hiding behind someone else. He suggested Ziggler drop Vickie or be exposed as a bleached blonde arrogant fraud.

Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga beat Zack Ryder and Santino Marella. Otunga and McGillicutty are showing increased confidence as a tag team act. They double teamed Santino and we got “we want Ryder” chants. Ryder got the tag and hit elbows and kicks. He went for the rough rider but McGillicutty escaped. Otunga and McGillicutty then hit what was basically the old Demolition finisher on Ryder for the win. There’s no justification for Ryder getting pinned here rather than Santino when Ryder is building a little momentum.

Alberto Del Rio beat Evan Bourne. Del Rio dominated the match. Bourne went to the top but was caught with an enzuigiri and Del Rio applied the armbar. Bourne did the stupid spot where he just lies there in a fully extended armbar screaming but refusing to tap. Finally he tapped. Del Rio put him in the armbar again after the match until Kofi Kingston made the save. They showed a WWE.com survey where 54 percent of voters said Cena should be champ and 46 percent said Punk should be champ.

HHH came out for the final segment. He said there are two guys with legitimate claims to the WWE title. He was interrupted by John Laurinaitis, who introduced himself as the VP of talent relations. Laurinaitis said HHH has been part of the corporate structure for only a short time while he has been part of that structure over 10 years. He said he knows how Vince would want HHH to handle the situation: strip Cena of the title. That dynamic of the corporate people against Cena rather than Punk is all wrong, although I suspect they’re going to fight that natural extension of this story to the end.

John Cena came out and said Laurinaitis is the yes man Punk was talking about. He said Laurinaitis wants him stripped because he clotheslined Laurinaitis at the pay-per-view. Cena said he is fine with losing the title but he won’t have it stripped of him. He bagged on Laurinaitis and got in a Dynamic Dudes reference. Laurinaitis replied that he made the decision because Punk beat Cena. Cena threatened to attack Laurinaitis and HHH didn’t care so Laurinaitis bailed.

HHH said he wouldn’t strip Cena of the title because Cena’s claim to the title is legitimate. CM Punk came out and thought HHH was going to strip him and go back to the status quo. Cena called HHH Hunter and HHH told him not to because he is the boss. HHH then announced they will settle it at SummerSlam, Punk vs. Cena to crown one champion. Cena and Punk then alternated holding up their titles and they would keep switching the music, which was kind of a goofy finish.

Final Thoughts:

This show was fine. It wasn’t as entertaining as some recent weeks, but not every week can be equally eventful. CM Punk was again the highlight and the opening segment was the highlight of the show. It was kind of boring to focus an entire show building towards such an obvious finish, though. That’s not to suggest they should have done something other than Punk vs. Cena to crown the real champ at SummerSlam, just that it was such a foregone conclusion before the show even started that they didn’t need to spend so much time getting to that simple point. It’s like they went from fast forward to slow motion.

WWE Raw Report

2011-07-25T21:41:00.001-07:00

Date: 07/25/11 from Hampton, VA.

The Big News: The WWE title changed hands twice, Jim Ross returned and CM Punk showed up at the end of an eventful edition of Raw.

Show Analysis:

Rey Mysterio beat Miz to win the WWE title. Miz worked over Mysterio for much of the match. He hit a DDT and slingshot sit down power bomb. Miz’s offense looked really good here. Mysterio then made a simple comeback with a huracanrana, 619 and top rope splash to take the title. After the match, Miz jumped Mysterio. Alberto Del Rio ran down to cash in Money in the Bank but Mysterio caught him with a pescado and Del Rio took off without having officially cashed in.

Backstage, a bunch of jobbers congratulated Rey Mysterio on his win. John Cena came up and shook Rey’s hand. Rey gave a little speech and the wrestlers poured champagne on him. This was a nice little touch that made the title feel more important.

Dolph Ziggler beat Evan Bourne. They have remixed Ziggler’s entrance theme. Ziggler took over on Bourne. Bourne came back with dropkicks and went for the shooting star press but Ziggler moved out of the way. Bourne landed on his feet but Ziggler caught him in a sleeper and the referee stopped the bout. After the match, Ziggler said on the microphone, “Follow that.” I assume that’s a new part of his shtick.

Eve Torres and Kelly Kelly beat Melina and Maryse. They usually rotate wins for the women but it has reached the point where if you see Melina in the match you know who’s losing. They did comedy backstage before the match to plug a sponsor. Eve shook her ass provocatively before hitting a standing moonsault on Maryse. Melina distracted Eve and Maryse gave Eve a kick to the back of the head and a stinkface. Obviously, the women have been getting a little more leeway for sexuality recently. Kelly got the hot tag and hit a Thesz press, neck breaker, bulldog and famouser on Melina for the win.

HHH came out to the ring. He put over Vince McMahon. He then announced there would be a second title match on Raw: Mysterio vs. John Cena. That got some “Cena sucks” chants. HHH said he had re-signed somebody. It was of course teasing CM Punk but instead Jim Ross returned.

Michael Cole got on the announce table and ran down Ross. Cole refused to work with Ross. HHH said he had thought about firing Cole but it would cost more to let him go than to keep him. HHH noted that if Cole left it would be a breach and Cole would lose his future earnings. He told Cole to take the rest of the night off and decide by Friday. Cole said he wouldn’t quit. HHH then told Cole to get ready for his match. HHH said he picked gear for Cole and Cole would be wrestling next.

R. Truth came out to speak with HHH. He was seen speaking with HHH backstage previously. Truth accused HHH of being part of the conspiracy and wanted HHH to make things better. HHH made fun of Truth for talking to voices. They did a bunch of comedy. HHH said he re-signed another person who wanted a piece of the truth. John Morrison came out and attacked Truth. Morrison gave Truth the starship pain.

Zack Ryder beat Michael Cole. Cole came out to HHH’s music and was wearing HHH ring gear. He did the HHH entrance for comedy. When Ryder came out as the surprise opponent he didn’t appear to get much of a reaction but moments later there were pretty loud “let’s go Ryder” chants. Ryder hit the rough rider quickly for the win.

Alberto Del Rio beat Kofi Kingston. Kingston hit a springboard crossbody and boom drop but missed trouble in paradise. Del Rio attacked the arm and shortly thereafter caught Kingston in the armbar for the tap. Backstage, Miz ranted and raved basically about the state of his career. He said HHH’s appointment was a big mistake.

John Cena beat Rey Mysterio to win the WWE title. Mysterio hit some leg kicks early. We got dueling Cena chants. Cena came back with a clothesline on the floor and powerslam. Cena went for his shoulderblocks but Mysterio countered with a dropkick. Cena hit the Cena slam and five knuckle but Mysterio escaped the FU attempt. Mysterio hit a top rope senton for two. Mysterio put Cena in the STF. Cena countered into an FU attempt but his knee gave out.

Mysterio hit the 619 but Cena got his knees up when Mysterio went for the top rope splash. Mysterio went for a huracanrana but Cena threw him off. Cena hit a top rope leg drop to Mysterio’s front. Mysterio tried to set up the 619 but Cena turned around and hit the FU for the win.

After the match, Cena helped Mysterio up. “Cult of Personality” played for a while and finally CM Punk showed up on the stage with the WWE title. He came down to the ring smiling. Cena held up his title. Punk responded by holding up his title and the show ended.

Final Thoughts:

I really liked most of this show. Jim Ross coming back, if it’s a permanent move, is a long overdue decision. There was plenty of good wrestling and intrigue. They even gave Zack Ryder a good opportunity to make an impression. I’m not so sold on Punk coming back so quickly, however. It just feels rushed. There isn’t enough time to get over the legitimacy of the two versions of the WWE title and you need more of a buffer zone to set up a big title match after so many recent title switches. With that said, the basic direction remains strong and there is plenty left for them to do along these lines.

WWE Raw Report

2011-07-18T21:04:00.001-07:00

Date: 07/18/11 from Green Bay, WI.

The Big News: Big dominos continue to fall in WWE, with HHH announcing that Vince McMahon has been relieved of his duties and HHH appointed the new head of WWE’s day-to-day operations.

Show Analysis:

Vince McMahon and John Laurinaitis came out to start the show. All the wrestlers were watching backstage on a monitor. There were loud CM Punk chants. Vince said he will never say that name again. He called Punk the biggest ingrate in WWE history, who turned his back on the fans and the locker room. He labeled Punk an egotistical, selfish turd. Vince said no one man is bigger than the WWE.

Vince announced that there would be a tournament on Raw to crown a new WWE champion. He went through the brackets, which did not include John Cena. Vince said Cena let him down. He warned Cena that there would be severe consequences. Vince said this would be a night people would always remember. The announcers said Cena on Twitter claimed to have already been fired.

Miz beat Alex Riley in a first round tournament match. Miz was selling an injured leg and Riley went after it immediately. He worked over the leg for much of the match. Riley hit clotheslines and a spine buster and went for his implant DDT. Miz reversed that and went for the skull crushing finale but Riley got out of it. Miz dove off the ropes and was caught in the Texas cloverleaf. Miz escaped and hit the skull crushing finale for the win. This was a strangely booked match with the face going right after a heel’s injured leg only to be caught with the heel’s finisher for a relatively clean pin.

R. Truth beat Jack Swagger in a first round tournament match. Prior to the match, they aired a video package for the soon-to-return John Morrison. Swagger got the best of the action early. He hit Irish whips, a Vader bomb and chop block. He went for the ankle lock but Truth reversed that into a cradle for the win.

Kofi Kingston beat Alberto Del Rio in a first round tournament match. Del Rio before the match said he hopes John Cena is fired and Del Rio will be the new leader of the company. Ricardo Rodriguez finally made his return and put over Del Rio on the ramp. Kingston hit a tope but Del Rio gave him an enzuigiri as he came back into the ring. Del Rio used a tilt-a-whirl back breaker and went for the armbar. That led to a sloppy pair of rollups with Kingston getting Del Rio down for the three. Del Rio’s shoulder wasn’t down the entire time and the announcers pointed it out but I’m not sure if that was intended or just an accident. Backstage after the match, Kingston said he just took his first step towards becoming the new WWE champion.

Rey Mysterio beat Dolph Ziggler. Mysterio hit a senton off the top. Ziggler responded with a neck breaker. Mysterio missed the 619 and Ziggler hit an inverted powerslam. Mysterio then finished Ziggler with the 619 and a top rope splash.

Kelly Kelly, Beth Phoenix, Eve Torres, Gail Kim, AJ, Natalya and Kaitlyn beat Melina, Alicia Fox, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Maryse, Rosa Mendes and Tamina. They had 14 wrestlers in the match, but again only 2 were ever in. Beth gave Rosa a slingshot suplex. A big brawl broke out. Beth then hit the glam slam on Rosa for the win. The match went 45 seconds or so.

Miz beat Kofi Kingston in the first tournament semifinal. Kingston, like Riley, went right after Miz’s bad leg. He set up for trouble in paradise but Miz crawled out of the ring. Kingston went after him but Miz snapped Kingston’s neck on the ropes. Miz dropped Kingston on the top turnbuckle and hit the skull crushing finale for the win. Miz was bleeding pretty badly from the mouth at the end. Backstage, Truth said the conspiracy wouldn’t keep him from beating Rey. He said the title would get got. They also aired a video package on Andy Leavine growing up poor.

Rey Mysterio beat R. Truth in the second tournament semifinal. Truth hit a head over heels clothesline and worked over Mysterio. Mysterio used an arm drag to throw Truth out of the ring and hit a tope to the outside. Truth worked over Mysterio for a while and hit another big clothesline when Mysterio went for the 619. Truth hit a cool looking suplex into a stunner. Mysterio then closed the show with a 619 and top rope splash for the finish.

Vince McMahon came out and said they were running low on time and would postpone the WWE title tournament final until next week. Mysterio seemed angry but left. I liked this, both in the sense they can hopefully build ratings a little bit for that match but also because it sort of acknowledges time constraints and I would like WWE to do little touches of that here and there to create a more realistic feel.

Vince McMahon said that he can create a new John Cena. The crowd loudly chanted for Punk. Vince thanked Cena for his contributions to WWE. He said he does what’s right for business. The crowd again loudly chanted for Punk. Cena came out and said he didn’t want to go through what Shawn Michaels did. No matter what Michaels did, he had to carry the burden of screwing Bret. Cena said he didn’t want to be the guy who screwed Punk and wouldn’t be Vince’s patsy. Cena said Vince can go ahead and find a new opponent for Rock at WrestleMania. He added that he feels he belongs in WWE but if Vince lets him go he will walk on someone else’s TV show and keep doing this, “brother.” That was an obvious Impact Wrestling reference.

Vince was about to announce his decision and apparently fire Cena when HHH came out in a suit. Vince introduced HHH as his son-in-law. HHH said there was a board of directors meeting earlier in the day. He asked Vince to come talk about it in the back. Vince wanted to do it in the ring so HHH told him the board was concerned about Vince’s questionable decisions and gave him a vote of no confidence. Vince added that the family agrees. HHH said he has been appointed to take over day-to-day operations of WWE. HHH said Vince wouldn’t fire Cena.

HHH finally announced that it’s just business, but that Vince has been relieved of his duties. Vince did a great job selling this and began crying immediately. The crowd began singing goodbye. HHH said he didn’t want to do this but was just trying to do what’s right for business. “I love you, pop,” HHH concluded and dropped the microphone. The crowd applauded a teary-eyed Vince and chanted “thank you” at the close of the show.

Final Thoughts:

This was another entertaining and interesting show. It continues to feel like WWE is headed in a very positive direction and it would seem there are plenty of twists and turns ahead. A reprise of the Shawn Michaels/Razor Ramon Intercontinental title program with CM Punk seems likely, as does HHH taking the role of a heavy down the line. Both should work well. John Cena in the top face role doesn’t fit very well into the rest of what’s going on, but they’ve done their best the past few weeks to make him more likeable to the people not already on his side.

One final point of interest is where they are going with the WWE title. You would figure they are putting the title on a heel to set up an eventual conflict with Punk, but Miz was booked on this show more like a face. WWE is clicking right now, so I’ve got confidence everything will come together well.

WWE Raw Report

2011-07-11T21:18:00.001-07:00

Date: 07/11/11 from Boston, MA.

The Big News: WWE completed its best build for a pay-per-view match since Batista vs. HHH. It remains to be seen how many orders WWE can generate for a B pay-per-view with a three week build but it’s hard to do much better of a job than this. Hopefully fans encourage WWE to continue in this direction by ordering the show.

Show Analysis:

CM Punk came out to start the show with his new mustache and a megaphone. He sat down in the middle of the ring and asked if he has people’s attention now. He said that he got in trouble because he has the balls to say things nobody else has the balls to say. That got a big face pop. Punk said the company is filled with a parade of shameless ass kissers. He noted he is now reinstated and brought back up in the form of the megaphone in case they try to cut his microphone off. The crowd began loudly chanting “CM Punk.”

Punk said that he had been given a microphone because Vince McMahon wants to sign him to a lucrative long term contract. Punk said it is funny Vince is bending over backwards for him now because all he ever wanted was the power of the microphone. Punk called himself the hottest property in the industry. He claimed to have made WWE socially relevant in the real world. Punk said WWE only gets mentions in the real world because CM Punk is speaking his mind or because somebody died. He brought up the interest there has been in him from the media.

Punk observed that now he has one foot out the door and finally Vince wants to give him everything he wants. Punk said that if Vince treated him this way five years ago he wouldn’t have five years of loaded up ammunition. He suggested he have the first ever live contract negotiation in the ring with Vince. Punk said that maybe he would sign, maybe he wouldn’t, and maybe Vince would join the CM Punk kiss my ass club.

That brought out John Cena, who was serious and not joking around. Punk thanked Cena for reinstating him into a job he didn’t want. Punk said he will beat Cena for the title and change how it looks because it has been far too ugly for far too long. The fans cheered that one. Punk pointed out that if Cena loses, he isn’t really going to be fired. He noted the last time Cena was fired it lasted no time at all and told Cena not to worry about that.

Cena responded that Punk likes to run his mouth. Cena noted that Punk has to go through Cena to leave the company with the title and Cena said he is no pushover. Cena said a lot of people thought they were the best, referencing a number of people no longer with the company including Kurt Angle, and then they faced Cena and were left disappointed. Cena said he doesn’t care what Punk says because he is coming to Chicago to whip Punk’s ass. The GM then said that Vince was on the way to negotiate with Punk and that Cena would be wrestling in a special match next.

This was a tremendous start to the show. Punk was great again and Cena was really good in his own right. He didn’t do the goofy comedy and instead delivered an intense promo that made him look strong and made the title match seem important. As an added bonus, they continued the kind of edgy feel with nods to facts WWE usually wouldn’t bring up and more colorful language than usual.

John Cena beat Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga. Michael Cole was telling the story that this match was made to appease Punk and get him to re-sign. Cole was freaking out selling what it would mean if someone left with the title and made references to the WCW war and Bruno Sammartino. Nexus worked over Cena. Cena came back with a fisherman buster on Otunga and shoulder blocks, the Cena slam and five knuckle on McGillicutty. Cena went for the FU but Otunga stopped him. Cena regained control with a famouser off the top and STF on McGillicutty but Otunga broke that up. Finally, Cena hit the FU on McGillicutty, threw Otunga out of the ring, and pinned McGillicutty.

They’ve done this so many times that it’s hard to be bothered any more, but I just don’t understand the mentality of having a singles wrestler beat the tag champions in a handicap match. If you’re so dead set on a handicap match, which to me always do more harm than good unless it involves jobbers, at least have it be two wrestlers who aren’t the tag champions.

Backstage, Vickie Guerrero, Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre were making fun of Vince McMahon. They went on for quite a while before Vince finally of course came in and revealed he overheard what they were saying. Vince made McIntyre and Ziggler vs. Big Show in a handicap match.

Kelly Kelly beat Melina. Kelly hit a handspring elbow, stinkface, neck breaker and famouser for the win. Things don’t look good for Melina these days. The Bellas did commentary and after the match they made fun of Kelly for not eating. A fight broke out and Eve Torres tried to make the save. However, the Bellas got the best of things this week.

Miz did a promo from the top of a ladder. He said he knows what it takes to be champ and he will show it at the PPV. He started to do his catchphrase when he was interrupted by Jack Swagger. Swagger noted he has also cashed in MITB and won the title and said he will do it again. Miz asked if someone cashes in MITB and nobody remembers, did it really happen? Evan Bourne was next out and said he was tired of hearing what the other guys have done. Bourne said he will steal the show and win the match.

Kofi Kingston made his entrance and noted this was all talk. Kingston said if he wins the match it will be because of what he does and not because of what he says. He brought out how Edge’s career was ended by matches like this. R. Truth continued the procession. He said two weeks ago he beat John Cena and did some comedy about being afraid of spiders rather than heights. It’s a real shame what they have done to Truth because he was a hot heel and they’ve turned him into a complete joke.

Alex Riley ran out and didn’t say anything but just went after Miz. Finally, Alberto Del Rio came out and said he shouldn’t be in MITB because he took out Rey Mysterio and is the number one contender. Del Rio vowed to teach all of them a lesson. The GM announced a six man tag. I’m not really a fan of these contrived feeling segments but the participants did well.

Alex Riley, Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne beat R. Truth, Miz and Jack Swagger. The heels worked over Bourne. Kingston got the tag and hit dropkicks, clotheslines, the boom drop and a frog crossbody off the top. The heels took back over on Kingston and worked him over for a bit. Kingston hit a double DDT on Swagger and Truth, then tagged Riley. Riley hit a spear and spine buster on Swagger. Swagger went for the Vader bomb but Riley got up his feet and hit the implant DDT for the win.

After the match, Miz gave Riley the skull crushing finale. Everyone took turns hitting moves on other guys. Bourne was going for the shooting star press when Del Rio ran in and pushed Bourne off the top. Del Rio then laid everyone out with a ladder and gloated in the ring. This was a good match and a good post-match as well.

Big Show fought to a double count out with Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre in a handicap match. This wasn’t a match so much as an angle. Show just destroyed McIntyre for a while as Ziggler hid from the action. Show beat up McIntyre on the ramp and they were both counted out. Show continued to destroy McIntyre and went for a choke slam off the stage when Mark Henry ran in and knocked Show off the stage into protected cushioning. Henry running in out of nowhere looked cool but the bump looked basically fake because of all the protection.

Vince McMahon came out for the final segment of the show. He said he is not joining the CM Punk kiss my ass club. Vince said contracts shouldn’t be negotiated in public, which seems like a good rule of thumb. Vince had a contract ready for Punk and said it included his own collector’s cup. Punk came out and immediately got in a “Whatamaneuver!” to mock Vince. Punk said he thought Vince would come out in a Cena t-shirt but now he saw Vince has no faith in Cena.

Vince replied that he just couldn’t live with himself if Punk left with the title. Vince referred to Punk as Phil. Punk said his lawyers drew up a different contract with new perks. Punk said he would get to push Vince and Vince will like it. Punk wanted his own jet and his face on everything like the Titantron, turnbuckles, cups, shoes and socks. Punk said he wanted Vince to bring back the ice cream bars. That got a big positive reaction and “ice cream bars” chants. Punk said he wants WWE Films to produce CM Punk: the Movie. He said they can call it Chaperone 2, only entertaining, funny and successful.

Punk said Dwayne, or Rock for those who don’t watch crappy Disney movies, can still wrestle Cena at WrestleMania but Punk will be in the main event. Finally, he wanted Vince to apologize to Punk and the people. Punk said Vince does the anti-bullying campaign but Vince is one of the biggest bullies he’s met in his life and Vince will apologize. This got loud “CM Punk” chants. Punk said he has had his friends fired from the company. Vince said they deserved it. Punk replied that Vince wants to punish people for liking wrestling like Colt Cabana and Luke Gallows.

Punk said he is the voice of the voiceless and Vince will apologize and like it. The crowd started chanting “we want wrestling.” Vince yelled that he doesn’t give a damn what the people want. Punk said that is the problem, that Vince doesn’t give a damn. Punk added that his problem is he cares too much. Punk said he’s a bad guy and doesn’t wear the white hat but he is in touch with what the people want. He demanded an apology. Vince apologized and then apologized again more loudly. Punk celebrated.

Vince went to sign the contract, with audible chants of “Colt Cabana” and “we want wrestling.” However, John Cena came out to interrupt. Cena noted that the people love Punk but Punk is going to walk out on them. Cena said that if Vince wants to give into a terrorist, he won’t tell Vince what to do. Cena said Punk and Vince are like spoiled brats and did some terrible obnoxious comedy. Cena said he dislikes Vince but still shows up for work. He called Punk a hypocrite and brought up Rock saying he was home and never leaving again. Cena said Punk just wants to take the title and walk out.

Cena started to say Punk has lost sight when Punk interrupted. Punk observed that Cena still looks at him like a kid who can’t hang with him. He brought up being dressed up like a gangster as part of Cena’s entourage at WrestleMania in Chicago. Punk said he vowed then that in a few years he wouldn’t be watching Cena but beating him. Punk then said, “This is the part where I talk them into the building.”

Punk said Cena is like the Red Sox or Patriots or Bruins or Celtics, the Boston sports teams who still view themselves as underdogs when in fact they’re winning titles and dominating. Punk pointed out Cena’s father and wife in the front row. Punk said Cena is what he hates: he’s a 10 time champion and no longer the underdog but rather the dynasty. Punk said Cena has become the Yankees. Cena punched Punk in response. This angle is written for Bill Simmons.

Punk walked up the aisle referring to Cena as Steinbrenner or Jeter and said that he is the real underdog. Punk said the reason he wants to leave is because he is tired of this, tired of Cena, just tired. Punk said Sunday say goodbye to the WWE title, say goodbye to Cena and say goodbye to CM Punk. He tore up the contract and said he will go be the best in the world somewhere else. This segment went way past the usual time and was fantastic.

Final Thoughts:

Punk vs. Cena is the sort of feud that makes me love wrestling. You’ve got two very distinct characters with completely different goals fighting for stakes that feel significant and real. I hope WWE has some great ideas going forward, because this is their chance to get hot again.

WWE Raw Report

2011-07-04T22:45:00.000-07:00

Date: 07/04/11 from Las Vegas, NV.

The Big News: John Cena convinced Vince McMahon to go through with a Cena vs. CM Punk main event at Money in the Bank.

Show Analysis:

John Cena came out to start the show. He said that Punk had been suspended indefinitely and lost his title shot. Cena said the decision sucked and that Punk was suspended for speaking his mind. Cena pointed out it’s a PG show and that while he didn’t agree with what Punk said, it didn’t cross any lines. He brought up Daniel Bryan being fired for being too violent and signs being taken away from fans. He said that first amendment rights were being taken away. So apparently Cena has no idea what the first amendment means. Cena said he called Vince McMahon and that McMahon would be on the show later.

I liked this promo. It was delivered seriously like Cena cares about this and is standing up for what’s right while Cena also did a bunch of things to accentuate Punk’s points. He brought up the Bryan thing, the PG direction and just generally came across as kind of disingenuous. In short, the promo gave you good reasons to either get behind or stand against Cena.

Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres beat the Bella twins. The Bellas worked over Eve briefly. Kelly tagged in and used a Thesz press, whirlybird, stinkface, bulldog and famouser for the win. Backstage, R. Truth backstage did a lame comedy promo. They’re turning him into a joke and it’s such a waste given how well he was connecting. Alberto Del Rio ran into Truth and did his usual promo about destiny.

Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga defeated Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov. Nexus beat up Kozlov for a bit. Kozlov got the tag to Santino. Santino used a couple hip tosses and a diving head butt. He set up for the cobra but decided to use it on Otunga on the apron. McGillicutty then gave Santino the cutter for the win. Zack Ryder appeared on the stage afterwards to say woo woo woo you know it.

An intense Miz backstage said Alex Riley’s run of success will come to an end. Jack Swagger confronted Sgt. Slaughter and Evan Bourne elsewhere. He made fun of Slaughter’s age and challenged Slaughter to a fight. Slaughter accepted.

Jack Swagger beat Sgt. Slaughter. Slaughter hit some chops, an elbow and applied the cobra clutch. However, Swagger got out of the hold quickly. He then hit a clothesline and Vader bomb on Slaughter for the pin. After the match, Swagger put the ankle lock on Slaughter. Evan Bourne made the save and Slaughter said the pledge of allegiance.

Alberto Del Rio beat Rey Mysterio and R. Truth to become number one contender. Mysterio hit a crossbody off the top onto Truth on Del Rio’s shoulders. Del Rio accidentally ran into the post and Mysterio gave Truth the 619 and a top rope splash. Mysterio had Truth covered but Del Rio ran in and grabbed Mysterio’s arm for the armbar submission. The finish was cool, if a little too similar to the triple threat number one contender match finish from a couple weeks ago.

Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler came to the ring. Vickie said that it was Ziggler’s birthday and sang happy birthday to him. Ziggler said there will never be another Dolph Ziggler. Kofi Kingston interrupted and said Ziggler can’t beat him without Vickie. Ziggler said he left Kingston in the dust and told Kingston to leave. Kingston shoved Ziggler and Ziggler accidentally sent Vickie’s behind into the birthday cake. Then, as she was surveying the damage, the wrestlers brawled back into Vickie and he front fell into the cake.

Alex Riley beat Miz. Miz dominated the match forever until Riley hit a spear and spine buster. Miz took back over with a clothesline and went for his back breaker/neck breaker combination. He hit the back breaker but then Riley reversed the neck breaker into a backslide for the win. After the match, Miz attacked Riley. He sent Riley into the barricade and steps and hit a big running kick to the head. Miz was freaking out, alternating between fury and dejection about losing again to Riley.

Vince McMahon closed the show. He said that Punk’s suspension wasn’t about Vince’s ego but about doing the right things for the people. He added that Punk’s contract is almost up and Punk wants limo service, first class flights, magazines, DVDs and more. Vince said Punk isn’t worthy of magazines and DVDs. The fans booed that. Vince called CM Punk a Punk and went to leave.

That brought out John Cena. He claimed Vince is about freedom of expression and this goes against that. He said that Vince is a fighter but maybe he has gone soft and if he isn’t willing to fight he should hang it up, “old man.” Vince responded that his real reason for suspending Punk was he didn’t want to risk that Punk would beat Cena. He noted he has been through this before and if Punk wins, he will walk into another wrestling organization with the title. Vince said he won’t be embarrassed.

Cena said he won’t guarantee that he will beat Punk but the match should happen. He said Cena/Punk would be the biggest match of the year but now it won’t happen. Vince told Cena not to be like Hulk Hogan and others by pissing him off. Vince noted it’s not Cena’s company but Vince’s. Cena said if that’s how Vince runs his company, Cena doesn’t want to be a part of it.

Cena said he recognizes he is replaceable but he puts his heart into the company. He concluded that Punk earned his right to fight for the title and if Vince kicks Punk to the curb he has made the title meaningless. He handed the title back to Vince and left. Vince followed Cena up the ramp and told Cena that Punk is reinstated and Cena has his match. Vince then added that if Punk leaves Chicago with the title, Vince will fire Cena.

Final Thoughts:

The second taped show on double shows tend to be less newsworthy, and this show was mostly centered on carrying through what happened last week. I’m still very optimistic about the potential for this angle and intrigued with the finish they have planned for the pay-per-view.

WWE Raw Report

2011-06-27T21:40:00.001-07:00

Date: 06/27/11 from Las Vegas, NV.

The Big News: CM Punk produced the single most captivating segment on WWE television in the past decade. If you didn’t see this segment, seek it out now.

Show Analysis:

Shawn Michaels came out to start the show. Michaels said he tried to stay away but couldn’t do it. Lawler asked on commentary whether Michaels is coming back. Michaels said he has missed the crowd. He noted he was not the guest host. He plugged his new TV show by pretending not to. That brought out CM Punk, Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga. Mason Ryan wasn’t there and the announcers said Ryan was injured over the weekend.

Punk accused Michaels of having an addictive personality that won’t let him stay away. Punk said he is leaving and unlike Michaels he will go out a winner. Punk reprimanded the people for cheering the past in Michaels over the future in Punk. Michaels responded that people cheer him because they know he is better than Punk. Punk said Michaels was better at one point but isn’t now. He asked Michaels if this was a challenge and said they are a lot alike in their brashness.

Michaels said they have similarities but he has his own style. Michaels then gave Otunga sweet chin music. Punk told Michaels he just made a big mistake. The GM then popped up and announced Punk would have his Raw roulette match immediately. Booker T spun a question mark and said this meant Punk would have to face a mystery opponent, Kane. Some mystery. Kane was standing right there next to Booker. Good thing mystery came up on the first spin. Michaels then gave McGillicutty sweet chin music.

Kane beat CM Punk via count out. There were loud chants for Punk early. Punk tried a springboard but was caught by the neck. Punk avoided the choke slam and took over with punches and kicks. Kane responded with a big boot and went to the top. Punk cut him off and tried a superplex but Kane threw him off. Punk then just walked off for the count out. This was a terrible finish and a terrible way to build up a title challenger.

Sin Cara beat Evan Bourne in a no count out match from the wheel. They traded kicks. Cara hit a tope. Bourne used a spinning head scissors on the floor. Cara used la magistral for two. Bourne hit a flying knee for two. Bourne used a standing moonsault but missed the shooting star press. Cara then hit la mistica and rolled Bourne over for the pin rather than applying the Fujiwara armbar. This was a fun match.

Kofi Kingston beat Dolph Ziggler in a non-title match. Kingston was supposed to spin the wheel but Vickie Guerrero spun instead. It came up “player’s choice” so Kingston got to choose the match and had Vickie barred from ringside. Ziggler started to leave at the start of the match but Kingston chased after him and brought him back in. Ziggler worked over Kingston and used the famouser for two. Kingston started to come back with punches when Ziggler tried to throw him out of the ring. Kingston bounced off the ropes with his head and hit trouble in paradise for the win.

They announced a Raw Money in the Bank ladder match for the pay-per-view featuring Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, Evan Bourne, R. Truth, Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Alex Riley and Miz. It’s too bad they didn’t set up qualifying matches, but that lineup does sound really good.

Booker T and Maryse were hanging out by the wheel. Alberto Del Rio wanted to know why he had to face Big Show again after beating him at Capitol Punishment. Maryse agreed with him. Booker was going to spin for Del Rio but Del Rio had Maryse spin instead. It came up on steel cage match.

Alberto Del Rio beat Big Show in a cage match. Del Rio used kicks to the head repeatedly and went after Show’s leg. Mark Henry came to ringside. Show hit clotheslines and went for the choke slam but Del Rio kicked out his leg and hit a DDT. Show followed with a superplex. Henry then ripped the door off the cage and attacked Show. Del Rio crawled out the door. This was a garbage finish, both in terms of making matches seem like nothing and in terms of making cage matches seem like nothing. Afterwards, Henry ran at Show with the door and the side of the cage broke apart as Show fell through it. That was a very cool visual.

Kelly Kelly beat Nikki Bella in a submissions match from the wheel. Nikki used a Fujiwara armbar. Kelly didn’t submit. Kelly put on a Boston crab. Nikki did submit. These women’s matches where they just go to a finish immediately are so damaging to the basic goal of making matches seem like believable, meaningful competition. After the match, the Bellas attacked Kelly until Eve Torres made the save. They aired a video package on Andy Leavine.

After Rey Mysterio spun the wheel for his match backstage, DDP showed up to plug the WCW Nitro DVD with Booker T. Drew McIntyre came in to announce that he is still alive. He said that Booker and DDP were taking his TV time. Shawn Michaels then knocked out McIntyre with sweet chin music and they all laughed at McIntyre. This was one of those comedy burials WWE loves. Shawn Michaels said he hasn’t seen any of the Nitro DVD but he is sure it is exciting.

Rey Mysterio and Alex Riley beat Miz and Jack Swagger in a tornado tag from the wheel. Swagger gave Mysterio a Vader bomb and set up for the doomsday device with Miz. Mysterio escaped and sent Swagger into Miz. Mysterio hit a senton off the apron onto Swagger on the floor. Riley used a hip toss off the top on Miz. Swagger threw Mysterio over his head onto the legs of Miz for a stomach breaker.

Mysterio came back with a senton off the top on Miz and went for the 619 but Swagger tripped him. Riley gave Swagger a spine buster but Miz broke up the pin attempt. Miz hit a scorpion death drop on Riley for two. Mysterio ran into a Swagger big boot for two. Mysterio went for the 619 but was caught and Swagger put him in the ankle lock. Riley broke it up and kicked Swagger in the head. Mysterio hit the 619, Riley hit an implant DDT, and Mysterio hit a top rope splash for the pin. This was a very exciting match.

R. Truth beat John Cena in a tables match. Truth now speaks to imaginary people. Truth worked over Cena early. Cena sent Truth into the steps. Cena went for the FU through a table but Punk pulled the table out of the ring. Punk went into the ring and Cena lifted him up for the FU at which point Truth speared Cena through the tale for the win. This fluke win over Cena formula has worked so well for WWE on PPV, so why not continue?

Then, with Cena lying in the ring, CM Punk walked up the ramp and sat down on the stage. I’ve never done this, but here’s the promo verbatim:

“John Cena while you lay there hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this because before I leave in 3 weeks with your WWE championship I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.

“I don’t hate you, John. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot better than most of the people in the back. I hate the idea that you’re the best. Because you’re not. I’m the best. I’m the best in the world. There’s one thing you’re better at than I am and that’s kissing Vince McMahon’s ass. You’re as good at kissing Vince’s ass as Hulk Hogan was. I don’t know if you’re as good as Dwayne, though. He’s a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is. Oops, I’m breaking the fourth wall (waves at camera).

“I’m the best wrestler in the world. I’ve been the best ever since day one when I walked into this company and I’ve been vilified and hated since that day because Paul Heyman saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That’s right; I’m a Paul Heyman guy. You know who else was a Paul Heyman guy? Brock Lesnar, and he split just like I’m splitting. But the biggest difference between me and Brock is I’m going to leave with the WWE championship.

“I’ve grabbed so many of Vincent K. McMahon’s imaginary brass rings that it’s finally dawned on me that they’re just that. They’re completely imaginary. The only thing that’s real is me. And the fact that day in and day out for almost 6 years I’ve proved to everyone in the world that I’m the best on this microphone, in the ring, even on commentary. Nobody can touch me.

“Yet no matter how many times I prove it I’m not on your lovely little collector’s cups. I’m not on the cover of the program. I’m barely promoted. I don’t get to be in movies. I’m certainly not on any crappy show on the USA Network. I’m not on the poster of WrestleMania. I’m not on the signature that’s promoted at the top of the show. I’m not on Conan O’Brien. I’m not on Jimmy Fallon. But the fact of the matter is I should be and trust me this isn’t sour grapes. But the fact that Dwayne is in the main event of WrestleMania next year and I’m not makes me sick.

“Let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big of a part of me leaving as anything else. Because you’re the ones sipping out of those collector cups. You’re the ones who buy the programs that my face isn’t on the cover of and then at 5 in the morning in the airport you shove it in my face so you can go sell it on E-bay because you’re too lazy to get a real job.

“I’m leaving with the WWE championship on July 17 and who knows, maybe I’ll go defend it in New Japan Pro Wrestling. Maybe I’ll go back to Ring of Honor. Hey Colt Cabana, how you doing? (looks at camera and waves)

“The reason I’m leaving is you people, because after I’m gone you’ll still pour money into this company. I’m just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel’s gonna keep turning and I understand that. Vince McMahon’s going to make money in spite of himself. He’s a millionaire who should be a billionaire. Know why he’s not a billionaire? It’s because he surrounds himself with glad-handing, nonsensical douchebag yes men like John Laurinaitis who’s going to tell him everything he wants to hear.

“And I’d like to think that maybe this company will be better after Vince McMahon’s dead but the fact is it’s going to get taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law and the rest of his stupid family. Let me tell you a personal story about Vince McMahon. We do this whole bully campaign…”

At that point the microphone cut out. Punk began yelling that he is the best of the world and he is being silenced. The picture then abruptly cut to black.

Final Thoughts:

Raw was your usual edition of Raw. The booking was bad although there were a couple of very good matches. Then CM Punk came out and his promo was a gigantic breath of fresh air the likes of which we haven’t seen on WWE television in ages. It was a tremendously entertaining and captivating segment. That’s not just because he said all the things so many longstanding wrestling fans think about the WWE product and it’s cathartic to hear that on WWE television.

Putting aside the agreement so many of us have with what Punk said, it was an enormously effective segment in making things feel real, different and important. WWE programming long ago lost the feeling of reality and unpredictability. The promos all sound the same. The matches are all the same. The booking is the same and there’s a very tightly defined formula for what happens. It doesn’t feel like any of the wrestlers have individual agency; they’re just doing what they’re told.

Punk’s promo, by contrast, felt like the genuine beliefs of an actual person. He was saying what he felt, not what he was supposed to say. If the company is doing a good job, it ought to feel like everyone is saying what they feel. But that feeling has been lost. Punk’s promo brought back a jarring feeling of authenticity to the show. Now, of course, WWE is on board with everything Punk said. But the nature of the promo was so inside and unique to Punk that it was clearly guided by him as opposed to handed down to him. As a result, the stakes for Punk seem much higher than for other wrestlers. Even better, it’s tied into his quest for the title.

Most of the WWE audience isn’t going to understand many of the things Punk said. But that’s fine. The broad strokes are clear and it encourages the fans to engage more. I don’t think this is an angle that’s doomed to short term, internet interest. I think it’s something that could have a lot broader positive impact. Most fans didn’t know the behind-the-scenes background of Scott Hall and Kevin Nash signing with WCW. But they understood there were two very different sides to take and that division and passion ignited the business.

There are a lot of people very frustrated with the WWE product. They feel like it’s not aimed at them as longtime wrestling fans. Punk, by expressing what he did in such strong terms, gives voice to that emotion. That in term invites those people back by acknowledging their complaints and giving them someone to support. There are a lot of obstacles to making this angle work as well as its potential. But there hasn’t been a better opportunity in a great many years for WWE to turn around its key business indicators.

WWE Raw Report

2011-06-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

Date: 06/20/11 from Baltimore, MD.

The Big News: CM Punk will attempt to win the WWE title from John Cena and then take the title with him out of the company.

Show Analysis:

The show began with CM Punk. Punk said he doesn’t trust the people with making decisions. He would prove prophetic. Punk said he is the best wrestler in the world, actually using the W word. He claimed to have soundly defeated Rey Mysterio and John Cena and said that wins and losses still mean something. Hopefully Vince doesn’t recognize that’s internet type talk. Punk said he is the number one contender and asked the GM to give him a title match at Money in the Bank. He threatened to do a sit in until granted the shot.

The GM said that would be taken under consideration and asked Punk to leave the ring. They did the same thing from last week filming right behind the computer as the lights blink to signal an e-mail and it’s the exact same text on the screen with no change. I have no idea why they shoot from that angle. Punk refused to leave. The GM said Punk was going to be number one contender but because of Punk’s disrespect, Punk would have to wrestle Alberto Del Rio for the number one contender spot later in the show. Punk started to complain and the GM announced it would now be a triple threat number one contender match with Punk, Del Rio and Rey Mysterio. Punk finally left. Punk was great here.

Kelly Kelly beat Brie Bella to win the women’s title. The choices for Brie’s opponent were Kelly with 53 percent of the vote, Beth Phoenix with 36 percent and Eve Torres with 11 percent. That’s not good for Eve. Brie choked Kelly. Kelly hit a Thesz press and bulldog. Kelly went for a victory roll but Brie dropped down like Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart at WrestleMania X. Kelly, however, rolled through for the pin. Kelly cried after winning. Jerry Lawler came into the ring to briefly interview her after the match. That’s apparently a regular new thing or maybe they have an angle planned but don’t want to telegraph it too much.

Mason Ryan beat Evan Bourne. The choices for Bourne’s opponent were Ryan with 51 percent, Sin Cara with 30 percent and Jack Swagger with 19 percent. The live crowd booed the choice of Ryan and it sure sucks we got a bad match when either of the other two options would have been much better. The poll seemed set up for Cara to win, although I seem to recall this sort of thing happening before back when WCW Saturday Night did interactive voting (via a hotline back then) and fans didn’t want to choose face vs. face matches.

Bourne hit some dropkicks on Ryan. The crowd began chanting “Batista” pretty loudly. Ryan used a clothesline, back breakers and a press slam. Bourne hit a head kick and used a horrendous looking small package for two. Bourne came off the ropes but was caught with the side effect for the win. Booker T was strangely calling the match as if Ryan was a face. I’m not sure if he thought Ryan was based on the voting or if he just decided to randomly cheerlead for Ryan like he does for Sheamus on Smackdown.

Kane beat Mark Henry in an arm wrestling match via DQ. Yes, they couldn’t even provide a finish to an arm wrestling contest. The fans selected an arm wrestling match with 52 percent of the vote instead of an over the top match at 35 percent or body slam challenge at 13 percent. I was hating the voters at this point and the live crowd booed again. They then started chanting “this is stupid.” They stalled forever, then arm wrestled forever, then Henry just punched Kane and that was that. Afterwards, Henry laid out Kane with the arm wrestling table, smashed Kane into the post, and slammed Kane through the announce table.

R. Truth came out and criticized the crowd. He said he got okeydoked by little jimmy at Capitol Punishment. Christian came out and said he feels where Truth is coming from. Christian complained about the people costing him the title when he had just won it. He complained about the referee at Capitol Punishment counting the pin when his foot was under the ropes and demanded justice. Truth said at least Christian had the title but little jimmy cost him his shot.

That brought out Miz, who called the other two whiners. Miz said his gripes are legitimate and complained about the referee stopping him from using the belt against Alex Riley at the PPV. They all started bickering. They all started saying “really?” Then they started arguing saying “Riley,” “Randy,” and “Jimmy.” Teddy Long came out and told them all to shut up. He announced Christian, Miz and Truth vs. Cena, Riley and Orton for the main event with people picking the stipulations. They didn’t explain why Long would have that authority. This segment was great, one of the best WWE comedy segments of the year.

Kofi Kingston beat Dolph Ziggler via DQ in a 2 of 3 falls match. 2 of 3 falls got 51 percent of the vote, Vickie Guerrero banned from ringside 31 percent and submission match 18 percent. Finally we got a good decision from the fans. Ziggler won the first fall after a zig zag on the floor during a commercial break. Ziggler gained control and nearly got a pin with the famouser before Kingston abruptly hit the S.O.S. for the win.

Ziggler took back over with offense to start the third fall. The two men traded pinning opportunities. Kingston hit a crossbody to the back for two. Ziggler tried to hit Kingston with the title but missed. Kingston hit trouble in paradise on the floor and brought Ziggler back into the ring but Ziggler grabbed the bottom rope on the pin attempt. Ziggler then hit Kingston with a microphone on the outside for the DQ. That was such a terrible finish after a relatively long match.

They announced Raw Roulette next week and that Shawn Michaels will be on the show. Plus, it will be two hours rather than three. These are positives all around.

CM Punk beat Rey Mysterio and Alberto Del Rio in a triple threat falls count anywhere match to become number one contender. This was a great match, better than anything on the PPV last night and one of the better WWE TV matches of the year. Falls count anywhere got 66 percent of the vote, no disqualifications got 23 percent of the vote, and submission match got 11 percent of the vote. Ricardo Rodriguez was still not back, and the announcers said he is recuperating from injuries suffered at the hands of Big Show. Del Rio before the match cut a brief promo saying everything is setting up his destiny.

Punk power bombed Del Rio off the apron onto the floor for two. Mysterio then hit a senton off the apron onto Punk on the floor for two. And that was most of the falls count anywhere content of the match. Mysterio went for a double 619 but Del Rio got out of the way and Punk caught Mysterio. Del Rio went for the armbar on Mysterio but Punk kicked Del Rio in the back of the head. Punk covered Del Rio but Mysterio broke it up.

They did a tower of doom spot with Del Rio power bombing Punk and Punk simultaneously superplexing Mysterio. Del Rio tried to cover Mysterio and then Punk but couldn’t get either. Del Rio used a bridging German suplex on Mysterio but Punk broke up the pin. Del Rio charged at Mysterio but posted his shoulder. Mysterio hit a somersault senton on Mysterio and then ran across the ring for a tope onto Del Rio on the floor. Mysterio followed with a seated senton off the top on Punk for two.

Mysterio went for a top rope huracanrana on Punk but Punk avoided it and Del Rio caught Mysterio in the armbar. Punk broke that up with a leg drop off the ropes but only got two on Del Rio. Del Rio used a running enzuigiri on Punk, who fell to the outside. In the ring, Mysterio hit a 619 and top rope splash on Del Rio. However, Punk ran in, threw Mysterio into the post, and stole the pin. This was a tremendous match.

After the match, Punk said he will take the title from Cena at Money in the Bank. He then said that is also the day that his WWE contract ends. Punk vowed to leave the next day and said he will leave with the WWE title. Sadly, he didn’t threaten to take the WWE title to ROH.

Daniel Bryan beat Cody Rhodes in a no count out match. No count outs got 51 percent, a “paper bag match” 43 percent and collegiate rules 6 percent. Bryan hit a tope, kicks to the body and a suplex on the ramp. Back in the ring, Bryan hit a dropkick off the top. They traded rollups with Bryan getting one successfully for the win.

After the match, Bryan tried to put Rhodes in the LeBell lock but Ted DiBiase made the save. Rhodes hit the Alabama slam and roll of the dice on Bryan. They put a paper bag on Bryan’s head. Michael Cole was just burying Booker T and Jerry Lawler’s commentary during this match. It certainly seemed like Vince McMahon getting his jollies, but I think undermining the credibility of your face commentators isn’t smart.

Michael Cole won a dance competition over Vickie Guerrero. Cole got 47 percent of the vote compared to 39 percent for Lawler and 14 percent for Booker. I’m not sure what to make of that. Guerrero did a little dance that wasn’t bad and kissed Matt Striker. Michael Cole then came in the ring and was completely over the top doing goofy dances. He did a bad worm and spin-a-roonie. Guerrero received all boos from the crowd. Cole got some cheers mixed in with boos and was labeled the winner. Guerrero then slapped Cole. This wasn’t good, but it was better than I would have expected.

Randy Orton, John Cena and Alex Riley beat Miz, R. Truth and Christian in an elimination match. Elimination match received 79 percent of the vote compared to 15 percent for one fall to a finish and 6 percent for 20 minute time limit. Those other two options are so unappealing that it would seem WWE really wanted the elimination match for whatever reason. They blocked away a lot of time for this match so the elimination aspect made sense.

The heels worked over Orton to start. Orton caught Christian with a powerslam and tagged Riley. Riley came in and hit a spear and spine buster on Christian. He knocked Miz off the apron, but Miz came back in and attacked Riley. A brawl broke out with Miz hitting the skull crushing finale on Riley and Christian covering Riley for the pin.

The heels went back to work on Orton for a bit before he tagged Cena. Cena hit shoulder blocks, the Cena slam and the five knuckle on Miz. He went for the FU but Miz escaped and hit a back breaker/neck breaker combination. Miz then came off the top but Cena countered into the STF. Truth broke that up.

The heels once again got the heat on one of the faces, this time Cena. However, when Miz went for the skull crushing finale Cena escaped and hit the FU for the pin on Miz. Christian then missed a splash off the top on Cena and Cena finally got the tag to Orton. Orton hit clotheslines, a powerslam and a draping DDT on Truth. Truth missed the ax kick and Orton hit the RKO on Truth for the pin.

The last two falls came very quickly. Christian immediately came in and hit a spear on Orton for a pin, so that program appears as if it isn’t quite finished. Christian celebrated but Cena tried to get him in the FU. Christian escaped that but caught an RKO and Cena applied the STF for the submission. This was a good main event.

Final Thoughts:

This show was a big turnaround from last week’s effort. There still was some bad stuff, particularly in the first hour, but it was outweighed by plenty of good stuff. There was a top notch match, a top notch comedy segment and very good wrestling in general. But the clear highlight was CM Punk, who was tremendous on the microphone and in the ring. With Punk potentially taking some time off, it will likely have the effect of getting people thinking about just how great he is. He may be the best overall performer in the business right now. It’s not like Raw isn’t stacked with great heels in general, though, with Miz, Del Rio and Truth.

WWE Raw Report

2011-06-13T22:36:00.001-07:00

Date: 06/13/11 from Zack Ryder Country, USA.

The Big News: WWE celebrated the WWE All Stars video game with a nine hour extravaganza featuring 1 decent finish every 95 minutes.

Show Analysis:

Miz came out to start the show and labeled himself the all-time WWE All Star. He called Alex Riley a fraud and vowed to expose him. He then asserted Steve Austin is jealous of him and owes him an apology. Steve Austin came out and said Miz can talk but when it is time to fight he runs away. Miz started to say something but Austin told him to shut up. Austin said Riley has more guts than Miz and might be a bigger star than Miz someday.

Miz asked for permission to speak like a child but Austin told him he couldn’t and continued on. Austin grabbed Miz by the tie and said Miz and Riley would be in Piper’s Pit later in the show. Austin then told Miz to get out of the ring if he knows what is good for him. So Miz just backed off and left. Miz got completely punked out and treated like a joke here, for no good reason.

Alberto Del Rio then came out. Del Rio said Austin would pass the torch from the greatest superstar of Austin’s time to the greatest superstar of all time. Del Rio started talking about destiny and Austin replied that Del Rio’s immediate destiny was an ass whipping. He announced an immediate match between Kane and Del Rio.

Kane beat Alberto Del Rio via DQ. Kane missed a clothesline off the top. Del Rio got him in the armbar. Kane got to the ropes but Del Rio refused to break and was disqualified. This was an awful start to the show and terrible finish.

Big Show then literally ran out after Del Rio, which was quite the spectacle. Show demonstrated great intensity and wasn’t selling any injury from having his leg run over with a car. He started beating up Del Rio but Del Rio ran off. Show then beat the hell out of Ricardo Rodriguez until Kane had to pull Show off. Rodriguez sold this big. Austin announced Show vs. Del Rio for Capitol Combat. It seems to me that if you book an angle where a guy gets run over by a car, he ought to be gone for longer than three weeks.

Sin Cara, Daniel Bryan and Ezekiel Jackson beat Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase and Wade Barrett. They used the Sin Cara lighting for the match. Cara hit a springboard elbow and tagged Daniel Bryan. The heels worked over Bryan until he got the tag to Jackson. Jackson came in with shoulder blocks, the body slams and went for the torture rack. Jackson’s comeback got no reaction. Rhodes and DiBiase prevented the rack but Jackson sent them to the outside and pressed Bryan onto them on the floor. Jackson then tagged Cara and Cara used a springboard crossbody on Barrett for the win.

After a break, Hornswoggle was shooting t-shirts out to the crowd. Memo to people shooting t-shirts to the crowd: if they come back from commercial and show you shooting the shirts live, run away immediately because something horrible is about to happen to you. R. Truth came out. He thought the t-shirt gun looked like fun and wanted to try it. Then he started to threaten John Cena and Hornswoggle so Hornswoggle shot him with the gun.

Truth no sold the attack and grabbed Hornswoggle. Truth teased that he wouldn’t do anything but then kicked Hornswoggle in the head. Steve Austin on the screen said that Truth should pick on someone his own size and announced Truth vs. Morrison for later on Raw. Truth stomped Hornswoggle again for good measure. This was a good angle.

Sheamus beat Santino. Santino avoided the razor’s edge and used a judo throw. He hit the cobra but Sheamus kicked out quickly with a knee to the head. He followed with the Brogue kick and then applied the Texas cloverleaf for the submission. Cloverleaf kind of fits with the Irish identity, although Texas doesn’t quite so much.

Randy Orton came out and said it was good to be back on Raw. However, he said he wasn’t satisfied because Christian was in the building. He invited Christian to come out for a conversation. When Christian didn’t show up, Orton admitted he was lying and was looking to hurt Christian. Christian appeared on the screen and wanted to know why Orton is so angry when his whole career has been handed to him on a silver platter and Christian has had to fight for everything he has earned. The crowd reaction to Christian seemed to indicate a lot of people didn’t know he turned heel.

Christian said he wouldn’t come out there. Orton responded by saying that it was too bad Edge wasn’t there to carry Christian to the ring like he carried Christian throughout his career. Christian teased like he would come out but of course he stopped at the stage and security came out to stop Orton from coming after him. The anonymous GM said although Steve Austin was in charge, Orton had a concussion and couldn’t compete. The GM told Orton to leave or be stripped of the title. Orton left and Austin announced Christian vs. Rey Mysterio.

Rey Mysterio beat Christian via DQ. Coming back after a break, Christian was choking Mysterio in the ropes. He broke right at five and was disqualified. Yes, they did a DQ for not breaking a hold twice in the same show. And the second finish managed to be even more dreadful than the first.

Afterwards, Christian was going to hit a splash off the top rope. However, Mysterio got up and stopped him. Mysterio was going to give Christian a top rope splash but CM Punk ran out. Mysterio took him out but then like an idiot went back into the ring to stare at Punk with his back turned to Christian. Christian tried to take advantage with the kill switch but Mysterio got out and knocked the members of Nexus off the apron.

Mysterio went for the 619 on Christian but was caught by Mason Ryan and sent into the post. Ryan threw Mysterio back into the ring. Mysterio was finally beat up enough for the title challenger to do something against him, and Christian gave Mysterio the kill switch. This segment did nothing for Christian going into the pay-per-view.

Backstage, Steve Austin was on the phone. Vickie Guerrero screamed at him to get his attention. She then asked Austin to give Dolph Ziggler a US title match on Sunday. Austin said he would make the match but only if Ziggler dropped Guerrero as his manager. After much delay, Ziggler said he would drop her. Guerrero was furious but Austin then said he was just having fun with them and he already made the match earlier in the day. This was an amusing segment.

The match between R. Truth and John Morrison didn’t take place. Morrison didn’t come out when his music played. Truth went backstage and found Morrison selling his neck on the ground. Obviously, the idea was Truth attacked him before the match and Truth kind of implied that. Truth slammed a heavy container into Morrison, which looked good.

Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne beat Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger. The heels worked over Kingston. Kingston got the tag to Bourne. Bourne used a head scissors, double knee to the face and high knee on Swagger. Swagger applied the ankle lock but Bourne escaped. Kingston gave Swagger trouble in paradise and Bourne hit the shooting star press for the win.

Piper’s Pit began with Roddy Piper bringing up his boxing match with Mr. T at WrestleMania 2 in Long Island. Miz came out and said people tell him he’s the next Roddy Piper. Piper said there will never be another Piper and Miz is just a Piper wannabe. Miz retorted that he’s not like Piper at all. He noted he has been WWE champion and Piper hasn’t. In fairness, if Piper were around now he’d be a 14 time champion.

Miz said his time on the Real World was much better than They Live. Piper said he never saw the Real World and introduced Alex Riley. Riley said he decided to stop helping Miz when he realized he could beat Miz. Miz pointed out that he fired Riley. Piper did this silly, dated routine about Riley changing the questions on Sunday.

Miz suggested Piper bet with him on the result of the Riley-Miz match. Riley said Piper could beat Miz on Raw. Miz said he would put up $1,000 against Piper. What is this, 1972? Piper suggested $5,000. Austin on the screen then made the match with $5,000 on the line and Alex Riley as referee. Hold up. That fundamentally changes the previous agreement. Miz really ought not to be on the hook for that bet.

Roddy Piper beat Miz. Miz beat up Piper early. Alex Riley tried to stop him. Riley and Miz traded punches. Piper then rolled up Miz and Riley used a fast count for the fall. This was yet another crap finish.

Kelly Kelly, A.J., Eve Torres, Natalya, Beth Phoenix and Kaitlyn beat Maryse, Alicia Fox, Melina, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Rosa Mendes and Tamina. It started with Kelly and Brie. Brie immediately tagged Rosa. Kelly hit a Thesz press, stinkface and bulldog. She went to cover but Brie broke up the pin. A neatly organized brawl ensued with everyone leaving the ring in about 10 seconds. Kelly then hit the famouser on Rosa for the win. So, in summation, they booked a 14 person match that lasted one minute with only two people actually wrestling. The faces celebrated their win by doing the Rockettes thing to no audience reaction.

Backstage, Steve Austin was talking with Andy Leavine. CM Punk came in and Austin offered Punk a beer. They argued briefly. Punk thanked Austin for the match with John Cena later and said Austin set something in motion that will change the WWE landscape forever. Austin noted that Nexus will not be allowed at ringside.

Steve Austin came out to the ring. The anonymous GM told Austin he did a good job but the anonymous GM will be back next week. Austin said he was still the GM for this week and announced next week will be another three hour show with the fans selecting the matches and stipulations.

They blinked the lights and made the sound to indicate another e-mail from the GM. Only, the camera was right behind Michael Cole so you could see the screen remaining exactly the same as the lights blinked to signal a new message and Cole prepared to read off this unchanged screen. The e-mail sound kept going off. This made Austin mad so Michael Cole ran away into the crowd. The sound kept going out over the arena speakers even after Austin unplugged the computer. Austin poured beer over the computer and ran it over with the ATV.

This week’s WWE did you know announced that last night on USA, over 10 million viewers watched Tough Enough and Raw. That must have been quite the Sunday night lineup. The announcers quickly explained that it meant last week. If you add up Raw, Tough Enough and the Tough Enough replay last week and count each viewer on each show as entirely separate, you get almost 9.5 million viewers. So that’s basically true if you have very low standards for what constitutes truth.

CM Punk beat John Cena. Punk worked over Cena for a little while. As Cena was making his comeback, R. Truth came out through the crowd and was harassing a child. Cena was distracted and Punk hit the GTS for the win. Truth gave Cena the leaping downward spiral after the match. This completed the night’s theme of awful finishes.

Final Thoughts:

For the second straight week, WWE presented a terribly booked edition of Raw. Particularly striking is the WWE’s continued infatuation with terrible finishes. Every week they deliver one terrible finish after another, and somehow this is supposed to make you spend $50 on Sunday to see who wins additional matches. Instead, it teaches the audience that matches don’t matter, they don’t settle anything, and you’re not going to see feuds settled satisfactorily.

There are a bunch of factors for WWE’s long term pay-per-view decline, but these incessant horrendous finishes are right at the top of the list. Look at the people who draw on pay-per-view and the ratio of fuck finishes on their shows relative to the people who don’t. And at some point you ought to have the basic sense to recognize that match results have to matter again. People aren’t going to spend $50 for a show that resolves nothing and means nothing.

This is not that hard. The wrestlers in the top matches decisively win a series of matches and then they face each other on pay-per-view to settle who the best is. This isn’t rocket science. It is in fact exceedingly simple and is how wrestling has basically always been done. The whole point of protecting wrestlers with screw job finishes is so the losers can draw better in the future, but the point is completely moot because nobody in WWE is drawing.

We get a seemingly endless string of distraction finishes, interference finishes, count outs, disqualifications and assorted other bullshit. Then the pay-per-view comes, shock of all shocks nobody orders, and we’re told pay-per-view is a dying business. No, it’s not. But you have to actually give people a reason to spend their money and this incessant nonsense does not accomplish that goal in the slightest.

WWE Raw Report

2011-06-06T21:10:00.001-07:00

Date: 06/06/11 from Richmond, VA.

The Big News: Steve Austin announced Andy Leavine as the winner of Tough Enough at the beginning of Raw and stuck around for more action.

Show Analysis:

Raw started with the conclusion of Tough Enough in the Raw ring. The show was built around making you want to see Andy Leavine win over Luke Robinson and all the coaches said they thought Andy should win. The announcers put over Andy’s “it factor” and charisma, which I never saw watching every episode of the show. In a positive sign, the crowd reacted to the wrestlers based on how they came across on the show, as opposed to the NXT crowds where it’s often clear only a fraction of the audience knows who anybody is.

Unfortunately, Andy couldn’t grasp the simple psychology that he was the good guy against the arrogant heel Luke, and diminished his crowd reactions throughout by acting cocky and aggressive himself when questioned by Steve Austin rather than just acting like the humble, nice family guy they were trying to portray him as. Vince McMahon came out and was going to announce the winner, but Austin said it’s his show and he would pick the winner. He announced Andy as the winner.

Vince proceeded to slapped Andy and Andy took this huge bump and sold like he was shot based on this slap from a 65-year-old man. And for good measure, Austin gave Andy the stunner. You know, if I spent 10 weeks on a competition theoretically designed to create new stars, I wouldn’t bury the winner at the end in front of the largest audience he has ever appeared before. Oh well, it’s not like Andy showed much beyond being the tallest of the group.

With Vince and Austin still in the ring, R. Truth came out dressed in a confederate army uniform. Part of Truth’s charm as a heel is his zaniness, but if you want him to be a headliner it would be unwise to turn him into a clown. Truth said the GM ordered him to apologize so he apologized to big jimmy, little jimmy and the soda. Austin said he should apologize for his attire.

Truth said that he was in Richmond, the capital of the confederacy. Truth said the confederacy had a good idea, secession. He said he is seceding from WWE because there is a companywide conspiracy against him. Vince told some jokes and said Truth should come talk with him about it. Truth did a gag where he can’t spell, even phonetically. It’s funny who tends to have these sorts of jokes written for them in WWE and who doesn’t.

Miz interrupted the scene. He said that if it wasn’t for Alex Riley, he would still be WWE champion. Miz said he deserves one last title shot. Alex Riley came out and said Miz deserves another beatdown instead. John Cena joined them and told some joke. He said Miz doesn’t deserve another shot, commended Riley for beating up Miz, and suggested Truth take off the outfit. The GM sent in an e-mail but Vince told Michael Cole to shut up. Vince then made Cena and Riley vs. Truth and Miz with Steve Austin as special guest referee. That’s the third special referee main event on Raw or Smackdown in the past two weeks. This opening segment was a debacle on a variety of levels.

Santino Marella beat Michael McGillicutty. Santino clotheslined McGillicutty from the ring and proceeded to shake the ropes and do Ultimate Warrior mannerisms. McGillicutty brushed aside a dropkick attempt and hit a dropkick of his own. He took over for a bit before Santino came back and did more Warrior mannerisms. He set up for the cobra but David Otunga pulled McGillicutty out of the ring. Vladimir Kozlov took out Otunga. Back in the ring, McGillicutty couldn’t hit his neck breaker and Santino used the cobra for the win. So it looks like McGillicutty and Otunga vs. Marella and Kozlov is the next tag title program.

Beth Phoenix and Kelly Kelly beat the Bellas. Kelly hit a huracanrana but was caught with a stun gun and the Bellas gained control. After a bit, Kelly got the tag to Beth. Beth hit clotheslines, an inverted atomic drop, a slingshot suplex and the glam slam for the win. Beth got an encouraging positive reaction for someone that hasn’t been on Raw or Smackdown a lot recently.

Backstage, Booker T was teaching Trish Stratus to do the spin-a-roonie. Interestingly, it involves channeling power from your hand more than leg and hip dexterity. Jack Swagger interrupted and said that if he was the Tough Enough trainer, all of the students would be winners. He challenged Booker to a match and Booker accepted.

Rey Mysterio beat CM Punk. Prior to the match, Punk pointed out he beat Mysterio again last week and claimed Mysterio has never beaten him. The announcers later pointed out that wasn’t true. Punk said he’d beat Mysterio again to prove the power of the new Nexus. Punk went after Mysterio’s back. Mysterio came back with punches, kicks and a crossbody but was cut off with a powerslam. Mysterio took out Mason Ryan on the apron, hit a DDT, and hit a splash off the top for the win. WWE has become heavily reliant on circular booking, but this was particularly striking in that regard.

They aired a new Capitol Punishment video with R. Truth posing questions for President Obama. Backstage, John Cena met with Alex Riley and made it clear he doesn’t trust Riley. They are billing next Monday’s three hour Raw as All Star Night.

Alberto Del Rio came out and reiterated that what happened to Big Show was an accident. He invited Show to come out for an apology. Ricardo Rodriguez came out dressed up like Show with a big fake belly and crutches. Del Rio said Show got what he deserved because bad things happen to bad people and they did some crappy comedy. Del Rio told Show not to make Del Rio his enemy. This segment sucked.

Kofi Kingston beat Zack Ryder. Dolph Ziggler was on commentary to build his feud with Kingston. Kingston hit a dropkick and Ryder responded by chestbumping and piefacing him. Ryder hit a neck breaker and kick to the face. However, Kingston responded with a clothesline, boom drop and trouble in paradise for the win. Poor Zack.

Booker T beat Jack Swagger via count out. They mostly just traded chops and punches back and forth. Booker hit a kick and Swagger just took the count out. That was an awful finish. The heel walking off can be okay sometimes if it’s a champion in trouble trying to save his title or there’s a big feud and it sells the face is out of control looking for revenge, but a wrestler just giving up on a match with an announcer three minutes in buries him with absolutely no positive benefit whatsoever.

Afterwards, Evan Bourne attacked Swagger from behind and ran away. Swagger chased after Bourne and was caught with a Booker T ax kick and Bourne shooting star press. They did a double spin-a-roonie that looked good.

R. Truth and Miz beat John Cena and Alex Riley via disqualification. Miz ran away from Riley until Truth cut off Riley. The heels took over until Riley finally made the tag. Cena came in with shoulder blocks, the Cena slam and the five knuckle on Miz. He went for the FU but Truth made the save. Cena threw Truth out of the ring and put the STF on Miz. Miz got to the ropes. Truth brought in a chair but Cena dropkicked it into Truth. Riley brought in the briefcase and teased hitting Cena with it for no apparent reason before then hitting Miz instead. Austin gave Miz the stunner and Cena covered for the win.

The GM then announced Cena and Riley were disqualified for Austin’s actions. Another big win for Truth over Cena. The GM then announced that because of what Austin did, Austin will be guest GM next week. So apparently the GM is bipolar. Austin then attacked Michael Cole, poured beer on him, and stunned him.

Final Thoughts:

This show sucked on just about every level.

WWE Raw Report

2011-05-30T22:21:00.001-07:00

Date: 05/30/11 from Omaha, NE.

The Big News: Kharma announced her pregnancy and R. Truth got a fluke win over John Cena.

Show Analysis:

The opening segment had severe technical difficulties. R. Truth was at a merchandise table ranting and raving with no sound. They went to the commentators, with a five second or so delay between the audio and video feeds. They went back to R. Truth, who came through the audience yelling at people in John Cena merchandise. He went into the ring, and around this time the video started going out every 10 seconds or so. Truth said that everyone is conspiring against him.

John Cena interrupted by coming to the ring. He said Truth has gone off the deep end and asked Truth what is wrong with him. Truth said that it’s the people, and that ever since he stopped rapping and dancing they don’t like him anymore. Cena said that if Truth wants a match, he can have it. Truth said that was what he wanted. The GM then made Truth vs. Cena for Raw, with no little jimmies allowed at ringside. What about Virgil?

Dolph Ziggler beat Kofi Kingston. Ziggler worked over Kingston. Kingston came back with a clothesline and the boom drop but missed trouble in paradise. Ziggler applied a sleeper but Kingston escaped. Kingston missed the frog crossbody and Ziggler hit a famouser for two. Kingston then missed the S.O.S. and Ziggler used the zig zag for the win. This was good while it lasted.

Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez came out. They said that what happened to Big Show was an accident. Del Rio added that bad things happen to bad people. Del Rio said that Show owes him money for damaging his car. He then insincerely told Show to get well soon. Del Rio and Rodriguez play so well off each other.

Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres beat the Bellas. Eve was kind of in control when the Bellas did the switch and took over. Eve made her comeback with a northern lights bomb and got the tag to Kelly. Kelly came in with a whirlybird, stinkface, bulldog and famouser for the win. It’s weird seeing the stinkface return in the midst of a toned down product, but if someone’s going to use it that might as well be Kelly.

Michael Cole in the ring defended Alex Riley being fired by Miz. He then criticized the Raw GM for re-signing Riley. Wasn’t Riley signed to Smackdown? Cole called out Riley and reprimanded him for turning on Miz. Cole said Miz was like a father to Riley and that Miz is emotionally scarred by the betrayal. Cole kept ranting and raving until Riley told him to shut up. Riley called Cole annoying and arrogant like Miz. Cole responded by calling Riley a bastard.

Riley threw Cole down and then grabbed him by the neck, at which point Miz attacked Riley from behind. A brawl ensued with Miz initially getting the best of it. He kept yelling at Riley that he made Riley. Riley then made his comeback and beat up Miz around ringside. Miz ran off through the crowd.

CM Punk beat Rey Mysterio. Punk hit a back breaker and applied a figure four headlock. Mysterio came back with kicks, a tope, a top rope senton, a springboard crossbody and a victory roll. Punk cut him off with a back breaker, but Mysterio countered a GTS attempt into a huracanrana. Mysterio took out Mason Ryan, which gave Punk the chance to go for the GTS again. Mysterio avoided it again but couldn’t counter with a move of his own and Punk kicked him in the head for the win. This was a very good match and I always appreciate clean finishes.

Kharma in the ring said she had two childhood dreams. The first was to be a WWE wrestler. She tried out for the second season of Tough Enough but Jim Ross said she was too fat to be a WWE female wrestler. So she went to Japan and scrubbed floors in exchange for learning how to wrestle. She went to wrestling promotions in every corner of the world until finally her dream came true and she joined WWE.

Kharma then said her other dream was to be a mother and she will be because she is currently pregnant. She said that she can’t compete and risk the health of her child, but she will be back. She thanked the fans for letting her follow her dream. Kharma did a great job here and the promo was very well received by the audience.

The Bellas then came out. They made fun of Kharma for being fat. They congratulated her for finding a guy to hook up with. They mocked her for being unable to respond physically. Kharma teased going after them and they panicked. Kharma said she hopes they are still here when she comes back because now she has a new dream.

I had mixed feelings on this segment. On the one hand, I liked the way Kharma came off as sympathetic and likeable. It’s nice to see WWE portray a woman who isn’t drop dead gorgeous in a positive way. With that said, it’s going to be awfully hard to book her as a face when she comes back. It’s just so hard for anyone to buy people like Bellas as a physical threat trying to get heat on her in a match. They may be tempted to feud her with men quickly, and that has a whole different set of problems with it. I guess we’ll see.

Evan Bourne beat Jack Swagger. They tumbled together over the top rope early. Swagger sent Bourne into the apron and worked him over. Bourne then abruptly rolled up Swagger for the win. These last two weeks with Bourne and Swagger are like a perfect seminar on how to book to get nobody over.

R. Truth beat John Cena via count out. The story of the match was that Cena kept beating up Truth, with Truth getting no offense in. A frustrated Truth would retreat out of the ring, jaw at the fans, and then return to the ring to get beat up some more. Cena finally went after Truth on the outside, but Truth caught him with a punch as he was going over the barricade. Truth got back in the ring and Cena was counted out. This was a terrible finish and the match was completely counterproductive in getting over Truth as a challenger for Cena. Truth came out worse than he went in.

After the match, Truth threw a drink on a plant at ringside. It was soda so it’s unlikely to help him grow.

Final Thoughts:

I liked most of this show a lot. It had good wrestling and good build throughout the first three quarters of the show, although unfortunately the main event was completely counterproductive.

WWE Raw Report

2011-05-23T20:59:00.001-07:00

Date: 05/23/11 from Portland, OR.

The Big News: WWE paid tribute to the late “Macho Man” Randy Savage, R. Truth continued to shine, and Kharma sobbed.

Show Analysis:

A Randy Savage graphic aired at the beginning of the show. Jerry Lawler came out and said finally the national nightmare is over and Michael Cole has been defeated. Cole wasn’t out on commentary. Lawler said he knew Cole would try to weasel out of the foot stipulation so he had an ace up his sleeve, Bret Hart.

Bret came out and said that he had his differences with Lawler but he respected Lawler as a competitor and has no respect for Cole. That brought out R. Truth. Truth’s entrance for now just has him saying “the truth shall set you free” and no music. Truth said that Bret held the title so many times while Truth never even got a shot. Truth said his rapping and dancing got him nowhere. He teased giving Bret’s glasses away to a kid but then took them away. Truth said he used to think wins and losses didn’t matter as long as fans got what they wanted. He then suggested that if he takes out Bret he will get a title shot.

Bret responded by telling Truth to take his best shot. Bret said he received title shots because he was the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be. That catchphrase doesn’t work so well when used in the past tense. Bret added that Truth doesn’t get title shots because he is a lunatic. Truth said he wouldn’t stand there and be disrespected.

That was John Cena’s cue to make his entrance. He was excited to see Bret. He then wanted to know what was going on with Truth, since they used to be cool. Truth said it is all about Cena. Cena replied that he makes sure it’s all about the people. Truth went on a rant about all the kids wanting Cena merchandise and Cena movies. In the middle, he said that he wants his son back. Then he paused like he hadn’t wanted that to come out and never brought it up again. I really liked that little touch. Truth said he won’t be happy until he gets his title shot.

The GM said that Truth still needs to show more before he gets a title match. The GM added that he will be paying close attention to the main event of Cena and Rey Mysterio vs. Truth and CM Punk with Bret Hart as special guest referee. The Truth is really coming into his own as a heel. He just feels so unique as a heel. They have a strong collection of heels with Miz, Truth, Punk and Del Rio, although Cena is stale opposite them.

Backstage, Ricardo Rodriguez told Big Show and Kane that Alberto Del Rio wants his respect and if they don’t show him that respect, Del Rio will teach them a lesson. Show shoved Rodriguez down dismissively. A livid Del Rio came in yelling and screaming at them, vowing revenge.

David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty won the tag team titles from Kane and Big Show. Nexus got heat on Kane briefly. Show tagged in and cleaned house. Kane knocked Mason Ryan off the apron but in the process knocked the referee down. Show went for the double choke slam on McGillicutty and Otunga but Punk kicked Show in the back of the head. They gave Show a sloppy DDT and McGillicutty covered for the win.

Backstage, Big Show lashed out at an interviewer and said they were robbed. Alberto Del Rio came in, slapped Show, and ran off. They did gimmick static on the video camera and when the camera got back in position they acted like Rodriguez had run over Show’s leg with a car. Hopefully this is an injury angle and Show isn’t back next week after being hit with a car.

Jack Swagger beat Evan Bourne. This was just a complete squash. Swagger hit a uranage and gut wrench power bomb for the win. Then after the match, Swagger celebrated for a while until Bourne kicked him in the head and ran off. I’d love to know what they were thinking this segment accomplished. It feels like these guys have been running in place for years, and segments like this one are the reason why.

Backstage, Michael Cole offered a handshake to Eve Torres. Torres stuck her leg up in the air instead, so he could kiss her foot. At least, I’m sure that was the intent. The gesture seemed kind of lewd to me, honestly.

A humble Michael Cole came out to ringside. He said he wanted to apologize to everyone and return to commentary next to Jerry Lawler every week on Raw. He promised no more Cole mine and matches. Cole said he was sincere with his apology. Lawler thanked Cole for apologizing and offered him a breath mint. He welcomed Cole back to the announce table and Cole dialed down the heel act many notches for the remainder of the show.

Miz and Alex Riley made their way to the ring. Miz said Riley is the reason Miz didn’t win the title at Over the Limit. Miz accused Riley of constantly screwing up. He then asked the GM for another title shot. The GM denied him that shot and said he is done with Cena. Miz blamed Riley. Riley replied that he didn’t say “I quit.” Miz said Riley’s nothing without him. Miz said he gave Riley a million chances and Riley has been a constant disappointment. He tore Riley apart, fired Riley, and shoved Riley.

Riley finally responded by punching Miz. They launched into a big brawl in suits all around ringside. Riley tore apart Miz’s suit and got the best of it. The crowd cheered Riley as he left Miz lying. This was a very well executed angle. It makes sense for them to do a short term program between Miz and Riley with Miz winning at the end. And Riley ought to get the best of it at first so it means something when Miz triumphs at the conclusion.

Eve Torres, Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly and Beth Phoenix versus the Bella twins, Melina and Maryse ended in a no contest. The match had just started when Kharma came out. All the women stood together and surrounded Kharma when she came in the ring. So Kharma dropped to her knees, acted scared, and started crying. And that was the end of the segment.

This is like the perfect example of why wrestling ought to be booked by wrestling people. I can understand perfectly what they were thinking here. It’s “intriguing” and it adds dimension and emotional vulnerability to Kharma’s “character.” But, you know what, there’s this concept called a monster heel. It’s not riddled with subtleties, it’s exceedingly easy to book, and it has worked time and time again. And you just don’t have your monster heel curl into a ball and cry four weeks in. It completely undermines what is effective about that sort of character.

Kofi Kingston beat Drew McIntyre. McIntyre used the old Bret Hart figure four around the post and worked over Kingston’s leg. Kingston hit the side Ghanan leg sweep and boom drop. He went for trouble in paradise but his leg gave out. McIntyre hit a power bomb for two. Kingston then used his flipping leg trip cradle thing for the win. Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler were shown watching backstage. In an unrelated scene, Nexus celebrated their tag title win elsewhere.

Alberto Del Rio did a brief interview. He said that Big Show brought that upon himself by disrespecting Del Rio. Then he did an about face and blamed Rodriguez. That felt kind of redundant with Miz and Riley doing the same thing on the same show.

They cut to the announce table where Jerry Lawler put over Randy Savage big and introduced a video package on Savage. They ran a nice extended package and afterwards they showed the crowd reaction to it until people started chanting “Macho Man.” If there’s one positive to come out of this, it will at least offer an opportunity for newer fans to become more familiar with Savage, who has kind of been forgotten in today’s wrestling given what a phenomenal performer he was.

Rey Mysterio and John Cena beat CM Punk and R. Truth. Punk was wearing cool Randy Savage tribute attire. It had the same basic color scheme and stars as Savage’s outfit at WrestleMania III. The heels worked over Cena. Mysterio tagged in with a huracanrana and knee to the head on Punk. Punk went for GTS but Mysterio escaped and hit the 619. Bret Hart then punched Punk and put him in the sharpshooter. That felt kind of uncalled for to me. Mysterio hit a springboard leg drop and covered for the win. This was a fun match.

Final Thoughts:

This felt like a more eventful show than a lot of recent weeks. There were a bunch of notable segments. I liked some a lot and disliked others a lot, but there wasn’t a feeling of malaise or anything and that’s a definite positive.

WWE Raw Report

2011-05-16T22:21:00.001-07:00

Date: 05/16/11 from San Antonio, TX.

The Big News: The superstars and divas will be engaging in sports entertainment for the WWE Universe on Sunday.

Show Analysis:

John Cena came out to begin the show, but before he could start talking he was interrupted by Alex Riley. Riley said that Cena was just going to say the same things he always does. Riley introduced Miz and said that Miz has always been underestimated and will prove the people wrong again on Sunday.

Cena replied that Riley is as stupid as he is useless. Cena then whipped out a My Little Pony joke. Oh yes. Cena said that he chose an I quit match because he can see fear in Miz’s eyes and Miz is wondering how badly he will be hurt. The GM then announced that since Cena got to pick the stipulation for the PPV, Miz gets to pick Cena’s opponent and a stipulation for Raw. Miz said he would think about it. It really sunk in during this segment how dumb it is to be doing a two week build for an I quit match.

CM Punk beat Kofi Kingston. Punk told Nexus to stay on the ramp for this match rather than coming down to help, and the story of the match was whether Nexus had faith that Punk could get the job done on his own. Kingston used a dropkick and baseball slide but then Punk took over and beat up Kingston. Kingston came back with a frog crossbody and boom drop but missed trouble in paradise. Punk went for the GTS but Kingston escaped. Punk then went for it again and hit it this time for the win. After the match, Punk said that was leadership by example and he won’t stop until Nexus is the most dominant force in WWE history.

Miz throughout the show was shown conversing with other wrestlers. The story was of course that he was recruiting and trying to figure out the best choice for Cena’s match. Miz first chatted with Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler. He later spoke with Big Show, Mason Ryan, CM Punk, Kane and R. Truth.

Kelly Kelly beat Brie Bella. Kelly hit a Thesz press, spanked Brie, used a whirly bird, then a handspring elbow and bulldog. She finally rolled up Brie for the win. The pin itself looked bad but much of the match was better than usual. The Bellas jumped Kelly after the match until Kharma came out. Kharma went after Kelly but then one of the Bellas jumped Kharma from behind. Kharma shoved one Bella down and then gave the other the implant buster. She helped Kelly up and then flicked Kelly in the forehead with her finger. Watching Kharma destroy the other women is easily the most entertaining the women’s division has been in many years.

Rey Mysterio beat Alberto Del Rio via DQ. This began with Mysterio calling out R. Truth. Del Rio came out instead and blamed Mysterio for preventing him from facing Cena for the title. Del Rio ran down Mysterio and Mexican-Americans as compared to pure Mexicans. Mysterio replied that he is proud to be a Chicano and this led into a match.

Del Rio went after Mysterio’s arm for much of the match. As Mysterio was starting his comeback, Truth appeared with a microphone in the luxury boxes. Truth called Mysterio a thief for stealing his spot in the number one contender match. Mysterio continued his comeback with a springboard crossbody and spinning head scissors on Del Rio. He went for the 619 but Ricardo Rodriguez blocked it for the DQ. Del Rio gave Mysterio an elbow off the top rope after the match. Truth then gave him the leaping downward spiral and said he will take out Mysterio on Sunday.

Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole had a contract signing for their match Sunday. The signing of the contracts got no reaction whatsoever. Cole then said the contract was for a kiss my foot match. Yay, more stips. Cole brought up Lawler losing a kiss my foot match to Bret Hart. Cole showed off this completely fake looking made up foot.

Lawler said that Cole is no Bret Hart. Lawler said he at least respects Jack Swagger as a former world champion but Cole has turned Swagger from world champion into sidekick. Cole replied that nobody remembers Swagger was world champion and being a sidekick has helped Swagger’s career. Swagger wouldn’t have even been at Mania without Cole. Swagger got angry and left. Without Swagger, Cole tried to make up with Lawler. Lawler grabbed Cole by the tie and said he would stuff Cole’s foot in his mouth and close it.

This entire segment got strikingly non-existent reactions. This feud is completely dead and they need to get Cole out of his current role. Of course, they’ve kept the anonymous GM gimmick around for a great many months after it should have been dumped.

David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty beat Kane and Big Show. Nexus worked over Show with punches and kicks. They went after Show’s leg. Kane got the tag and hit a side slam and top rope clothesline on McGillicutty. Kane went for the choke slam but Punk kicked him in the back of the head and McGillicutty hit a swinging neck breaker on Kane for the win. This sets up a tag title match for the PPV. Otunga and McGillicutty vs. Kane and Show? Why, no. Ryan and Punk vs. Kane and Show. That’s a novel approach. Have Ryan and Punk ever even teamed together?

Backstage, Big Show said they are not giving up the tag team titles. Kane said Sunday will be the annihilation of Punk and Nexus. Elsewhere, Zack Ryder presented John Cena with a Ryder t-shirt.

John Cena beat Jack Swagger in a no holds barred match. Swagger dominated the match. He hit a suplex, Vader bomb, posted Cena and used a Vader bomb on a chair. Cena went for a shoulder block but was caught and slammed down by Swagger. Swagger then applied the ankle lock. Cena got out and made his comeback. He just hit the shoulder blocks, Cena slam, five knuckle, FU and applied the STF for the tap.

Miz after the match said he has thought of all sorts of horrible, novel ways to hurt Cena and force Cena to quit. Miz doesn’t excel at being threatening. Miz attacked Cena with a pipe but Cena got the pipe and hit Miz and Riley with it. Miz fled and Cena got on the microphone and intensely said he will put a hurting on Miz and make him quit. Cena was really good with that.

Final Thoughts:

WWE really needs to do what it can to freshen up the feel of Raw. The current direction isn’t terrible but it’s completely uninspiring.

No Common Sense

2011-05-11T19:40:00.000-07:00

I could understand the backlash to sponsorship deals involving Snoop Dogg and Ludacris. Maybe it wasn't right, but it was understandable. And if the White House invited Ice T to perform, by all means, have at it. But Common? Seriously? I get that all rap music is evil to some (racist) folks, but Christ, these people can't have listened to a single song the man has ever recorded.

WWE Raw Report

2011-05-09T22:16:00.001-07:00

Date: 05/09/11 from Knoxville, TN.

The Big News: John Cena and Miz will wrestle in an I quit match for the WWE title at the upcoming Over the Limit pay-per-view.

Show Analysis:

Alberto Del Rio came out to start the show. He said that last week rather than wasting all that time on the Rock they should have celebrated the Raw arrival of Alberto Del Rio. He said he should face John Cena for the WWE title. Rey Mysterio came out and challenged Del Rio to a number one contender match. That brought out the Miz and Alex Riley. I’m baffled why they drafted Riley to Smackdown. The only purpose it seems to serve is to point out the silliness of the concept of the draft and brand separation.

Miz asserted that Raw is his show and he would still be champion were it not for the incompetence of Riley. Del Rio told Miz that he had his chance and now he needs to go to the back of the line. Miz replied that he pinned Cena, had no prior knowledge of what Riley would do, and instinctively used the belt on Cena before Cena used it on him. Miz said he should face Cena for the title.

R. Truth was the final man out. He said that he sent John Morrison to the hospital and surgery, and that he would have no problem sending any of the others to the hospital with Morrison. Truth said he’s not waiting for opportunities any longer and if you kick his dog, he’ll kick your cat. Let that be a lesson to you, Alvarez.

The GM announced a triple threat match for the title shot with Miz vs. Del Rio vs. Mysterio. An angry Truth got in Mysterio’s face and then left. Miz called Mysterio and Del Rio day laborers and was going to say he’s the next title challenger when Ricardo Rodriguez interrupted by saying “Alberto Del Rio.”

Alex Riley smacked Del Rio. Rodriguez then gave Riley a dropkick. A brawl broke out with Mysterio coming out on top. I really liked that they didn’t just give everyone who wanted a shot the opportunity like usual. It makes sense Truth is currently less deserving and they can play that into the storyline with Truth going forward, so that whole thing was well executed. This was a fun opening.

Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres beat Nikki and Brie Bella. The Bellas worked over Kelly. Kelly then made her own comeback and won with a small package. The Bellas looked terrible on offense but Kelly was fine when she was on offense. After the match, Kharma came out. The Bellas ran away. Kelly then bailed herself, which was kind of weird for a face. Eve attacked Kharma but was laid out with a clothesline. Kharma went after Kelly but Kelly ran away, so Kharma got back in the ring and gave Eve the implant buster.

Kane beat Mason Ryan via DQ. This was, of course, really bad. CM Punk interfered so Big Show knocked him out with a punch. Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga then ran in for the DQ. Show and Kane took them out this week and gave Ryan a double choke slam. If we’re going to do programs where guys just run in place, couldn’t we at least do it with entertaining matches?

Dolph Ziggler beat Santino Marella. Ziggler hit some punches and kicks. Santino went for the cobra but was caught with a dropkick to the face and the zig zag for the pin. Backstage, R. Truth said that fans didn’t take him seriously because of the rapping and dancing but he will change that. Elsewhere, John Cena and Zack Ryder did fist pumps together for about five seconds. The Ryder Revolution has begun!

John Cena beat Alex Riley. This started with Alex Riley telling Miz backstage that last week wasn’t his fault. Miz called Riley stupid for raising his hand that had the title. Riley said he would make it up to Miz and went out to the ring and challenged Cena to a match. He got a little offense with a clothesline and chinlock before Cena took over. Cena hit the Cena slam, five knuckle, 2 FUs and applied the STF in front of Miz (who had come to ringside) for the submission.

Michael Cole got into the ring and said that he has accomplished everything he can so he is retiring from in ring competition undefeated. Cole said that when he goes into the WWE Hall of Fame he wants to go in as a dual wrestler/commentator. Jerry Lawler entered the ring and told Cole that if Cole can beat him in another match Lawler will personally induct Cole into the Hall of Fame and give Cole Lawler’s Hall of Fame ring.

Cole responded by running down Lawler, bringing up Mother’s Day and then sarcastically acted like he forgot Lawler’s mother passed away. This was such a low class, trashy way to heat up an angle that’s already dead anyway. Lawler went after Cole until Jack Swagger jumped Lawler from behind.

Kofi Kingston beat Jack Swagger. Swagger worked over Kingston’s leg and ankle for most of the match. He applied the ankle lock at one point in the ropes. Then, Lawler came back out to distract Swagger and Kingston hit trouble in paradise for the win. I despise those distraction finishes, but to WWE’s credit they haven’t been using them as much of late.

After the match, Lawler threw Swagger over the barricade and yanked Michael Cole’s tie through one of the holes in the Cole Mine. He used the tie to smash Cole’s face against the glass. Swagger grabbed a microphone and said Lawler would be fired for touching Cole. Lawler said that he didn’t touch Cole and only touched his tie. Swagger then accepted the match with Lawler on behalf of Cole. Cole was not happy about that.

Miz beat Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio to earn the title shot. This was a very fast paced and exciting match. They mostly repeated the typical pattern of two guys working in the ring and then the third guy would come in when one of the other two gained an advantage. Mysterio hit a huracanrana off the top on Miz. Del Rio used an armbreaker on Mysterio and then applied the armbar. Mysterio just sat in the extended armbar forever, which looked idiotic. Miz eventually ran in to break it up but was rolled up by Del Rio for two. Miz then gave Del Rio a DDT for two.

Miz went for the skull crushing finale on Mysterio, but Mysterio escaped. Alex Riley came out to encourage Miz to get up. Mysterio sent Del Rio into Riley and hit the 619 on Del Rio. He kicked Miz out of the way and hit the top rope splash on Del Rio. Riley then pulled Del Rio out of the ring to break up the pin literally right in front of referee Mike Chioda with the referee starring right at him.

I assume this was some sort of screw-up, because it looked beyond ridiculous that the same referee who last week called for a disqualification based on a deduction about the location of a belt the very next week did absolutely nothing about overt interference right in front of him breaking up a pin.

Cena then came out and said his match with Miz at the pay-per-view would be an I quit match. Wasn’t last month’s pay-per-view filled with random stipulations up and down the card? Truth came out and attacked Mysterio to close the show.

Final Thoughts:

This was another mixed bag Raw. It feels like most of this year there’s enough good and enough bad on any Raw to neither praise it too highly nor condemn it too harshly.

WWE Raw Report

2011-05-02T22:07:00.001-07:00

Date: 05/02/11 from Miami, FL.

The Big News: Rock celebrated his 39th birthday on Raw.

Show Analysis:

The show started with a WWE 9/11 package and Lilian Garcia sang the national anthem. Rock came out and referenced Bin Laden’s death and said the pledge of allegiance. He told some jokes about his life and said he was ready to party. A GM e-mail popped up. Rock insulted Michael Cole and told him to come deliver the message in the ring. Cole called himself a winner and unveiled a Kevin Garnett jersey for cheap heat.

Michael Cole came into the ring and said the GM wanted an apology for what Rock did to the GM at WrestleMania. Cole said he wanted an apology, too. Rock apologized and offered to shake hands with Cole. Of course it was a set up. Rock said “go Heat” and then gave Cole the rock bottom and people’s elbow. Jim Ross commentated the rest of the show, which was nice. Miami rapper Pitbull and the Heat cheerleaders then came out to perform. This opening went nearly half an hour. Nothing of importance happened; it was just meant to be a fun time.

They had celebrities wishing Rock a happy birthday throughout the show. It really showed Rock’s cache relative to WWE given they were collectively a completely different level of celebrity than WWE can usually get on their own. LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Jimmy Kimmel, Paul Walker, Samuel L. Jackson, Steve Carell, Ellen DeGeneres, Ludacris, Dan Marino, George Lopez, Regis and Kelly, Craig Ferguson and one other wished Rock a happy birthday.

John Morrison was making his entrance for a match when he was jumped from behind by R. Truth. Truth beat up Morrison and gave him his leaping downward spiral on the floor. Morrison sold his neck big and was being helped to the back when Truth gave him another leaping downward spiral on the stage. This angle came off well.

Maryse and Kelly Kelly’s match ended as a no contest. Kelly gave Maryse a terrible looking bulldog, the only move of the match. At that point, Kharma’s music hit and she came to the ring very, very slowly. Kelly just sat in the ring scared, as they teased Kharma would destroy her. However, Kharma gave Maryse the implant buster and left Kelly alone.

The crowd reacted well to Kharma and she has great music and presentation. I wouldn’t have her take quite this long to come out, though. There’s of course a positive to building anticipation for her destroying the other women, but there comes a point when you’re moving so slowly that people who haven’t seen you before are going to assume you’re unathletic and immobile.

Backstage, Miz was angry that Alex Riley wasn’t at ringside for his match at Extreme Rules. Miz said his personal services contract takes precedence over the draft. Miz told Riley to be at ringside for his match. Rock did a backstage comedy bit with Vladimir Kozlov, Santino Marella, Hornswoggle and Great Khali. Ron Simmons observed the scene and made a brief exclamation.

John Cena beat Miz via DQ to retain the WWE title. Alex Riley got on the apron early. Cena knocked him off, but that gave Miz his chance to take over and get the heat on Cena. Cena came back with shoulderblocks, the Cena slam and the five knuckle. He went for the FU but Cena got out. Miz hit a neck breaker and went for the skull crushing finale but Cena reversed out and in the process knocked down the referee.

Cena applied the STF and Miz tapped, but there was no referee. Riley ran in with the briefcase. Cena caught him and went for the FU but Miz hit Cena in the gut with the briefcase. Miz then hit the skull crushing finale but Cena kicked out at two. Cena hit the FU but Miz kicked out at two. Riley distracted the referee and Miz hit Cena with the belt. He covered and got the three count.

Miz started celebrating with the belt. However, since the referee wasn’t sure where Miz got the belt from, he just went ahead and disqualified the Miz. This was a very good match marred by a horrendous finish. At some point, WWE has to figure out that you can’t effectively sell pay-per-views with an unending string of bullshit TV finishes.

Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston beat Jack Swagger and Drew McIntyre. The heels worked over Kingston. Jim Ross compared McIntyre to a high draft pick that you keep waiting to see in the Pro Bowl. I guess that’s nicer than comparing him to Joey Harrington or JaMarcus Russell.

Rey got the tag and came in with a spinning head scissors on McIntyre. Kingston threw Swagger out and gave McIntyre trouble in paradise. Rey followed with the 619 and top rope splash on McIntyre for the win. Alberto Del Rio, who was doing commentary, hit the ring after the match but was knocked out of the ring by Rey. It’s weird to see them go back to Rey/Del Rio after they already did an extended program.

Backstage, Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero said they know Rock likes pie. So they had a cake with Mae Young in a bathing suit behind it, and laughed about it. Rock said Vickie will never be as beautiful as Mae. Rock gave Mae a long kiss on the lips. John Cena then came in. He said that now he has the title and he will keep it until WrestleMania. Cena vowed to keep it through WrestleMania and told Rock he will have to go through Cena to get it. Rock told Cena to bring it.

Kane beat Mason Ryan via DQ. This was an awful match with an awful finish. They did one of the worst lock up/one guy gets shoved down spots you’ll ever see. Ryan used a body slam. Punk then just ran in for the DQ.

After the match, the other Nexus guys ran in. Kane fought them off and went for the choke slam but Ryan pulled off Kane’s hand and gave Kane the side effect. They played that up big. Big Show went to make the save and fought off all the Nexus guys until Ryan laid him out too with a spear. Vince is still in 1980s mode where a big, jacked up guy who doesn’t have wrestling ability, speaking ability or charisma gets the push over much more talented performers.

Rock came out for the final segment. They gave everyone in the audience party hats. Rock said next year’s Mania will be the biggest of all time. Vince McMahon came out and wished Rock a happy birthday. He thanked Rock for his contributions to WWE and congratulated him on his successes in general. He thanked Rock for coming home. Both Rock and Vince seemed emotional about this and it was a nice moment. They then aired a cool video package looking back at Rock’s career with the same Coming Home song by Diddy that Mark Hominick used Saturday night. Mya sang happy birthday to Rock and balloons and confetti came down.

Final Thoughts:

This was a different show. The wrestling was downplayed even more than usual and the finishes were terrible pretty much across the board. WWE was also in full self-glorification mode. With that said, it wasn’t really intended to be a wrestling show in the first place. They basically just let Rock do some promos, put him over, and kept things light. And if you just look at the show in that light, it was fine.

WWE Raw Report

2011-04-26T00:45:00.001-07:00

Date: 04/25/11 from Raleigh, NC.

The Big News: John Cena was drafted to Smackdown.

Well, he was.

Show Analysis:

Big Show and Kofi Kingston won a battle royal. They started the show with this match in progress. Everyone wore those lame blue and red shirts in the battle royal and throughout the show. Kane and Great Khali were two of the first out. It came down to Mason Ryan, Kofi Kingston, Big Show, Daniel Bryan, Cody Rhodes and Evan Bourne. Ryan threw out Rhodes. Kingston pulled out Bryan. Bourne and Kingston did a bunch of cool spots trying to eliminate each other. Bourne came off the top on Show but was caught and thrown out. Show then threw out Ryan to end the match.

This led to the first draft pick of the night, John Cena. It seemed highly unlikely Cena would end up on Smackdown, and indeed, this didn’t last long. Cena did an interview and put it over as a huge move. He said he would bring the WWE title to Smackdown. Miz then came in and said he won’t have to see Cena anymore after Extreme Rules.

R. Truth came out with no music. He spent the entire promo kind of distracted by “what” chants but did a good job handling it and cutting a solid heel promo. Truth said he accepted the match against John Morrison and lost because of the fans. He spent his career trying to please the fans and it got him nowhere. He said that he rapped and danced so people could dance along and some people need to get some rhythm. That was amusing.

Truth vowed to give the people the boot. He said that he is letting go of years of frustration and disappointment and it feels great. Truth has set him free, he concluded. At that point, Morrison jumped Truth from behind. It was nice of him to wait for Truth to finish his ten minute promo. Morrison beat up Truth, was pulled back, and beat Truth up some more. I’d have let Truth keep his heat for a week.

Throughout the show they ran commercials saying next week will be the “biggest birthday party in the history of television” for the Rock. Really, I’d say it’s the biggest birthday party in the history of birthdays and the history of parties. This week’s Awesome Kong vignette showed her face clearly and debuted her new name of Kharma.

Eve Torres beat Layla. They went about 20 seconds and horribly botched their only spot, at which point Michelle McCool distracted Layla and Layla slapped Michelle. Michael Cole got up and started talking about how he needed to go train for Jim Ross. In the midst of all this, Eve rolled up Layla for the win. It really is time to dump the women’s division already. It serves absolutely no positive purpose. Lay Cool fought each other on the outside after the match with an upset Layla getting the best of it.

Rey Mysterio was drafted to Raw. Cody Rhodes backstage said he would give Rey a going away present after their match at Extreme Rules, a new mask that Rey can wear to the hospital.

Kofi Kingston beat Sheamus. Sheamus was in control until he accidentally ran into the post. Kingston hit a frog crossbody and avoided the razor’s edge and Brogue kick. Kingston hit trouble in paradise twice for the clean pin. It’s weird to book a champion to lose clean to a midcarder on the other show, but maybe one of these guys will be moved in the supplemental draft at Noon Eastern tomorrow. Randy Orton was drafted to Smackdown.

Jim Ross beat Michael Cole via DQ. Cole made fun of Ross’ weight and stalled forever. They stalled more time here than the average Raw match lasts. Eventually, Cole went for a body slam but Ross fell on him and got mount. He threw punches down on Cole and in the process busted open his hand and Cole’s lip. Cole was bleeding from the mouth.

Cole ran to the outside but Lawler threw him back in. Swagger took out Lawler and ran in for the DQ. He applied the ankle lock on Ross and Cole whipped Ross with a belt. Lawler made the save and whipped Cole with the belt a couple times before Cole ran away. The GM announced a tag team country whipping match for the PPV. Miz backstage said he will keep his title and that if he is drafted to Smackdown, Raw will be cancelled.

Randy Orton beat Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler used a neck breaker, fireman carry and dropkick. Orton came back with clotheslines, a power slam and an Angle slam. He went for the RKO but was distracted for a moment by Vickie Guerrero. He regained his concentration and hit the RKO for the pin. Punk interrupted the pick announcement to basically say he’s wrestling Orton in a last man standing match at the PPV without actually saying that. The match was worth two picks and Mark Henry and Sin Cara are headed to Smackdown.

Rey Mysterio beat Wade Barrett. Barrett worked over Rey. Rey came back with a top rope spinning head scissors, 619 and top rope splash for the win. This match was for two picks, and Big Show and Alberto Del Rio were drafted to Raw. They showed Del Rio backstage talking to Ricardo Rodriguez about his destiny and blowing off Brodus Clay.

CM Punk, Alberto Del Rio and Miz beat John Cena, Christian and Mark Henry. The heels worked over Christian. Cena got the tag and hit the Cena slam on Miz but was immediately cut off by a clothesline from Henry. Henry press slammed Christian onto the steps and left. Miz gave Cena the skull crushing finale and got the pin. They then announced the final pick, which was Cena returning to Raw. Cena attacked and laid out the heels.

Final Thoughts:

I really didn’t like the Cena to Smackdown and then back to Raw story that dominated the show.

First, it’s unfulfilling storytelling in basically any medium to take a character through a fake journey only to have them end up exactly where they started. It makes the audience feel like the two hours were a pointless waste and that they were cheated if they bought into it.

Second, the idea of the draft ought to be to get fans excited about the new landscape and various possibilities going forward. But by instead beginning and ending with Cena, it left the impression that everything is the same as always, which is the exact opposite of what the draft ought to be doing. They would have been much better off focusing on the moves that are actually going to matter like Del Rio and Orton.

Third, the move had basically no positive purpose. It didn’t build up the pay-per-view on Sunday. It didn’t build interest in Smackdown. I don’t see it having any positive effect on the one night’s rating, and even if it did, that’s basically insignificant. It felt like the goal was just to “swerve” fans, and if they were thinking in terms of their own interests they would have come up with a completely different scenario.

Finally, everyone knows Cena is the franchise player for WWE and Raw is the flagship show. I think the vast majority of the audience watching knew Cena wasn’t going to Smackdown. So it just left the audience thinking, “How are they going to get out of this?” That’s the sort of detached attitude and emotion that makes it so hard to invest in storylines and matches. And then when they do the obvious thing and move him right back it makes the whole thing feel contrived and fake.

WWE Raw Report

2011-04-18T23:25:00.001-07:00

Date: 04/18/11 from London, UK.

The Big News: R. Truth lost his pay-per-view title shot after only a week, but appears in better shape now than he was after getting the shot.

Show Analysis:

The show started with Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole on commentary. With Cole toning down his act and Lawler and Ross controlling the commentary, the angles and matches got over so much better than usual. They would be so much better off if they just let Ross and Lawler do the commentary and made Cole the top heel manager.

R. Truth came out and said that he would win the triple threat title match and be the most fighting champion ever. His delivery was weak and he got a negative reaction from the crowd. John Morrison then came out and said Truth got lucky last week. The crowd booed Morrison too. Morrison then showed video of Truth drinking a little water between falls last week and ridiculed Truth for it. The crowd again booed Morrison.

Morrison laughed at Truth for being out of shape. Truth asked the crowd if he was in good shape and the crowd reacted negatively to him too. Morrison continued by mocking Truth for smoking cigarettes. Truth said Morrison was trying to get in his head to force a match between them for Truth’s title shot. Morrison responded by saying he accepted the match.

Truth said that the people didn’t want to see Morrison vs. Truth. The crowd half-heartedly indicated they did. They joked back and forth about the idea of drinking water during a match and basically agreed to wrestle.

This segment was a disaster. The material was awful, the interplay was unbelievably awkward, and both guys came across as unlikeable losers. I was waiting for Steve Austin to come out, cut a promo on both of them, and tell them to go home. The focus on shaming R. Truth for drinking water was particularly bizarre, as if world class athletes in every sport don’t drink water during games. Keeping hydrated is not in fact a sign of weakness.

John Morrison beat R. Truth to take Truth’s spot in the Extreme Rules title match. Truth was in control for about three minutes before Morrison hit starship pain out of the blue for the win. This was not good and felt like a burial of Truth.

Things turned around, however, with the post-match angle. Truth pulled Morrison off the ropes as Morrison was celebrating. He then hit a great looking running knee to the head and another spectacular looking running to the head that sent Morrison’s head into the barricade on the outside. Truth seemed conflicted and sorry about this, so he hugged Morrison and helped him up. Then he shoved Morrison back down.

Morrison grabbed a water bottle and his Morrison with it. He said Morrison did this to himself and gave Morrison a downward spiral on the floor. Truth then grabbed a cigarette and lit up. The crowd chanted “That’s illegal.” He blew cigarette smoke on Morrison and threw the butt on Morrison. Even after all the problems leading up to it, this was a great turn. Truth’s growing frustration and anger throughout was handled very well and the little touches worked well, particularly the cigarette bit.

Dolph Ziggler beat Evan Bourne in a short match. Ziggler has a new look with a haircut and no more dyed hair. That’s a really good move. The bleached blonde look just didn’t work that well for Ziggler and I think he’s got a better chance of getting over now. Ziggler worked over Bourne. Bourne came back with kicks, knees and a double foot stomp but missed the shooting star press. Ziggler then hit the zig zag for the win.

Miz and Alex Riley came out for a brief promo. In a very positive sign, Miz got a big star reaction with lots of cheers. Miz was annoyed about having to face not only John Cena but also John Morrison, and in a steel cage. I really don’t understand the reason for making that a cage match. It just seems like the prostituting of stipulations with no positive gain. Miz vowed a sit down strike until he was interrupted by Sin Cara and John Cena. The GM made a tag match.

John Cena and Sin Cara beat Miz and Alex Riley. The heels worked over Cena, who received dueling positive and negative chants. Cena used a body slam on Riley and tagged Cara. Cara came in with punches and kicks, then a springboard huracanrana, dropkick and enzuigiri. Riley took out Cara from behind and the heels worked over Cara. Cara finally got the tag to Cena, who came in with shoulder blocks, the Cena slam and five knuckle on Riley. Miz left while Cena in the ring hit the FU. Cena then tagged Cara and Cara hit a springboard second rope moonsault for the win. This was a very good match and was perfectly laid out to showcase Cara while building Cena vs. Miz.

Eve Torres beat Nikki Bella in a brief expose of the business. Eve hit punches, kicks and an arm drag on Nikki. Eve missed a baseball slide and Brie Bella slammed Eve’s leg into the apron. Eve came back with a cradle for the win. Just about every move in this match ranged from bad to terrible.

Michael Cole introduced Jack Swagger as his trainer and friend. Cole put on a cape and Swagger read from a goofy scroll proclaiming him Sir Michael Cole. They announced a knighting ceremony and Queen Elizabeth came out. It didn’t appear to be the real Queen Elizabeth. They cut to Lawler and Ross looking completely disgusted. The Queen knighted Cole and Cole kissed her on the lips.

The newly knighted Cole then told Ross to come in the ring and kiss his feet. They made up Cole’s feet to look disgusting. Lawler and Ross came into the ring together but Swagger jumped Lawler and took him out. Swagger and Cole then went after Ross. Cole told Ross to kiss his feet. Ross told Cole to go to hell. Swagger put Ross in the ankle lock and made Ross kiss Cole’s disgusting feet. We’re at the point where Ross has been humiliated so many times that it doesn’t get heat on the heel but rather just makes you roll your eyes at Vince McMahon.

Sheamus beat Santino. Josh Mathews did commentary the rest of the show with Michael Cole. Sheamus dominated the match. Santino tried to go for the cobra but was too weak and was hit with the Brogue kick for the pin.

Randy Orton beat CM Punk. There were dueling chants for Punk and Orton throughout the match. Orton hit some stomps and then Punk some knees. Orton hit a powerslam but Punk avoided an RKO attempt. Punk took control and beat down Orton for a while. Punk hit a running knee but Orton countered the bulldog attempt. Orton went for the Angle slam but Punk escaped and hit the bulldog.

Punk then used a springboard clothesline. Orton kicked out of the pin attempt and came back with a superplex. He went for the draping DDT, which was countered into a GTS attempt, which was countered into an RKO attempt, which was countered into a Punk kick to the head for two. Punk went for the GTS again. Orton escaped but Punk went for the high kick again. Orton ducked under that and rolled up Punk for the pin. This was a very good match.

After the match, Nexus ran in. Mason Ryan was shoving other members of Nexus like he was out of control going after Orton. He gave Orton the side effect. Ryan went to punt Orton, but Punk wanted to punt Orton himself. They argued back and forth until Punk finally convinced Ryan to get out of the way. By the time Punk finally went for the punt, Orton got up and gave Punk an RKO.

Final Thoughts:

This show got off to an inauspicious start, but it really picked up from there. It had some good wrestling, good angles, and focused on showcasing and putting over specific rising stars.

WWE Raw Report

2011-04-12T00:14:00.001-07:00

Date: 04/11/11 from Bridgeport, CT.

The Big News: In a very surprising development, an emotional Edge announced his retirement on Raw. Wrestling retirements tend not to last, but even if he never wrestles again he had an excellent career.

Show Analysis:

After Michael Cole’s heel entrance, John Cena came out for a show opening promo. He received a more positive reaction than he has been receiving. He immediately started with a bunch of lines that seemed written solely to use the phrase “WWE Universe.” It seemed like they were on a kick this week with that because they kept saying it over and over again throughout the show for no apparent reason. Cena said that his match with Rock at next year’s WrestleMania will be for the title and challenged the Miz to a title match.

That brought out Randy Orton. He pointed out Cena lost at WrestleMania and said Cena should step aside and give the opportunity to someone else who actually won at Mania. John Morrison then came out and said we’ve seen this all before. I’m not sure if he was referencing Orton and Cena challenging for the title or the scene where everyone comes out and says they want a title shot to set up some sort of multi-person title eliminator for later in the show, but he was certainly right either way.

Next out were Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler. Vickie said that Ziggler should get the shot and Ziggler said he shouldn’t be wasting his time with people like Snooki. R. Truth then joined the mix and said he has never received a one-on-one WWE title match. That was it for people coming out. I’m not sure why the locker room doesn’t empty whenever they do these segments, because everybody who comes out always gets an opportunity at the title shot. The GM announced a five person gauntlet match for the shot at Miz for Extreme Rules.

They aired a video package with Awesome Kong not totally visible in shadows flicking the head off a Barbie doll and laughing. It’s always a good sign when WWE airs video packages before your debut, and WWE can use all the potential attractions they can get these days.

Brie Bella beat Eve Torres to win the women’s title. Eve had the referee mark one of the Bella’s hands with a marker prior to the match to prevent a switch. Why not order them to wear different outfits? Eve was getting the best of Brie and they did the switch. Nikki was covering her hand but the referee saw the mark. He just allowed the match to continue anyway and Brie came back in with a rollup for the pin. Both Eve and the referee looked like fools here.

Backstage, Eve blew off Natalya and Gail Kim when they tried to console her. Eve said that all the women just care about themselves. Tamina then walked in and gave Natalya and Gail what seemed to be a dirty look. This seemed like an Eve Torres heel turn until the Tamina thing.

Sin Cara beat Primo Colon. The crowd reacted very well to Cara and there were Sin Cara chants here. That’s a great sign and it shows the benefits of building someone up rather than making it a point to slot them at a low level early. Cara used a monkey flip, dropkick and pescado into a huracanrana. Primo came back with a dropkick of his own and cobra clutch. Cara took back over with a springboard flying head scissors and flip power bomb.

Cara hit an enzuigiri and set up for a top rope finisher but Primo slipped off and Cara fell to the outside. The crowd didn’t turn on that at all, which was another great sign. Cara then went back up and hit what was basically Frankie Kazarian’s flux capacitor for the pin.

Strangely, Michael Cole spent this entire match playing straight play-by-play guy and putting over Cara. Obviously, they feel the need to protect Cara early. But that really says something when they need to keep heel Cole away from characters they have serious plans for. Cole is a great heel but it’s going to do real damage if they retain him in this role over the long haul.

Corrrrrrrrrrrrrre did a promo in the ring. Wade Barrett pointed out that they failed in their attack on Rock and John Cena and blamed the other members of the group. Barrett said he used to see them as equals but if they can’t hold up their end there is no point continuing the group.

Justin Gabriel shot back that his 450 takes out everyone and he is the best of them in the ring. He added that he is a three time tag champ, so Heath Slater pointed out that they are collectively the champions. Ezekiel Jackson then spoke up and said he put them on the map by slamming Big Show.

Their argument was interrupted by Santino Marella, Evan Bourne, Daniel Bryan and Mark Henry. Santino said that if Barrett’s group is the core, they are the apple. He announced their new (perhaps one week) supergroup A.P.P.L.E.: Allied People Powered by Loathing Everything they stand for. They issued a challenge.

Wade Barrett, Ezekiel Jackson, Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel beat Santino Marella, Evan Bourne, Daniel Bryan and Mark Henry. The heels worked over Bryan. Santino got the tag and went for the cobra but he was kicked in the back of the head by Gabriel. Slater then hit the scorpion death drop for the pin.

Jim Ross came out and Michael Cole immediately went nuts badmouthing and mocking Ross. He kept yelling about squirting BBQ sauce in Jim Ross’s bad eye, as if he had intentionally tried to do that or something. A livid Ross tried to get into the Cole Mine and began shaking it up and down going after Cole. Swagger then jumped Lawler and they did a big pull apart with all four. This was great and led into a match.

Jerry Lawler beat Jack Swagger, which meant Lawler got to pick the stipulation for a rematch with Michael Cole at Extreme Rules. Cole and Ross were in the corners. Swagger got the best of it early and put Lawler in the ankle lock but Lawler got to the ropes. Lawler made his comeback with punches but Cole got on the apron and distracted Lawler. Ross pulled Cole after the apron. Swagger went after Ross. And that allowed Lawler to roll up Swagger from behind for the win.

After the match, Cole was badmouthing Swagger. He poked Swagger in the chest repeatedly and berated him. He then slapped Swagger and escaped the ring from an angry looking Swagger. That exchange reminded me a lot of Bobby Heenan and Andre the Giant at WrestleMania VI, but Swagger showed disappointing fire in his reaction. Still, I think Swagger is one of their best options for a new main event slot and I would assume that’s the plan here. After this happened, Lawler announced a tag match at Extreme Rules with Lawler and Ross vs. Swagger and Cole.

Edge came out for his retirement announcement. He mentioned getting spinal fusion surgery a number of years back and said that he knew he was on borrowed time after that. Edge said he has been in a lot of pain of late and has been losing feeling in his arms. The crowd cheered for him and chanted “thank you Edge.” Edge said he wrestled his career on his terms and is still a fan of WWE. He added that he couldn’t dream of a better way to go out than winning a Mania main event and retiring as champion.

Edge said he feels like he has grown up in front of the fans. He poked fun of some of the silly gimmicks he had early on. He said he hopes he earned everyone’s respect. He noted that he tried to give everything he had. He joked that he doesn’t have to wear tights tomorrow so he will eat a lot of ice cream after the show. He referenced getting hired by Jim Ross and said he would do it all again in a heartbeat. This was a great, heartfelt speech and another example of how much better and more authentic promos feel when a good speaking wrestler puts together their own material.

Edge backstage shook hands with and hugged the other wrestlers. Both the faces and heels were all together and everyone applauded Edge. This was a classy gesture. With Edge leaving so suddenly, it will probably increase the appreciation people have for his career.

Dolph Ziggler beat Randy Orton in the first part of the gauntlet match. Miz did commentary throughout. Ziggler was in control early. Orton came back with a powerslam but was distracted by David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty on the apron and Ziggler got a rollup for the pin. Mason Ryan joined Otunga and McGillicutty in a post-match attack on Orton. Ryan gave Orton a power bomb.

R. Truth beat Dolph Ziggler in the next fall of the gauntlet match. Ziggler dominated most of the match until Truth hit a downward spiral like move for the pin.

R. Truth beat John Morrison in the third fall of the gauntlet match. They traded a series of rollups. They then did a double clothesline spot on the floor. Morrison hit a springboard kick but missed starship pain and Truth hit the same downward spiral like move for another win.

John Cena vs. R. Truth went to a no contest. The story of the match was Cena would hit Truth with move after move but Truth kept kicking out to Cena’s increasing astonishment. Cena hit a fisherman buster, belly to back suplex, snap suplex and top rope rocker dropper. Truth kept kicking out of the pin attempts. Truth got a few kicks in and a hip toss but Cena then took over again. He hit shoulderblocks, the Cena slam and the five knuckle. He went for the FU when Miz and Alex Riley ran in and attacked both men.

Miz said that both Cena and Truth are losers and can go to the end of the line because there is no new number one contender. The GM then announced two number one contenders and a triple threat title match at Extreme Rules with Miz vs. Cena vs. Truth. Cena and Truth then beat up Miz and Riley. Truth and Cena shook hands but then shoved each other at the close of the show.

Final Thoughts:

The most striking thing about this show was the dearth of talent on the WWE roster right now. With so many of the featured attractions for WrestleMania leaving, they are left with a strikingly thin roster. And that’s even with them using a number of Smackdown wrestlers on the show. The chickens once again are coming home to roost when it comes to WWE’s treatment of younger talent.

Even as WWE booked R. Truth into a pay-per-view main event on this show, the problems with their mentality towards elevating new talent were on full display. If fans are going to take Truth seriously in the slightest as a title challenger, he needs to be booked ridiculously strong. Yet, Truth was about to be defeated by Cena when Miz and Riley interfered.

Instant elevations like they what they did with Truth can provide a stopgap measure for freshening up main events, but effectively creating new star drawing cards is going to take more in the way of patience and long term planning. WWE needs to pick, say, four to six new guys they want to build around and start protecting them for a prolonged period of time before putting them in regular main events. It seems like the only guys who get protected are the long established main eventers like Cena and Orton, and they’re the ones who need that protection least of all.

WWE Raw Report

2011-04-04T23:29:00.000-07:00

Date: 04/04/11 from Atlanta, GA.

The Big News: WrestleMania XXVIII’s main event is already set a year out, The Rock vs. John Cena. Undertaker vs. HHH was very strongly teased as well. Melina vs. Alicia Fox may be third from the top.

Show Analysis:

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler were commentating Raw to start the show. The show is of course much more entertaining to watch with them announcing, but I sensed trouble. Indeed, this didn’t last long.

Triple H came out for a promo. He said that he has never been a nervous or rattled person but at WrestleMania when Undertaker made his entrance he almost hyperventilated. HHH noted he has wrestled Undertaker before and wrestled Undertaker at Mania before but never like that. HHH said the streak has become everything to Undertaker and Undertaker is willing to do anything to keep it going. HHH gave Undertaker everything he had but Undertaker kept getting up.

HHH said that they both left everything they had in the ring and for HHH that wasn’t good enough. HHH observed that people have different iconic names for Undertaker but what he saw getting carried out on a stretcher after the match was a man. HHH said a lot of people think given the way he was carted off that may be the last of Undertaker. HHH said he isn’t buying that but in case it is, thanks dead man. HHH then posited that Undertaker will be back and noted that he will be waiting.

This was an excellent promo. I really like that they’re shifting the Undertaker streak story from this unstoppable phenom to a man desperately trying to hold on to his pride and legacy with every last breath he has. It’s a much more interesting, real and emotional story.

Michael Cole came out in his wrestling outfit from WrestleMania. He gloated that despite overwhelming odds he emerged victorious over Jerry Lawler. Cole claimed to have stolen the show and said that he will now be known as Mr. WrestleMania. Lawler retorted that Cole didn’t beat anyone and that a computer beat him. Lawler noted he made Cole tap out and Cole was crying like a little girl. Lawler said that the record book may say Cole was the winner but he will always go down as a worthless jackass.

Cole told Lawler to get over it, because Cole beat him. Cole proposed a rematch on Raw. Lawler accepted and got into the ring but of course Cole wasn’t talking about a WrestleMania rematch but rather a rematch against Jack Swagger from last week on Raw.

Jerry Lawler beat Jack Swagger via disqualification. Swagger hit a body slam but missed a leg drop. He hit a clothesline but missed the Vader bomb. Lawler used some punches and a dropkick. He went up for a second rope fist drop but Cole got up on the apron. Lawler got down from the ropes and chased after Cole. He caught Cole and was punching him but Swagger applied the ankle lock from behind and Lawler submitted. I usually hate distraction finishes but the Cole-Lawler issue has been so well developed that Lawler going after Cole rather than trying to win the match felt like a completely understandable reaction.

After the match, Swagger refused to break the hold. The referee ended up reversing his decision because of this. Michael Cole then went and found some BBQ sauce in the Cole Mine. He squirted the BBQ sauce all over Jim Ross. Ross followed Cole to the back and that was the end of Ross. Vince McMahon never misses an opportunity to embarrass Ross. Josh Mathews, Booker T and Michael Cole announced the rest of the show.

Randy Orton and Rey Mysterio beat CM Punk and Cody Rhodes. The heels worked over Rey and then worked over Orton. Rey got the tag and went for the 619 but was caught with a knee to the head. For some reason, Booker repeatedly talked about this being a kick to the sternum. The heels again took over on Rey. Orton finally got the tag and gave Rhodes a power slam, draping DDT and Angle slam. Rey gave Rhodes the 619 and Orton hit the RKO for the pin. Punk ran off at the finish. The announcers didn’t really make mention of it, so I’m not sure what they were going for there.

Steve Austin and Triple H spoke briefly backstage. Austin said that he doesn’t know if “it” will happen again but if it does, he will be there. That would seem to tease the possibility of Austin refereeing the rematch and of course Shawn Michaels is also a possibility for that position. Austin and HHH shook hands.

Steve Austin came to the ring and plugged Tough Enough. He brought out the Tough Enough competitors. He had each of them introduce themselves as the crowd jeered them. None of them came off very well. Some fans in the front row began chanting “stun them all,” which seemed to amuse Austin.

Miz then came out. Michael Cole went crazy. He stood on the table cheering and then quipped, “I wonder if he saw me?” That was funny. Miz said that when he was on Tough Enough people told him to go back to the Real World but people will never say that again after WrestleMania. Miz claimed to suffer a concussion at Mania (and his head bounced off the floor badly), but went on to retain the title. He walked around the ring and told the competitors this was the closest they would get to the WWE title.

Miz asked Austin if Austin thinks he has one more fun in him. The crowd chanted “one more match.” Miz suggested they do it right then. Austin told the Tough Enough kids to clear the ring. Alex Riley jumped Austin from behind and Miz left. Riley went after Austin for a while until Austin made his comeback with a Thesz press, punches, elbow drop and stunner. Austin looks as good as ever so it’s always tantalizing when he does a few spots and you wish he wrestled regularly.

Austin celebrated with a bunch of beers and threw beers to the Tough Enough kids. The crowd booed and heckled the ones who didn’t catch the beers. They all drank beer together. Austin then threw beer on Cole. It’s not really anyone’s fault, but something about this segment with the crowd rejecting the Tough Enough kids and nobody making a positive impression felt like a real negative in trying to sell that show. Sticking the premier at the tail end of a four hour block of wrestling is kind of risky too.

Alberto Del Rio beat Evan Bourne. Del Rio was bleeding from the mouth early in the match. Bourne was caught with a big boot charging into Del Rio. Del Rio threw Bourne into the barricade on the outside. Bourne came back with kicks and a knee to the head. However, when he went up to the top for the shooting star press, Del Rio gave him an enzuigiri. Del Rio then locked in the armbar for the submission.

John Morrison and Trish Stratus beat Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero. Prior to the match, Guerrero scapegoated Lay Cool for the WrestleMania loss. Ziggler said Snooki was the most talented member of Morrison’s team. Trish and Vickie did some comedy spots. Morrison missed a springboard kick on Ziggler. Ziggler tossed Morrison over his head with a German suplex where Morrison did a full flip. Trish then slapped Ziggler and Morrison hit starship pain for the win.

Sheamus beat Daniel Bryan to retain the US title. This was basically a squash after fans complained about Bryan’s match not making the pay-per-view telecast Sunday. Sheamus worked over Bryan throughout. Bryan hit a few kicks and went for the LeBell lock but Sheamus quickly countered with a back breaker and Brogue kick for the pin.

After the match, Sin Cara made his debut. They dimmed the lights and had a cool video and music. Cara ran out and botched a dive over the ropes into the ring. Luckily it was just close enough that the fans didn’t turn on him. He then nailed all his other spots perfectly including a spectacular looking springboard crossbody off the top rope to the floor on Sheamus.

The final segment of the show started with a smiling and laughing Cena coming out. Yes, this guy gets screwed out of the world title in the main event of the biggest show of the year and even then he still isn’t angry about it 24 hours later. What is this guy thinking? Is it that hard to grasp the sort of message this sends about the importance of matches? Derek Anderson was caught laughing very briefly on the sideline of a random, uncompetitive regular season NFL game between two terrible teams and he was excoriated for months over it and will likely spend the rest of his career trying to live it down. Cena gets ripped off in the biggest match of the year and he’s as jolly as ever. Why does he even wrestle if the title is so unimportant to him?

Cena was loudly booed. He told some jokes. He said he wouldn’t complain because if Rock didn’t do what he did Mania would have ended in a draw. He told that one like a joke, too. He congratulated Miz for retaining his title. Cena said it’s obvious he hasn’t earned the Rock’s respect and Rock doesn’t like him that much. Cena said he has business to settle with Rock right now.

Rock came out. The crowd chanted “Rocky.” They then chanted “Fruity Pebbles.” Cena laughed at this. Good to know he’s cool with fans thinking he’s a joke. Rock asked Cena what he expected screwing with the Rock. Rock then said he respects Cena. The crowd loudly booed. Rock said he knows Cena loves WWE and has become one of WWE’s biggest stars. The crowd again loudly booed. Rock did add that he doesn’t like Cena. Rock said they are similar in that they want to do the best they can.

Cena told Rock to listen to the people. Cena said they want a match between Cena and Rock. Cena took off his shirt and challenged Rock. Rock proposed they do it at WrestleMania XXVIII. He offered his hand and Cena shook it.

At that point, the Corrrrrrrre ran out to randomly attack Rock and Cena. That was of course the setup for Rock and Cena to clean house. Cena did the five knuckle and rock did the people’s elbow. Cena did the FU and Rock did the Rock bottom. Finally, they shook hands again. Clearly, they want to try to undo the damage they have done to Cena’s character while building interest in a Rock-Cena match.

Final Thoughts:

This was a fun show. With so much talent it would be hard for it not to be. Announcing Rock vs. Cena a year out is a really interesting gamble. On the plus side, by the time that match comes it is going to feel like a huge deal. But on the flip side, it’s going to be really difficult to get fans interested in anything Cena does until then. Cena is in a tough position because his character has come across like such an uncool, annoying tool in his feud with Rock and it will be tricky to turn around that perception while fans are still waiting to see Rock kick his ass.

My Favorite Movies of 2010

2011-03-28T22:09:00.000-07:00

I’ve done this every year for a number of years now, and as usual it took me a while to watch all of the key movies.

10) The Town

I don’t know what it is about gritty Boston crime dramas, but there have been a number of really good ones now in the last decade. The Town takes its place with The Departed, Mystic River and Gone Baby Gone as the best of the bunch. The action scenes are gripping and the relationship between the Ben Affleck character and the woman whose bank he robs works very well.

9) True Grit

I’m generally not a big fan of westerns, generally not a big fan of the Coen brothers (yeah, I’m the one), and wasn’t a big fan of the original True Grit, so I wasn’t necessarily expecting a lot from this. But I ended up really liking it. Jeff Bridges created one of the most memorable characters of the year and the movie nicely mixed comedy and drama.

8) Ghost Writer

This was a very well done political thriller released earlier in the year. It’s kind of a fictionalized version of Tony Blair’s involvement in the Iraq war. Roman Polanski sets up great mystery and intrigue and pays it off well.

7) Shutter Island

It probably doesn’t deliver as well as it could, but Shutter Island is still an awfully fun little genre film. The greatest strength of the movie is its atmosphere and setting, and you can’t go wrong with Leonardo DiCaprio as your lead.

6) Megamind

This was to me the funniest movie of the year. I think it suffered from coming after a similarly themed (but vastly inferior) Despicable Me and seeming a lot like The Incredibles. The jokes are very funny, the pacing is perfect, and the lead character is ultimately very likeable. I really enjoyed this one.

5) The Fighter

I don't know what it is about boxing movies, but they usually work so much better for me than other sports movies. Maybe it's that individual sports work better for character studies than team sports. Whatever it is, this was another really good boxing movies. There were great performances from all the key actors and actresses and the movie feels authentic to its subject.

4) Black Swan

Forget the ballet. This is one of the best horror movies in recent years. It's a completely unsettling watch from beginning to end, with the sense at all times that something horrible is about to happen. It's kind of weird to me that it is viewed as kind of an art house movie since I don't view it like that at all. I loved it, though.

3) Toy Story 3

Pixar delivers again. It's amazing they have done three Toy Story movies now with mostly the same characters and each film is not just different but very different from the others. This may be the best of the group, with a touching nostalgia for childhood. It's the most emotionally touching movie of the year.

2) Social Network

When I first heard there was going to be a Facebook movie, it sounded like an uninteresting premise to me. I saw the previews and was similarly unimpressed. They didn't grip me. But the movie got great reviews and was directed by David Fincher, so I figured it would deliver. And boy did it. I think the comparisons to the Godfather are sound. Both movies are basically about relationships being tragically torn apart in the pursuit of power, money and control.

1) Inception

This was my favorite movie in years and one of my favorites of all time. It's a masterpiece in my opinion, Christopher Nolan's best film (and that says volumes given the run of great filmmaking he's on). It's thought provoking, emotionally engaging, phenomenally acted and directed, and completely gripping from beginning to end. It succeeds on every level. And the ending is absolutely perfect. I loved this movie with all my heart.

WWE Raw Report

2011-03-28T22:07:00.000-07:00

Date: 03/28/11 from Chicago, IL.

The Big News: Rock made his presence known on Raw, giving Miz the people’s elbow before receiving the FU from John Cena.

Show Analysis:

The show started with CM Punk in the ring. CM Punk chants started. Punk said he doesn’t expect the people in Atlanta to receive him like his people in Chicago. Punk said that the members of Nexus were also his people and he watched Randy Orton take them out. Then he switched and said he doesn’t care what happens to them because he can always get more sheep to do what he wants. Now why on Earth would a clever, manipulative character ever in a million years say that, other than to get cheap heat for one night? Punk said that what he did last week cost Orton the respect of his family and he is just getting started. He concluded that the chapter closes at WrestleMania.

Randy Orton walked to the ring selling his leg from last week. He gave Orton a European uppercut and draping DDT. Then he went to punt Punk and miraculously his leg gave out at just that moment. Punk kicked Orton’s leg and gave him go 2 sleep as the crowd chanted for Punk.

Edge and Christian arrived. Edge said that Teddy Long decried he could fight Alberto Del Rio on Raw despite not being able to do so on Smackdown. Edge basically pointed out this makes no sense and it doesn’t.

Edge and Christian beat Alberto Del Rio and Brodus Clay. Edge and Christian double teamed Clay early. They threw him over the top. Christian went for a pescado. Clay caught him but Edge knocked down Clay with a baseball slide. The heels worked over Christian. Edge tagged in and went for the spear but Del Rio tripped him. Clay missed a corner avalanche and Edge hit the spear on Clay for the win. Meanwhile, on the floor, Del Rio put Christian in the armbar. Edge chased Del Rio to the back. However, when he returned to Christian, Del Rio jumped him from behind and put him in the armbar. This was a good match and a very well laid out segment.

Santino Marella beat Justin Gabriel. Big Show, Kane, Vladimir Kozlov, Wade Barrett, Heath Slater and Ezekiel Jackson brawled on the floor and interfered in the match. Santino then caught Gabriel with the cobra for the win.

Undertaker came out to the ring. HHH then came out and got into another staredown with Undertaker. That led to the surprise appearance of Shawn Michaels. Michaels put both men over and then asked HHH what makes him think he can do what Shawn couldn’t. HHH said Michaels got soft. He added that Michaels realized he didn’t have to win to be the showstopper, but HHH has to win.

HHH said that when he entered the WWF locker room it was filled with big stars but one stood tall over the rest. Undertaker represented everything WWE is and should be. HHH grew to respect Undertaker more every day and there’s only one guy he respects as much as Undertaker: Shawn Michaels.

HHH said that a few years ago he decided with Michaels that if either could no longer go, the other would let them know. And if the guy who couldn’t go wouldn’t accept it, the other would end it for them. HHH said he came back for one reason, to tell Undertaker it’s his time. HHH said that Undertaker will always be a legend and an icon and HHH will always respect him. However, in six days he will no longer be undefeated at WrestleMania. HHH will be the 1 in 18-1. Undertaker and the streak will rest in peace.

Undertaker replied that if there comes a time where he needs to be put down, he would want it to be HHH. However, now isn’t that time. Undertaker said the streak will live on and so will he. Undertaker said Michaels gave him his best matches at Mania and came close to beating him, but didn’t get it done. Undertaker said now he looks at Michaels and sees a man who doesn’t have the same confidence and arrogance. Undertaker said he has humbled Michaels and Michaels will go into the Hall of Fame with regrets. He noted that he ended Michaels’ career and shoved the microphone into Michaels’ chest.

Michaels went for sweet chin music but Undertaker caught it and grabbed him by the throat. HHH separated them. HHH told Michaels to tell Undertaker why HHH will beat him at Mania. Michaels just left the ring and mouthed, “I’m sorry. You can’t win.” Undertaker smirked, tipped his hat to HHH and left. This was a really good segment and I think they have peaked this angle as well as they possibly could going into the big event.

Jack Swagger beat Jerry Lawler via DQ. The GM announced this earlier in the show via an IPad in the Cole Mine. Swagger worked over Lawler and hit him with a Vader bomb. He threw him into the area with the ring announcer. Lawler then grabbed a chair and hit Swagger with it a number of times for the DQ. Lawler went after Cole but Cole ran into the Cole Mine. Lawler climbed the glass and Cole threw a drink in his face.

Sheamus and Dolph Ziggler beat Daniel Bryan and John Morrison. Prior to the match, Vickie Guerrero said that Lay Cool will do to Snooki what Vickie did to Morrison. She added that Snooki will find herself in a familiar place. That’s almost always a set up for “flat on your back,” but here she said passed out and unconscious.

The heels worked over Morrison. Bryan got the tag and put Ziggler in the LeBell lock but Sheamus broke it up. Sheamus tagged in and gave Bryan the ax handle. Morrison broke up the pin attempt. Bryan went for the LeBell lock on Sheamus but Sheamus escaped. Bryan missed a dropkick and Sheamus used the razor’s edge for the win.

Randy Orton was asked backstage if he will make it to Mania. Orton said he has serious anger management issues and he has never been as angry at someone as he is at Punk. Thus, the question is not if he will make it to Mania but if Punk will make it out. This was pretty much a perfect short promo.

They announced the Road Warriors for the Hall of Fame. They then interviewed Trish Stratus and Snooki from a bar. Some guy was coming on to them so Snooki slapped and shoved him. They then cut back to the bar and Lay Cool arrived. Snooki threw a drink at them and there was a big brawl. Everything about this was terrible and Snooki in particular was a thoroughly grating presence.

Rock came out for the final segment of the show. The crowd went nuts. Rock said Chicago is a special place to him because it’s where he had his first WrestleMania match. Rock admitted he was nervous but decided to bring it and that was the birth of Team Bring It. He said Team Bring It goes after its dreams and recently he had a dream of his own. Rock dreamed that he came to the ring and called out Cena. The crowd began loudly chanting Cena sucks. Cena came out looking like a homeless Power Ranger and Rock stuck his boot up Cena’s ass. Then Rock woke up and the dream was over. Rock said now it’s reality and he is here.

Cena came out smirking, grinning and playing to the crowd. The crowd chanted Rocky. Cena said he wanted Rock to come back because of the power Rock has over the people. Cena said he listened to what Rock had to say about him and it has merit. Cena sucks chants started up again. Cena said that Rock has a problem with his colors, the way he talks and his kids’ audience.

Cena said he is proud of the kids’ audience. Cena said that if Rock has a gripe about him not working hard to bring it up. Otherwise, he asked Rock who he is to judge him. Cena said he is himself and some people like it while others don’t. Cena said he will be judged but not by Rock. Rock said the good lord will judge but that he can’t save Cena from getting his ass whipped all over Chicago by the Rock. Cena said that if Rock wants a fight to bring it.

That brought out Miz. Miz said Cena will lose at Mania but at least he will go down swinging, unlike the Rock. Miz said that the Rock’s movies have grossed over a billion dollars and he is not going to risk getting beat up and embarrassed. Miz told Rock he won’t do anything to Miz. Rock responded that it doesn’t matter what Miz thinks. Miz and Riley attacked Rock. Rock beat up Riley and threw him out of the ring. He gave Miz a DDT and the people’s elbow. He threw Miz out but Cena then came in the ring and gave Rock the FU.

Final Thoughts:

This was overall a good go home for Mania. Cena’s promo at the end seemed designed to get the crowd back behind him and to refocus on Miz as the real antagonist in the angle. It will be interesting to see if that has any effect on the crowd reactions Sunday. I think at this point if Rock and Cena make up at the end it won’t be well received, but I do expect that to be the basic conclusion.

It will be interesting to see how Mania does on PPV. Rock/Cena is an intriguing feud, but it’s kind of weird in that it’s not clear what you’re supposed to want. Are you supposed to want Cena to beat up Rock? Are you supposed to want Rock to beat up Cena? Are you supposed to want Cena and Rock to make up and beat up Miz? I think it’s easier to sell a match like Lawler vs. Cole where everyone is tuning to see one guy beat up the other.

WWE Raw Report

2011-03-21T21:33:00.000-07:00

Date: 03/21/11 from Pittsburgh, PA.

The Big News: Randy Orton’s wife stole the show this week from another strong Lawler-Cole segment.

Show Analysis:

Jim Ross was announced to start the show and they played his music. Of course, Michael Cole came out instead. Cole had BBQ sauce, a pillow for a stomach and a bandage on his ankle. Cole antagonized Jerry Lawler and fled to the Cole Mine.

HHH was out next. He said that he has been in the business a long time and wondered if this could be the last time he worked in Pittsburgh. He called the match with Undertaker a defining moment for both their careers. He added that the streak is bigger than titles. He then invited Undertaker to come to Raw next week so HHH can tell Taker what’s going to happen at Mania. He reiterated the line about the streak and Undertaker will die or HHH will die trying. He said Undertaker will be 18-1 and rest in peace.

Neither HHH nor Undertaker has had anything new to say for weeks, so this felt boring and redundant. Still, sometimes it’s better to just stick with the basic issue rather than throwing in additional confrontations and angles each week.

After HHH finished, Ted DiBiase came out. He said that last year he was a rising star and now he is an afterthought. Okay, you’ve correctly identified the problem, Ted. He continued that he will make his own opportunity by taking out HHH. Danger! Danger! Abort mission! DiBiase got in a surprising 15 seconds or so of offense, but then HHH destroyed him. He threw DiBiase into the steps repeatedly, hit him a bunch of times with a chair and then gave him the pedigree on the announce table.

Sheamus beat Evan Bourne. Sheamus hit a few punches. He missed a dive into the corner. Bourne hit a kick but missed the shooting star press and Sheamus used the Brogue kick for the win. This was way too short, which was a trend on this evening. After the match, Daniel Bryan came out and said he wanted to invoke his rematch clause for WrestleMania. Sheamus kicked him in the head.

Randy Orton arrived in his tour bus. He put over the tour bus and how it is a home away from home that allows him to bring his family on the road. Angle alert. Orton noted that he has taken out the rest of Nexus and said that CM Punk has no idea what sick and twisted is.

Eve Torres beat Maryse in a typically short, sloppy and pointless match. They should have just cut this segment and given the time to another match. Maryse was working over Eve when Michael Cole got on the announce table to bury the match. Eve went for a standing moonsault but landed on Maryse’s knees. Maryse went for a neck breaker but Eve countered with a neck breaker of her own for the pin. After the match, Eve went after Cole while Cole badmouthed her on the microphone from the Cole Mine.

Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater beat Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov in another short match. Santino immediately went for the cobra but was distracted by Slater and caught with a Gabriel kick. The heels worked over Santino for a few seconds and then Kozlov came in with terrible looking kicks until Slater caught him with a scorpion death drop. Gabriel then hit the 450 for the pin. After the match, Big Show and Kane came out to beat up the Corrrrrre. They gave Ezekiel Jackson a double choke slam.

They announced Rock will be live on Raw next week. John Cena appeared “via satellite” and said next week will be serious with no jokes as he goes face to face with Rock. Cena said that if they have a problem it will get settled. He added that he underestimated Miz and that caused problems. Cena said that if people doubt Miz, Cena sitting at home is proof that Miz deserves to be champion. There were loud Cena sucks chants in the building. Cena said he plans on making history at WrestleMania.

Michael Cole spoke in the ring with Jack Swagger guarding him from Jerry Lawler. Cole showed some pictures of Lawler’s family. He made fun of Lawler’s father in particular and family in general. Lawler threw down his headset and went after Cole. Swagger punched him but he recovered and got the best of Swagger.

Lawler chased after Cole until Swagger cut him off with a clothesline. Swagger pressed Lawler against the glass of Cole’s box while Cole stood on the other side running him down verbally. Swagger put Lawler in the ankle lock and then Cole put Lawler in the ankle lock. This was another really good segment from Lawler and Cole and I give WWE a lot of credit for integrating Swagger into the story in a way that makes him look good and doesn’t detract from Lawler and Cole at all.

Dolph Ziggler, Vickie Guerrero and Lay Cool defeated John Morrison and Trish Stratus. This started as a quick singles match between Morrison and Ziggler. After Lay Cool and Trish got involved, the GM made it a tag match. Trish beat down Layla early and used the Stratusphere and chops. Trish looked good. Lay Cool took over on Trish until Vickie came in and missed a leg drop. Trish got the tag to Morrison.

Morrison hit a springboard kick but was distracted by Layla going after Trish. He missed starship pain and Ziggler gave him the zig zag. Vickie then tagged in and covered Morrison for the pin. I didn’t get that at all, because at the beginning of the match they made it a big point to note that Morrison had to leave the ring when Layla tagged in then at the end of the match they made it a big point to say the men and women could be in together. It seemed so illogical and contradictory I was left wondering whether I missed something. They then aired a video package with a bunch of wrestlers talking about the Undertaker vs. HHH match.

Rey Mysterio beat Randy Orton via count out. This was billed as a WrestleMania rewind, which was a weird choice given they didn’t wrestle in a singles match but rather a triple threat with Kurt Angle of all people. Maybe Kurt has been erased from history now. This was another match that was way too short and ended with a non-finish just when it was getting started. Orton hit a European uppercut and powerslam. He avoided the 619 and hit a draping DDT. At that point, Punk appeared on the screen by Orton’s bus and said he couldn’t wait to meet Orton’s wife. Orton ran off.

This led to the highlight of the show. Orton arrived at his bus. Punk attacked Orton’s leg from behind. That led to the appearance of Orton’s wife (not sure if this was wife #2 or #3), and this was quite the appearance. Orton’s wife opened the bus door and began screaming in a ridiculous, comical and nearly indecipherable manner. Punk responded by mocking her screaming and telling her to shut up.

Orton’s wife immediately stopped saying anything and calmly closed the bus door. Punk kicked Orton, at which point they panned back to Orton’s wife behind the bus door. She looked concerned for a moment. Then she adjusted her hair. Then she stared blankly. Then she made an expression towards Punk. I assume she was trying to communicate fear but what I got out of it was that she was extremely horny and wanted to seduce Punk on the spot. Punk evidently picked up on this and blew her a kiss.

This segment was the best unintentional comedy on Raw in ages, a hilarious gem. And this woman seriously may have been the worst actress in the history of Raw.

Alex Riley in the ring said that he was fired by Miz but now rehired as vice president of corporate communications. I do enjoy the amusing fake VP title. He introduced Miz. Miz said that he has re-written history. He claimed to have more charisma than Shawn Michaels, more physical dominance than Andre the Giant and more intelligence than Cena and Rock combined.
Miz declared himself the greatest WWE champion in history. He turned the WWE logo on his microphone upside down and said the M stands for Miz. He then debuted a title belt with the WWE logo turned upside down. It’s kind of dumb, but it isn’t going to last long so I think it’s a fine short term gimmick to make Miz more annoying.

John Cena appeared on the screen clapping. He told a few jokes and then said Miz has targeted the wrong individual. Workers in the background pulled back the walls to reveal that he wasn’t at home but backstage in the arena. He came out to attack Miz and Riley. Miz and Riley got the best of it for a little while and when Cena gained control, Miz ran off. Cena put Riley in the STF to close the show. They’ve done this sort of angle many times over the years, and it pretty much always works well.

Final Thoughts:

This was just a basic week of WrestleMania build. They didn’t try anything big but basically just stayed the course with all the major angles. The short and low quality matches diminished the entertainment value of the show.

WWE Raw Report

2011-03-14T22:51:00.000-07:00

Date: 03/14/11 from St. Louis, MO.

The Big News: Jim Ross and Brian Christopher entered into the Michael Cole-Jerry Lawler feud in Raw’s most memorable segment.

Show Analysis:

The show started with Rock on the screen talking on the phone with someone. He said that nobody laughed at John Cena’s promo last week because it sucked. He added that he tried to talk to Cena like a man but Cena acted like a child. Cena’s music played and Rock acted like Cena was in his house. Instead, it was a kid in Cena merchandise. Rock raised his eyebrow. The Cena kid did a short rap.

Rock told the kid that when Rock left, Cena took the ball and ran with it. He didn’t run very far, Rock said, but he ran. Rock said that Cena owns the 2-5 year old demographic and they had goofy comedy sound effects mixed in. Rock said that Cena will never be as good as the Rock and asked the kid if he knew why. The Cena kid replied it’s because he’s not that talented. Rock agreed that Cena is not that talented.

Rock asked the kid how that feels and then said it doesn’t matter how it feels. The child cried. Rock said people have seen Cena’s movies and they’re not crying. Rock noted he didn’t have toilet paper but did have the next best thing and gave the Cena kid a Cena t-shirt to blow his nose. He then offered the kid Fruity Pebbles and the Cena kid was happy and left.

Rock next looked into the camera and they started playing this goofy dramatic music in the background. He spoke to Miz and said that Miz made the mistake of a lifetime mocking Rock and his family. Rock said he will bring it live at Raw some time before WrestleMania. He vowed to lay the smack down on both Cena and Miz.

Rock’s delivery was good as always but there was a lot to not like about the way this was put together, from the stupid music and sound effects to some of the goofy verbiage. It certainly seems like they’re trying to make Rock more of a heel given he’s making kids cry and the biggest focal point of the feud now seems to be that Rock doesn’t come to the shows.

Throughout the show, Michael Cole commentated from a glass box he labeled the Cole Mine apart from Jerry Lawler and Josh Mathews. It was amusing but goofy.

Miz came to the ring for a promo. He said that Rock’s shirt says bring it and Rock brings out-of-date catchphrases, bad tattoos, horrific movies, empty promises and pointless 20 minute diatribes like only a has-been can. Miz said Rock’s father and grandfather were good but never WWE champion which means he is better than both of them. He observed that Rock likes to make six year olds cry and said that if Rock steps into the ring Miz will make Rock cry. He said Rock doesn’t own Cena; Miz does. He concluded that he hopes Rock does bring it to Raw because he’ll be overshadowed by the Miz. This was a good promo.

Great Khali beat Miz via DQ. The GM announced this match and John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio as two first time matches for Raw. Both Lawler and Cole went to announce the GM e-mail but Lawler took it himself. Miz hit a few punches which Khali did a terrible job selling. Khali hit chops and applied a head vise. Miz got to the ropes and Alex Riley ran in for a DQ. Miz then hit Khali with a chair repeatedly and opened a cut on Khali’s back.

This finish was ridiculous given Miz is in one of WrestleMania’s top matches and Khali rarely appears and means nothing. Having Riley return two weeks after losing a must leave stipulation match was equally ridiculous. I mean, what on Earth was the point of that? Oh well, at least he’s more a man of his word than Cena.

They aired Undertaker-HHH packages throughout the show. Snooki and John Morrison were hanging out backstage. Vickie Guerrero badmouthed Snooki. Snooki made fun of Vickie’s weight. Vickie went to slap Snooki but Snooki stopped that and slapped her.

Sheamus won the US title from Daniel Bryan in a match where he would have to leave WWE if he lost. Yes, they did a leave town stipulation the next segment after a guy reneged on a leave town stipulation from two weeks ago. Thankfully the king wardrobe is gone. Bryan hit a tope but then Sheamus took over. He connected with a knee to the head.

Bryan reversed a back breaker into a roll up. Bryan avoided a Brogue kick and applied the LeBell lock but Sheamus got to the ropes. Bryan then reversed a razor’s edge attempt into a rollup for two. Bryan gained control with forearms and kicks. He then came off the top but was countered with a Brogue kick for the pin. They tried to sell that Sheamus’ “curse” is now over.

Michael Cole vowed to bring someone from the past to expose what Jerry Lawler is all about and brought Lawler’s son Brian Christopher to the ring. He asked Christopher why he never used the name Brian Lawler. Christopher replied that growing up he never felt like he had a father and that he was neglected. He accused Lawler of never wanting anything to disrupt his spotlight and refusing to acknowledge Christopher as his son.

Jerry replied that Brian’s not the only one glad that he didn’t use the Lawler name, which was a pretty cold comeback for a face. Lawler called Christopher a bigger screw up than Charlie Sheen. He said that just associating with Cole says what sort of person Christopher is. Christopher said he competed at WrestleMania before Lawler and slapped Lawler a couple of times. Christopher said he didn’t use the Lawler name because he’s ashamed of Jerry.

Michael Cole said that Lawler doesn’t care about his family or anyone else and that Cole will put Lawler in his place. That brought out Jim Ross. Ross said that this had gone too far. Cole told Ross to go away because Cole is the voice of WWE now. Ross said that nobody can be the voice of WWE because the fans are the voices of WWE. Ross asserted that Lawler has been carrying Cole and called Cole a rat bastard.

Ross started to leave at which point Cole accused him of leaving the ring with his tail tucked between his legs. Ross dropped his microphone and took off his hat, jacket and tie. Cole did the same and the crowd chanted JR as they started to square off. Jack Swagger then attacked Lawler at the announce table from behind. Swagger kicked Ross and put him in the ankle lock. Lawler made the save but Cole jumped on Lawler’s back and Swagger put Lawler in the ankle lock. Finally, Cole put Ross in the ankle lock. This was a great angle.

Randy Orton beat Mason Ryan. Ryan hit a kick to the head and back breakers. He applied a bear hug and hit the side effect for two. Orton then hit the RKO out of nowhere for the win. He punted Ryan after the match. Punk ran to the ring and got into Orton’s face. Punk then backed off afraid.

They announced Drew Carey as entering the WWE Hall of Fame. He’s the worst entrant ever and that covers amazing ground. Zack Ryder showed off his abs to Snooki backstage as Snooki came to the ring with Trish Stratus. She seemed impressed.

Vickie Guerrero beat Trish Stratus. Snooki watched from ringside. Vickie told Snooki not to lay her hands on Vickie again and claimed Snooki stole her Rolling Stone cover. This led to the second leave town stipulation on the same show where someone flagrantly reneged on the same stipulation after only two weeks.

Vickie ran away and then tried to attack Trish with her shoes. Trish spanked Vickie with a shoe. Dolph Ziggler ran in and tried to stop things but John Morrison took out Ziggler. Lay Cool ran in and attacked Trish. Michelle McCool hit a kick to the head and Vickie covered for the pin. After the match, Snooki took out Lay Cool with help from Trish. Vickie issued a challenge for Trish, Snooki and Morrison vs. Lay Cool and Dolph for WrestleMania. That’s a negative to me, but to their credit the live crowd here seemed to like Snooki.

John Cena beat Alberto Del Rio via DQ. Michael Cole at the beginning of the match said that Rock was in St. Louis. Del Rio worked over Cena. They traded punches. Cena hit shoulder blocks, the five knuckle and went for the FU when Brodus Clay ran in for the DQ.

I continue to completely disagree with the philosophy that you build up a PPV by booking matches between stars with crappy, inconclusive finishes. It just undermines the idea that matches matter. It would be so much more productive to book slightly less marquee matches and have the main eventers win clean. Then when they collide it seems like a lot bigger deal. It’s not like this is some bizarre strategy. This is what pro wrestling has done for most of its history and it’s what every successful sport and pay-per-view entity does too.

After the match, Rock’s music hit but Miz appeared on the stage dressed like Rock with a thing over his hair to make him look bald. There were some slow people in the crowd because they continued cheering even when it became apparent it was Miz. Miz, Clay and Del Rio beat up Cena. Miz sent Cena into the post, hit Cena with a microphone, and said he will own Cena all the way through Mania. Miz hit a suplex on the ramp. Cena went for the FU but Miz hit a DDT on the stage. He then threw Cena into a big logo and gave him the skull crushing finale on it.

Final Thoughts:

The WrestleMania build this year has felt bi-polar, with alternating effective and counterproductive segments. This show continued that trend, with some compelling and effective stuff mixed in with some head scratchers. The angles and promos that stood out the most were good ones, which helps.

WWE Raw Report

2011-03-07T22:18:00.000-08:00

Date: 03/07/11 from Dallas, TX.

The Big News: Michael Cole was set to make JBL the special guest referee for his WrestleMania match with Jerry Lawler, but “Stone Cold” Steve Austin had other ideas.

Show Analysis:

Undertaker came out to start the show. He said that at WrestleMania two legends will collide and there can only be one last outlaw. He claimed people think this will be the year the streak ends and HHH brings Undertaker down. I’m not sure about that one. Undertaker brought up Shawn Michaels twice trying to end the streak unsuccessfully and referred to Michaels as perhaps the best of all time. He announced that the match at Mania will be a no holds barred match with no count outs or disqualifications. Undertaker said that HHH is right and he will either kill Taker and the streak or die trying.

Nexus jumped Randall Orton backstage. CM Punk said they will send Orton to a place a lot worse than where Orton sent McGillicutty. Well, it shouldn’t be that hard to find a worse place to Florida. Punk gave Orton the GTS and told David Otunga and Mason Ryan to drag Orton to the ring.

Randy Orton beat David Otunga. In the ring, Nexus beat up Orton some more. Orton got up to his feet and the referee allowed the match to start. Otunga went back to work with punches, kicks, a body slam and a spine buster. However, Orton then caught him with the RKO for the win.

After the match, Ryan ran in but was caught with another RKO. They’ve protected Ryan up to this point and there was no need to do that, so that may be a signal Ryan is out of favor. Orton punted Otunga after the match. It’s a shame they’ve dismantled Nexus since I really liked Punk in his role as leader.

Christian beat Brodus Clay. They acted like it was going to be a match between Christian and Alberto Del Rio but Del Rio came out without his usual car and with Clay. Del Rio said that if Christian wants him, Christian has to beat Clay first. Clay hit a shoulder block and elbow drops but missed a splash. Christian hit two dropkicks off the ropes and finished Clay with a tornado DDT. Del Rio jumped Christian after the match. Hopefully this was just a one-time angle because Clay definitely doesn’t add to Del Rio’s act. I assume that’s the case.

They aired a video package of Sin Cara doing some spots. They then announced the next Hall of Fame induction. They had a graphic that Bob Armstrong is going in but didn’t air the video for him. They announced Sunny will go into the Hall of Fame. It was striking watching a short video package just how much charisma she had. She was on a completely different level than just about every woman they have now.

Eve Torres beat Nikki Bella. Gail Kim was at ringside to counteract Brie Bella. Eve threw around Nikki by the hair and did what seemed like an Anderson Silva inspired front kick. As Nikki gained control, Michael Cole stood up on the announce table and began yelling over a house microphone that the match should end already. Usually I’d be against burying the talent this badly but the women are a lost cause. The Bellas tried to do a switch right in front of the referee and were caught. Eve then hit the swinging neck breaker for the pin.

This really could be inserted anywhere, but they need to calm down with the WrestleMania sign shots. Somebody points at it every segment and WWE concluded that wasn’t enough because now they have the camera people shoot the sign in the middle of matches multiple times every segment too. WWE has issues in general with subtlety and when you overdo things they tend to come across as forced and are less effective. They announced Snooki as a guest star on Raw next week.

Next up was the highlight of the show. Michael Cole said that he decided to choose an impartial referee so Jerry Lawler has a fighting chance. They cut to a sign in the crowd that read “Autsin.” Yeah. So, Cole announced the referee would be a Texan and former WWE champion. He was of course teasing Steve Austin but then delivered JBL instead. JBL came out in his limousine. This made a ton of sense as Cole and JBL were old broadcast partners and JBL made for a nice added surprise.

JBL said that Michael Cole’s match is the main event of WrestleMania and nobody has debuted in a Mania main event until now. What about Lawrence Taylor? L.T. was a mighty good man. He probably has more in common with Lawler than Cole, though.

JBL called Jerry Lawler a bully and said he hates bullies. He said he was proud of Michael Cole standing up to the bully and called Cole a world class athlete. JBL proclaimed himself an unbiased referee who can’t be bought and a man of integrity. He then announced his intention to immediately sign the contract to referee at Mania. Note to all you future wrestlers: never say you’re about to do something. It spells trouble.

Steve Austin’s music hit and he charged to the ring. He got a monster pop from the crowd. JBL and Cole began yelling at Austin. Austin of course gave JBL the stunner. He drank beer while Cole freaked out. Austin saw the contract, thought about it, and then signed it as a blubbering Michael Cole had an emotional breakdown. Austin came to the announce table. He wished Cole luck and poured two beers over Cole’s head. Back in the ring, JBL finally got back up. Austin offered him a beer but as he went to drink it Austin of course gave him another stunner. This was such a fun segment. Everyone played their roles perfectly.

Backstage, Jack Swagger told Michael Cole to focus on Lawler and that he will take out Austin. Cole had been commentating with Josh Mathews up to this point and with Cole’s exit, Lawler came out to commentate the rest of the show. They probably should just have the GM announce that Lawler and Cole each get to commentate half the show rather than doing an angle each week where one happens to be taken out and the other happens to be around backstage waiting for something like that to happen.

Daniel Bryan beat Sheamus via count out. They explicitly referred to Sheamus being on a losing streak. The match went no time at all. Bryan gave Sheamus a dropkick off the apron. Sheamus sold his ankle huge upon landing and was counted out. This seemed like an angle but Sheamus sold it well enough to create doubt. Sheamus said his losing streak will end because next week he will win the US title. Sheamus vowed to quit if he doesn’t beat Bryan for the title. Bryan accepted.

CM Punk beat R. Truth. Punk posted Truth and worked him over briefly. Truth came back briefly with a couple kicks but Punk snapped his arm over the ropes, hit a uranage and applied the anaconda vise (as opposed to the Koji clutch) for the tap. Mason Ryan gave Truth a shoulder breaker after the match.

Dolph Ziggler beat John Morrison. Prior to the match, Vickie Guerrero announced Ziggler as the newest member of Raw. Oh shit, he’s not going to ROH or TNA? Vickie on commentary said that she has a business relationship with Ziggler now. Vickie was badmouthing Snooki on commentary so they may interact next week. Ziggler was in control for a while. Morrison came back with kicks, knees and a neck breaker but Ziggler got his foot on the ropes. Ziggler then raked Morrison’s face and hit the zig zag for the win.

After the match, the GM had an announcement. Once again they cut to a perfect shot of Lawler reading off a sheet of paper placed on the keyboard. The GM said that Ziggler was hired but that Vickie wasn’t. The GM said that Vickie can have a job on Raw if she beats Trish Stratus next week. Security then escorted Vickie out of the ring. Dolph was granted the privilege of waiting to leave until the commercial break.

John Cena came out to a mixed reaction. He claimed to be amused by Rock making fun of him and said that he finds that funny. But then he said something that got Rock angry. Cena said this time he would address Rock in hip hop form rather than rap form. He proceeded to deliver some of the lamest material you’re ever going to hear. It was amazingly terrible. He basically mocked Rock for not appearing live and had a t-shirt that read “I bring it via satellite.” The material was bottom of the barrel and Cena didn’t redeem it one iota.

Miz then attacked Cena and hit Cena twice with the belt. He did a one line rap saying he’s better than a bunch of legends including Randy Savage. He then got right up in the camera and cut an intense promo. He told Rock that he’s the star and Rock is just the host at WrestleMania so Rock should know his role and be the best Ryan Seacrest he can be. He threatened Rock with violence if Rock gets in Miz’s way. He then gave Cena the skull crushing finale and did the people’s elbow on Cena. Miz was really good here.

Final Thoughts:

This was a good show highlighted by a great Cole/JBL/Austin segment. John Cena was once again a lowlight of the show. It’s amazing how a guy with such tremendous natural talent can deliver such horrendous performances during one of the biggest programs of his career.

WWE Raw Report

2011-02-28T21:02:00.001-08:00

Date: 02/28/11 from Buffalo, NY.

The Big News: Raw was angle heavy.

Show Analysis:

HHH came out to start the show and got a big reaction. Jerry Lawler and Josh Mathews were doing commentary without Michael Cole. They announced that Undertaker vs. HHH is official for WrestleMania. HHH said he has done everything in his career and went through his career including a reference to Ric Flair. HHH said that he has outlasted everyone except the Undertaker and they are very much the same in that they have no challenges left.

HHH said that Undertaker keeps going for the sake of the streak and HHH is his only challenge left while HHH’s only challenge is ending the streak. HHH added that their match will define an era and nothing else the night of their match will matter. HHH concluded that when the streak dies, the Undertaker dies and that if HHH can’t end the streak, he will die trying.

Sheamus came out to challenge HHH but HHH immediately kicked him low. HHH threw Sheamus out of the ring, into the barricade and then into the post. He then gave him the pedigree on the announcers’ table. Sheamus got in literally no offense.

HHH’s promo was very good overall. Unfortunately, it also continued HHH’s career long trend of burying other talent. I had no problem at all with the treatment of Sheamus because Sheamus has been booked as a midcard guy and HHH is in one of the featured matches at Mania. However, the stuff about nothing else mattering at Mania sure isn’t the sort of line you want to be using when you’re selling a deep card. Worse, the stuff about HHH and Undertaker having no challenges left sure seems to be saying they are above the titles and above the guys being pushed as the new top stars who HHH and Taker have never wrestled, let alone beaten.

Evan Bourne beat Sheamus. As Sheamus was being helped to the back, the GM announced Sheamus would still have to wrestle his scheduled match. Bourne came out and hit kicks and the shooting star press for the win.

Michael Cole came out and invited Jerry Lawler into the ring. Cole said that nobody on Earth has more guts than he does and that he never backs down from a fight. He accepted Lawler’s challenge on two conditions: Cole gets to have his trainer in his corner and gets to choose a special referee. Lawler accepted. Cole then announced Jack Swagger as his trainer. Cole slapped Lawler and Swagger put Lawler in the ankle lock.

I guess the idea is they need someone to physically interact with Lawler since Cole can’t work, but I think this really does a lot of damage to interest in a Cole-Lawler match. It waters down the Cole-Lawler issue with distractions and Swagger’s involvement brands it as a midcard issue given the way he has been booked. They’ve done a tremendous number on interest in Cole-Lawler the past few weeks. They announced Steve Austin will appear on Raw next week.

Randy Orton came out and said that he should have punted CM Punk harder. Orton threatened to break Punk’s neck, snap his spine and cripple him for life. Well, that’s not very nice. Nexus came out. Punk called Orton predictable. Punk said that Orton is threatening to put him in a rehab facility but he will put Orton in the ground. The GM then announced Punk vs. Orton for Mania. Additionally, Orton will wrestle members of Nexus the next few weeks. If the Nexus members win they are in Punk’s corner but if they lose they are banned from WrestleMania.

Randy Orton beat Michael McGillicutty. McGillicutty had the advantage for much of the match, but Orton came back quickly with the draping DDT and RKO for the win. Orton punted McGillicutty after the match and fled into the crowd when Nexus rushed out after him.

They had a video of the announcement of Sin Cara’s signing in Mexico. They acknowledged him as the former Mistico and he took off the Mistico mask to reveal a new blue and gold mask as fans chanted Sin Cara. This was a very good little package and made him look like a big deal.

Miz came out for a promo. He said that he is the biggest star in WWE now and he wants John Cena worrying about Rock when he should be worrying about Miz. He said he will beat Cena and then beat the Rock. That brought out Cena, who was at his dirt worst this week.

Cena started with his typical smarmy jokes. He had a sheet of paper with goofy writing saying that it was a doctor’s note. He claimed Miz has OCD and did a bunch of inane comedy. Alex Riley responded with a stupid joke of his own and Michael Cole buried him. Cena then actually asked Miz if Miz wonders why nobody takes him seriously as champ. He wrapped his arm around Miz’s shoulder and made jokes at Riley’s expense. Miz and Cena traded jokes back and forth.

Cena suggested he wrestle Alex Riley with the stipulation that Miz would fire Riley if he lost. For some reason, Miz accepted this on the condition that Cena would have to say Miz is the greatest superstar of all time if he lost. We’ve already established Cena doesn’t honor stipulations, but you’d think Miz would at least want a somewhat decent stipulation for Cena to renege on. In any event, the GM announced the match would be a cage match where you had to escape to win. Why? Again, completely unclear.

They would have been better off airing a blank screen for 15 minutes than this segment. It was the prototypical Cena segment where he treats everything like a complete joke so nobody could possibly care about the pay-per-view match as something important and serious worth paying money to see resolved.

One of the Bella twins won a battle royal to become number one contender to Eve Torres. Eve did commentary for the match. Natalya immediately dumped a Bella. Melina eliminated Alicia Fox and Tamina. Maryse sent out Natalya and Melina together. Gail threw out Maryse. Gail then threw out the other Bella but neither of the referees was watching the match so the other eliminated Bella came out from under the ring and knocked out Gail to be announced as the winner. This was a stupid finish. The Bellas beat up Eve after the match.

Rock did a promo from his home on the screen. He was wearing a Cena chain, armband and cap while mocking Cena. He angrily tore the stuff off and ran down Cena. He said that after Rock’s big return, Cena responded with a rap. Well, of course that’s what the guy with the purple shirt and jean shorts would do, Rock said.

Rock said this started with Cena calling Rock a liar for saying he loves WWE. Rock said his love for WWE is endless with both his father and grandfather in the WWE Hall of Fame. He pointed out the WWE titles on display in his house. He said that when he made it in Hollywood it opened doors for the WWE locker room, yet Cena publicly insulted the People’s Champ. Rock said Cena will pay for running his mouth and Rock will bring it. Rock said he will address Cena sooner than Cena thinks and did a four line rap calling Cena a bitch.

Rock was really good here and the seriousness and passion he emoted was in sharp contrast to Cena’s jokes. Unfortunately, Rock appearing on the screen really took down the segment. The crowd just wasn’t reacting all that big, I suspect because they wanted to see Rock live. Rock did his best to keep the energy up but it didn’t feel anywhere near as hot as when he appeared live. Worse, they kept showing crowd shots of the audience watching passively over and over and over again. It made a substantial difference in the way the segment came across.

They did a video package with Shawn Michaels talking about the Taker-HHH match. He noted that he has wrestled both guys. Michaels said wrestling Taker is like wrestling a legacy as much as a man. He said that HHH can be vicious. The basic message that he said at the beginning and end was that he is rooting for HHH as his buddy to end the streak but that he isn’t sure how he feels about HHH being the one to do it when he couldn’t succeed in that goal himself.

Daniel Bryan was coming out for a match when he was jumped from behind by Miz. Miz gave Bryan the skull crushing finale on the floor. Miz then said he did that because he could.

John Cena beat Alex Riley in a cage match, so apparently that’s it for Riley as Miz’s apprentice. I hope that isn’t the case because Riley is really good in the role. Cena tried to leave early but Miz blocked the cage door and slammed it on Cena’s head. Riley went to escape and Miz tried to pull him out but Cena won a tug of war to yank Riley back in. Cena put the STF with Riley tapping and then going out.

Cena went to climb the cage but Miz prevented his escape with a chair. Riley gave Cena an electric chair off the top. They fought on top of the cage and Cena gave Riley a bulldog off the top rope. He followed with the FU. He went to escape again and Miz again blocked the cage door. Miz pushed the door out and left the cage to win. Miz then gave him a skull crushing finale on the floor.

Final Thoughts:

There was very, very little wrestling on this show as they ran angle after angle. The booking which was quite good last week was terrible this week. They loaded up two hours with continual angles and the result was a few programs barely held on to the interest they already had while others lost a tremendous amount of steam. The only people who seem to have any clue how a money program functions are booking their own angles.

WWE Raw Report

2011-02-22T01:34:00.001-08:00

Date: 02/21/11 from Fresno, CA.

The Big News: WWE shot a series of major angles for the top matches at WrestleMania.

Show Analysis:

The show started with a graphic for 2-21-11. Throughout the first hour of the show they did further teases including a countdown at a couple of points.

John Cena came out to a mixed reaction with some chants of “Rocky.” He did his usual routine of starting with jokes that completely undermine the serious section of the promo. He said that he should be happy about winning the Chamber and getting Miz for the title at WrestleMania but all he is hearing about is what Rock said. Cena made funny faces and then said he needed to answer back.

Cena proceeded to do a rap where he called Rock gay and told Rock to blow him, polish his balls and kiss his ass. It was basically in those words, so clearly they are for the time being moving away from PG. The rap itself was a good serious response to Rock but it was taken down a few notches by the goofy lead up to it.

CM Punk beat John Morrison in a quick match. Punk was selling his leg and they showed a graphic shot of it bleeding from last night. Morrison attacked with punches but Punk took over in a hurry. He went after Morrison’s knee and hit the GTS for the clean pin. I like the fact they’ve been doing more in the way of clean as a sheet finishes lately.

After the match, Punk said he decided to give Nexus the night off. He said that Orton doesn’t deserve to wrestle at WrestleMania and either he will not wrestle there because Punk hurts him badly next week or he won’t wrestle there because Orton voluntarily walks away for his own physical safety. Orton attacked but Punk avoided the RKO and bailed to the floor. Nexus came out to back up Punk.

I’m not sure if the idea was Punk was saying he would give Nexus the night off next week for a confrontation with Orton or if he was saying he had given Nexus the night off this week and was lying about it. It seemed like the latter, but if that’s the case it’s weird they came out just a few minutes later and didn’t even get physically involved. Punk was off his game here on the promo. His delivery was good but the content was kind of cluttered.

Alberto Del Rio made his entrance when Kofi Kingston attacked him from behind. Ricardo Rodriguez hit Kingston with a microphone to stop his attack. Del Rio then threw Kingston’s arm into the steps, into the post, and applied the armbar. Kingston sold huge like he was in agony so this would appear to be an injury angle.

Miz came out for a promo. Miz said that the people embarrassed themselves fawning over the Rock. Miz mocked Rock for just saying that Miz sucks when he should have been able to come up with better material. Miz said that while Rock is hosting WrestleMania he will be retaining his title in the main event. He added that he doesn’t care if the people don’t like him. The GM popped up to announce that Miz and Cena would challenge for the tag titles in the main event.

The Bella Twins defeated Gail Kim and Eve Torres. The Bellas got heat on Gail for 30 seconds or so. She got the tag to Eve. Eve came in with a crossbody, kicks, a clothesline and a standing moonsault. She went for a rollup but they did the Bella switch for the win.

The final countdown ticked down and the Undertaker came out to the ring. Then HHH’s music hit and HHH came out himself. The crowd seemed more into HHH than Undertaker and there were chants for HHH. HHH looked at the WrestleMania logo. Undertaker then looked at the logo. Undertaker smirked and started to leave but then he came back and made the throat slashing motion. HHH answered with a crotch chop. I guess we’ll see if this adds interest in WrestleMania. I’m afraid HHH vs. Undertaker does nothing for me in 2011.

Mark Henry beat Sheamus. Henry threw Sheamus over the top with a belly-to-belly. Sheamus took over with a chop block, ax handle, knees, punches and a diving shoulder block from the apron into the ring. Henry hit a clothesline but missed a splash and Sheamus kicked him in the head. Sheamus then undid the turnbuckle pad but Henry hit him with an avalanche into the unprotected corner and used the world’s strongest slam for the win. This isn’t exactly breaking news, but Sheamus’ stock has plummeted.

Backstage, Daniel Bryan was joking with Gail Kim. Sheamus came in angry and got in Bryan’s face before leaving. They then announced Hacksaw Jim Duggan for the Hall of Fame. He’ll be inducted by Ted DiBiase Sr. interestingly, since that would seem to put a focus on his Mid South days.

Michael Cole interviewed Jerry Lawler in the ring. Cole said he would be a bigger man and conduct a professional interview because he is the voice of the WWE. He proclaimed himself better than Gordon Solie, Gorilla Monsoon, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. Cole asked Lawler how he felt going into the title match. Lawler didn’t answer so Cole asked what it was like when Lawler realized he wasn’t going to win. Lawler just stared at him.

Cole upped the ante from there. He asked what it was like for Lawler to let down his mother by not winning the title. At that point a livid Lawler grabbed Cole and said that if Cole ever mentioned his mother again that will be the last thing he ever says. Lawler said he has his way to get into WrestleMania and he doesn’t care if it gets him fired. He challenged Cole to a match. Cole refused. Lawler told Cole to be a man and called Cole a coward. Cole threw a drink in Lawler’s face and ran away. This was a tremendous segment. Both Cole and Lawler were great.

John Cena and Miz beat Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel in a completely one sided match to win the tag titles. Miz and Cena took turns getting the best of the champions. Miz hit the skull crushing finale on Gabriel for the win. Gabriel and Slater were treated like utter jobbers here. Wade Barrett after the match said they wanted to invoke their rematch clause immediately and the GM agreed.

Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel beat John Cena and Miz to regain the tag titles. This match went longer and was competitive. Slater and Gabriel worked over Miz for a while. Cena got the tag and came in with shoulder blocks and the five knuckle on Slater. He went for the FU but Miz hit the skull crushing finale on Cena for the win. It was rather illogical for Miz to win the titles himself and then screw himself out of them just to hit Cena with one move. Cena seemed more incredulous than upset as well. Plus, this was about as strong of a burial of any title on a WWE telecast in ages. And think of the ground that covers.

Final Thoughts:

This was a good show. The WrestleMania lineup certainly doesn’t blow you away but they’ve gotten over enough different programs that it’s starting to feel special.

WWE Raw Report

2011-02-14T21:51:00.001-08:00

Date: 02/14/11 from Anaheim, CA.

The Big News: The Rock is back and yes, he’s still quite great.

Show Analysis:

John Cena came out to start the show. Cena speculated on the guest host for WrestleMania and did some comedy. He said that he needs to win the Chamber match on Sunday. CM Punk interrupted. He pointed out that he won his last two matches against Cena. He added that he doesn’t need Nexus to beat Cena. Punk said that he is a good person and good things happen to good people.

CM Punk beat John Cena. Punk worked over Cena. Punk came back with shoulderblocks, the Cena slam and the five knuckle. He went for the FU but it was reversed. Cena came back with a gut wrench suplex but was cut off by a Punk swinging neck breaker. Punk went for the GTS but Cena escaped. Punk threw a series of kicks culminating with a high kick to the back of the head.

Punk went for a crossbody off the top but Cena caught him, rolled through, and lifted him up for the FU. Punk grabbed the ropes to avoid the move. Punk went to the outside where a member of Nexus slipped him a chair from under the ring. He threw the chair into the ring. As the referee went to clear the chair from the ring, the Nexus member gave Punk a wrench and Punk hit Cena with it. Punk then hit the GTS in the ring for the win. This was a good match and had a cool dastardly heel finish.

Alberto Del Rio did a brief promo in the ring. He said that it doesn’t matter who wins the Elimination Chamber because it is his destiny to be champion. Edge came out and said that he has a destiny too. He then attacked Del Rio. He was setting up for the spear but Ricardo Rodriguez got up on the apron. Edge punched him off and then speared Del Rio off the other apron.

Vickie Guerrero then came out. She announced that Dolph Ziggler is the new world champion because Edge used the spear on Smackdown. She said that Ziggler will be coronated on Smackdown. She added that she has proof Edge assaulted Teddy Long and he will soon lose his job. She then cackled. This title angle does no favors for Ziggler, Edge, the title, Elimination Chamber or Edge-Del Rio at Mania.

Eve Torres beat Natalya in a women’s title lumberjack match. They didn’t explain why this was a lumberjack match and in hindsight I don’t understand what the idea was. With two faces in the match, the lumberjacks were a bunch of heels and Gail Kim and Tamina as the sole faces. Michael Cole was burying Natalya’s looks and Josh Matthews agreed with him.

Eve won the match with a terrible looking botched rollup. To me, they ought to consider just dumping the women’s wrestling division. The time could be much better spent in a variety of other ways. The matches almost always look not just terrible but completely fake and it’s not like they’re creating stars that help any aspect of the business. The Bellas jumped Eve backstage and a bunch of other women came in for a big TNA-style women’s brawl.

Mark Henry was coming to the ring for a match when he was attacked from behind by Sheamus. Sheamus said that was a reminder to the people in the Chamber of what he is capable of. He vowed to send another reminder in his match later against Orton. He gave Henry a Brogue kick and left. They showed Miz walking backstage, with Michael Tarver and Joey Ryan looking on.

Miz beat Daniel Bryan in a great match. Bryan went for a RNC and used some kicks. He used a back drop to the floor and flying knee off the apron. He followed with a spectacular top rope dropkick for two. He went for the LeBell lock but Miz got to the ropes. Bryan hit a series of stiff kicks. Bryan continued the onslaught with a German suplex and kick to the head. Bryan went for a victory roll but Miz dropped him forward and hit the skull crushing finale for the win.

After the match, Miz acknowledged Jerry Lawler wasn’t there because his mother passed away. Miz offered his condolences but said he hopes Lawler doesn’t use that as an excuse for losing Sunday.

This was one of the few times on Raw where they’ve just let Bryan go and he delivered big time. The crowd really got into the match too. Aside from a long high quality wrestling match being entertaining, when you give a match a lot of time and deliver a clean result it makes matches in general feel important. That in turn makes your pay-per-views and house shows seem more important. And it gets over the winner.

John Morrison and R. Truth beat David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty. Mason Ryan tripped Truth coming off the ropes and attacked him on the outside. Nexus worked over Truth. Truth got the hot tag to Morrison. Morrison threw Truth over the top rope into essentially a somersault plancha on Ryan. He then hit the shining wizard on McGillicutty in the ring for the win. Morrison’s comeback was really good.

They plugged Chris Jericho’s book. They did a weird thing where they pulled out images of pictures in the book next to the book, like the highlight of a 400 page book is the pictures in the middle.

They did a Great Khali Kiss Cam segment with WWE characters. They showed Santino and Tamina kissing. They then showed Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero with Dolph looking kind of grossed out. DiBiase and Maryse were next up but they argued and Maryse kissed Yoshi Tatsu instead. They showed Zack Ryder and William Regal together. Regal kissed him on the cheek, smiled, and darted off. That was amusing. Regal always delivers. A girl from Modern Family then kissed Hornswoggle on the cheek.

Randy Orton beat Sheamus. Sheamus was in control for a little bit. Orton came back with clotheslines and a powerslam. Sheamus hit a back breaker and superplex but then was caught with an RKO out of the blue for the win. Nexus attacked Orton after the match. Morrison, Truth and Cena made the save. In the end, Orton and Cena took all the heels out. The crowd was really hot for the post match.

They made a huge production out of the announcement of the guest host for WrestleMania. The Rock finally came out and the crowd went crazy. Rock milked it forever. He said that finally the Rock has come back home. Rock said he’s not back for the money or to promote a movie but for the people. He said that he dreamed big and accomplished his goals because the people didn’t leave his side. He thanked the crowd and gave his word he is never going away. He said that the Rock is back.

Rock said that he called Vince McMahon to be guest host for Mania but Vince initially wanted Justin Bieber. He said that he will lay the smack down at WrestleMania but then teased who he would do it to. He teased Miz at first. The GM popped up with an e-mail but Rock told Cole to sit down and shut up. Rock then brought up John Cena talking trash about him. He made fun of Cena. He said with Cena’s bright shirts he looks like a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.

Rock noted that he will see Cena at Mania and will see Miz at Mania. He guaranteed that he will show he is the most electrifying man in entertainment, lay the smack down on all their candy asses and electrify WrestleMania.

This was a really fun segment. Rock was absolutely tremendous. And while they gave away his appearance in the ring and a long promo, they’re holding out the confrontation with John Cena as the hook for WrestleMania and that is a strong hook. Rock went a full 20 minutes past the hour so this will likely draw the biggest rating in a while.

Final Thoughts:

I thought this was a fantastic show. There was some great wrestling. The crowd was hot and the confrontations leading to the pay-per-view came across well. And the show concluded with the Rock demonstrating once again what a transcendent, generational talent he is.